When Childhood Ends
by ditzie-blonde
Summary: One night has far reaching consequences for the McCords.
1. Chapter 1

Elizabeth McCord glanced at the clock and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw there was only 30 minutes of the working week left. It had been a tough 10 days on the international diplomacy front, but somehow all crises had been resolved (at least in the short term), trade deals had been signed, and war had been averted - again - and all just in time for the start of her week long summer holiday with her family. She had barely seen her family in 10 days and a smile tugged on her lips as she wondered if her husband had been praying to the saints again in an effort to get her home, because there had been a time earlier this week when she thought she'd never see home again.

She allowed herself to lean back in her chair and rest her eyes, a smile forming on her lips as she thought about how surprised Henry would be when he discovered she'd willing left work on time before a holiday. She bet Blake had even set a reminder to come and drag her out of her office dead on 5pm, and for the first time ever she was not going to protest. Sleep had been a scarce commodity over the past 10 days and she couldn't wait to catch up on her rest, and maybe more with Henry, this week. Tomorrow the family would be heading to the horse farm for a few days, before returning later in the week so that Henry, Stevie, and this year Alison, could start getting ready for the start of college.

Her reverie was broken as she heard the door to her office open. Immediately her eyes flew open and she quickly sat up in her chair as Daisy stormed into her office, Blake trailing behind her.

"Ma'am, Daisy would like to see you" Blake announced belatedly.

"I can see that" she replied with a smirk, which was quickly wiped off her face at the expression on Daisy's face. "Daisy, what's the matter?" she asked seriously, her senses immediately on high alert and her brain snapping back into work mode.

"Something of a personal nature has been brought to my attention, Madam Secretary. Something you need to see" she replied urgently, casting a glance towards Blake.

"Ok...Blake, give as a minute, will you?" she asked her assistant kindly, being careful to hide the worry from her tone. 'Personal Nature' news from Daisy was never good.

"Yes Ma'am" he acquiesced readily knowing his boss' predilection for privacy when it came to personal matters.

Daisy stayed rooted to the spot until Blake had exited the room and closed the door behind him. She really did not want to give the news to the Secretary that she had too. She hoped what was in her hand was a fake, because if it were true the ramifications were immense.

"So, Daisy, what is it?" Elizabeth asked her Press Co-Ordinator, eying the tablet of doom in Daisy's hands.

"Ma'am, Kyle Jones from the Washington Post has just sent me these pictures and has asked for your comments" she stated in her best professional tone as she placed her tablet on the Secretary of State's desk. Truth be told she was scared to give her boss this news. With baited breath she watched her boss' expression change as the various emotions flickered across her face. Slowly realisation dawned on Elizabeth McCord's face at the significance of the photos that were displayed on the tablet.

"That's...?" Elizabeth asked in confusion, looking up at Daisy for confirmation of what she was seeing.

"Yes Ma'am" Daisy agreed seriously.

"And is that...?" Elizabeth asked in a shocked tone.

"Yes, I think it is" Daisy concured softly.

Elizabeth swallowed thickly as she stared at the pictures on the tablet. Her mind whirled at what felt like a million miles an hour, and like a bad puzzle, suddenly all the pieces fell into place and a lot of things started to make sense. How had this happened? How had she not known? Without even realising it she was out of her chair and headed towards the door, but the sound of Daisy's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Ma'am"

Elizabeth paused and turned towards her Press Co-Ordinator "Yes" she answered in a choked voice.

"The Washington Post was the first outlet offered the pictures. I've called in a favour and Kyle's promised he won't print anything until he gets a comment from us..." Daisy stated seriously.

"But..." Elizabeth whispered.

"The photographer only gave the Washington Post an exclusive for 48 hours - apparently he's an old college acquaintance of Kyle's - after that..."

"It's fair game" Elizabeth answered resignedly.

"I'm afraid so" Daisy confirmed apologetically.

"I'll be in touch" Elizabeth stated sadly as she headed towards the door again.

"Ma'am"

"Yes" Elizabeth replied as she turned to face her Press Co-Ordinator once again, frustration and annoyance this time evident in her voice.

"I'm sorry" Daisy offered sincerely.

Elizabeth simply nodded before opening the door and calling out to her assistant.

"Blake, get my motorcade ready".

* * *

Henry McCord sighed as he yanked open the kitchen cupboard door and reached for the trash bags. As much as he appreciated having summers off as a college professor, being stuck at home with his adult daughter and two teenage children for weeks on end was slowly starting to wear on him. He could hear Jason and Stevie bickering in the Family Room over the computer game they were playing, and Alison was currently moping in her room over goodness knows what. There was only so much of his children's bickering and moping he could take and he desperately needed a break, hence the taking out of the trash bags before it was strictly necessary. His mood wasn't helped by the fact that he'd barely seen his wife in 10 days and he missed her greatly, he couldn't wait for her to get home from work so they could begin their holiday as he was very much looking forward to spending the entire week with his wife.

He carried the bags outside to the main dumpster, lifted the lid and threw the bags in, cursing as the end of one of the bags caught the corner of the dumpster splitting the bag and causing some of the rubbish to fall out. Angrily he grabbed the shovel that had been left resting against the shed and scooped up the fallen trash. He was just about to throw it in the dumpster when something caught his eye and made him pause. He brought the end of the shovel closer for inspection and fished out the item that had caught his interest. His eyes widened as his suspicions were confirmed. A mixture of sadness, disappointment, and rage flooded through him and he forgot all about the spilled rubbish as he grabbed the item, dropped the spade, and stormed back into the house.

"Is this why Jareth's moving here?" he yelled at his eldest daughter as the rear door slammed shut behind him and he waived the offending item at his daughter. "I can't believe you've been this stupid!" he continued. "What about Harvard?"

Both Stevie and Jason turned to look at their father, fear and shock in their eyes at the angry expression on his face. Neither had seen their father look so furious before.

"Well?" he demanded.

Stevie looked at her father in confusion. Why was he talking about Jareth moving to the States and Harvard law? What was the thing he was evidently waving at her?

"I don't know..." she began before her father cut her off.

"Don't give me that!" he bellowed "I found your pregnancy test. I know you're pregnant!"

"Wait! You're pregnant?" Jason exclaimed in shock as he turned to look at his sister. "Way to go Jareth!" he exclaimed in amusement.

Stevie's eyes widened in shock as her father's words washed over her. He thought she was pregnant? She stood up to address her father in an effort to reassure him "That's not mine!" she exclaimed adamantly.

Henry looked at his daughter incredulously. He held her positive pregnancy test in his hand and she still had the audacity to lie to him?

"Games up, Stevie. I found this as I was taking out the trash" he stated angrily as he thrust the stick towards his eldest daughter.

"Dad, I swear, it's not mine" she replied pleadingly holding up her hands in surrender.

"Well, whose else could it be?" he replied scathingly.

"It's not Stevie's" came a quiet voice from the table area of their kitchen.

Henry turned in confusion at the sound of Elizabeth's voice, he hadn't even heard her come in.

"What do you mean?" he demanded, before his eyes widened and his stomach dropped to the floor.

"It's not yours, is it?" he whispered as he stared at his wife, unable to read the expression on her face.

"Wait, Mum's pregnant?" Jason exclaimed in horror.

"No, Henry. It's not mine, is it Noodle?" she stated quietly as she turned to face her youngest daughter who stood frozen half way up the rear staircase, her face pale and her eyes wide in fear.

A deathly silence fell across the room before Alison McCord turned and ran up the stairs, her footsteps and sobs the only sounds in the otherwise silent house.

* * *

 _Having taken part in the season 3 winter writing challenge my writing juices seem to be flowing again and I've started a new story. I thought that as it's the first day of a new year I'd post the first chapter, let me know what you think._


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow! What can I say? Thank you for all the reviews, favourites, and alerts, and it's nice to know you're enjoying the story so far. I have to say I'm feeling the pressure!_

* * *

For several more seconds silence rained again in the McCord kitchen as all members of the family processed the news that Alison was pregnant. The sound of Alison's bedroom door slamming shut broke the reverie that had descended on the room.

"Wait, what?" Henry McCord finally asked in stunned confusion as his brain slowly started to work again.

Taking a deep breath Elizabeth moved towards her husband and gently took the pregnancy test out of his hand, glancing down at the result.

"It's definitely positive" she confirmed with sad sigh, before taking a deep breath, setting her shoulders in a hard stance and turning towards her other two children.

"Stevie, take your brother out for dinner and a movie, it's on us. Use the emergency credit card" Elizabeth instructed her eldest and youngest children in a tone that left no room for argument. Stevie and Jason simply nodded, Jason even realising that now was not the time for teenage rebellion or sarcastic comment.

"Come on dude" Stevie said quietly as she wrapped her arm around her brother and together they headed towards the door. She squeezed her mother's shoulder gently as a gesture of support as she passed her, earning a small, thankful, smile from her mother.

Hearing the front door close she turned her attention back to her husband who still stood in stunned silence before her.

"Henry" she stated softly.

"Huh?" he replied distractedly.

"Are you ok?"

The simple question that did not have anything close to a simple answer smashed through his dazed state and he couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. He was anything but ok!

"Yeah, great! Our 18 year old daughter who is due to start college in a little over a week is pregnant. Life's fantastic!" he exclaimed sarcastically before he took a deep breath and wiped his hands down his face in frustration. He needed to get a grip on himself, taking his anger out on Elizabeth would not help the situation. "How did this happen? She doesn't even have a boyfriend, does she?"

"No, not as far as I know. But she hasn't been the same since she returned from New York, maybe something happened there?" Elizabeth replied seriously, a foreboding feeling brewing in her stomach for unknown reasons.

Alison had been ecstatic when she'd found out that she'd been successful in securing a coveted month long summer internship for the fashion designer Giovanni Rossi earlier in the year, and she'd spent most of July in New York under his tutelage. Elizabeth had managed to grab a quick dinner with Ali when she'd been in New York for business one day and she'd watched with pride and happiness as Alison had told her animatedly and with enthusiasm all about the work she was doing and how she couldn't wait to get to college and start her fashion and design course. It had even been Alison that had had to leave the dinner early to get back to her internship as they were busy preparing for a fashion show. It seemed that the designer had really taken an interest in Alison and was letting her actually contribute designs for the show, something other interns rarely got to do.

However, ever since Alison had returned from New York she had been withdrawn and had barely left her room. When Alison did emerge from her room, which admittedly was mainly for dinner that she would barely pick at, she wouldn't talk to anyone and would simply snap at anyone who got too close to her before storming back to her room. The last time she had seen her daughter anything remotely like this was when she had broken up with Josh, except this time was worse. She'd wondered if Alison had maybe had a summer romance in New York, which would explain her melancholy, and initially she'd left Alison alone hoping she would come around on her own accord. In fact, one of the things she'd had planned for her week off was to have some one on one time with her daughter to see if she could get to the bottom of Alison's despair. Only now it was obvious what had been causing her daughter so much angst. She was pregnant.

Henry started pacing angrily as the implication of Alison's actions started to hit him in waves.

"You know she's not going to be able to college, right? And how is she going to get a job and support herself and a kid with nothing more than a High School diploma? What about the father? How could she be this stupid?" he raged. "And you!" he exclaimed as he whirled round to stare at his wife "I thought you'd given her the contraception talk?!"

"I did" Elizabeth replied indignantly.

"Fat lot of good it did" Henry replied snarkily.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and bit the inside of her check at her husband's comment. Getting into an argument with Henry now would not help matters.

"I'm going to let that one slide as you're upset" she stated coldly. "I'm going to talk to Alison"

"You're damn right we're going to talk to her!" Henry exclaimed as he moved towards the stairs.

Elizabeth blocked his path and held her hands against his chest to stop her husband in his tracks.

"What are you doing, Elizabeth?" he all but yelled.

"I said _I'm_ going to speak to her. You're going to stay down here" she stated in a no nonsense voice.

"Really?" Henry challenged, his arms crossing his chest and his eye brow crooked in a confrontational manner.

Elizabeth sighed and approached her husband gingerly. "Henry, you can't speak to Alison when you're in this frame of mind. You saw how upset she was, and you, like this, it will only make things worse" she replied softly as she met his eyes and skimmed her hand tenderly down her husband's cheek. "This needs to be a woman to woman talk" she added sadly.

Henry gulped as he considered his wife's words. As always, she was right. He couldn't have the conversation that needed to be had with his daughter as he was too upset. Plus, a teenage girl talking to her Dad about her sex life, well that wasn't going to happen. If anyone could get anything from their daughter it would be Elizabeth.

"Ok" he whispered in a choked voice.

Elizabeth kissed her husband softly and reverently before she brushed past him and walked up the stairs.

Walking towards her youngest daughter's room the foreboding feeling she had intensified. Although pregnancy could account for Alison's moodiness, she was 90% certain that something else was going on with Alison. Whatever had happened between Alison and the father of her child needed to be resolved quickly, as whatever had happened, there was a bigger picture now that Alison was pregnant.

"Alison" she called as she knocked on her daughter's door. "Can I come in?"

Not hearing anything but Alison's intense sobs from the other side of door she decided to ignore her daughter's right to privacy and open the door anyway. Alison being this upset was not good for her or her baby and making sure Alison was ok trumped Alison's right to privacy at the moment.

The sight that greeted her as she opened the door made the breath catch in her throat. Alison was laid with her back to the door curled up in a tight ball with her treasured Mr Elephant clutched close to her chest as she sobbed heavily. She didn't know what broke her heart more, the sight of her daughter crying hysterically or the sight of Mr Elephant, Alison's favourite cuddly toy from her childhood that she hadn't seen in years. The sight of Mr Elephant made Elizabeth feel uneasy, what had caused Alison to be so upset that she needed a cuddly toy from her childhood?

She went over and sat on the corner of Alison's bed, resting a hand on Alison's thigh comfortingly as she did. Almost immediately Alison's scooted away from her.

"Don't touch me!" she gasped, fear evident in her voice causing Elizabeth's brow to crease in consternation. Something was off with this whole situation.

"Sorry Noodle. I promise I won't touch you, but you need to calm down, for both you and the baby's sake" she said soothingly as she got off the bed and went round to the other side so she could see her daughter's face straight on. She perched on the edge of the bed and took in her daughter's red, blotchy face streaked with tears and she felt her heart ache a little more at the desperation and fear she saw in her eyes. Being no stranger to panic attacks she realised that Alison was hyperventilating and needed to get her breathing under control again.

"Come on Noodle, just breath. Concentrate on my face and breath in...and out, in...and out. That's it" she encouraged softly. She desperately wanted to reach out to her daughter to comfort her, but after Alison's last reaction she didn't want to risk making her more upset. "You can do it, in...and out" she continued reassuringly.

It took about 15 minutes, but eventually Alison's breathing returned to something resembling normalcy and Elizabeth decided it was safe to continue with the conversation.

"When did it happen?" Elizabeth asked softly, not wanting to make Alison start hyperventilating again.

Alison looked up at her fearfully and Elizabeth was taken aback at just how how innocent and small her daughter looked in that moment. How could she be pregnant?

"In New York?" she pressed when she got no response from her daughter.

Alison simply nodded as her eyes welled up again.

"Does the...have you told the father?" Elizabeth queried carefully.

Alison's eyes widened in terror as she shook her head adamantly.

"NO! I can't... he said..." a sob wracked Alison's body again and she buried her face in her pillow. "Please...just leave me alone" she sobbed pleadingly.

"Alison..." Elizabeth began, instinctively reaching out to Alison's shoulder to comfort her.

As soon as Elizabeth's hand made contact with Alison's skin her daughter yelped and placed herself as far away from her mother as she could on the bed in the blink of an eye. She sat in a tight ball in the corner against the headboard, her arms wrapped around her legs protectively, and her face on high alert watching her mother. Concern washed over Elizabeth. Alison had always been an affectionate child and teenager, this behaviour was not in Alison's nature.

"Alison, what happened in New York?" she asked firmly, concern evident in her voice. Being an ex-CIA Analyst Elizabeth's mind was racing and she did not like the places it was taking her.

Alison shook her head and it was the sheer look of petrifaction on her daughter's face that took Elizabeth's breath away and the icy pangs of fear to start clawing in her own stomach. She decided to try another technique.

"How far along are you?"

A faraway look came into her daughter's eyes. "3 weeks today" she murmured.

Elizabeth did some quick math in her head. "So, you slept with someone on your last night"

Alison looked away from her mother and dipped her head in shame.

Elizabeth swallowed hard. Could it simply be that her daughter's unusual behaviour was due to her feeling shameful about having a summer fling? She'd always tried to teach her daughters to wait until they were in a committed, loving, relationship before making love to someone. She hadn't wanted to make her daughters feel bad about themselves if that's not how things panned out, she loved her daughters no matter what they did or didn't do in their private lives.

"Noodle, sex is a natural part of life, I'm not mad that you slept with someone on your last night" she began but was interrupted by a bitter snort from her daughter.

Concern washed over Elizabeth once again and she was frankly getting frustrated and annoyed that she wasn't getting any answers from her daughter. Her gut was telling her _something_ had happened in New York and she wanted to know what. She'd tried the soft approach, maybe now was the time for the hard approach. She got up from her daughter's bed and started pacing around her daughter's room.

"Hey Alison, you may think you're doing yourself a favour by not talking or telling me who the father is, but trust me, you want to talk to me over your father right now. He's livid, and quite frankly so am I. Haven't we talked about contraception? Didn't I make you practice putting condoms on a banana over and over again so that when the time came you could do it correctly? And what about college? I thought you wanted to be a designer? You couldn't stop talking about Giovanni Rossi ..."

"DON'T SAY THAT NAME!" Alison screamed as she leapt up from the bed and stormed towards her mother.

"NEVER SAY THAT NAME AGAIN!" she screamed in anger as she shoved her mother hard causing her to stumble backwards a few steps.

Shock overcame Elizabeth and it took her several seconds to regain her balance. She was taken aback by Alison's behaviour and the wild look in her daughter's eyes. She'd never seen her daughter act like this before.

"NEVER AGAIN!" Alison continued aggressively as she tried to shove her mother a second time, but this time Elizabeth was ready and she caught her daughter's hands. Alison struggled against her fiercely for several seconds before a sob wracked her small frame and she collapsed into her mother.

Elizabeth was beyond worried as she held her daughter tightly. Evidently something had happened involving Giovanni Rossi and Alison in New York. "Shhh, Noodle. It's going to be ok" she reassured her daughter as she held her close.

"No, no, it's not" her daughter sobbed in distress as she rested heavily against her mother. Elizabeth guided them over to Alison's bed and together they sunk down like lead weights. It seemed that after Alison's angry outburst all the fight had left her and she sat limply on the bed resting heavily against her mother.

"Tell me what happened, Noodle" she coaxed softly as she placed a soft kiss on the top of her daughter's head and tenderly ran her fingers through Alison's thick hair. "Hmmmmm." Mentally she started to prepare herself for whatever Alison had to tell her, because her gut was telling her whatever it was, was not good. The foreboding and fear she'd felt earlier increasing exponentially.

Alison let out a defeated sigh before she began talking. "It was the last night of my internship. We'd just finished off designing the latest collection and _Giovanni_ " Alison spat out the designer's name "said he was having a party at his apartment to celebrate. Everyone was going so I tagged along. I thought it would be fun, you know, my first New York fashion party" Alison turned to look at her mother earnestly.

"Sounds like a reasonable assumption" Elizabeth agreed. Alison returned her head to its position on her mother's shoulder before continuing.

"At first it was fun. Everyone was laughing and dancing and it was everything like I thought it would be..." Alison stated with nostalgia.

"But..." Elizabeth prompted, squeezing her daughter gently.

"There was alcohol there" Alison continued "I swear, I wasn't drinking" she said as she looked at her mother imploringly.

"I believe you" Elizabeth reassured. She had a feeling that alcohol being at the party was the least of her worries compared to whatever had happened to her daughter.

"But people had drinks on the dance floor and someone spilt their cocktail all over me. I was so embarrassed! I was wearing a white top and it went completely see through. _He_ said he had a spare shirt in his bedroom that I could borrow".

Elizabeth held her daughter tighter as a sob escaped Alison.

"God, I was so stupid! I should have just gone home!" she exclaimed before a sob wracked her body again.

"What happened in the bedroom, Alison" Elizabeth asked in a soft commanding voice, sickness threatening to overcome her at just the thought of what might have happened to her daughter in that room.

Alison body continued to shake against her mother's and she gasped for breath as she continued the story in a detached voice.

"He gave me a tee-shirt and directed me to his ensuite, but as I passed by him he grabbed me and started kissing me. I pushed him away, I mean, he's old enough to be my father! I told him I wasn't interested, but then he started saying all these things about me. About how I'd been flirting with him the whole month, how I'd been leading him on, how I was a little tease. I tried to tell him I hadn't...that I didn't...I wasn't... I swear, Mum, I didn't do any of those things" Alison turned her head to look at her mother, begging her to believe her.

"I know, Noddle. I know that's not what you're like. I believe you" Elizabeth reassured her daughter with a small smile.

Alison turned her head back to stare into empty space once again before she continued her story in a detached voice.

"He'd been walking towards me the whole time we were talking and I didn't realise he'd back me up against the bed until it was too late. I tried to get past him, I really did, but I couldn't, he grabbed me and threw me on the bed. I fought, Mum, I really did, but he was so strong and heavy and I couldn't remember any of the moves and you and Dad taught me..." a sob escaped Alison.

"Oh Noodle" Elizabeth whispered as she held her daughter even closer.

"I pleaded, I told him I'd never...but he just said that virgins were the best and laughed at me. Told me I owed him for giving me the internship" Alison paused as her sobbing intensified. "It hurt so much." she finished in a whisper.

Horror washed over Elizabeth as her worst fears were confirmed. How could anyone have done that to her sweet Noodle?

"Afterwards he told me if I told anyone he'd destroy you. He said that no one would be believe me and you'd get fired for having a liar as a daughter" Alison sobbed.

"But now you're pregnant" Elizabeth whispered.

"Yes and it's all my fault. I'm so sorry Mum" Alison choked as her sobbing intensified yet again.

"So am I, Noodle. So am I" Elizabeth whispered as she clutched her daughter tightly, her own tears silently sliding down her cheeks into her daughter's hair. With each sob her daughter made in her arms she felt her heart shatter into tiny little pieces.

* * *

 _So this story popped into my head last summer when I was reading an article about the Brock Turner case in California. I've been trying to put it at the back of my mind (because it's obviously not a nice subject to write about) but different scenes and plots kept popping into my head over the months and over Christmas/New Year I decided I'd try and write the story. Let me know what you think._

 _At the moment there nothing too graphic in regards to the actual act so I think a T rating is ok, but if you think it needs to be increased to M let me know and I'll change it. I don't want to offend anyone._

 _Oh, I'm also struggling a little bit with figuring out which jurisdiction would deal with the case. Would it be Washington DC where she lives, New York where the event took place, or would the FBI deal with it as she's the daughter of the Secretary of State? If it is the FBI, again, what jurisdiction? If anyone could help with these questions I'd be grateful! Thanks!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for all the reviews from the last chapter, they're very much appreciated._

 _I forgot to mention in the last chapter that all the names in this story are fictional and any likeness to real life people is purely coincidental. When I was coming up with Giovanni Rossi's name I Googled many different Italian names together (because in my head the guy is Italian for some reason) and no fashion designers came up with this name so hopefully no one will feel libelled!_

 _Warning for this chapter: there are a few swear words in it, but none that I didn't know of at 13 (although didn't use!). Just descriptive ones, but swear words nonetheless in case they offend you._

* * *

Henry McCord paced angrily across the Family Room of his plush home. It had been almost an hour since his wife had gone to speak to their youngest daughter and over that time his anger and confusion about the situation had only increased. The white stick still lay ominously on the kitchen table where Elizabeth had left it and every so often he would stare at the item in the hope that the word showing on the digital display would disappear, that his daughter would not be pregnant, and that this was all a bad dream. He still could not comprehend how his daughter had been so reckless. Granted Alison had always been a little boy crazy, but she was smart and responsible, and despite his earlier attack on Elizabeth, he knew his wife had taught both his daughters about safe sex and he trusted that Elizabeth had taught his daughters well. Alison didn't have a boyfriend that he was aware of, so how had his youngest daughter ended up pregnant at 18?

Hearing footsteps on the stairs he turned around ready to confront Alison however, it was not his daughter on the stairs but his wife. He took in her expression and the sheer look of utter devastation on her face made him stop in his tracks.

"Babe?" he queried as his brow creased in consternation. He had never seen his wife look so pale and distressed before, the closest he had ever seen Elizabeth look like that was in the early days after she got back from Iran and was struggling with her PTSD.

Elizabeth froze on the stairs as Henry's voice shook her from her reverie and she stared at the concerned look on his face. Like a wave all the emotions she had been storing up over the past hour came crashing down on her and in that moment she was done with being strong. She was done with holding herself together. She was emotionally spent and she just needed the comfort of her husband.

"Oh Henry!" she exclaimed before she all but run down the remaining steps and flew into her husband's arms.

Confusion and panic reined over Henry at Elizabeth's reaction and almost instantly he felt her tears soak through his tee-shirt as he held her in his arms. Elizabeth did not cry easily, and whilst their teenage daughter being pregnant was disappointing news, it did not merit this level of upset from Elizabeth. Something was wrong.

"Babe? What is it? Talk to me?" he asked in an urgent tone as he stroked his wife's back and held her close. He desperately needed to know what had happened in Alison's room that had gotten Elizabeth this upset. His wife simply sobbed harder against him and he held her closer with one arm, whilst the other came up to carefully cradle her head and move it away from his shoulder. He peered into her eyes and his stomach dropped to the floor at the broken look they held. He swallowed hard, he needed to know what was going on.

"Elizabeth, you're scaring me. What happened?" he asked in a soft commanding voice.

Elizabeth stared up into her husband's eyes and swallowed thickly. She could see the current alarm and worry they held, the residual anger at the situation just under the surface, and beneath all that, she could see the tender love he held for her and their family. Henry was such a good man, an honest, hard-working, respectful man and he had one of the kindest, loving, giving hearts she knew. She loved him so much, how could she tell him that their baby girl had been defiled in such a horrific manner?

"She said no, Henry" she whispered, pleading with her husband to understand as she stared intently into his eyes.

"What?" he asked in bewilderment.

"She was...she was raped, Henry. Oh god!"

No sooner had the words left her mouth did her stomach flip and the bile she had been holding down came hurtling up her throat. She tore herself away from her husband's hold and dashed for the kitchen sick where she heaved up the contents of her stomach.

Instinctively Henry went to help his wife, holding her hair back and rubbing her back, saying words of reassurance as her body heaved against the counter. At the same time his brain frantically tried to possess the news he had just received. Alison had been...

After a minute Elizabeth's body seemed to finally stop heaving and she rested heavily on her arms against the counter breathing shallowly. Henry grabbed his wife a glass of water and handed it to her distractedly.

"Thank you" Elizabeth stated gratefully as she rinsed her mouth with the cool liquid.

Henry stared at his wife in puzzlement as for the second time this evening his normally sharp mind struggled with the information it had receive. Elizabeth had said...no, she could not be right. Alison could not have been... _That_ could not have happened to his sweet, kind, loving daughter. Who would want to hurt her? It just wasn't possible, it had to be some sort of sick joke, a mistake. He started looking around the kitchen trying to see if there were any hidden cameras, waiting to see if a TV presenter would jump out and go "You've been punk'd!"

Elizabeth stared at her husband in concern as her stomach settled. A full minute had passed and Henry had yet to respond to her statement, she felt her own nerves starting to increase as she awaited her husband's response. He had a pained expression on his face and he looked completely baffled. Her concern for him only increased as his eyes started frantically looking around the kitchen.

"Henry..."

All at once Henry's brain grasped the fact that his youngest daughter had been raped and was pregnant because of it, that this horrifying situation was real. There were no hidden cameras or TV presenters, just his aghast wife and devastated daughter. Henry prided himself on being a calm, rational man, a man who tried to look at each problem from every perspective before responding, but he was also a father and as he grasped the concept that his daughter had been violated in the worst possible way red hot fury pulsed through him.

"Who did this?" he seethed in a deadly calm voice.

Elizabeth watched her husband as comprehension dawned on his face. She watched his expression change from one of pain and bafflement to one of complete and utter enragement and for the first time in her life she became a little scared of her husband. His cheeks were flushed red and his eyes were full of wrath, his posture was rigid and radiated fury. She had never seen him look so livid. Subconsciously she shook her head afraid at what her husband might do if she hold him who had raped Alison.

"Elizabeth!" he demanded causing her to jump. "Tell me!"

"Henry..." she tried in a soothing voice.

"No, Elizabeth, not this time. Tell me" he all but hissed.

Resignation came over Elizabeth. She knew she had no choice but to tell her husband, he would find out eventually and it was better that she told him than him finding out in the press, or worst still, confronting their daughter for the information.

"The fashion designer Alison was interning for, Giovanni Rossi" she stated softly, watching her husband intently with concern.

"I'm going to kill him!" Henry seethed with deadly intent as he slammed his fist onto the counter before heading towards the front door.

"Henry! Wait!" she yelled as she chased after her husband. She managed to grab her husband's arm just as he reached the foot of the front staircase.

"Get off me, Elizabeth!" he yelled shrugging off her hand and heading for the door once again.

"Don't... Please... " she stated in a choked voice causing Henry to pause his movement and turn to look at his wife. It was uncharacteristic for her to look so small and vulnerable , but there she stood at the foot of their stairs looking so helpless and broken. Concern and love for his wife flooded over him, but the fury he felt only increased that this _man_ could affect his wife and daughter like this.

"I just had to listen to our daughter tell me how she was violated, how that bastard stole her innocence. I held her as she cried herself to sleep, Henry! Do you have any idea how that feels? I need to be strong for Alison, but I can't do it on my own" she stated softly, the vulnerability in her voice more than evident. "I need you, Henry. I can't do this without you."

"Elizabeth..."

"No, Henry" she began vehemently "Don't you think I feel the same way? Don't you think I want to call all of my ex-CIA contacts, the ones that can make people disappear without trace in the blink of an eye, and make that bastard suffer? But I can't!"

"Why?" Henry exclaimed angrily as his fists clenched at his sides.

"Because I'm the God damn Secretary of State!" she exclaimed, the anger in her tone easily matching her husband's. She breathed heavily as her own anger started to wash over her in waves at the situation she found herself in. "Because I want justice for Alison, and if we interfere in any way she won't get that. It has to be a clean investigation, Henry. We can't...we can't do anything to hinder that" she implored.

A rush of air escaped Henry's lungs and he rubbed his hands through his hair in frustration. Logically he knew his wife was right, but the part of him that felt helpless and the part of him that swore to protect his daughter from the moment she was born wanted to find _Giovanni Rossi_ and rip him to pieces limb by limb, consequences be damned.

"Elizabeth..." he stated in a frustrated tone. Why couldn't she understand that he needed to protect his family, that this _man_ had to suffer for what he did?

Elizabeth stared at her husband. She could see the devastation in his eyes that she was sure her own possessed, she could see the helplessness and the sorrow, the fury and the frustration, and it broke her heart. If the past year had taught her nothing it was how much her husband hated being powerless. She moved towards her husband and took one of his hands in hers, the other cupping his face tenderly.

"You are not powerless, Henry. I need you, here, by my side, through this whole thing. Our baby..." she whispered in a choked voice.

"I know" he whispered in the same broken tone as he pulled his wife into a bruising hug, the enormity of the situation, of what had happened to Alison, or what she was asking, overcoming him.

Elizabeth relished in the physical pain of her husband's embrace, it felt so much better than the emotional pain she was feeling right now and she squeezed her husband with equal fervour. They clung to each other for several minutes, each gaining strength from the other's hold before Henry pulled back and looked at his wife quizzically.

"How did you know it was Alison?" he asked curiously.

"Huh?" she asked confused.

"When I thought the test was Stevie's and was yelling at her and you'd just come in, how did you know it was Alison's test and not Stevie just lying?" he asked inquisitively.

Elizabeth tensed in Henry's arms and broke their embrace, moving away from him as she collected her thoughts and tried to figure out the best way to break the news to Henry.

"Elizabeth...?" he urged.

She turned slowly to face her husband, her expression steeled into a neutral look "The Washington Post has pictures..." she began.

"There's pictures!?" came the dismayed voice of Alison McCord. Both Elizabeth and Henry turned in shock to look up at their youngest daughter who was standing half way down the staircase.

"Baby, I'm so sorry if we woke you..." Elizabeth began.

"You didn't. I'm thirsty so I came down for some water" Alison replied off-hand as she climbed down the remaining stairs to stand in front of her parents, staying at least an arm's length away. "There's pictures? Of that night?" she whispered, a look of distress on her face.

"No, Noodle, not of the night" Elizabeth reassured "But of you at the pharmacy buying a pregnancy test".

"Oh" Alison stated before her eyes widened in panic "So everyone knows!"

"No" Elizabeth reassured quickly "So far only the person who took the photos, the journalist at the Washington Post, and Daisy knows". She longed to be able to comfort her daughter like she had in her bedroom, but Alison's posture screamed defence and she didn't want to cause her daughter any more distress.

"And Dad" Alison whispered shooting a furtive glance in his direction.

"And Dad" Elizabeth confirmed. Whilst she hadn't specifically asked her daughter's permission to tell Henry what had happened, she had presumed that Alison would be ok with her telling her father. She chanced a look at Henry to find him standing staring at his daughter, an odd expression on his face.

Alison looked at her father cautiously again. "Are you mad at me?" she whispered. "You were so mad when you thought it was Stevie who was pregnant..."

Henry stared at his daughter, a thousand thoughts running through his head. He remembered the first time he held her in his arms and her big expressive eyes. He'd promised her then that he'd never let anyone hurt her, that he'd always protect her. He couldn't help but think how he'd failed her so spectacularly, even though his logical brain told him there was nothing he could have done, his heart felt like he'd let her down. And right now she looked so small and childlike stood in front of him in her Hello Kitty pyjamas, how could she be pregnant? How could she think he was mad at her? How could anyone hurt her? Guilt washed over him that he could make her feel like he was angry at her after everything she had been through.

"No" he replied adamantly.

"You should be" she replied in a defeated tone, her head hanging in shame.

"Oh Noodle..." Elizabeth began before she was cut off by her husband.

"Did you say 'no'?" he asked his daughter seriously, ignoring the look Elizabeth shot him.

Tears sprang to Alison's eyes "Yes" she whispered.

"Then there's no reason for me to be angry with you. You said 'no', that was enough" he stated resolutely.

A sob escaped Alison and Henry moved to comfort her, stopping only when his daughter took a step away from him, the fear in her eyes stabbing him in the heart.

"Noodle..." Elizabeth tried, unable to stand the pain in her daughter's eyes any longer and being desperate to help her she approached her daughter carefully. It was all the encouragement Alison needed and she once again threw herself into her mother's embrace crying. "Shhhh, it's going to be ok" she soothed as she held her daughter tightly.

Henry came to stand behind Elizabeth resting a comforting hand on his wife's shoulder, being mindful to keep Elizabeth body's between him and Alison so that she wouldn't feel threatened.

"I'm so sorry about what happened to you Ali. I'm sorry..." Henry's voice croaked as emotion washed over him. He coughed in an effort to clear his throat before he continued "I'm sorry I let you down, that I couldn't protect you."

"It's not your fault, Dad" Alison sobbed.

"Well, if it's not my fault, then it's not yours either, Noddle" he stated emphatically in a sad voice.

Alison glanced at both her parents. She wanted to believe them, wanted to believe that this wasn't all her fault, but it was. If she hadn't been so stupid, if she'd just gone home, or fought harder, or screamed louder, or even just asked _him_ to wear a condom, she wouldn't be in this mess. She wouldn't be pregnant, she wouldn't be about to cause her mother a massive scandal, she wouldn't be the cause of that look on her parents faces. The threats _he_ made reverberated in her brain _"If you tell anyone, I'll make sure you never work in the fashion industry. I'll tell everyone what a dirty little whore you are and I'll destroy your mother. No one wants a slut's mother as Secretary of State. Who would want a hussy like you for a daughter anyway? I bet your parents would throw you out with the trash if they knew what you were really like, you tease. They deserve better than you."_

 _He_ was right, her parents did deserve a better daughter. She didn't deserve her parents love or comfort and she pulled herself out of her mother's embrace harshly, ignoring the look of hurt on her mother's face, as she moved to stand by the couch.

"But there's going to be a massive scandal. It'll destroy you..." she stated sorrowfully.

Elizabeth snorted derisively at her daughter's words "Alison, I've survived an attempted coup in Iran and witnessed a power struggle in Algeria that almost ended in me being arrested and shot. I can handle a poxy fashion designer."

"But..."

"No 'buts' Alison. I can handle myself and trust me when I say the State Department has a pretty kick ass press department. Daisy can handle the press. What I'm more worried about is you" Elizabeth stated earnestly with concern. "We need to talk about what happens next"

Alison looked up in alarm and panic. _He_ was right, her parents really were disowning her!

"Are you kicking me out?" she whispered.

Elizabeth cast a confused look at Henry, seeing his own confusion mirrored in his eyes. "No Noodle, we would never do that. You'll always have a home with us" she reassured firmly "But we need to talk about reporting this to the Police."

Horror washed over Alison. "No, no, no, no, no, no..." she stated in a panicked tone as she shook her head vehemently. She couldn't go to the Police! It was going to be bad enough that everyone would know she was pregnant. At the moment all the press had was a picture of her buying a pregnant test. She'd just be the silly teenage daughter of the Secretary of State who got herself pregnant when she was working as an intern. If she went to the Police then she'd have to tell them who _he_ was, about what happened that night, and then everyone would know how weak and pathetic she was, how stupid and naïve she was, and how she flirted with men without even knowing it. After all, she hadn't even been able to keep this a secret from her parents. The scandal would be huge and she'd never get to work in the fashion industry. Everything was such a mess. She just wanted everything to go away.

"Alison, I know it seems scary" Elizabeth began earnestly "but if there's one thing I know men like _him_ , they don't do this sort of thing once. What was it you told me he said? _'Virgins were the best'..."_ Elizabeth was cut off by the sound of her husband's angry voice.

"I'm going to get that water"

Elizabeth chanced a look at her husband and swallowed thickly at the rage his eyes contained. Maybe bringing up the virgin comment hadn't been her best move with him in the room.

She moved to stand in front of her daughter, gesturing with her hand for her to sit on the couch, which she did reluctantly. Elizabeth joined her before continuing once her husband was safely in the kitchen. "Trust me Noodle , _he's_ done this before. You're not the only one. If you report this, I guarantee others will come forward too."

Alison pondered her mother's words. _He_ had said _'virgins'_. He'd used the plural.

"But what if I am the only one? It will be my word against his..." Alison began.

"That doesn't matter" Elizabeth stated with conviction.

"Yes it does!" Alison exclaimed "I've read the newspapers! They always make it the woman's fault! I shouldn't have gone into that room with him, I should've known better! I'm such as idiot. And you'll lose your job as no one will want a Secretary of State who's..." she trailed off realising she was about to let slip to her mum what _he_ had told her.

"Who's what, Alison?" Elizabeth asked, a dangerous undertone in her voice.

Alison looked away from her mother, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. "Who's a slut" she whispered.

Anger flared within Elizabeth "Is that what _he_ told you?" she demanded.

Alison glanced at her mother before nodding her head just once in the affirmative.

Elizabeth's heart broke at the way Alison described herself and the anger she felt towards Giovanni Rossi only intensified. She was grateful Henry was not in the room because had he been she was not sure she would have restrained her husband this time. Carefully she caressed her daughter's head and turned it so she could look deep into her daughter's eyes. "Alison, you are not a slut. You trusted your boss to help you when you needed help and he betrayed your trust. This is not your fault" she stated seriously, willing her daughter to understand.

"But..."

"No, Alison. This is not your fault and I don't care what the papers say, all I care about is you and this family. It's killed me that you've been so unhappy since you've been back from New York. Why didn't you say anything, Noodle?" Elizabeth stated, her voice catching as she asked the question she had been wanting to ask ever since Alison had revealed what had happened to her in New York.

"Because I've let you down" Alison whispered.

"Oh Noodle" Elizabeth exclaimed as she pulled her daughter into a hug, placing a kiss on the top of her head as she did so. "You haven't let anyone down. You're a victim of a predator, Ali. As I said, he's done this before."

Alison considered her mother's words. She was ex-CIA, she knew how to read people's behaviour and linguistics, that had been her job for over 20 years. Could it really be that she wasn't the only one? Were there others out there?

"Do you promise?" she asked meekly.

"Noodle, I've never been more sure of anything in my life" her mother replied with certainty.

"But the scandal...

"We don't care about the scandal" Henry stated firmly as he returned to the room handing a glass of water to his wife and daughter before sitting in one of the chairs opposite the couch "We only care about you. He hurt you in the worst way possible and he needs to be punished for that"

"But I deserved it" Alison whispered, shame coating her words.

"No, you didn't" Henry replied with anger, making his daughter jump.

Elizabeth cast her husband a look of annoyance and squeezed Alison in a reassuring manner.

"What your father means" Elizabeth continued in a soft soothing voice "is that you didn't do anything wrong. You were ra...attacked..."

"But I should have tried harder!" Alison exclaimed.

"You shouldn't have had to try at all. 'No' should have been enough" Henry stated adamantly. "Your mother and I, even after all these years if one of us says 'no', it means 'no' and we stop. No questions asked"

"Really?" Alison queried.

"Really" Elizabeth confirmed. "It's about respect and he disrespected you terribly, Alison. He needs to be stopped and you have the power to do that."

Alison thought about everything her parents said. They were smart people, intimidatingly so with their respective PhD's and distinguished careers, but growing up in the McCord household she knew that her parents weren't just academically smart, but they were incredibly worldly and fair too. They were the most fair and just people she knew and if they thought you were right they would back you up and fight your corner with you until they very end. She trusted her parents implicitly and if they thought she'd done nothing wrong, maybe she hadn't? She had said 'no', cried it out many times in fact. Maybe _he_ did need to be punished for what he'd done to her? But there was still one nagging doubt in her mind.

" _He_ said I was a...a dirty whore. _He_ said you wouldn't want me" she whispered as she shot a desperate look at her parents.

"Oh Alison!" Elizabeth exclaimed as she held her daughter tighter whilst using all her CIA training to not let the fury she felt towards Giovanni Rossi slip into her voice.

"That's not even possible" Henry assured in a serious tone. "We love you no matter what Alison".

"Are you sure?" she asked timidly.

"As sure as the sun rises and the sun sets" Elizabeth confirmed.

"And you're sure there will be others? That I won't have to do this on my own" Alison asked pleadingly.

"Without doubt" Elizabeth stated.

"And we'll be here with you every step of the way" Henry affirmed.

"Ok" Alison whispered as out of nowhere courage flooded through her at her parents support and reassurance. "I'll do it, I'll report it. Call the Police".

* * *

 _I have to admit, in my head this seemed better than it has come out on paper. Henry may seem a little out of character but I figured if he took that Marine outside of the bar because he said something mean about Elizabeth and the Iran deal, then what would he be like if someone seriously hurt his daughter? I live by a Marine base and went to school with a lot of kids whose Dad's were Marines and they were very protective of their families, especially their daughters._

 _Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the read and let me know what you think._


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you for all the reviews etc, and especially to the anonymous reviewer who has been a victim of this crime. I'm honoured, touched, and humbled by your comments._

* * *

Stevie and Jason McCord walked back towards their parents house, the mood between them subdued. It had been a little over 5 hours since they had discovered their sister was pregnant and each sibling was lost in their own thoughts. As instructed by their mother they had grabbed dinner out and then caught a showing of the latest blockbuster, but conversation between the two had been sparse all evening as each sibling processed their thoughts.

Stevie had barely touched her dinner and couldn't honestly tell you what had happened in the movie so distracted was she by her whirling mind. Even after all this time she couldn't fathom out her own feelings. Part of her was angry at her sister - she was the oldest after all and should have been the first McCord to have a child - another part of her was hurt that her sister had not told her that she had a boyfriend or was pregnant, and another part of her was genuinely concerned about her sister. Strangely a part of her was looking forward to becoming an aunty.

Sisterly intuition had told her that something had happened in New York as Alison had become increasingly withdrawn over the past few weeks, but she'd assumed her sister had had a summer fling that had gone awry. She'd tried to talk to Alison about her internship and New York but her sister would barely speak to her and she was ashamed to admit she had given up in the end. If her sister wanted to wallow in her own heart break she wasn't going to stop her however, now knowing that Alison was pregnant she started to feel sorry for her sister and even more guilty that she hadn't pressed Alison harder. She could understand why Alison hadn't told their parents, but why not her? They'd grown closer over the past 2 years and it hurt that she hadn't confided in her. She could have helped, if nothing else but to be moral support for when she took the pregnancy test or for when her sister did tell their parents. Alison must have been so scared these past few weeks and she'd do anything to go back in time and make her sister talk to her.

"How mad do you think Mum and Dad are going to be?"

Stevie was broken from her reverie by the sound of her brother's voice.

"Huh?" she replied distractedly.

"How mad do you think Mum and Dad are?" Jason asked in an uncharacteristically quiet, serious, voice.

Stevie considered his question for several moments before responding. "Pretty mad. You saw how Dad reacted when he thought it was me and I'm almost finished with my undergrad and Jareth and I are engaged. Ali's not even started college yet and I don't even think she has a boyfriend".

Jason pondered his sister's words before continuing the conversation. "There's going to be a scandal, isn't there?"

Stevie sighed realising the truth of his words. "Yeah" she said simply.

Together the siblings walked along for several more minutes, unconsciously their footsteps slowed as they moved closer to home and eventually both siblings came to a holt at the top of their street.

"Is it bad I don't want to go home?" Jason stated, an underlying hint of humour to his serious tone.

Stevie mouth rose into a small smile "It's been 5 hours. I'm sure Mum and Dad are down to at least DEFCON 2 by now"

Jason snorted in response.

"Come on dude" Stevie jostled as she nudged her brother's arm "We've got to go home some time and it's getting late."

"Eh! Look at that? Someone's called the police!" Jason exclaimed as they started heading down their street hesitantly.

"Oh! I wonder what it is this time?" Stevie sighed.

"Maybe a tourist has stolen Mrs Windham's prized flowers again" Jason joked.

As they walked closer to their house an uneasy feeling started to brew in Stevie's stomach. The police car was parked very close to their house, directly behind their Mum's SUV's...

"Stevie" came Jason's serious, slightly panicked voice.

She turned to look at her brother and in that instance both siblings knew that the police car had something to do with their home, and by some unknown bond, brother and sister took off at a run towards their parent's house. They slowed as they reached the stairs up to the front door and the sympathetic looks the DS agents offered both her and Jason as they headed into their home were not lost on her.

Both Stevie and Jason stopped short and confusion reigned over them at the scene that lay before them as they entered the hallway of their home. Their dad was half way down the stairs, a uniformed police officer and an unknown man following him carrying a bag with "EVIDENCE" written across it, inside the bag was a Bloomingdales Medium Brown Bag paper bag. They could tell their Dad was furious behind his calm, controlled demeanour. Their mother stood with her arm draped around Alison's shoulder, tears were streaming down Alison's face and her expression was one of pure fear. An overwhelmed look on their mother's face sent both Stevie and Jason's nerves soaring. Their mother rarely looked overwhelmed, the last time she had looked this overwhelmed their Dad had been involved in a dirty bomb attack. Next to them was an unfamiliar woman and another uniformed policewoman who looked surprised to see Stevie and Jason.

"Kids..." Elizabeth began, a startled look on her face and her eyes darting between Stevie, Jason, and her husband.

"It's ok, Elizabeth. I've got this" Henry stated compassionately with a nod toward his wife, their eyes locked in a silent conversation before he turned towards his eldest and youngest children.

"Kids, we need to talk. But you need to give us a minute first. Wait in the Family Room" he stated in a tone that both Stevie and Jason knew not to disobey.

As Stevie and Jason headed towards the Family Room they knew something was wrong, very wrong indeed.

* * *

Stevie sat in shock as she tried to wrap her mind around what her father had just told her.

"Alison was...and now she's..." she asked in confusion.

"Yes" Henry McCord replied sadly rubbing his hands down his face. He was currently sat on the footstool in the Family Room with Stevie and Jason sat opposite him on the couch having just told them what had happened to Alison in New York.

"And the press..."

"Has a picture of Alison buying the pregnancy test, yes. But you don't need to worry about that as the State Department is going to deal with it."

"'Cos that will make things so much better" Jason scoffed as he looked away from his father.

"Jason" Henry said warningly.

"Oh God!" Stevie exclaimed in horror, her hand flying to cover her mouth as the truth finally sank in. And she had been mad because her sister was having a baby before she was! After Ali had been through ...that. She was a terrible person, a horrible sister!

"I know this is a lot to take in" Henry continued, resting a hand on his eldest daughter's shoulder and squeezing it comfortingly, "But we need to be there for Alison, she's going to need to lean on us".

"Whatever she needs" Stevie replied with conviction. Ali was her baby sister, and although at 4 years old she had been too young to realise it at the time, she had known it was her job to protect Alison from the first moment she had held her - she was the eldest after all. Tears welled up in her eyes as she remember how tiny and squished Alison had been the first time she had held her, with their Mum's help, in the hospital. She had immediately fallen in love with her and she'd been so happy and proud to have a baby sister, and whilst Ali and she did not always see eye to eye, she loved her fiercely.

"Does she...does she know the who did it?" Stevie whispered in a choked voice.

"Yes, that's why the police were here earlier so that Alison can start the process of reporting her attacker. Your mum has gone with Alison to New York tonight so she can make an official statement and have a...be examined" Henry confirmed. After everything they had been through with the stalker last year Elizabeth and he had vowed to be honest with their kids going forward, even with this.

"New York?" Stevie queried in confusion.

"Apparently the crime has to be reported in the jurisdiction it occurred in and the ra... examination has to be done in the same jurisdiction too. Detectives Morales and Johnson - they were the plain clothes police officers you saw when you first got here - flew down from New York earlier this evening and DS are driving your mum, Alison, and the Detectives up to New York so Alison can start the process. MPD escorted the Detectives here and helped collect some evidence that Alison still had. It's going to be a long road guys..."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Jason cut in speaking in a low, deadly tone.

Henry was taken about by the depth of hatred in his son's tone. "Nothing, the police..."

"NOTHING!" Jason exclaimed angrily as he got up and stared down at his father "You got a Marine thrown out of a restaurant because you didn't like what he said about Mum, but someone does... that... to Alison and you're going to do NOTHING!"

"It's not that simply..." Henry began.

"This is bullsh..."

"JASON!" Henry yelled.

Father and son glared at each other for several moments before Jason turned and stormed off to his room. Anger washed over Henry in waves at his son's behaviour and he went to follow him, but was stopped by the sound of his daughter's tearful voice and the gentle pressure of her hand on his chest, just like Elizabeth had restrained him earlier.

"Daddy!" Stevie exclaimed as she too stood up and placed an arm on her father to stop him going after her brother. Her dad and her brother getting into a fight right now would not help matters.

Henry was taken aback by Stevie's use of _daddy_ as she had not called him that for many years. He peered down into her heartbroken face and became torn as to what to do. There was only one of him and both his children needed him right now however, he quickly realised that giving Jason - and himself- some time to cool down might be beneficial and he quickly gathered Stevie into a hug. "It's going to be ok" he assured his eldest daughter.

"Is it?" Stevie replied questioningly.

* * *

It was almost midnight before Henry McCord decided to try and speak with his son, having spent over an hour trying to calm his eldest daughter down and help her process what had happened to Alison. Stevie was now in her room Facetiming with Jareth and he could hear her crying behind the closed door of her room.

Henry stood outside Jason's room trying to gather all the calmness he could in order to approach his son. He understood why Jason was angry with him, the father in him was furious about what had happened to his precious daughter and wanted nothing more than to inflict serious harm onto Giovanni Rossi, but the logical part of him knew that he couldn't touch the bastard, that he had to let the police do their job and wait for justice to be done.

Taking a deep breath he knocked on his son's door "Jason, can I come in?"

Hearing a grunt he opened the door to find his son sprawled on his bed, his hand wrapped in a towel, and a hole in the bedroom wall. Tear tracks were evident on his face.

"Jase, what have you done?!" he exclaimed. Apart from his fight with Preston at Westmoreland Jason had never shown any violent tendencies, he was a boy of words, not fists.

Jason simply shrugged in response, his expression one of anger, confusion, and pain.

"Come on" Henry sighed "Let's get you some ice for that hand. Your mum will kill _me_ if you're hurt too."

Reluctantly Jason followed his father out of his room and down into the kitchen placing himself on one of the wooden chairs at the kitchen table. He watched as his father placed ice in an ice bag, wrapped it in a tea towel, and then brought it to the table, before he removed the towel and inspected his bruised and swollen knuckles. Jason winced slightly at the gentle touch and a wave on self-loathing ran through him that he couldn't take even this much pain after what Alison had been through.

"Can you move your fingers?" Henry asked his son with concern.

"Yeah, I think so" Jason replied as he cautiously moved his fingers.

"That's good. Here..." Henry placed the ice pack carefully on his son's swollen hand and watched as his son flinched again. He saw the flicker of pain in his son's eyes and heard him take a deep steadying breath.

"Why did you do it?" he asked his son seriously.

Jason simply shrugged and averted his gaze from his father. How could he explain the rage and hatred he felt? How could he explain how sad he felt for Alison and how much it pained him that someone had hurt his sister? How could he explain that he felt like the useless younger brother? How could he explain that he'd been crying like a baby for reasons he could not even grasp, let alone understand? All his life he'd watched his dad protect his mum and sisters, and now his dad was doing nothing?!

Henry looked at his son and sighed. "Look Jase, I know you think I'm letting your sister down by doing nothing..."

"Then why aren't you doing something!" Jason exclaimed angrily. He couldn't do anything to help Alison, but his dad could. His dad used to be a Maine for Christ's sake!

"Don't you think I want to?" Henry snapped back, his patience breaking after the stressful evening he had endured "Don't you think I want to call my Marine buddies, hunt the bastard down who did this and make him suffer?"

"Then do it!" Jason yelled.

"I can't!" Henry bellowed breathing heavily "It will only make things worse for your sister. She has to be the one to press charges. She needs to do this for herself. There's nothing we can do."

Henry paused and took a calming breath before he continued. "Look Jase, I get it, the rage, the injustice, it's building up inside of me too and this is only the beginning. But we have to put your sister first. We have to think about what she needs, and me getting arrested for assaulting the piece of trash that did this is not going to help"

Jason considered his father's words and took a moment to really look at his dad. He could see the pain and frustration on his face, the fury and helplessness in his eyes, and he realised that his dad was struggling with this just as much as he was. For the first time in his life he saw his father as a man, rather than just his dad, and he offered a nod to his father in understanding.

Henry released a breath he didn't know he had been holding as Jason accepted his explanation. "Is that why you did this, punched your wall? Because you're mad at me?" Henry asked his son softly, part of him afraid of the answer.

"I guess... maybe...I don't know" Jason answered honestly. "I just feel so mad and I had to do something..."

"Next time you feel like that, come and talk to me Jase. We'll go for a run, we can spar in the garage, we can play basketball, but you can't go around hitting things. It's not healthy" Henry implored of his son.

"I know" Jason whispered. He did know that, but at the time punching the wall had seemed like the right thing to do and it had helped release some of his frustration, even if it had hurt - a lot.

Henry removed the ice pack from Jason's hand, pleased to see the swelling had not gotten any worse. "Looks like you've got a pretty good right hook though" he attempted a joke, earning him a sarcastic snort from his son.

"That should do it for now, we'll ice it again in the morning. Go up to bed, son, it's late. Your mum and I will look after Alison" Henry instructed his son kindly as he turned and headed to the freezer to replace the ice pack. As he shut the freezer door he was surprised to find his son had not moved and a look of concern was plastered across his face.

"What is it, Jase?" he asked his son worriedly as he walked back over to the table and sat down again, sensing their conversation was not finished like he had thought.

Jason cast a nervous look at his father, unsure of how, or even if, he wanted to discuss this with his dad.

"Jase..." Henry prompted.

"When you're with a girl and she says 'no'..." Jason began, his eyes dropping to the table.

Pure cold dread flooded through Henry and he felt his eyes widen in fear "What do you mean, son?" he asked seriously.

"How long do you wait between when she says 'no' and stopping?" Jason mumbled, his gazed still focused on the table in front of him.

Henry swallowed thickly. Was his son saying...? "I don't know, Jase" he answered his son honestly, he'd never really thought to time it. "I guess I stop what I'm doing immediately - but it might take me a few moments to get myself together and move away" he answered in an awkward yet contemplative tone. "Why?"

Jason looked up his father briefly before turning his head away again, shame coating his features "Oh".

The knot in Henry's stomach tightened uncomfortably and the fear he felt earlier increased. He cleared his throat uncomfortably before asking a question he never thought he'd be asking his son "Jason, are you saying...?"

"No!" Jason replied adamantly as he looked up his father in alarm before his gaze dropped to the table again. "It's just...sometimes I try for a bit to, you know, get her to carry on and..." he trailed off awkwardly.

"But you do stop?" Henry asked seriously, the dread he was feeling rescinding slightly.

"Yes, but sometimes it hard, ya know? That doesn't make me a...?" Jason asked timidly.

Relief washed over Henry "No, Jason it doesn't" he reassured his son adamantly.

Silence hung over the room as Jason considered his father's words. "But it must be scary for her, right? Me trying to...?"

Henry considered his son's question carefully. He recalled his teenage years when he would be making out with his high school girlfriend in the back of his mum's car and remembered how hard it had been to stop. Sometimes he'd just wanted to...but he'd always stopped himself. He'd never considered before what it must have been like for his girlfriend, with his weight on top of her effectively holding her down. As his son said, it must have been scary.

"Yes, it must be" he answered his son thoughtfully. "But what's important is that you respect her wishes, that you don't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, and you do stop" he added seriously.

Jason looked deep in contemplation before he nodded.

"'Night Dad" he said distractedly as he got up from the table and headed towards the stairs.

Henry reached out and grabbed his son's arm as he passed, squeezing it reassuringly. A thought popped into his head and sadness washed over him at the thought of what he was going to have to ask his son to do.

"Jason, give Ali some space when you see her. She doesn't like to be close to people or be touched right now".

Jason stared down at his father, understanding washing over him at what his father was asking. "No problem, whatever she needs" he assured his father. Being so close in age Ali and he had always bickered, but he loved his sister dearly and would do anything he could for her right now. He would not be like that man. He would not force her to do anything she didn't want to. He would never force any girl to do anything they didn't want to. Not now, not ever.

* * *

 _You may recall in Chapter 2 I asked for help on which jurisdiction would deal with the crime, and as the majority of people said New York, I went with that. However, I couldn't find out who would collect the evidence - NYPD or MPD - so I compromised with NYPD detectives taking the statement and MPD assisting/being witnesses to NYPD detectives collecting evidence as I presume the NYPD would have to let MPD know they were in their area out of courtesy etc. I have managed to find out the rape kit has to be done in the state the rape took place in, hence Alison and Elizabeth going to New York late at night. It's actually proving really difficult to find details on the legal side of things so I'm going to do my best with what information I can find out from internet research!_

 _Reviews - and constructive criticism - welcome._


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks for the reviews, they are greatly appreciated and keep me motivated to continue with the story. I've had to make a few assumptions in this chapter which I'll detail at the end so there are no spoilers here! I hope you enjoy..._

* * *

"Mum..." Alison McCord stated in a wavering voice, fear and panic coursing through her. What was she thinking? She couldn't do this! _He'd_ told her not to tell anyone! It was going to be a national scandal!

"It's ok, Noodle, I'm here" Elizabeth McCord reassured her daughter with a calm expression as she squeezed her hand comfortingly. It was just after 2.30am, and although Alison had managed to get a few hours sleep on the drive up to New York, she hadn't slept a wink. She had not been able to stop looking down at her daughter as she slept against her and question why she hadn't realised something was so seriously wrong with Alison earlier. How could she have failed her own daughter like this? She'd never been more glad of her 20 years of CIA experience than at this moment as it was taking all of her training not to lose it herself.

"I can't do this!" Alison exclaimed. It had been different when she had been at home. There her parents and the detectives had made her feel so safe, made her feel that it wasn't her fault, but now she was at the police station in New York sat in an interview room about to make an official statement, a statement where she would have to tell the world _exactly_ what _he_ had done and how weak and pathetic she was, she wasn't sure if she could do it.

"Yes you can" her mother replied in a strong confident voice. "All you have to do is tell the truth"

"But..." Alison began.

"No 'buts' Alison. You did nothing wrong" Elizabeth stated firmly.

"But everyone will know!" Alison wailed, shame coating her words. What would people think of her when they found out that after her initial screams and struggle she had frozen and just laid there paralysed while he used her body? What would her parents think? They had told her they wouldn't abandon her, but why would they want someone as pitiful as she? It was too embarrassing and shameful.

"Oh Noddle" Elizabeth sighed as she took her daughter in her arms once again, the devastated tone of her daughter's voice cutting through her heart like a knife. She couldn't lie to her daughter though. Whilst in her mind there was no doubt her daughter had been raped, she also knew that rape prosecution were extremely difficult and the press could release her daughter's identity after the trial if _he_ was found innocent. If for any reason the State was not successful in prosecuting Giovanni Rossi the details of that night would become public knowledge and everyone _would_ know what happened to her daughter. On the drive up to New York she had been starting to wonder if reporting Alison's attack was such a good idea. Reporting the attack was the right thing to do and she wanted justice for her daughter, but what if she didn't get it? From the linguistics Alison had recounted from that night she was sure there were other victims out there, but if the NYPD didn't arrest _him_ following Alison's statement the other victims wouldn't come forward and then it would become a "he said, she said" case. But she couldn't focus on her insecurities and fears right now, the first step in getting Giovanni Rossi off the streets was to get Alison to make a statement. Whatever happened after that they would deal with as a family.

"Alison, listen to me" she whispered in her daughter's ear as she held her shuddering form close and felt her tears soak through her shirt for the countless time this evening. "There are Rape Shield Laws to protect you, and _if_ people find out what happened" she placed a kiss to her daughter's head as a pained sob escaped her daughter "They'll know it was not your fault, that you did everything you could to stop this from happening."

Alison turned her head to peek up her mother, her eyes meeting her mum's confident strong expression. Oh how she wished she could be strong like her! Her mum would not be speaking to her like this if she really knew what happened in that room. She was nothing like her mum, she was worthless.

"And your Dad and I are so proud of you" Elizabeth continued "You've been so strong dealing with this all on your own for the past 3 weeks. The bravery you've shown by trying to live your life after something so awful happened to you. The courage it must have taken for you to take that pregnancy test, I know how scared I was when I took mine and your Dad and I were happily married. And you dealt with all of this all on your own, Noodle. But now it's time for you heal, for you to take back the power and control of your own life. _He_ does not control you or your life, only you do".

Alison took a deep shuddering breath and pulled herself away from the safety of her mother's arms slowly. She peered into her mother's eyes and saw nothing but love, pride, sorrow, and honesty.

"You're not on your own anymore, Noodle. You can do this." her mother implored.

"But I'm not strong like you" she whispered.

"No, you're stronger"

"No, I'm not" Alison whispered remorsefully as she broke eye contact with her mother and looked away. She swallowed thickly before continuing "I froze, as soon as he cuffed me to the bed, I froze."

Elizabeth swallowed a wave of sickness at the thought of her daughter being held against her will, before she tenderly took her daughter's cheek in her hand and turned her head so she could look into her daughter's eyes once again. "I'm so sorry that happened to you, Noodle" she whispered in a choked voice. "But you survived, Alison. That makes you strong, much stronger than me."

Alison looked taken aback at her mother's words. She knew what happened to her mother in Iran and Algeria, how her mum had almost died, yet her mother thought she was stronger than she was? "Really?"

"No question" her mother replied with conviction "You can do this, Noodle".

Alison stared into her mother's eyes earnestly. The strength and belief she saw reflected back at her took her breath away. She knew her mother would not lie to her, if her mother thought she was strong and could do this, then she could.

"Ok" she whispered as she wiped the tears off her face and turned to the detectives "Let's do this".

The detectives smiled at her reassuringly as they pressed record on the dictaphone " This is Detective Samuel Morales and Detective Erica Johnson taking the official statement of Alison McCord. Now on the night of 28th July 2017..."

* * *

Elizabeth felt completely and utterly emotionally drained having just spent the last 2 hours listening to her daughter recount the horrific details of her last Friday night in New York. Despite her ethical stance against torture, having just listening to what Alison went through she wanted to call up some of those Marines from Iraq and get them to practice some of their torture skills on Giovanni Rossi. The things that man had done to Alison...

She wanted to be sick again. But she couldn't because no matter how bad she felt, things were worse for Alison. After all, she wasn't the one currently standing naked in a cold sterile room being photographed by a police photographer and accompanied by a police detective.

After Alison had given her official statement the police had suggested a physical examination by a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner so they could document any residual bruising etc as evidence. Given her position as Secretary of State, the NYPD had not wanted any undue attention brought to Alison's case before they had time to investigate so they had arranged for Alison and she to be brought to a private clinic, rather than take them to the local hospital. That was an hour ago and Alison was still in that room being photographed. She had offered to go in with Alison to support her while she had the photographs taken but Alison had insisted on going in alone and she respected her daughter's privacy.

Despite the late hour she had used the time alone wisely. She knew she needed Daisy's help as it didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that the Secretary of State's motorcade driving up to New York at 10.30pm with her teenager daughter and the police in tow would cause headlines. She'd briefed Daisy with as much information as she felt comfortable with and Daisy was currently monitoring the situation and would keep her appraised. Daisy would also alert her if anything regarding Giovanni Rossi came up in the press.

Next she'd called both Russell Jackson and the President to inform them of the situation. Both had been extremely sympathetic and understanding and told her to take as much time as she needed. For once she was going to heed their advice because her daughter came first and taking time to be with her daughter was the least she could do after what Noodle had been through. She supposed it was lucky in a way that she had already booked this week off work to spend the last week of summer with her family before Alison departed for college - not that they would be having the fun, relaxing, week she had envisaged.

She'd also e-mailed Nadine giving her the absolute minimum information she could about the situation so she knew why Daisy would frantically be monitoring all news sources, and she was in the process of typing a text to Henry when a nurse appeared at the door.

"Secretary McCord, your daughter would like to see you."

Elizabeth quickly brushed past the nurse into the examination room, her breath catching in her throat at the sight of Alison sat on the examining table in an oversized gown, tears streaming down her face, and a bandage on her arm from where they had taken blood samples earlier.

"What's the matter, baby?" she asked with concern as she tenderly wiped the tears from her daughter's face.

"They want to swab...down there" Alison whispered in a choked voice.

"I know baby, we went through this at the police station" she consoled. As well as being examined for residual evidence of the attack, the police had also offered Alison a STI test and a pregnancy test to confirm she was pregnant.

"But it'll hurt!" Alison exclaimed.

"I'll be as gentle as I can" Carole, the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner in charge of the examination, replied kindly "I really want to check for STI's and the swab is the most effective way. I'd also like to check for any signs of healing tears or abrasions" she continued in an understanding voice. "But this is your exam Alison, if you want to stop, we can stop"

"Alison?" Elizabeth queried.

"Will it help the case?" Alison asked tentatively.

"The more evidence we gather the stronger your case will be" Detective Johnson stated encouragingly.

"Will you stay?" Alison asked her mother in a small pleading voice, desperation shining through her eyes.

"Of course, Noodle" Elizabeth assured her daughter, mustering all the strength she could.

"Ok" Alison acquiesced reluctantly.

Elizabeth helped her daughter settle on the bed and took her position facing Alison "Here, you can hold my hand" she offered her daughter with a small, encouraging smile, "Just squeeze it as hard as you want whenever it hurts, ok?"

Alison lay rigidly on the bed and grasped her mum's hand tightly. This was so humiliating! As if having to strip naked and have all her fading bruises and bite marks photographed wasn't bad enough, now she had to go through this! She felt something touch her and she cried out, Carole immediately stopped what she was doing and looked at Alison.

"Noodle, look at me" Elizabeth commanded reading the situation and knowing that the more tense her daughter was the more the exam would hurt.

Alison turned to look at her mother, her expression full of apprehension, fear, and nervousness, fresh tears pooling at the corner of her eyes.

"You need to breathe deeply to help relax the muscles so it will be less uncomfortable. Like this..." Elizabeth coached her daughter.

Alison followed her mother's breathing technique and found that the regular breathing was helping her relax.

"Are you ok for me to try again?" asked the doctor patiently, to which Alison nodded her head.

"That's it Noodle" Elizabeth encouraged proudly. "Just breathe in...and out"...

Elizabeth didn't flinch when her daughter squeezed her hand so tightly she thought it would break.

Her concentration did not waiver as she heard the nurse talk about healing tears, abrasions, and bruising.

And her eyes did not move from her daughter's as the camera flashed behind her.

* * *

It was nearly 11am by the time Elizabeth and Alison got back to Washington DC, mother and daughter both exhausted from their ordeal.

"I'm going to go take a bath" Alison stated quietly as the door closed behind.

"You've been up all night, Noodle" Elizabeth queried with concern.

"I know. But I feel... my skin... I need to get clean" she whispered in a pleading tone.

Elizabeth's heart broke at her daughter's words and she offered a small understandingly smile to her daughter "Ok" she replied lovingly. Together mother and daughter walked up the stairs and she hugged her daughter goodnight as they reached the door to the family bathroom.

"I'm so sorry for what you've been through, Noodle, but I'm so proud of you. You did really well tonight" Elizabeth whispered, pride and love coating her words. "I love you"

Alison nodded tearfully before heading into the bathroom.

"Come and get me if you need anything" Elizabeth implored of her youngest daughter, to which Alison simply nodded as she closed the bathroom door.

Elizabeth couldn't resist checking in on her other children as she continued onto her own room. Despite the late morning hour, the house was quiet and she wanted to make sure the rest of her family was ok. Waves of love washed over her as she first watched Stevie, then Jason, as they slept. A wave of concern washed over her as she saw the hole in Jason's bedroom wall.

Closing the door to Jason's room and heading to her own bedroom she let her own devastation of the night's events wash over her. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into Henry's arms and let him hold her for the rest of the night - day - as she slept and she selfishly hoped he was still awake, but alas he was asleep when she entered the room. A wave of love washed over her once again as she took in her husband's sleeping form, he was propped up against their headboard, his laptop on his lap and the notes for his latest book scattered around him. His head had lulled to the side and tilted forward as he'd fallen asleep causing his glasses to slide down his nose and he had the cutest pout on his lips. Even though he was asleep he looked as exhausted as she felt and she wondered how his evening with Stevie and Jason had fared.

Quietly she got herself ready for bed and gathered Henry's notes together before placing them on the bedside table. It was as she was lifting his laptop off his lap that he stirred.

"'Lizabeth?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep." she whispered.

"What time is it?" he mumbled in an annoyed voice.

Elizabeth watched her husband's expression change as she placed his laptop on the chair beside their bed. In that moment Henry looked so adorable and innocent, if not annoyed by being woken, and then she saw his demeanour change as the events of the last 17 hours came flooding back to him and his eyes flew open as his body tensed.

"Alison..." he exclaimed in panic.

"She' ok, she's taking a bath" Elizabeth assured.

"But you've been gone all night?" Henry replied confused.

"She said she needed to get clean" Elizabeth whispered sadly willing her husband to understand as she crawled into bed beside him. The couple scooted down in the bed and lay facing each other, Henry's arm resting comfortingly on his wife's hip.

"Oh" he replied awkwardly as a heavy silence descended on the room. After several moments Henry cleared his throat in an effort to regain his voice. "So, how did it go?" he asked sincerely, concern evident in his face.

It was the concern and sincerity in his voice that triggered something within Elizabeth and she all but threw herself against her husband's chest. She felt Henry's arms encircle her as he turned to lay on his back and she nestled herself on top of him and let a sob - just one - escape into Henry's chest.

"Babe" Henry breathed into her hair and pulled his wife as close to himself as possible. He could feel his wife's heavy breathing against him and he knew that she was barely holding it together. He may be powerless to help his daughter, but he could be there to comfort Elizabeth, because as difficult as his night had been, he was sure Elizabeth and Alison's had been worse.

"It was horrible, Henry. The things she went through...terrible, horrifying, awful things. _He's_ the scum of the earth" she whispered heatedly, her fist clenching in the soft cotton of her husband's tee-shirt. "Afterwards, Ali had to have a full physical..." Elizabeth stopped then and peered up at her husband "You know those bracelets she's been wearing?"

Henry nodded in comprehension.

"He _handcuffed_ her to the bed. They were covering bruises" Elizabeth finished in a devastated tone, watching as her husband's expression darken and feeling his body tense beneath her.

"But you would have been so proud of Ali" she continued as she rested her head back against her husband's strong chest and stroked Henry's side tenderly in an effort to soothe him , pride and love shining through her words "She was so strong and brave."

Henry's eyes softened as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind his wife's ear "Just like her mother" he whispered, causing Elizabeth to blush.

"What did the police say?" Henry queried.

"Detectives Morales and Johnson have been assigned to Ali's case and I've been assured they are the best Sex Crimes Detectives in New York City. Detective Morales said that it was lucky that Noodle stuffed her clothes in a paper bag as apparently forensic evidence is preserved better in paper bags"

"I looked...in the bag before I handed it to Detective Morales" Henry interrupted his wife in a quiet, reserved, tone. He'd been so relieved earlier that he could do something constructive to help his daughter, and had been so determined to get the task right, that he hadn't even considered what he would find in the bag.

Elizabeth moved her head so her chin rested on Henry's chest and she could take in his expression. She gave him a questioning look willing him to continue.

"I only did it to make sure I had the right bag... I still can't believe she kept those clothes stuffed in her wardrobe..." Henry continued in a disbelieving voice.

"I know" Elizabeth whispered "But you heard what she said. Afterwards, she didn't know what to do with them so she shoved them in first bag she could find. Lucky it was a Bloomingdales one"

Henry swallowed "I know, but...I glimpsed her panties - they were stained..." he let his sentence trailed off.

Elizabeth caressed her husband's face lovingly. No father should have to see something so personal of their daughter's, but Alison had been so upset at the time that she had not been able to leave her once Alison had revealed she'd kept the clothing from that night. Ali had told them where the bag containing the clothes was and Henry had willingly gone to find it with Detective Morales in tow.

"Oh Henry" she breathed "I'm so sorry..."

"It's ok" he assured with a sad expression, his eyes locking with his wife and a wordless conversation took place between the long married couple.

"So, how long will the forensic testing take?" he asked his wife wanting to know more about what would happen now.

Elizabeth sighed "It can take up to 90 days..."

"What!?" Henry exclaimed angrily.

"I know, Henry, but the detectives said that given who I am they expected the test results within 2 weeks"

Henry raised an eyebrow at his wife "I thought you wanted a clean investigation?"

"I do, but well, I didn't ask them to expedite it and I wasn't going to tell them they couldn't..." Elizabeth finished with a shrug.

"Fair enough. So, will they speak to _him_ yet?"

"Detectives Morales and Johnson are going to start an investigation, so now it's just a waiting game" Elizabeth finished sadly as she turned her head to rest against her husband's chest once again, the sound of his heartbeat soothing her fraught nerves. "They offered to keep Ali and I updated on the case, but after talking it through with Ali, we agreed that it would be better if we weren't kept informed. I don't want _him_ accusing me of using my position to intimidate him".

"I understand" Henry assured. As much as he wanted to be kept informed on the police investigation, he knew from a scandal perspective it would be best if they kept their distance from it. In his lifetime he'd seen too many powerful people exploit their power in tough situations and in the end it only lead to scandal and the guilty party going free. He didn't want that for his daughter. "And what did the doctor say?" Henry questioned further as he stroked his wife's hair absently in a tender manner.

"They took photographs of her bruising and the doctor said there was evidence of healing tears" Elizabeth replied in a faraway pained voice, she paused and took a shuddering breath as she gripped her husband tighter, feeling his own grip on her increase "They took her blood to confirm the pregnancy and will call us within the next 48 hours with the results. The results from the STI test can take up to 14 days" she said in a resigned tone. "Oh, and they've given us a list of counsellors, I think Ali should see one"

"Ok" Henry replied in a subdued tone as he processed the information his wife had just given him.

Silence reigned over the room as each parent let the gravity of the situation wash over them.

"So, how did things go here?" Elizabeth's quiet voice broke through the silence.

"Stevie's beside herself, she thinks she's a bad sister for not knowing. Jason's angry - there's a hole in his bedroom wall that's going to need replastering - and he thought he was a rapist."

Elizabeth's head shot up to look at Henry in alarm "Relax babe, we talked, he's not, he's...just learning boundaries like a normal teenager"

"Oh" Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief as she rested her head against her husband's chest and let his heartbeat and the relaxing strokes he was making on her back calm her frantic heart.

"Babe?"

"Hmmmm" she replied, already drifting towards sleep.

"Have I...have I ever made you worry, you know, when you tell me to stop? Do I ever take too long?" he queried in an uncertain tone.

Elizabeth moved and propped her head on her husband's chest once again so she could look into his eyes. He looked so worried and unsure and she realised that whatever talk Jason and Henry had had must have triggered something within Henry.

"Never" she answered with certainty as she shifted and pressed her lips tenderly against her husband's, pleased to see the relief in her husband's eyes at her response. She rested her head against his chest once more and was suddenly overcome with such love and gratitude for her husband. She was blessed to have found such a good man.

"I love you, Henry" she whispered softly into his chest as she squeezed him tighter.

Henry pulled his wife closer to him and placed a reverent kiss to her forehead "I love you too" he whispered as he listened to her breathing even out as she fell asleep, himself soon following.

* * *

 _Whilst I've done a lot of research about rape investigation it's actually been hard to find definite information regarding timescales etc so this is what I have assumed from what I have researched on the internet:_

 _1) A rape has to be reported in the State it is committed and the rape exam done in the State the rape was committed. Whilst Alison doesn't have a full rape exam as the assault happened too long ago, I understand that the police would still take photos of bruising etc and I presume she would still be offered pregnancy/STI tests. I've therefore set the exam in NYC as I couldn't figure out whether photos, tests etc could be done in a different State._

 _2) Rape kits seem to be done by Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners so I've presumed a SANE would also do the STI testing and search for bruising, tearing etc_

 _3) I read somewhere that you can have a rape exam done at a private clinic and I figured given Elizabeth is SoS that the police would opt for a private clinic_

 _4) Some States seem to give victims the choice whether they want to be kept updated on the progress of their rape investigation, but accounts by rape victims seem to indicate they don't get updated on their investigation. I couldn't confirm either way if NY do offer this (or even if they have to) so I thought I'd go with the "they offered but the McCord's decline because they want a clean investigation route"_

 _5) The breathing technique to relax Alison during her exam is actually something a nurse taught me during my first smear/pap test. It seems to work so I thought I'd put it in!_

 _6) Forensic evidence apparently really does survive better in a paper bags!_

 _7) From what I could find out on the internet, the average testing time for a State to process forensics on a rape case is 90 days but it can be done as quickly as 14 days. Again, I assumed with Elizabeth being SoS they would fast track it._

 _8) Info on Rape Shield Laws is sketchy and according to Wikipedia a rape victim's name can be printed in the news if the accused if found innocent. (I was shocked by this!)_

 _9) The research I've done indicates you can have an advocate in with you when you give a rape statement and have a rape exam, but I'm not sure if that can be a parent or not. I went with it could be a parent._

 _I think that's it! Apologies if I got anything incorrect._

 _Feedback welcome._


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you for the reviews. I've been ill and work has been a nightmare so they really cheered me up and kept me going - I've read them more than once over the past two weeks! I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about posting this chapter..._

* * *

Alison McCord stood and stared at herself in the mirror. She specifically looked at her stomach, ignoring the fading bruises, bite marks, and scratches as she focused on trying to find any noticeable sign that she was pregnant. She turned sideways and pulled the skin of her abdomen as tightly as she could, but she still could not see any sign of a bump. She could not believe she was pregnant, but her blood test had come back and the doctor called her this morning to confirm that she was, indeed, pregnant.

She didn't feel pregnant.

Granted, her period was late, her breasts hurt, and she felt sick all the time, but her breasts didn't hurt any more than when she had PMT, and she'd felt sick ever since that night. If she was being honest, the only reason she had bought the test was to rule out that she _was_ pregnant; she hadn't really thought she was and had only bought it because her period was late. When the digital display had come up with _"Pregnant"_ she had panicked and immediately hidden the test in the kitchen bin knowing that Jason would soon be taking out the trash. Only it hadn't been Jason who had taken out the rubbish. It had been her dad, and he'd somehow found the test and she'd been forced to tell everyone her deep dark secret.

Sighing she collapsed on her bed. She supposed she did feel a little better now that her secrets were out. Her parents and the police had reassured her countless times that what had happened wasn't her fault, but they hadn't been there. They weren't the ones who had been taken in by his kind and friendly demeanour. They weren't the ones who had naively followed him into the bedroom. They weren't the ones who'd been forced onto a bed and chained to the headboard and made to...

It was too quiet. She needed to occupy her mind before that night replayed in her head _again_. So much for her parents' great idea to continue with the family's plans to come up to the horse farm for a long weekend. She wanted to be back at home where the hum of the traffic in the background and the sounds of the neighbours in their street would soothe her mind. The horse farm wasn't her home anymore. She looked around her childhood bedroom and it felt like she was in a different time, a different place, for her childhood had ended that night in his apartment in Manhattan.

Stevie and Jason had gone into town to catch up with old school friends. She could hear her dad hammering nails in the distance and knew he was doing maintenance work on the barn, and her mum was mucking out the stables. Alone in the house and craving a distraction for her overwrought mind, she absentmindedly picked up her laptop and started browsing her favourite fashion blog. It was as she was scrolling towards the end of the blog that she froze and panic washed over her. In the bottom corner of the screen was an advert for a pregnancy website.

She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart, and then, gathering all the courage she could, she clicked on the link. Maybe there was something on the website that could help her?

Although she knew the ba...fe...thing inside her had been created three weeks ago, she remembered the nurse telling her she was actually considered five weeks pregnant, as the pregnancy was calculated from the first day of her last period. Nervously she clicked on the "Five Weeks" link and read what it said. She was surprised to find out that it was 1/4 inch long, that its heart was beating, the arm and leg buds had formed, and the eyes and ears and other organs were starting to form. She stared at the screen in disbelief before panic consumed her and she slammed the lid of her laptop shut and all but threw it on her desk, papers scattering on the floor as she did so.

She got up from her bed and started pacing frantically across her room. She felt completely overwhelmed. She had a baby growing inside her! She wasn't old enough to be a mum! She was going to college in eight days! How was she supposed to look after a baby whilst she was at college? She knew nothing about them! Then a cold knife of dread speared through her stopping her dead in her tracks. Was she supposed to tell him?

She took another step to begin pacing again but the sound of crunching paper stopped her in her tracks. She looked down to find it was one of the leaflets the nurse had given her during her exam in New York two days ago. She picked it up hesitantly, the title filling her with a strange mixture of relief, horror, and curiosity all at the same time.

 _Abortion._

With shaking hands she opened the leaflet and started reading.

* * *

Elizabeth McCord angrily shoved the pitchfork into the pile of manure in front of her, imagining that it was the cretin that had hurt her daughter. She had been shovelling manure and straw for over an hour in an effort to relax to little avail. She was still furious, hurt, worried, sad, upset, and a whole host of different emotions that she couldn't really name over what had happened to her youngest daughter, but now she could also add hot and sweaty to the list.

Throwing down the pitchfork she turned and headed into the house to grab a cool drink, since curing her thirst from the late August heat was at least one thing she could do successfully right now. She sighed as the cool air of the air-conditioned farm house washed over her heated skin. Washing up quickly in the downstairs bathroom, she headed towards the kitchen and grabbed a glass of juice from the refrigerator. She could hear Alison moving around upstairs and decided to check on her. Pouring a drink for her daughter she also grabbed a box of crackers and a banana for Ali and headed towards her room. She was concerned at how little Alison had been eating and trying to get the vitamins and folic acid tablets that the nurse had recommended into Ali the last two days had been difficult. Alison said she felt sick all the time, and while should could understand why her daughter didn't want to eat, Elizabeth figured she could at least try to coax some crackers and fruit into her.

"Noodle?" she queried as she knocked on the ajar door and entered her daughter's bedroom.

Alison gasped and spun around as her mother entered her room, guiltily hiding the leaflet behind her back as she did so.

Concern washed over Elizabeth as she took note of her daughter's response. She looked panicked and guilty and internally Elizabeth started to mentally prepare herself for whatever her daughter was currently experiencing. The past forty-eight hours had been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, and as the only one Alison would currently open up to, Elizabeth was feeling the strain.

"I brought you a drink and some food" she began kindly, surveying her daughter's room. Being the creative one in the family, Alison had always been pretty messy but there was something about the scene that wasn't right.

"Thanks" Alison answered in a panicked, choked voice, taking the offered glass of juice from her mum without complaint, whilst being mindful to keep the leaflet in her other hand behind her back.

Unease rose within Elizabeth at how quickly and effortlessly Alison had accepted the drink; it was the most enthusiastic response to anything food- or drink- related Alison had had in the past few weeks. Something definitely wasn't right and suspicion rose within her as a tense silence fell over the room.

Alison looked between her mother and the glass of juice in her hand. She could see her mother's eyes roaming over her room and her sharp mind whirling. Alison looked down at the drink and quickly took a gulp in an effort to distract her mother with the hope that she would then leave her alone—her parents had been trying to get her to try eat ever since she got back from New York on Saturday. She swallowed the drink down and felt her stomach churn. She thought she was going to be sick, but she swallowed harshly again and felt the sickness subside.

"It's good" she offered weakly, the words sounding untrue even to her own ears.

"Uh-huh" her mother acquiesced distractedly, her eyes still roaming over the room.

Panic gnawed at Alison and she quickly placed the glass down, grabbed a cracker from the packet and forced herself to eat it, hoping the action would appease her mother and she would leave her alone.

Elizabeth's calculating eyes continued to examine her daughter and her room. Alison was hiding something from her, of that she was sure. There was the haphazard way Alison's prized laptop had been discarded on her desk, the scattered papers on the floor, the effort Alison was making to actually eat and drink something...and the thing she had just noticed Alison was hiding behind her back.

"What's that?" she questioned in a light tone nodding towards the arm Alison held slightly behind her back.

"Nothing" Alison squeaked.

Scepticism washed over Elizabeth and she approached Alison slowly, before reaching down and grasping the item in Alison's hand.

"Ali" she breathed as she read the front of the leaflet.

"It's not what you think..." Alison began, her words sounding so unsure. She looked away from her mother unable to stand her shocked stare and her eyes caught the collage of pictures she had made several years ago with her junior high friends. She barely recognised the happy, smiling girl in the photos—her old self with her old friends from her old life. Would she ever be that girl again?

"It's not?" her mother asked in a nonjudgement tone, an eyebrow quirked up questioningly.

Alison sank down on her bed dejectedly, her mother joining her and wrapping her arm around her shoulder comfortingly. Alison dropped her head to rest against her mother's shoulder, the smell of manure on her clothes providing her with a strange sense of comfort. A smell from the innocent bygone days of her childhood.

"Oh Noodle," Elizabeth exclaimed sadly as she rested her own head atop of her daughter's. "Is this what you want? An abortion?" she asked softly.

"Yes" Alison whispered as she looked longingly at the girl in the photos that she used to be before a wave of guilt washed over her. "No!" she replied almost immediately, horror coating her words as she remembered what she'd read on the internet about what was growing inside her. "I don't know! I just...I just want this to all go away!" she exclaimed in despair.

"I know, baby" Elizabeth replied soothingly as she stroked her daughter's hair.

"And the leaflet, it said that I would just have to take a couple of pills and it would go away. It said it would just be like having a heavy period" Alison stated in a quiet, desperate tone. "That doesn't sound so bad" she added in a whisper.

"Is that what you think, that this will all just disappear if you weren't pregnant?" her mother asked in a serious tone.

"I don't know! Maybe?" Alison exclaimed desperately. "I just want things to go back to how they used to be. I wish I'd never gone to New York! I wish I'd never applied for the stupid internship! I wish... I wish..."

"I know, I know" Elizabeth soothed her distraught daughter. "But it has happened, and it isn't going to go away, not even if you take those pills."

"But I'm going to college in eight days!" Alison exclaimed.

Elizabeth sighed as she gently took her daughter's head in her hands and turned so their eyes met.

"Alison, even if you weren't pregnant, do you think you're ready to go to college right now?" Elizabeth questioned softly.

"But..." Alison began, her eyes wide and gleaming with tears.

"To share halls with thousands of people you don't know?" Elizabeth pushed.

"Oh god!" Alison exclaimed as reality came crashing down on her. She wasn't going to college in eight days. She couldn't, not with all those people, all those men. Going out to buy the pregnancy test had been hard enough and she'd only had to drive to and from the pharmacy one afternoon. Even being in the same room as her father and brother was hard and she knew they would never hurt her. The thought of being surrounded by people she didn't know in an unfamiliar place made panic well within her.

"Mummy!" she exclaimed as she threw herself into her mother's embrace for the umpteenth time since the start of the weekend.

"Shhh, baby, it's going to be ok" Elizabeth assured her daughter as she comforted her once again. As she held her daughter close she wondered just how many times it was possible for one person's heart to break.

* * *

Henry McCord groaned as he awoke. He'd spent the day doing maintenance on the barn in the vain hope that it would ease some of his anger towards the man that had hurt his daughter, and whilst banging nails pretending they were the bastard's head had been gratifying at the time, his 52-year-old body was now protesting greatly. Still half asleep he rolled onto his side and automatically cast his arm out to snuggle against his wife, his eyes shooting open when he realised that not only was she not there, but her side of the bed was cold. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes before getting out of bed. Something had been off with Elizabeth all evening but she'd refused to talk about it and assured him she was fine. Now he had to track her down at—2:43am if the bedside clock was to be believed—and find out what was actually bothering her.

Henry walked downstairs, his concern growing when he couldn't find Elizabeth anywhere on the ground floor. He was just about to head out to the stables when he saw a soft glow coming from the door to their basement.

"Babe?" he called out softly as he descended the stairs. Boxes had been strewn around and in the middle sat Elizabeth cross legged, an open box beside her. With the distressed look on her face he knew instantly something was wrong. "What is it?" he asked seriously as he came to sit knee to knee in front of his wife, mimicking her position.

Elizabeth simply shook her head and in the dim lighting of the basement he could just about make out the tears that sat heavily on the rims of her eyes. Looking at the box beside her he realised that she had pulled out Alison's old baby box and was currently holding her baby blanket.

"Oh babe" he whispered as he pulled his wife towards him. She willingly came and he cradled her head against his chest, feeling her exhale a heavy breath against him.

Elizabeth took comfort in her husband's embrace, relishing the smell that was uniquely his and the tender warmth of his arms. Although she'd gone to bed at the same time as her husband she hadn't been able to relax, the conversation she'd had with Alison this afternoon replaying over and over in her mind. She'd grown restless, and not wanting to disturb Henry, she had decided to sort out some boxes in the basement to burn off some of her excess energy. It was purely by accident that she had found Alison's baby box but she hadn't been able to stop herself from going through it once she'd discovered it. Despite the passage of time, Alison's baby blanket still held that baby smell and her body thrummed in pain at what Alison had been through and what she was currently going through. How could anyone have hurt her sweet child like that? How was Alison supposed to make that decision when she herself did not know what she would do in her position? She wanted to stay in Henry's arms forever in their own little bubble. She didn't want to have to tell him what she knew she had to. She couldn't keep it inside her anymore, couldn't deceive her husband by telling him she was okay when she was anything but.

"I spoke to Alison today" she murmured.

"How is she?" Henry asked with concern as he stroked Elizabeth's back lovingly. Although Alison had been interacting slightly more with the family since Friday night's revelations, she was still cautious around him and Jason and he knew that Elizabeth had been spending a lot of time consoling their daughter and that she was finding it draining. He wanted to help his wife in any way he could, and if that meant reminiscing about their children in the early hours of the morning, so be it.

Elizabeth gulped, unsure of how to break this news to her husband. "I think she wants an abortion" she whispered against his strong chest.

"What?" he exclaimed in surprise and horror, pushing his wife back just enough so that he could see her face.

Elizabeth stroked her husband's face tenderly. Henry was a liberal man and supported women's rights, but he was also a religion professor and a cradle Catholic and she knew that abortion was a sensitive subject for him.

"I caught her reading the leaflet earlier and we talked" she began softly.

"And she said she wanted an abortion?" Henry whispered heartbrokenly. Elizabeth had refused to tell him exactly what had happened to Alison in New York and he was wise enough to know that if his wife would not tell him then it was for good reason, so a part of him could comprehend why his daughter would want to end her pregnancy. Her ordeal must have been horrifying and a child would be a reminder of that night forever. But the Catholic part of him, the part that believed all life had been created for a reason and deserved to live, was in shock and he felt indignation rise within him.

"Not exactly, but she is considering it" Elizabeth confirmed with a heavy sigh.

"And you agree with her?" he asked his wife harshly, anger seeping into his voice.

Elizabeth considered her husband's question, letting his anger wash over her. She knew he was upset by the situation and not specifically by her. She believed in a woman's right to choose but she was also a mother of three beautiful children. She knew what it was like to have that connection with something she had created, to have that motherly love, that unbreakable bond with a child.

"I've listened to what she went through and I can only imagine the terror she felt. The baby was not conceived in love, or even lust, so as a woman I can understand why she wants an abortion. But as a mother..." Elizabeth trailed off sadly.

"You're against it" he finished.

"I'm not sure" Elizabeth answered honestly. "She seems to think that if she ends the pregnancy then everything will go away and her life will go back to normal. It only just hit her today that she's not going to college this year. I don't think she wants the abortion for the right reasons and that scares me." Elizabeth paused as an image of her daughter's innocent face flashed through her mind "Gosh, Henry! She's so young! I can't imagine what it would be like to have a baby at her age. I was twenty-six when we had Stevie and that was overwhelming then. Can you imagine what it would have been like at eighteen?"

Henry considered his wife. He'd been twenty-nine and had seen active duty by the time Stevie was born, and he'd felt out of his depth too. He thought back to his eighteen-year-old self and realised that he wouldn't have been a good father then, but if his girlfriend had told him she was pregnant then he would have stepped up to the responsibility. However, Alison's situation was different and the last thing he wanted was for his daughter to make the wrong decision, because whatever she decided would affect all of them for the rest of their lives.

"She has us" he replied adamantly. "And she can still go to college next year. We can help out with the baby. It wouldn't be..."

"Henry," Elizabeth interrupted, casting him a sad look as she stroked his cheek lovingly "This isn't an accident that she has to take responsibility for because the pill failed or the condom broke. This is something that's been forced on her."

Henry saw the conflict and upset in his wife's eyes and a sharp stab of pain went through his own heart. "This is our grandchild we're talking about, Elizabeth" he replied in a choked voice full of emotion.

"I know, but can we really tell our daughter she has to raise her rapist's child?" Elizabeth stated softly in a pained tone.

Henry once again pulled his wife into his chest and held her tightly as a grave silence descended upon the room.

* * *

 _Ok, so I know abortion is an emotive subject_ _but the McCords seem like a liberal family and I thought it was an important and realistic option to consider given what Alison has been through. Other options will be considered in later chapters before Alison makes a decision so please don't stop reading because you may or may not agree with abortion. I have friends who have had abortions for vastly different reasons so I know it is not an easy decision to make and the ramifications do last for the rest of your life._

 _The chapter was also written before Trump became President. From what I understand of his EO on abortion, the government won't provide funding for abortion or reimburse insurance company's who fund abortion, even if the pregnancy results from rape. I understand from internet research that there is a law in the USA that permits free abortions for pregnancies resulting from rape and incest, but I'm not sure how this stands given Trump's EO. I'm presuming that you can still pay privately for abortions and I think it's a reasonable assumption that the McCords are financially secure enough that if Alison decides to go for an abortion they would be able to fund it. Bare in mind I live in a country where abortion is legal and also funded by the NHS so the whole medical insurance and what is and isn't covered thing is a little confusing for me as I don't have to think about the cost of healthcare at all!_

 _Constructive feedback and reviews welcome. Oh! And as I mentioned above, work is a bit of a nightmare at the moment so updates might not be as quick as they have been. I'm going to try and aim for at least fortnightly posts though._


	7. Chapter 7

_You know it's been a crappy week when you wake up in the morning thinking it's Friday and it's only Wednesday! However, it's not all bad as today Season 3 of Madam Secretary starts in the UK. Whoop whoop! To celebrate this fact I decided to post the next chapter of the story._

 _I wrote part of this chapter when I was ill and had a high temperature. I'm still not sure if I like it but it is my attempt at adding a tiny amount of levity given how heavy this story has been so far._

 _Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and for your supportive comments. I was very nervous about posting it and was expecting a backlash, but your comments have all been positive and I'm very grateful. With regard to my comment about Trump's EO over abortion, I completely forgot that I am setting this fic in a fictional world where Conrad Dalton is President, not Donald Trump! Therefore, for the purposes of this story abortion is still legal and free for rape victims. Thanks to Spamez for pointing that out!_

* * *

Elizabeth McCord cursed to herself as the door of her SUV slammed shut behind her.

She'd just been photographed by a paparazzi.

Somehow, and she wasn't exactly sure on the specifics of how, the current rumour around Washington DC was that _she_ was pregnant.

From the information Daisy had been able to obtain, the rumour had started because her SUV's had been caught leaving the private clinic in New York early Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon Henry had just happened to be spotted by a tabloid journalist buying the pregnancy vitamins and folic acid that Alison needed as part of the grocery shop they took to the farm, and the tabloids had put the two things together and deducted it was she who pregnant. Daisy had issued a statement last Monday refuting the rumour stating the visit to the clinic was "classified" (which was not untrue, but probably not for the reasons the press thought) and Henry buying the pregnancy vitamins and folic acid had been explained as a simple accident, that he had picked the wrong vitamins up from the shelf by mistake. The press weren't buying it though and she was still being trailed by the paparazzi who wanted a picture of her 'miracle' baby bump.

Only Kyle Jones at The Washington Post knew it was Alison who was pregnant. After much negotiation between Kyle, Daisy, and herself during the week it had been agreed that she would give her exclusive to Kyle Jones when Alison reached 12 weeks of pregnancy and the risk of miscarriage reduced significantly. She didn't want to cause her daughter any more stress and increase the risk of her miscarrying in her first trimester, and being under the scrutiny of the press would definitely be stressful for Alison. She also wanted to give her daughter some time to figure out what she was going to do without the public's judgement. She still dreaded to think how many favours Daisy had had to cash in to get such a long period of time, and not for the first time since she became Secretary of State, she was grateful to have such an effective Press Co-Ordinator. But come what may, in 6 weeks time she would announce her daughter was pregnant - something she was already not looking forward to.

As annoying as the rumour was, she was thankful they hadn't been caught leaving the NYPD police station as that would have been extremely difficult explaining away. She was relieved it was only her SUV's that had been caught leaving the clinic and not the occupants of the vehicle - because trying to explain why her daughter and she had made a midnight trip to New York to visit a private clinic would have been almost impossible. She was grateful that it was she they suspected of being pregnant, rather than Alison, as her daughter was in a delicate state and she didn't need that type of scrutiny. On the way back from the farm they had purposefully let the kids go in a separate SUV which had dropped them off around the back of the house, whilst she and Henry had dealt with the press at the front. She could have killed Henry when he had helped her out of the SUV and purposefully rested his hand low on her abdomen which had done nothing but fuel the rumour of her 'miracle' pregnancy. The rest of the week she had been photographed almost every time she left her DC house.

Sighing, she settled into the black leather seat of her SUV as her DS agents steered the vehicle towards the White House. Was it wrong that she was looking forward to going back to work? At least the problems at work she could fix, the problems at home she could not.

Today she should be feeling an emotional wreck having dropped Alison at college over the weekend, just like she had when Stevie had left for college. She should be feeling the empty nest syndrome. Henry should be having to stop her from "helicoptering" Alison and calling her every 5 minutes to see how she was settling in. Instead she just felt drained and exhausted and it was barely 7.30am.

Alison's morning sickness had made its first appearance this morning and she'd spent the last 45 minutes soothing her daughter as she was leant over the toilet being sick. Her sickness had finally subsided literally minutes before she had to leave for her meeting with the President and she'd left her daughter in bed resting.

As much as a part of her was relieved to be going back to work, a larger part of her was nervous about leaving Ali. She'd hoped that once Alison had made her statement to the police, realised what had happened hadn't been her fault, that her daughter could start to heal - but if anything the opposite had happened. Since Alison had realised she wasn't going to college she had sunk into a depression, not helped by the fact that she could see all her friends on social media getting ready for - and going to - college. Alison had spent the last week pretty much hidden in her room, only coming down when forced to for meals. On the brief occasions she could get her daughter to speak to her, one minute she wanted an abortion, the next she was overcome with guilt and wanted to keep the baby - and there was nothing she could do to help her daughter. Not even the session Alison had had with a counsellor last week seemed to have helped - and there had been a huge amount of trade craft expended to actually get both she and Alison out of the house unseen.

Thanks to Blake and Nadine, they'd managed to arrange her schedule so that she could work from home for most of the day, a fact she was sure was not going to help the pregnancy rumour. However, it was Monday morning and her first day back after her week's holiday and she couldn't get out of this briefing with the President. As soon as her meeting was over she'd be heading home, she just hoped that Alison didn't need her during that time. Henry was staying home with Alison until she got back as he had a late morning class, but she worried for both her husband and daughter. Alison was still so nervous around Henry, and Jason, and she could see the hurt in her husband's eyes every time Alison flinched when he got too close to her - even something as simple as Henry or Jason collecting her dinner plate caused a flash of panic to cross Alison's face. But neither she nor Henry wanted Alison to be left on her own right now, and despite Stevie and Jason wanting to help their sister, they wanted their other kids to lead as normal a life as possible after Alison's revelation.

Pulling up at the security post at the White House she carefully placed her thoughts and emotions into one of the many boxes in her brain and pulled on her best Secretary of State facade. Not for the first time in her life she was going to escape into work and forget about what was going on in her actual life.

* * *

"Mr President?"

Three heads whipped around in the Oval Office at the sound of the Presidents' assistant's voice and instinctively Elizabeth McCord knew the meeting had been interrupted because of her.

"Yes Lucy?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have Madam Secretary's daughter on the phone. Normally I wouldn't interrupt but she sounds very upset, Ma'am".

Elizabeth shot a pleading look at her boss "Conrad...?"

"It's ok, Bess. Lucy, patch the call in here" he instructed his assistant.

Elizabeth all but snatched the phone out of its cradle after the first ring "Ali baby, what's wrong?" she asked in a panicked tone. She listened carefully but all she could discern was her daughter's hysterical sobs. "Baby I can't understand you, calm down" she tried to soothe.

"Mum..." Alison wailed on the other line.

"Baby, please calm down. Is your Dad there?" Elizabeth pleaded, her own panic increasing. What had happened to Ali? Where was her husband, why wasn't he helping Ali? Had something happened to Henry?

"Bess..." came a soft authoritative voice behind her and she turned to face the President and his Chief of Staff, the sound of her crying daughter still resounding in her ear.

"Go home" he commanded.

"But..."

"It's ok, Bess, we can manage. Go be with Alison, that's an order"

Elizabeth simply nodded in response, her heart outruling her sense of duty and gratitude washing over her that she had such an understanding boss. "Noodle, hold on. I'm coming home baby" she stated softly as she reluctantly hung up the phone and went to gather her folders from the coffee table in the Oval Office.

"Take as long as you need" Conrad Dalton informed his Secretary of State sympathetically.

"I'll let Nadine know. Go be with your family, Bess" Russell agreed.

Elizabeth nodded "Thank you, Mr President, Russell" she replied sincerely as she rushed out the Oval Office door.

* * *

"Henry! Noodle!" Elizabeth yelled as she ran through the door of her Georgetown home in a panic. She'd been trying to phone her husband ever since Alison had called her but the landline had been constantly engaged and Henry wasn't picking up his mobile, neither was Ali.

Henry was startled by his wife's dramatic entrance into their house and he looked up from his desk chair in surprise.

"I'm here, babe. What's up?" he asked in concern, noting his wife's wide eyes and alarmed expression.

"Where's Ali?" she demanded.

"Up in her room, why?" he asked, fear creeping up on him as he watched his wife run past their office and up the stairs.

"Elizabeth!" he exclaimed in frustration as he got up and followed his wife wanting to know what had caused her to become so upset.

"She called me, Henry, when I was in my meeting with the President. She was beside herself" she replied breathlessly as the couple rushed towards their daughter's room. "Why didn't you pick up the phone?" she snapped.

"I was on the phone to her college" Henry snapped back.

"Noodle!" Elizabeth exclaimed as she rushed into the room, the sight of her daughter once again curled up in a ball on her bed breaking her heart. She went to sit on the edge of the bed and rest a hand on Alison's shoulder when her daughter moved away from her abruptly.

"Don't touch me!" Alison yelled and Elizabeth quickly moved her hand away from her daughter.

"What's the matter, baby? What happened?" she asked softly, desperate to know what had upset her daughter so much. Over the past 10 days Ali had been doing much better on letting her hold and comfort her.

"I'm disgusting and dirty and...and..." Alison sobbed.

Elizabeth's heart broke at the words her baby had used to describe herself. "No you're not" she stated firmly.

"Yes I am!" Alison wailed. "The doctor called when Dad was on the phone, she said I have chlamydia!"

"That bastard!" Henry exclaimed furiously from the doorway of his daughter's bedroom, his hands clenching in anger. It was taking all his self control not to follow his son's lead and punch a hole through the hallway wall.

"Henry!" Elizabeth snapped at her husband, whipping her head around to shoot him an annoyed look.

Alison's eyes widened at her father's words and the livid look on his face and she scooted up her bed to sit in a tight ball as far away from her father as she could. "I'm sorry, Daddy" she whispered ashamedly "I've let you down again".

Henry took in the scared, ashamed, expression on his daughter's face and his heart broke. How could she ever think she had let him down? Shame washed over him as he realised his daughter thought he was angry at her. His expression softened immediately and he wanted nothing more than to hold his daughter in his arms and comfort her, something he'd always done since she was a baby. But instead he stayed rooted to the spot in the doorway knowing that if he got any closer to his daughter it would only cause her more upset. He just wanted to make all her problems go away.

"Oh Noodle" he breathed lovingly. "You haven't let me down and I'm not mad at you. This isn't your fault."

"Your dad's right" Elizabeth agreed in the same loving tone. "You didn't go out that night asking for this to happen to you" she said as she stroked her daughter's long hair.

"Then why did it happen!" Alison yelled brokenly. If it wasn't her fault then why had it happened to her?

Elizabeth looked at her husband helplessly. She had no answer as to why _he'd_ picked her daughter to assault.

"Sometimes bad things happen to good people" Henry replied simply, pain underlying his words.

"And you're a good person, Noodle" Elizabeth reassured "You just had a bad thing happen to you. You'll get through this and be even stronger than you were before."

"It doesn't feel like it" Alison sniffed morosely.

"Oh Noodle" Elizabeth soothed as she pulled her daughter close.

"Mum!" Alison exclaimed in a panicked tone as she fought against her mum's embrace "The chlamydia..."

"Shhh, I won't get it from touching you" Elizabeth assured as she wiped the tears off her daughter's face. She didn't know much about STI's but she knew that much. "It's called a STI for a reason"

Alison emitted what could only be described as a small amused sound as she relished in the comfort her mother's embrace brought her. When she was in her mum's arms she could pretend for a few brief seconds that she was a child again and that none of this had happened.

"What else did the doctor say?" Henry asked.

Alison peeked up from her mother's arms as she looked at both her parents, distress and confusion evident on her face. "I can't remember. Something about needing antibiotics?"

"I'll call the doctor, Ali" Henry stated kindly "Then we'll get this all sorted out, ok? One step at a time"

"Ok" Alison acquiesced as she once again took comfort in her mother's arms.

"So, what did the college say?" Elizabeth asked her husband in an attempt to break the awkward silence that had descended upon Alison's room.

"Well, I phoned the Admissions Department and explained that you had decided to take a year off before starting college - I didn't give any details just that you had decided to take a break" Henry assured seeing the distraught look on his daughter's face "They agreed to defer your place for you for a year, so whatever you decide to do, you can still go to college".

"Oh" came Alison's flat reply.

"What's the matter, Noodle? I thought you wanted to go to college?" Elizabeth queried.

Alison glanced between her parents before looking down at her bedroom floor sadly. "How can I go to college with a baby?"

"It's not impossible, Ali. Your mum and I did our PhD's when you guys were little, and I went to Divinity School when Stevie was a baby. It was hard but it can be done" Henry assured his daughter.

"Yeah, but you had each other. I have no one" Alison replied in a defeated tone.

"You have us, Noodle" Elizabeth stated firmly placing a kiss to the top of her daughter's head and giving her a reassuring squeeze. She looked up at her husband for reassurance, and seeing the slight nod of his head, she continued "Look Ali, your dad and I have talked and we know it's not what you originally had planned, but you can apply to a college closer to home and your dad and I can help out with the baby"

"Or we're happy to help fund an apartment off campus and help with the cost of daycare if you go away to college" Henry added. He left off the part about how Elizabeth and he had also talked about adopting their grandchild and raising it if Alison did decide to have the baby.

"And what if I decide not to keep it?" Alison whispered, glancing up quickly to meet her parents eyes. She saw the look her parents gave each other and the flash of sadness in both her parents eyes and averted her own quickly unable to bear the weight of their stares.

"We'll still be here" Henry assured tenderly.

A heavy sob escaped Alison's throat "I don't know what to do, please tell me what I should do?" she asked pleadingly.

"Oh baby. We can't make this decision for you Alison, it has to be one you make for yourself" Elizabeth replied sadly. This decision had to be Alison's alone as it would be one she had to live with for the rest of her life. Elizabeth hated the fact that this was truly the first adult decision Alison was going to have to make and she felt completely helpless. It pained her to see the indecision and pain in her daughter's eyes.

"We'll always be here for you Alison. Whatever you need, just ask. You are loved and cherished, never forget that" Henry implored. "No matter what."


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you for the reviews, favourites, alerts etc from the last chapter. They are greatly appreciated and really do cheer me up. Now for the next chapter..._

* * *

Detective Samuel Morales stood at the doorway to the extravagant apartment of fashion designer extraordinaire, Giovanni Rossi, a search warrant in his hand that he could not wait to execute.

"Are you ready?" he asked his partner, Detective Erica Johnson, as he raised his hand to knock on Mr Giovanni's door.

"Yep. Remember, everything by the book. I want this bastard, Sam" she replied with heated conviction.

Sam Morales could not agree more with his partner. Normally he hated cases involving celebrities and politicians, they were loud, well publicised, and the NYPD always had the Mayor's office breathing down their neck to get the case sorted to avoid any bad publicity on their part. The tirade of curse words that had run through his mind after taking the call from the Secretary of State's Diplomatic Security contact that fateful night a little over 2 weeks ago would have made even the most hardened of criminals blush - and not just because Erica and he had had to rush to catch the next flight down to Washington DC. But then he had met with Alison McCord and heard her story. He had seen the bag containing her stained panties and ripped shirt. Later he had seen the pictures of the marks that remained after her assault and he had watched the CCTV footage they had managed to obtain of the poor distraught young woman dashing back to her hotel in the early hours of the morning after her attack.

He knew he was supposed to keep an impartial view, but after 5 years on the job he had developed somewhat of a sixth sense towards the victims of sex crimes. He could tell those who had been genuinely raped or abused and those that were just damn right lying - because as appalling as it was, some people did lie about being raped to get revenge or for attention. Right from the start he'd known that Alison McCord had fallen into the first category, and that was without the photos of the bruises and tears her rapist had caused.

The day after Alison had filed the report he had met with Mr Rossi and his attorney at this very apartment to take his statement. He'd known that Mr Rossi had been lying right from the start. His version of the night was that Alison had come onto him, they had made out in his bedroom, but he had stopped things before they got too far because he felt that she was too young - he'd even had the audacity to look sheepish about the fact they had 'made out'. Sam Morales did not buy one word of the story and now they had the forensics back from the lab it was his job to match that evidence with items found in Mr Rossi's apartment.

He knocked on the door.

Giovanni Rossi groaned as a loud banging noise reverberated around his apartment. A few seconds later came blissful silence, until the loud banging started again, except this time a voice accompanied it.

"Giovanni Rossi? This is the NYPD, open up!"

Giovanni's eyes flew open. What the hell were the NYPD doing here at 8.30am on a Sunday morning? Hadn't he answered all their questions about that hussy Alison McCord the last time they were here? Where she had gotten the idea he had raped her he had no idea. The little minx had been flirting with him the whole month of her internship and he'd been restrained waiting until the last night to act on it. After all, he had used one of her designs in his show, she owed him. He had shown her a good time on her last night, it was as simple as that. Hell, she had even orchestrated someone spilling a drink on her to get him in his bedroom. It wasn't his fault she couldn't handle a little bit of rough and tumble and if the police didn't stop hassling him soon he would have to put his threats into action - despite what his attorney had advised him. She needed to learn her place in the fashion world, which was at the bottom, and realise that she was now living in an adult's world. She needed to realise how lucky she had been to have sex with him, losing her virginity to him was an honour not a crime. He was a fashion God after all.

"Mr Rossi?" the voice yelled again as the knocking continued.

"Coming...coming!" he yelled in annoyance as he got out of bed, threw on some clothes and headed to the door.

Sam Morales was just about to knock for a fourth time when the door to the apartment opened.

"Ah, Mr Rossi, so nice to see you again" he exclaimed in a falsely pleasant tone.

"What do you want?" Giovanni demanded.

"Mr Rossi, I don't know if you remember my colleague and I, but I'm Detective Morales and this is Detective Johnson from the NYPD. We have a search warrant and we're here to search this apartment..."

"You can't do this!" Giovanni exclaimed. " I demand to see the warrant!"

"On the contrary, we can" Sam affirmed with glee as he gave Giovanni Rossi the search warrant and crossed the threshold into the apartment, his partner and the forensics team following behind him.

"I'm innocent! Whatever that little bitch is telling you is a lie! I'm calling my attorney" Giovanni yelled as he searched for his mobile phone.

"Be my guest" Sam replied as he watched his partner head into Mr Rossi's bedroom followed by the forensics team and several of the uniformed policemen that had also accompanied them for the search.

"Oh, and you might also want to tell him that the search warrant requests a DNA sample from you and a STI test" Sam continued in a nonchalant voice.

"What the...?! You can't make me give you that! I told you last time I wouldn't, I'm not being used as a scapegoat just so she can get herself some publicity and money!" Giovanni exclaimed in disbelief.

"Actually, we can. As I'm sure your attorney will tell you, the search warrant gives us the authority to obtain a DNA sample from you and make you undergo a STI test" Sam replied smugly. The thought of Mr Rossi having a swab taken from his urethra made him feel a little gleeful at the moment.

"Any why would I give you that?" Giovanni asked arrogantly.

"Hasn't anyone told you" Sam replied in an innocent tone "Alison McCord has chlamydia..."

* * *

Detective Erica Johnson surveyed the bedroom area of the apartment, relief flooding through her as she found that Mr Rossi's bedroom was exactly like Alison had described it. Relief flooded through her again as she saw that the colour of the carpet matched the colour of the fibres they had found on Alison's panties and shirt, and a wave of hope washed over her as she eyed the bedside cabinet. So far everything she saw matched Alison's description which gave kudos to her statement.

"Guys, start with that" she instructed the forensics team as she pointed to the bedside cabinet. "Start with the top drawer".

She waited with baited breath as the forensics team opened the top drawer and pulled out the item she was hoping they would find.

Handcuffs.

Handcuffs that Alison had alleged Mr Rossi had used to chain her arm to the bed restraining her until he had woken up in the early hours of the morning and released her.

Handcuffs that had scratched Alison's skin and which she hoped still contained droplets of her blood. If they did it would help set the scene for their case. What 18 year old virgin wants to be chained to a bed by a 50 year old man the first time they have sex?

From the witness statements her partner and she had collected so far they had established that Alison and Giovanni Rossi had been at the same party, that Alison had not been drinking alcohol or taking drugs (a fact that all witnesses remembered as they thought it was strange given the type of party they were attending), and that one of the assistants had accidentally spilt a drink on Alison - all of which collaborated with Alison's story. She was last seen going into Giovanni Rossi's bedroom, but after that there were no witnesses that recalled her leaving and no witnesses that remembered hearing anything strange coming from Giovanni Rossi's bedroom. The next anything was seen of Alison McCord was CCTV footage of her leaving Giovanni's apartment block at 4.48am. Using other CCTV in the area they had managed to track her journey back to her hotel and the poor girl clearly looked traumatised and in shock. In her mind there was no doubt that Alison's version of events was right, her job was to ensure the State had enough evidence to prosecute Giovanni Rossi and that's exactly what she planned to do.

She started walking around Giovanni Rossi's bedroom and it suddenly struck her strange that she could not hear her colleagues or Mr Rossi in the living room, the apartment was open plan so she should have been able to hear their voices at least, but she couldn't hear anything. Her brow creased in consternation as she knocked on the wall and the sound was completely absorbed.

"Hey guys, can you try something for me?" she asked the forensics team inquisitively.

"Sure" one of the Techs, Chris, replied.

"Can you go outside, shut the door, and come back in in say a minute?"

Chris looked at her like she was crazy "Okay..." he agreed as he moved through the doorway into the hall, shutting the door behind him as he went.

"Jasmine, go to the far side of the bed and scream as loud as you can until I tell you to stop" she instructed. Jasmine stood up from the floor where she had been collecting a carpet sample and moved to stand where she had been told before she started screaming.

Erica watched the hand on her watch tick and exactly one minute after she had ordered Chris out of the room the door to the room opened and Chris came back in.

"Jeez, Jasmine, what's with the screaming? Chris winced as he headed back into the room.

"Ok, you can stop now" she instructed Jasmine, excitement rising within her.

Seconds later her partner stormed "What the hell was that?" He yelled as he entered the room.

"Chris, did you hear anything when you were standing outside?" Erica asked the male Technician, ignoring her partner for the time being.

"No, nothing" Chris replied with a shrug.

A smile grew on Erica's face. "The bastard has a soundproofed room, that's why no one heard anything" she informed her partner softly, not wanting anyone but her partner to overhear her theory. Surprise registered on Sam's face, before understanding dawned in his eyes.

"He's on the phone to his attorney, I'll keep him out here" Sam stated softly in a conspiratorial tone.

Erica nodded before she turned to the forensics team. "Guys, is there any way you can evidence that this is a soundproofed room?" she asked in an urgent tone.

"Sure, we should be able to. We just need to..."

* * *

 _A few Author's Notes. Whilst I don't want to upset any victims of sex crimes, people do report rapes for revenge or outright lie about being raped and I wanted to give a balanced view on that, hence Sam Morales comment in his thought process. There was a case in the UK ago few years that made the national papers as a women alleged an ex co-worker raped her but the police were able to prove she was lying by tracking both his and her movements all though the day and night and were able to say definitively that they had been nowhere near each other around the time of the alleged assault. So, unfortunately it does happen._

 _From the internet research I've done, 2 weeks is the least amount of time forensics can take and I figured that given Alison is the SoS daughter the tests would be done quickly. The other stuff about forensics is just stuff I've picked up from watching Firensic Files and similar type programmes so hopefully it's near the truth. Oh, and a search warrant for a DNA test? I remember an episode of Law and Order SVU where they made someone give a DNA sample with a search warrant and I checked it out on the internet and it seems to be true so I used that in here._

 _On a final note, I've had a pretty rubbish day. Over 8 years I've been doing my job and I've never had a complaint - now I've had 2 within 24 hours! (Neither of which are my fault I hasten to add as they involve a different division of the company I work for yet I've got lumbered with sorting them out as apparently I have the best relationship with the client. Grrrr!). :-( Could do with some nice reviews if I'm being honest..._


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you for your reviews, favourites, and to anyone who's set an alert for the story, it's much appreciated. My week hasn't got any better at work and I found out today that my uncle has cancer, so they really cheered me up. Anyway, on with the story..._

* * *

Alison McCord sat anxiously in Dr Clarke's waiting room. Dr Clarke. Her OBGYN.

6 weeks ago she had been a happy, carefree, young woman, living in New York City whilst interning for an international fashion designer and very much looking forward to going to college. Now she was a rape victim, pregnant at 18 years old with her rapist child. She had an OBGYN and a counsellor. She constantly felt overwhelmed and anxious and she had to rely on her parents, in particular her mum, for everything. She felt like her skin wasn't her own, like she was tarnished and unclean in some way, and she felt like she had an alien growing inside of her.

And she had to make a decision if she wanted to keep the alien or not.

For the past 3 weeks she had done nothing but research pregnancy, abortion, and also adoption. She knew the alien growing inside of her had a brain that was starting to develop neural pathways, that its lungs were connected to its throat, its hands and toes were webbed, and eyelids covered its eyes. She knew that the majority of its organs had formed and that its sex had already been decided. She knew it was the size of a kidney bean and was constantly moving around in her uterus even though she couldn't feel it. She knew its heart was beating. The alien caused her to have morning sickness for 2 hours every morning and she felt nauseous for the rest of the day. Her breasts had swollen and were extremely sensitive, her bras were painful to wear but she couldn't stand the thought of bra shopping. She constantly needed to use the bathroom.

She also knew that she could take two pills and make all of this stop.

Or she could have the alien and keep it.

Or she could have the alien and give it up for adoption.

If she had an abortion then she wouldn't have a baby to look after, a constant reminder of what had happened that night. Her morning sickness would stop, her breasts wouldn't hurt anymore, and she wouldn't need to pee constantly. Physically her life would be normal again. But she worried about having an abortion, and not just because what would happen if it went wrong. Despite her dad being a theologian - or maybe because her dad was a theologian - the McCord's weren't a devoutly religious family. They didn't attend church every week, but she had been raised catholic and had gone to Sunday school when she was little and she knew the church didn't condone abortion. Would she go to hell if she had an abortion? Would the alien? But why would God have allowed something like this to happen to her in the first place? Would God forgive her if she had an abortion and went to confession to confess her sin? She also worried that if she did have an abortion her dad wouldn't love her anymore, despite what he said. She knew he didn't feel any differently about his dad after he committed suicide, but the church's view on suicide was more accommodating, it believed that people were not necessarily morally culpable when they took their own life. The church was steadfast in their view on abortion and she worried how her father would view her if she had one.

Keeping the alien was an even more terrifying option. None of her friends had kids, all her cousins were around her age - except Annie who had grown up in the UK - she simply didn't know how to raise a child. And what if the alien looked like him? Could she love it? Care for it? What if it was a boy and he turned out to be like his father? How would the alien feel when it found out who its father was and what he had done to her? How would she support the alien? She didn't want to live with her parents for the rest of her life. She wanted to go to college, and parties, and travel, and be a fashion consultant, and maybe start her own fashion line. How could she do all that with a child in tow?

She had read countless stories on the internet about infertile couples who were going through IVF or couples who were desperate to adopt a child because they couldn't conceive either naturally or with the help of IVF. She felt guilty for being pregnant when she didn't want to be. She felt guilty and ashamed for considering abortion when there were so many people out there who were desperate for children. Why had she fallen pregnant when there were so many other couples out there that desperately wanted a child? Why her?

Her parents knew she was considering abortion, but they didn't know she had looked into adoption. Despite all the articles she had read about adoption and couples who desperately wanted a family, she honestly didn't think she would be able to grow a child inside her and then hand it over to someone else to raise. It wasn't like her parents had kicked her out and she couldn't afford to raise her child. Her parents had been nothing but supportive of her and she knew her parents meant it when they said they would do anything they could to help.

But that wasn't the only issue: she was the Secretary of State's daughter. If she decide to have the baby she knew at some point her mum would have to announce her pregnancy, but the public would never know what happened to her and the real reason for her being pregnant. If she had the baby how would it look to the public that she was giving her child away? She didn't want to cause her mother any more problems than she already had. And what about in the future when her child found out it was the grandchild of the Secretary of State? That it was conceived from a rape and she had given it away? How would she explain that? She didn't think she could handle the accountability her child would want from her in the future if she gave it up for adoption.

Even to her it seemed hypocritical to think that she could end the alien's life, but she couldn't grow it inside her and then give it to a deserving couple to raise. But in her mind she only had two options: keep the alien and raise it herself, or take the pills and end her pregnancy.

And time was running out.

It had been 2 weeks since she had last been here to collect her prescription for antibiotics to treat the chlamydia _he_ had given her and now she was back for her routine 8 week pregnancy check.

The last time she had been here the doctor had wanted to give her a transvaginal scan and she had freaked out. Dr Clarke had wanted to place a wand _inside_ her so she could see the alien because the chlamydia had increased her risk of miscarriage and the doctor was worried the chlamydia may have harmed the alien. She felt like a failure that she couldn't let the doctor do it. Shouldn't a mother want the best for her child and be willing to go through anything for it? She felt even more retched when the doctor had told her the risk of miscarriage was higher and she'd felt a flicker of hope and relief, because if she did have a miscarriage she wouldn't have to make a decision, the decision would have been made for her by her body.

Dr Clarke had been very understanding when she'd freaked out, quickly agreeing not to conduct a transvaginal scan and had instead conducted an abdominal scan, but the doctor hadn't been able to see anything but the sac. She hadn't been able to look at the screen, the guilt and disgust she felt about herself had been too much for her and she didn't think she could see the alien _he_ had created inside of her. Her mum had asked for a picture of her scan though.

Why couldn't everyone understand that she didn't want to be touched, especially around her vagina? Why couldn't they just leave her alone? Why could no one understand that she just want to go and live on a desert island in the middle of nowhere and pretend like none of this was happening? She didn't want to be thinking about transvaginal scans, or OBGYN's, or adoption, or abortion, or STI's, or miscarriage... she just wanted to be an 18 year old again.

She was broken from her reverie by the gentle touch of her mother's hand on her arm.

"Noodle, the nurse wants to take your blood. Do you want me to come with you?" her mother asked her softly.

Alison shook her head, she was determined to do at least do one thing by herself today. "No, it's ok" she replied distractedly as she got up and followed the nurse into one of the surgeries, grateful that it was early morning and that the office only seemed to have female staff in.

Elizabeth watched her gaunt, pale, daughter follow the nurse into the room and let herself exhale slowly, let her facade slip for just a moment. She would never let her daughter know, but she was emotionally exhausted. Watching her daughter withdraw into herself and become a shadow of her former self was heartbreaking and she would do anything to take this away from Alison.

Everyone at home was feeling the strain. Mealtime had become a battleground of trying to get Alison to eat anything and to take her pre-natal vitamins, she was literally watching Alison shrink before her eyes. Mornings had become a scheduling nightmare of who could use her and Henry's bathroom when as Alison was in the family bathroom being sick, and poor Jason and Henry were constantly on egg shells around Alison as she still struggled with being in close contact with her brother and father. And on top of all this, Henry and she were still trying to work full time, whilst juggling being at home with Alison, in an effort to stop the press from finding out what was happening in their private lives. Luckily a scandal involving a married football player, a call girl, and illegal drugs had diverted the presses attention away from her, but there was only so much personal time she could take before the press would get suspicious again.

To her credit, Daisy was doing a fantastic job of explaining why she had been working from home so often over the past two weeks and she was grateful that she had such a talented Press Co-Ordinator however, she felt like the situation was a ticking time bomb. She was just waiting for the press to find out it was her daughter, not she, who was pregnant and for the situation to explode. The Washington Post had kept to their end of the deal and had not published the pictures they had purchased, but she knew in a matter of weeks she would have to give her exclusive to Kyle Jones when she announced Alison's pregnancy. _If_ she announced Alison's pregnancy as Noodle had still not made a decision as to whether she wanted to keep the baby or not. She'd been discouraged 2 weeks ago that Alison had shown little interest in seeing the scan of the baby, she'd asked for a picture of the scan in case Alison asked to see it later but she hadn't as yet. She was anxious as to how this appointment would go and she started drumming her fingers nervously.

Her mind wondered to the police investigation. Daisy had also been monitoring the news in New York and so far there had only been a small article in a tabloid mentioning the fact that Giovanni Rossi had been questioned in relation to an incident that had happened at his apartment during the summer. Luckily none of the mainstream papers had picked up on the article and nothing further had come of it as yet. Both Henry and she were frustrated that they didn't know what was happening in the police investigation, after all they did have very high security clearances and were not used to not being kept informed - especially her. The number of times she and Henry had to resist calling one of their contacts to try and find out what was going on was ridiculous, but they were both adamant that they didn't want to do anything to jeopardise the investigation as they wanted Giovanni Rossi punished for what he had done to Alison.

"Secretary McCord?"

Elizabeth jumped as she heard her name being called and turned to face the nurse expectantly.

"Alison's in Dr Clarke's office, if you'd like to follow me I'll take you to her" the nurse said in a friendly manner.

Elizabeth jumped up from her seat and followed the nurse into Dr Clarke's office. Alison was sat drinking a glass of water in front of Dr Clarke's desk, her shoulders slumped and her eyes downcast.

"Secretary McCord, it's nice to see you again" the doctor welcomed.

"It's nice to see you too" Elizabeth greeted. "You ok, Alison?" she asked her daughter with concern.

"Yeah" Alison returned quietly and the worry that Elizabeth was feeling increased.

"I was just explaining to Alison what would happen during this appointment..." Dr Clarke began.

Alison sat half-heartedly drinking the glass of water the nurse had given her after taking her blood pressure and a blood sample. The nurse had struggled to take a blood sample and had muttered something about her being dehydrated before handing her a large glass of water. Hardly surprising seeing as she had spent nearly 2 hours throwing up before coming to this appointment. Apparently she also needed a full bladder for the scan so the purpose of the glass of water was twofold. She half listened to what the doctor was saying, but apart from telling the doctor when her last period was and confirming she hadn't had sex with anyone before that night, her mum was answering the rest of the questions about her medical and the family's medical history.

"Alison, do you have any questions before we start the scan?" Dr Clarke asked with a warm smile.

Alison was startled at the doctors question. She did have one question but she was afraid to ask it.

Elizabeth sensed there was something that her daughter wanted to ask. She could see the hesitation and fear in her eyes, but this was the most interest her daughter had shown during the whole appointment and _she_ wanted to know whatever it was her daughter wanted to know.

"Noodle, it's ok to ask questions" she prompted her daughter.

"Your mum's right, Alison. This whole situation is overwhelming and it's important you feel as informed and in control as can be with what is happening to you and your body. Please ask any questions you want. I know the last time you were here we went through your options again, so is this a pregnancy question or something else " Dr Clarke asked carefully.

Alison quickly glanced up at the doctor "Um...something else" she whispered.

Elizabeth swallowed thickly. "Is it about abortion?" she asked softly, reaching out and tucking a strand of her daughter's hair behind her ear tenderly.

"No..." she whispered.

Elizabeth was taken aback by her daughter's response. "So what is it, Noodle?" she pushed gently, curious as to what information her daughter wanted.

Alison quickly glanced between her mum and the doctor again. Pregnancy, abortion, and adoption were not the only things she had been researching on the internet.

"Um, on the internet, I read that...that chlamydia can cause infertility. Could I have more children?" she asked in a hushed tone, her eyes immediately returning to stare at the spot of the floor that she had been staring at for the past 30 minutes.

"Chlamydia can cause PID - Pelvic Inflammatory Disease - which can cause infertility" Dr Clarke began.

"Oh" Alison whispered as she felt tears pooling in her eyes. She had always wanted children, but not like this. She wanted to be married and have a house and career of her own first. She wanted to give her children the sort of childhood her parents had given her.

"But" the doctor continued "we caught the infection very early and I'm confident that with the course of antibiotics you've had you should be able to have children in the future. We'll repeat the blood test for chlamydia in another 4 weeks, and then again 6 weeks after that to make sure the infection has gone"

"But what if it hasn't?" Alison asked in a small voice.

"If the blood test shows the infection is still there then we treat it again with antibiotics. We're aware of the infection, Alison, so we can treat it and manage it. That's why I did the scan 2 weeks ago to see if there was any sign of the infection developing into PID - there wasn't by the way. That's why I want to do another scan now, so that I can monitor for signs of the infection developing, but Alison, I must stress, we caught the infection very early. I'm confident your future fertility won't be affected"

"But you won't know for sure until I've had the blood tests. This could be my only chance to have a baby?" Alison asked.

"We won't know until the blood tests if the infection has cleared" Dr Clarke confirmed "But as I said, I think the chances of you being able to have more children are very good".

"Ok" Alison acquiesced unconvincingly.

"How about we do that scan?" the doctor asked kindly.

"Ok" Alison whispered as she got up and moved to the examination table. Before she knew it she was lying on the bed with her abdomen exposed, cold gel being squeezed onto her skin, and the wand being moved over her very full bladder making her feel like she was going to wet herself.

Elizabeth regarded her daughter with concern as she lay on the bed. She seemed completely detached from the situation and her eyes were firmly fixed on the ceiling, just like last time, but the overwhelmed and confused look her daughter's eyes now held made her heart ache. Given the information the doctor had just told them though she couldn't blame her daughter for feeling overwhelmed, even she was reeling from the information. She understood that her daughter's chances of having children in the future were extremely good, but there was a part of her brain that was asking the question 'what if she can't?' A wave of unjustness and anguish washed over her at the thought of what her daughter was having to go through and the decision she had to make because of that man.

"Ali baby?"

"Hmmm" came Alison's response as she looked at her mum.

"You doing ok?" she asked lovingly.

"Uh huh" Alison replied, the discomfort obvious in her voice. She just wanted this to be over. She wanted to go home.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" she asked her daughter, desperate to do something to try and help her daughter. Alison grabbed her hand in response and squeezed tightly.

There was no further conversation in the room for the next 10 minutes as Dr Clarke conducted the scan. Elizabeth stared at her daughter fondly as she recalled coming for her first scan when she was pregnant with Alison. Not that she would ever tell Stevie, but her first child had not been planned and had been the result of too much alcohol at a party at Henry's Marine base following a medal ceremony honouring him. Medal ceremony + too much alcohol + finding out Henry had almost died + Henry just being so damn sexy in his Marine uniform = a rather frantic encounter in one of the base's equipment stores. To this day she still hoped there was no CCTV footage of that encounter. McCord number 2 though had not been so easy. They'd been trying for a little over 3 years and were talking about IVF when she'd conceived Alison. The day the strip turned pink on her pregnancy test had been one of the happiest in their lives. Being on his final active tour with the Marines when she'd been pregnant with Stevie, Henry had missed her scans and had been so excited when he'd come with her to her first scan with Alison. He'd been transfixed by the tiny figure on the screen and her heart had melted at the tears that had escaped his eyes. She too had been mesmerised by the second tiny creature that Henry and she had created.

She just wished that Alison could have an experience as good as hers had been.

"Do you want to see the baby?" Dr Clarke's voice broke the silence.

"Noodle, do you want to see the screen this time?" Elizabeth asked her daughter kindly. She wanted to see the screen - her grandchild - and she wished that Alison would look at the screen too, she thought it might help her accept the pregnancy.

Alison swallowed as she considered the doctor's words. She could see the hope in her mum and Dr Clarke's eyes and it weighed heavily on her. Did she want to see the alien that was inside her? If this was her one chance to have a child, shouldn't she at least look at it?

"Ok" she whispered hesitantly.

She heard the sound of machinery moving and then she looked towards the screen where she could see a small kidney bean shaped thing inside an oval object. Dr Clarke smiled warmly at her before she began talking.

"This is you uterus" the doctor said as she pointed to outline of the big black object "and this here is your baby" she continued as she pointed at the kidney bean thing.

Alison looked at the kidney bean on the screen, her first thought being 'the internet was right, it really does look like a kidney bean'. Then she saw something flickering in the kidney bean and a wave of curiosity ran through her "What's that?" she asked softly.

"What's what?" the doctor asked kindly.

"That flickering thing?"

"That's the baby's heart beating, Alison" the doctor advised warmly.

"Oh" she stated, completely dumbfound by the revelation and a wave of _something_ washed over her. She wasn't sure what that _something_ was, but it wasn't an unwelcome feeling.

"You doing ok, Noodle" Elizabeth asked as she watched the expressions wash over her daughter's face. Maybe Alison would have an experience like hers after all.

"Yeah, I think so. So that thing is inside me?"

"Yes, it is" Dr Clarke confirmed with a smile. "We might be able to hear the heartbeat, would you like that?"

The word _yes_ was out of her mouth before she could even comprehend what the doctor had said.

A few seconds later a whooshing sound filled the room.

"Is that it?" she asked hesitantly.

"No, that's just the sound of the wand moving over your uterus. I'm still trying to find it, it might take a few minutes as it's still very early" Dr Clarke said distractedly.

Alison waited with baited breath and with each second that passed without the doctor confirming a heartbeat the feeling of dread crept further and further up her spine. The doctor had said the flickering was a heartbeat, so why couldn't they hear it? Was this her fault? She had spent so long wishing she wasn't pregnant, what if she was now getting that wish?

Suddenly a faint thumping sound started filtering through the speakers and a smile broke out on Dr Clarke's face. "There it is!" she exclaimed happily.

Alison listened to the sound in awe "But it's so fast!" she exclaimed.

"A very healthy 180 beats per minute" the doctor confirmed.

Alison stared at the screen and watched the flickering heart of the kidney bean as she listened to the rapid thumping sound.

She didn't have an alien inside of her.

She had a living being.

That strange _something_ feeling washed over her again, quickly followed by a wave of panic.

What was she going to do?

* * *

 _Author's Notes: according to the internet chlamydia can cause PID which does increase the risk of miscarriage and can cause infertility, but I couldn't find out on the internet how long it takes chlamydia to turn into PID. I'm not a doctor, and whilst personally I suspect it takes more than a few weeks for chlamydia to turn into PID, it worked for the purpose of this story for the doctor to check for it now and for Alison to have to consider her future fertility so I used it._

 _Also, I'm not Catholic (and not religious) so I hope I didn't cause offence with the views Alison expressed when she considers her faith and abortion. They're just from my limited know of Catholicism and I thought religion should be considered by her in view of her dad being Catholic and a theologian._

 _I'm off now to watch the next episode of Madam Secretary in the U.K. :-) Reviews welcome!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks to everyone who continues to read, review, favourite and alert this story. It is much appreciated._

* * *

"I heard the heartbeat yesterday" Alison McCord stated distractedly as she sat on the couch and watched the leaves on the tree outside of her therapist's office window blow gently in the breeze.

Dr Alexis Castillo regarded her patient carefully as she looked through the latest entries of Alison McCord's journal. She had been a patient of hers for a month now and Alison's recovery from her ordeal was progressing slowly mainly, she suspected from reading her journal, due to the decision she had to make about the pregnancy that had resulted from her rape.

"And how did that make you feel?" she asked cautiously.

Alison scrunched up her face thoughtfully "Strange."

"Strange, how?" the doctor pressed.

Her patient shrugged. "I don't know. I spoke to the doctor about what I'd read on the internet, about the chlamydia causing infertility, and she said they'd caught it early and I'd probably be fine."

"But..."

"But I can't help thinking what if this is the only chance I get? And I couldn't stop thinking that during the scan so when the doctor asked if I wanted to see the monitor and hear the heartbeat I said yes"

"So, what did you feel when you saw the scan and heard the heartbeat?"

Alison paused at the doctor's question and thought carefully about the feeling she had felt during the scan. "It was a feeling I'd never felt before. Sort of wondrous, sort of protective, sort of warming" she stated in an unsure tone.

"Would you say it was a good or bad feeling?"

"Good, I think" Alison replied hesitantly.

"That sounds positive" the doctor encouraged.

"I guess"

"Last time you were here you said you felt like you had an alien growing inside you, do you still feel that way?"

"No" Alison replied quietly. "It made me realise that it's a human being, that it's not an alien... I'm really pregnant" she continued as she turned to look at her therapist.

"And how do you feel about that?" Dr Castillo asked as she noted her records with the fact that her patient was starting to accept her pregnancy. On a personal level relief flooded through her that Alison was making some progress.

Alison swallowed and looked down at her hands as she picked at her nails nervously. "Scared, overwhelmed, panicked, pressured."

"That's totally understandable, Alison. But you say you feel pressured, why is that?"

Alison looked up at her therapist "Because I have less than 2 weeks left to make a decision if I want to take the abortion pill"

"How does that make you feel? The thought of taking the abortion pill?"

"Sick, scared, worried, anxious, but also relief because if I take it my life would almost be like it used to be - I could just be 18 again. I _miss_ just being a normal 18 year old. But then I feel like a bad person for thinking that, and I don't want to be a bad person, but what if the baby's bad? Its Dad ra..." Alison stopped her ramble unable to admit out loud that she had been raped " _He_ hurt me. And what if it knows that I don't really want it? But what if in the future I can't have children?" She felt the panic rise within her and her breathing become shallow.

"It's ok, Alison, take a moment and just breathe" the therapist soothed as she poured a glass of water for her client and handed it to her. Alison accepted the drink gratefully and took small sips.

"It feels like I have this mountain to climb but I can't figure out how to get to the top. Every time I think I'm getting there, the mountain just gets higher and steeper. My mind just keeps whirling with all the decisions I have to make and I keep thinking of all the possible outcomes and how they would make me feel and how they would affect everyone and I can't decide what I want to do. It's like there's this massive weight crushing me down and I can't shift it no matter what I do" Alison stated frantically "It makes me feel like I'm back in that room with _him_ on top of me holding me down and I can't move" she added in a whisper.

Alexis Castillo looked at her patient compassionately. "Alison, you do have some big decisions to make but you do have the power and the ability to make them. Everything you are feeling is totally normal and to be expected. Things will get better Alison, I promise"

"When?" Alison asked desperately, the question hanging in the silence of the therapist's office.

* * *

Alison sighed as she finished the entry in her journal. At her first session with Dr Castillo she had asked her to keep a diary every time she felt panicked, anxious, overwhelmed, or upset. She had to write down what the circumstances of the situation that made her feel the way she did, how she reacted, and what feelings she had. Then at each therapy session they would go through the journal and discuss what had happened and how she could handle the situation differently in the future. Her homework was then to implement those procedures. She had to admit that the actual act of writing down her feelings did soothe her, at least in the short term, and she did feel better after she had written her entry.

Her most latest entry had been about having dinner with her dad and brother. Tonight Stevie was out with Jareth and her mum was working late so it had just been her dad, Jason, and she for dinner. She felt stupid for feeling so nervous and on edge just sitting at the dinner table with her family as she knew they would never hurt her, yet she did. She'd tried some of the techniques Alexis had given her and they had worked to some degree, she'd even managed a few mouthfuls of dinner, but it was draining to be constantly challenging herself, not to mention how tired she was because of the pregnancy. She glanced at the clock and moaned when she realised it was only 7pm. How could she be this tired this early in the evening? Yet another pregnancy symptom she had to contend with - something that would go away if she decided to take the pills.

She stood from her bed to get changed into her pyjamas and that's when she saw it.

"DAD!" she screamed automatically as she pressed herself up against the wall, her heart hammering in her chest and adrenaline flooding through her.

She heard footsteps in the hallway and then the door to her room flew open.

"What is it, Ali?" Jason asked in panic.

Alison simply pointed to the floor by the foot of her bed in wide eyed terror.

"A spider? Seriously Alison, you need to get over this fear!" Jason stated derisively.

"JUST GET IT!" she yelled.

"Fine, fine" he huffed as he picked up a book from his sister's desk and moved towards the spider intent on smashing it with the book.

"Don't kill it!" she exclaimed before she screamed again and jumped on her bed as the spider moved towards her.

"What is going on? Are you ok?" Henry asked breathlessly from the doorway of his daughter's room, panic and adrenaline flooding through him at the sounds of his daughter's screams.

"There's a spider in Alison's room and she's freaking out as usual" Jason informed his father with a roll of his eyes.

"He wants to kill it!" she informed her dad pleadingly.

"A spider? That's it?" Henry asked, relief flooding through him.

Alison screamed again as the spider scuttled forward a few steps.

"Ok, ok. Calm down, I'll get it" Henry placated as he grabbed a magazine off Alison's desk and scooted the spider onto the glossy paper. He quickly walked over to the window, opened it, and deposited the spider outside before shutting the window. "See all gone now" he soothed in a calm voice and showed the now clear magazine cover to his daughter.

Alison stared at the empty magazine and had what could only be described as an epiphany. If she couldn't let her brother kill a spider, how could she abort her pregnancy? Her baby had a beating heart, a brain that was functioning, and organs that had formed and were growing each day. She gently reached down and held her lower stomach feeling a connection with the child that was growing inside her for the first time and her eyes opened in wonder. She had made another human being!

Henry watched his daughter carefully, concern washing over him as he took in her wide eyes and shocked expression. He saw her grab her stomach and fear washed over him.

"Noodle, are you ok?"

Alison was broken from her bonding moment by the sound of her father's voice and she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. She'd finally made a decision! The weight that she'd been carrying since that night lessened slightly and she felt a flicker of hope inside her when she also realised that her dad and her brother were in her room and she didn't feel scared. Maybe things would be ok after all?

The problem she now faced was that now she'd started laughing, she couldn't stop.

Henry cast a questioning look at Jason who simply shrugged and looked at his sister like she was crazy.

"Alison...?" he tried again.

"The spider..." Alison laughed.

Father and son again looked at each other in confusion.

"Ali, it was just a spider" Jason tried.

"No...no...you don't get it! I couldn't let the spider be killed!" she managed to say joyfully as her laughed subsided.

Jason looked at his sister like she was the craziest person on the planet. "Whatever" he replied sarcastically as he threw the book he had been holding back on her desk and turned to go back to his room.

Henry looked at his daughter thoughtfully. "What do you mean, Ali?"

"I couldn't let the spider be killed and I _hate_ spiders. If I couldn't let that happen then I can't get rid of the baby. Dad, I'm going to have the baby" she stated softly, a strange look of tenderness, disbelief, wonder, and relief coating her features.

Henry couldn't help the small smile that broke out on his face. He would've supported his daughter had she decided to end her pregnancy, he could understand the reasons why she would want to do so, but the cradle Catholic part of him that believed all life had been created for a reason was so happy and relieved that she was going to keep the baby - his grandchild.

"Really?" he questioned seriously.

"Yes. I know it's going to be hard, but it's part of me and I can't just give up on it because of who the father is. You and mum will help me, right?"

"Anything you need, Noodle" he replied adamantly, before his mind started whirling with all the changes that would be needed. The guest room would need to be turned into a nursery, or if Alison wanted her independence maybe they could covert the basement into an apartment style area for her and the baby. Elizabeth and he would need to set up a college fund for their grandchild as Alison wouldn't be able to start one for years, they needed to tell his family and Will that Alison was pregnant, they needed to...

"Dad?"

"Yes Noodle?" he answered distractedly.

"Will you make me some pancakes?"

Henry looked at his daughter in shock. This was the first time in 6 weeks that she had asked for food.

"But we've just had dinner" he stated, immediately kicking himself for discouraging his daughter from eating something that she evidently wanted.

"I know, but I just really fancy some of your pancakes" Alison replied shyly. For the first time in weeks she felt hungry and she suddenly had a craving for her dad's pancakes.

"Well, how can I say no to that!" he exclaimed happily as he walked over to his daughter and held out his hand to help her off the bed. For weeks he had been wanting to help his daughter, to do anything to make her feel better, and if pancakes were what she wanted then pancakes he would make her.

Alison looked at her father's hand and his hopeful expression and gulped. She felt nervous about taking it, but she was determined to re-built the relationship she had with her dad and brother. She was not going to let _him_ dictate her life anymore and it was ridiculous to think her dad or brother would hurt her. She accepted her dad's hand and stepped off the bed before taking a deep breath, gathering all her courage, and wrapping her arms around her dad in a brief hug.

Henry could barely believe it when his daughter wrapped her arms around him. Tentatively he draped his arm across her shoulder loosely and enjoyed the feeling of being able to comfort his daughter once again. He knew what a big step this was for her and he relished the moment not wanting it to end. The hug may have only lasted seconds, but to Henry it meant the world.

"Thanks dad, for everything" she whispered gratefully before pulling herself away. She waited for the wave of panic to hit her, but it didn't.

"Anytime, Noodle" he replied in a choked voice, emotion building up inside. "I love you".

"Love you too" Alison replied sincerely before moving to the door "Come on, I really want those pancakes!" she exclaimed from the doorway as she turned to look back at her father.

Henry smiled lovingly at his daughter "Ok, ok, I'm coming!" he exclaimed.

* * *

Elizabeth McCord braced herself as she reached for the handle on the front door of her house. Nowadays she never knew what the atmosphere in her house was going to be like. Alison could be upset and crying, Henry and Jason could be tense, the family could be bickering as they tried to get Alison to eat - it was anyone's guess.

It was 8.30pm, and whilst that wasn't too late in her line of work, it was the longest she had worked in the last 3 weeks and she was exhausted. She just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. Mustering the last of her energy she turned the knob and pushed the door open, but the sounds and smells emanating from the kitchen were not what she was expecting. She could smell...pancakes? And she could hear Alison and Jason bickering, but in a happy teasing manner, the way they always used to bicker.

Curious, she dropped her bags and coat by the door and headed towards the kitchen, the sight that greeted her melted her heart. Jason and Alison sat at the table glaring at each other with their respective forks in what appeared to be the last pancake of a batch Henry had made. Henry stood at the cooker diligently cooking more pancakes and she couldn't resist walking up to her husband and enveloping him in a hug from behind as she placed a kiss on his cheek.

"No, it's mine! My fork got there first!"

"Yes, but I'm a growing man, I need the food!"

"I'm eating for two!"

"She's eating for two?" Elizabeth whispered as she quirked an eyebrow at Henry, the kids still distracted by their fight over the pancake. This was the first time that she had heard Alison talk about her pregnancy in anything resembling a positive form and it was also the first time she had seen her eat anything willingly in weeks.

A small smile lit up Henry's features. "I'll tell you the full story later, but she's decided to have the baby and then she asked for pancakes, so we're having pancakes!" he whispered in reply.

"Dad! Tell her I need more food than her!" Jason exclaimed from the table.

"Sorry bud, but when it come to pregnant women, they always win" Henry stated in an amused tone. He'd learnt the hard way when Elizabeth was pregnant that whatever he did or didn't do was still his fault. The best he could do was whatever a pregnant woman asked for and hope for the best.

"Yes!" Alison exclaimed as she helped herself to the final pancake.

"This is so unfair! Mum, help me out here"

"Sorry, but I'm with Alison and your Dad on this one. Pregnancy trumps teenage hormones any day"

"Fine!" Jason exclaimed grumpily. "But don't think I'm going without food for the next 7 months just because she's pregnant"

"Relax guys, this batch is almost ready" Henry acquiesced his son. "Do you want some too?" he asked is wife.

"Of the Henry McCord famous pancakes? Always!" she replied brightly. "I'm just going to get changed and I'll be down"

As Elizabeth walked up the stairs she glanced behind her and took in the smiling face of her youngest daughter and the 'annoyed but not really' expression on her son's face. Alison and Jason's bickering resumed and a wave of love for her family washed over her. She didn't know what had happened with Alison this evening, but she couldn't wait to return to the kitchen and enjoy time with her kids the way she used to. A small smile appeared on her face as she ascended the remaining stairs and hope rose within her that now Alison had made a decision they could start moving forward as a family - including their new grandchild.

* * *

 _I'm not a psychologist/counsellor, but I have had therapy with a psychologist and the diary and technique I described is something I had to do. For me there were some surprisingly quick results so Alison being able to hug Henry briefly after a few therapy sessions using that technique isn't unreasonable from my experience._

 _On a separate note, last week my nan was given 6 months to live so updates may not be so regular as understandably I'm spending more time with her and therefore have less time to write. I have most of the story chapters planned out on a spreadsheet so the story will get written when I have time. If updates stop for a while it will be because my nan has died._

 _Reviews welcome._


	11. Chapter 11

_Thank you for reviews for the last chapter. I have to admit I was nervous about posting it in case people thought I'd trivialised her decision,_ _so thank you for your support._

 _Also, thank you for your kind words about my Uncle and Nan. It turns out that my Uncle was misdiagnosed and doesn't have cancer which is great news. My Nan on the other hand isn't doing so great however, I should mention she has Alzheimer's and is in the final stages of kidney disease so is in pain and distressed most of the time. Although it is awful to say, it will be a relief for her when she goes and in her very infrequent semi-lucid moments she says she's ready to go too. She's 89 so she's had a good innings!_

 _Anyway, on with the story..._

* * *

Detective Samuel Morales watched as the CCTV images flicked across his screen. He was beyond bored.

It had been a little over 2 weeks since they had conducted the search of Giovanni Rossi's apartment and he'd been force to have a DNA and STI test. The results of which proved it was his semen that was in Alison McCord's underwear and that both Alison McCord and Giovanni Rossi shared the same strain of chlamydia.

Not only that, but whilst the Techs had been gathering evidence of the sound proof room at Giovanni Rossi's apartment they had also found several high tech devices with spy cameras built in. Alarm clocks, smoke detectors, USB chargers - all inconspicuous everyday items that had built in spy cameras with recording capabilities. Upon investigation it turned out those cameras had been used as part of the security system that monitored his apartment and were top of the range, they recorded images in ultra HD and had the latest technology for precision sound recording.

The alarm system itself was somewhat complicated. The common areas of the apartment were monitored by CCTV 24 hours a day, the bathrooms and bedrooms were monitored in three ways. The first method of monitoring the bedroom and bathrooms was when the intruder alarm was activated and Giovanni Rossi was not in the apartment, then the footage from the CCTV cameras was recorded and monitored remotely. When Giovanni Rossi was in the apartment the footage was not recorded remotely, but rather the images were recorded to a SD card inside the spy camera and the recording would be kept for 48 hours. Apparently Giovanni Rossi felt this gave him privacy whilst allowing there to be some record of what happened in his apartment in case the apartment was broken into whilst he was in residence and he was assaulted, kidnapped etc. The third way in which the cameras could be used was when the audible portion of the intruder alarm was deactivated, but Giovanni Rossi was not in attendance such as when his cleaner or workmen were in the apartment. It appeared that Giovanni Rossi did not trust his staff very much as he used the cameras to monitor what they did.

Forensics had tried to recover footage from the SD cards in the cameras in Giovanni Rossi's bedroom but had not been able to recover anything useful, so the NYPD had subpoened the alarm company for the CCTV footage for the day of the party and the day after in the hope they would be able to find something that could help the case. Sam was now absentmindedly watching the footage from the hundreds of hidden cameras in Giovanni Rossi's apartment. If he didn't know better he would say that Giovanni Rossi was somewhat paranoid about an intruder getting into his apartment as the sheer number of cameras he had was astounding - and he had the pleasure of going through all of them to try and gather some useful evidence for Alison McCord's case. He had just finished going through footage from all of the living room cameras of the apartment and had found useful footage which showed that Alison McCord and Giovanni Rossi had barely had any contact at the party until the drink had been spilt on Alison. Giovanni Rossi could then be seen almost forcing his way through the crowd to get to her before leading her from the living room into his bedroom.

He clicked on the next file and up popped a blank screen. At 7.46am the screen flickered and Giovanni Rossi's bedroom came into view. He checked the time against the intruder alarm log that showed the alarm being set at 7.46am as Giovanni Rossi left the apartment. At 9.00am Mr Rossi's housekeeper deactivated the audible intruder alarm, but as per the specification of the system, the CCTV cameras in the bedroom stayed on. 53 minutes later he watched and heard as the housekeeper cleaned the bedroom and exited. At 11.03am the alarm log showed the audible intruder alarm was once again activated and the image of the room remained unchanged until 5.38pm when the screen suddenly went blank. Sam checked the intruder alarm log and noted that at 5.38pm the intruder alarm system was deactivated as Giovanni Rossi had returned home and the CCTV in the bedrooms and bathrooms was switched off. The screen remained blank until Giovanni Rossi left the apartment at 11.56am the next day and it made Sam's skin crawl knowing what had happened in that room after the CCTV had been deactivated.

Sam clicked on the next file, which turned out to be a view from one of the other cameras in Giovanni Rossi's bedroom, and the same sequence of events happened; the camera clicked on at 7.46am, at 9.53am the housekeeper could be seen and heard cleaning the bedroom, and at 5.38pm the CCTV camera was deactivated entirely. The next 4 files showed exactly the same routine from different views of Giovanni Rossi's bedroom.

Releasing a sigh of frustration, Sam clicked on the next file and jolted in surprise when he saw Giovanni Rossi standing in his bedroom in nothing but a towel. The time on the footage read 7.08am and a wave of confusion washed over him. According to the alarm specification the CCTV should have been off, but here he was watching Giovanni Rossi dress himself and exit the room. Sam Morales held his breath as the footage continued to roll and followed the same schedule as the other cameras in his room however, at 5.38pm the camera did not deactivate. He watched as Giovanni Rossi entered his bedroom and stripped before going into his ensuite. 20 minutes later he exited in nothing but a towel and dressed himself for the party. The room remained unchanged and silent until 11.48pm when he heard the door open and voices were picked up on the audio. His heart rate increased and his breath caught in his throat as he recognised the two voices and he promptly hit pause on the footage.

"Erica!" he exclaimed as he turned towards his partner.

"What?" she replied distractedly as she too was working her way through the CCTV footage.

"Come here" Sam demanded. The tone of his voice caught his partner's attention and immediately sparked her curiousity. She wheeled her chair over to his desk. Her brow knotted in confusion as she looked at Giovanni Rossi's bedroom and noted the time on the footage.

"Sam, why is there an image of the perp's bedroom on your screen?" she queried in a bewildered tone.

"I don't know, but this camera doesn't click on and off like the others. Maybe it's broken, I don't know, but here, just listen and watch" Sam stated seriously as he removed one of the ear buds from his ear and passed it to his partner.

He pressed play and together the two detectives watched as the figures of Alison McCord and Giovanni Rossi entered the screen. They listened as Alison McCord sweetly thanked Giovanni Rossi for letting her borrow a shirt, gratefully accepting the item as he retrieved it from a drawer and she made to move towards the ensuite bathroom before she was blocked by Giovanni Rossi. They watched the surprise register on her face as he tried to kiss her and she pushed him away. Both detectives listened and watched intently as she told him she wasn't interested and tried to move towards the door, only to be blocked by Giovanni Rossi as he intimidated her, eventually trapping her against the bed before he pushed her on it. Sam and Erica watched and listened with disgust and pity as Alison screamed for help and struggled against the 6 foot man who was pinning her to the bed. They watched as Giovanni Rossi reached into his bedside cabinet and retrieved a set of handcuffs that he used to restrain Alison McCord to the bed and their hearts broke as they saw her freeze in fear. The audio quality of the camera was so precise that their stomachs turned as they heard Alison McCord beg Giovanni Rossi not to hurt her in a voice barely above a whisper.

And then they watched and listened as Alison McCord was raped.

The girl had never stood a chance.

* * *

Detective Erica Johnson stood impatiently in the elevator of the plush Chelsea office complex which served as the corporate HQ of Giovanni Rossi Enterprises, an arrest warrant in her possession.

After what she'd witnessed on the CCTV footage she could not wait to arrest the bastard that was Giovanni Rossi.

She was looking forward to hearing his explanation as to how his semen had been found in Alison McCord's underwear after denying he'd ever had sex with her. She was even more interested to hear how both Alison and he had the same strain of chlamydia.

But what she was most looking forward to was his reaction to the CCTV footage they had obtained from his broken spy camera - that evidence alone had been enough for a magistrate to sign the arrest warrant she now held in her hand.

"Ready?" she asked her partner, Sam Morales, as the elevator dinged and the door slid open.

"Yep" Sam replied happily. Ever since watching the CCTV footage he had been looking forward to this day and he could not wait to arrest this son of a bitch - and if he had perhaps mentioned to a journalist friend of his that they would be making an arrest at this location at approximately 10.30am today, well, what came out of his mouth after a few beers couldn't be helped...

* * *

"Ma'am, there's something you need to see" Daisy Grant informed her boss, a sense of deja vu washing over her as she stood in the doorway to the Secretary of State's office "It's of a personal nature"

Elizabeth McCord's blood ran cold at the use of those words and her hand stopped mid-signature. The last time Daisy had said those words her family life had come tumbling down.

"What is it, Daisy?" she asked in a serious tone, noting that Daisy was carrying the Tablet of Doom.

"This has just come in" Daisy replied in an equally serious voice as she approached her boss and clicked play on the news report she had just become aware of.

 _"The fashion world was rocked this morning as Giovanni Rossi was arrested..."_

Elizabeth let out a sad, heavy, sigh as the news item finished. Alison had been doing so much better the past 2 weeks since she had made a decision about her pregnancy. She was interacting much better with Henry and Jason, she was eating again - albeit the only thing she could keep down were pancakes - she'd been spending more time socialising with the family rather than just hiding away in her room, and she had even started making tentative contact with her old school friends. She'd started to see the old Alison appear and it had given her hope for the future. Although the news of Giovanni Rossi getting arrested was good news, she feared it would send Alison spiralling back to how she had been before.

"Ma'am the White House has just called" Blake announced as he entered her office disturbing her reverie "You're needed in the Situation Room urgently. There's been a development in Pakistan".

Elizabeth cursed to herself. Alison was home alone and she didn't want her to be alone when she got this news. Henry was in lectures, Stevie had spent the night at Jareth's, and now she had to go to the White House. It was times like this she wished she was a college professor again when getting home to Alison would simply have meant cancelling a class, but she couldn't blow off the President when things in Pakistan were in such a delicate state.

"Ok" she stated in a resigned, frustrated, tone. She would just have to call Alison on the way to the White House.

* * *

Stevie McCord dashed through the front door of her parent's home having spent the night at her fiancé's. Although she loved spending time at Jareth's apartment, last night had not exactly been _restful_ and she was tired, hungry, and running late for class. She'd only popped home to grab a text book she'd forgot to take with her yesterday and she ran upstairs to get it, heading back down the rear stairs to grab a drink and a snack on her way out. She was surprised to find the TV on in the kitchen and her younger sister making pancakes.

"How you doing, Ali?" she asked with concern noting how pale her sister looked.

Alison groaned in response "This morning sickness is killing me. 3 hours I sat by the toilet this morning!"

"The doctor said it should start to subside soon, didn't she?" Stevie queried.

"Yeah, a couple more weeks and I'll have reached the second trimester then it should st..."

"Alison?" Stevie asked in a panicked tone as her sister dropped the spatula and turned even paler.

Stevie followed her sister's gaze to the TV screen and suddenly she understood.

 _"The fashion world was rocked this morning as Giovanni Rossi was arrested..."_

The scene on the TV filled Stevie with both anger and joy. Giovanni Rossi was being lead out of an office building in New York in handcuffs by the detectives who had been at the house the night Alison had confessed to having been raped, news cameras and photographers snapped his picture as he was lead towards the waiting police car. The expression on his face was one of pure rage and indignation.

 _"This is a mistake! The NYPD will pay for this!"_

"You doing ok, Ali?" she asked her sister in concern turning her attention back to her.

Alison could not take her eyes of the screen. Relief, anger, disgust, shock, and fear coursed through her. "I think I need to sit down" Alison whispered as she felt her knees buckle.

"Ali!" Stevie yelled in alarm as she saw her sister waver. In a second she was by her sister's side and helping her to the kitchen table chairs.

"Put your head between your knees and breath deeply" she instructed as she gently pushed Alison forward and then quickly dashed to the sink to get her sister a glass of water.

"Here, drink this when you feel ready" she instructed Alison as she placed the glass of water on the table.

She heard her phone vibrate against the kitchen counter and groaned internally as she reached to pick it up. She did not have time to take a call, she needed to look after her sister!

"Hello?" she answered distractedly as she watched Alison slowly sit up.

"Noodle?!" came her mother's frantic voice.

Confused Stevie took the phone away from her ear and realised that it was her sister's phone she had picked up, not her own.

"Alison!" she heard her mother call again.

"Calm down, Mum, it's just me" she responded calmly as she waved her arm at her sister in an attempt to get her to drink the water.

"Stevie?" Elizabeth queried.

"Yeah it's me"

"I thought you were at Jareth's? What are you doing with Alison's phone" Elizabeth asked in confusion.

"I forgot a book and came home to grab it. I picked up Alison's phone by accident when you called" Stevie informed her mother as she went to sit by her sister and rub her back soothingly "It's mum" she whispered to Alison who simply nodded in response.

"Is she there?" Elizabeth asked her oldest daughter frantically.

"Yeah, she's here."

"Good. Tell her not to watch the TV or turn on the radio, or go online until your Dad or I get home. Something happened today and..."

"Giovanni Rossi got arrested" Stevie interrupted her mother.

"You know?" Elizabeth asked crestfallen.

"Yes, we've just seen it on the news" Stevie informed her mum.

"Is Alison ok?" Elizabeth asked worriedly.

"I'm putting you on speaker" she informed her mother "Ali, it's mum" she prompted gently.

Alison looked up confused at her sister.

"On the phone" Stevie prompted softly, relieved to see that some of the colour had returned to her sister's face.

"Hi Mum" Alison croaked.

"Hey Noodle. Stevie told me you've heard about Giovanni Rossi's arrest, you doing ok?" Elizabeth asked in a soft, mothering, tone.

Was she doing ok? She felt shaky and startled, but she was ok she realised. She was just shocked the police had actually arrested him, that the NYPD believed her story and _he_ was going to get punished. She felt relieved and it was starting to occur to her just how scared she'd been of bumping into him again, even though they lived hundreds of miles apart. She felt a strange sense of freedom. Alison was just about to respond to her mother when the fire alarm starting ringing.

"What's that?!" Elizabeth exclaimed in a panicked tone as she heard ringing in the background.

"The pancakes!" Alison exclaimed as she leapt up from the chair and ran to the stove to remove the pan.

"It's ok, mum" Stevie acquiesced as she waved a tea towel in front of the smoke detector to stop it going off "Alison was cooking pancakes when the news report came on TV and we forgot to take them off the stove"

Alison looked longingly at the burnt pancakes in the charred pan and was suddenly overcome with emotion.

"The pancakes!" she wailed as tears started flowing from her eyes.

Stevie looked at her sister in shock as she started crying over...pancakes.

"Ali?" she queried.

"The pancakes are ruined! And the pan! They're the only things I can eat!" she sobbed.

"Noodle?" came their mother's concerned voice over the phone.

Simultaneously Stevie took the phone of speaker and moved to pull her sister into a hug.

"Mum, she's crying over pancakes!" Stevie exclaimed in a disbelieving whisper as she held her sister tightly as her shoulders heaved in heavy sobs.

"Pancakes?" Elizabeth asked in confusion.

"Yeah, the pancakes she was making are burnt and I think the pan is destroyed too" she whispered which caused Alison to cry harder against her.

Elizabeth couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face as she heard Alison's cries in the background "Stevie, I think Alison's pregnancy hormones are starting to kick in." Boy did she remember those suckers and she was glad that she wouldn't have to go through those ever again, although she wasn't sure she was going to enjoy being on the receiving end of Alison's.

"What do I do?" Stevie hissed.

Elizabeth sighed. She wasn't entirely convinced that Alison's tears were because of the pancakes, but if that's what was holding her daughter together and if that belief would keep her daughter somewhat calm until she could get home, then she'd take it. "I've got to go to the White House, but I'll try to get hold of your dad..." she replied in a resigned tone.

"Dad's got lectures all day" Stevie replied. She looked down at her distraught sister who kept looking at the charred pan with an expression of longing and distress and made a decision. "It's ok, I'll stay with her"

"But you have class..." her mum started to argue.

"It's only one class and I'm already 15 minutes late, I can get the notes from someone else. Team McCord, right?" she replied, hoping her mum would understand her subtle message.

At Stevie's words a wave of love and gratitude washed over Elizabeth. Whilst she hated the fact her eldest daughter would be missing out on her education, she was glad that Stevie was there for her sister. "Team McCord, right." she replied softly. "Thanks Stevie."

Stevie hung up the phone to her mum and gently pulled her sister away from her. "Come on, get dressed. Let's go out for pancakes and get a new pan" she informed her sister. "We're having a girls day..."

* * *

 _Because of my job I have a limited knowledge of how intruder alarm systems work and the system I described at the beginning of the chapter is technically possible - well, at least in the UK it is and I'm going to presume the USA has similar technology._

 _Oh, and it occurred to me this week that at the end of Season 2 the Prime Minister of Pakistan was murdered and the country practically collapsed, yet they haven't mentioned it at all in Season 3 so far. Therefore I decided to use Pakistan as the country in crisis as surely there would be fall out from the Prime Minster being murdered?_

 _Reviews welcome!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Thanks to those who reviewed, favourite, and alerted the last chapter. This is a bit of a "filler" chapter and is sort of setting the scene for future chapters so I hope you enjoy it._

* * *

"So, how's your week been, Alison?" Dr Alexis Castillo asked her patient having read her client's diary entries for the week "It seems like a lot has happened since we last met"

Alison regarded her therapist nervously. She was right, a lot had happened since her last session and she wasn't looking forward to discussing it.

" _He_ was arrested" Alison stated plainly.

"How did that make you feel?" her therapist asked her seriously.

"I was shocked. I'd assumed that because we'd said we didn't want to be kept updated on the case that I wouldn't really hear anything until the case went to court, but I was making breakfast and it just came on the TV that _he'd_ been arrested"

"It was on the TV that your attacker was arrested?" Alexis asked in confusion. Rarely did the arrest of a rapist make local TV news, let alone national TV news, and she knew that Alison had been raped in New York which meant that her attacker's arrest must have made national news. Suddenly pieces started to fit together in her head...

Alison hadn't told her therapist the name of her attacker yet, she hadn't spoken _his_ name since she'd given her report to the NYPD, but it looked like she was going to have to say it now as she saw recognition in her therapist's eyes.

"Yes, it was Giovanni Rossi that attacked me" Alison spat out in a quiet voice full of anger. "He's the father of my baby"

"Ok" Alexis continued in a professional tone, the fact that her patient's rapist was a celebrity of sorts made no difference to her. Her client was raped and needed help and that's what she was here to do. "That must have been a shock, but how did you feel afterwards?"

Relief flooded through Alison that her therapist was not fazed by who her rapist was. "It was weird finding out that way. I felt anger and disgust seeing him again, and for a moment I was terrified. I hadn't realised how scared I'd been of bumping into him again, even though I know that logically we live hundreds of miles apart, but once I'd realised he was in jail I felt a strange sense of relief and safety. My sister and I went out for the afternoon - I'd burnt the pancake pan and we needed to get a new one - and it was fun! We had lunch together, did some shopping and got a new pan, and then we came home and spent the evening watching Project Runway and giving each other pedicures. My mum even joined us after she came home from work. We haven't done that for ages and it was nice, it almost felt...normal" she finished, guilt tingeing her words.

"You sound like you feel guilty for having fun?"

"Shouldn't I?" Alison retorted "I've been raped and I'm pregnant. I shouldn't be allowed to have fun"

"Why do you think you shouldn't be allowed to have fun?" Dr Castillo asked inquisitively.

Alison considered her therapist's question "I don't know...it just...it just _feels_ wrong to be having fun" she answered helplessly, frustration evident in her voice.

"Tell me what you felt when you stopped having fun, what were you doing?"

"It was as I was getting ready for bed and suddenly I was overcome with sickness. I haven't been sick at night, except for that night, and I thought that I must be getting punished for having fun because I felt sick all night after I vomited"

"Had you eaten something different that night?" Alexis asked kindly.

Alison thought back to that night and tried to think if she'd eaten anything difference "I made pancakes for my mum, sister, and I and then my mum and sister opened the ice cream. I had a little bit of that but my teeth are really sensitive at the moment and it was too cold so I didn't eat much" she replied thoughtfully.

"So could it be that maybe the ice cream upset your stomach and the sickness was nothing more than a pregnancy reaction to the ice cream?" Alexis posed questioningly.

"I suppose, but I'm still pregnant and that means I have to do everything right for the baby. Pregnancy isn't a time for having fun, I have to be responsible" Alison replied in a resigned tone.

A wave of compassion washed over Alexis at her patient's struggle "Alison, just because you were attacked and you're pregnant does not mean you don't get to have fun. Yes, you can't go out drinking all night and you have to make sure you eat a reasonably healthy diet, but plenty of women have fun when they're pregnant, trust me I had plenty of fun when I was pregnant with my kids. You will have good days and bad days as part of your recovery and you shouldn't feel guilty for having fun. It's _good_ that you enjoyed yourself with your sister and mum. It means you are recovering. You don't need to punish yourself because of what happened to you"

"Maybe" Alison answered thoughtfully with a shrug. "It doesn't matter, anyway. _He_ made bail the next day and now he's back out on the streets" she finished dejectedly.

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Scared...anxious. People know where we live, you know, because of my mum. What if _he_ comes to find me now that he's been charged and he knows it's me? What if I bump into him on the street?"

"Did the NYPD get you the restraining order as part of the charges they brought against him?" Alexis asked her patient in concern.

"Yes, the Detectives called my mum as soon as arraignment had finished to let her know that there was a restraining order. The DS agents know too so they know not to let him anywhere near the house" Alison stated in a strained voice, a hint of fear underlying her tone.

"Then he can't come anywhere near you Alison, if he does you just need to call MPD and he'll be arrested and thrown in jail" Alexis assured.

"But it's not just him I'm scared of. Every time I go outside I feel scared and anxious. What if someone hurts me or the baby? People can change in a second, _he_ changed in a second. It makes me not want to go outside. Inside my home I'm safe and secure, outside I don't feel safe" Alison admitted in a quiet voice.

"How are things going with your dad and brother?"

Alison was startled by her therapist's question, but a small smile lit up her face as she thought of her dad and Jason "Good. The techniques you gave me to manage the anxiety and fear are really working and I don't really feel scared around them anymore. I even managed to play a video game with Jason the other day when I was sat next to him on the couch"

"How about contact?" Alexis asked inquisitively.

A small frown creased Alison's brow "I haven't hugged my dad since the night I decided to keep the baby, but I don't feel panic anymore if they get close to me like when Jason's clearing my plate at the dinner table or my dad leans over me to get something in the kitchen".

"Do you remember how scared and fearful of your dad and brother you were the first time you came here?" Alexis asked gently.

Alison thought back over the past 9 weeks and how anxious she had been around her dad and brother when she first came back from New York. She nodded her confirmed to Alexis.

"And it's much better now?" Alexis asked.

"Yes" Alison agreed.

"Ok, now what I want you to do this week is go out of the house at least once a day..."

"But..." Alison tried to interject, but held back her protest as Alexis raised her hand.

"I know it's going to cause you anxiety and fear, but I want you to remember how you felt around your dad and brother and how you feel about them now. I want you to use the same techniques you've been using to overcome your anxiety in your house, outside of your house. You don't have to go out for very long, just a walk around the block will be fine, but I want you to go out everyday"

"Do I have to do it on my own?" Alison asked in a small voice.

"For now you can go with someone if it makes you feel more secure. What's important is that you do go, ok?"

"Ok" Alison agreed reluctantly.

"And how do you feel about the pregnancy?" Alexis continued.

"I wish the sickness would go away" Alison replied longingly "But otherwise I'm happy with the decision I made. It's still overwhelming knowing I'm going to have a baby to look after in about 6 months time, but I think I would have regretted having the abortion. I have my 12 week scan next week and I'm looking forward to seeing it again. My mum and dad are looking forward to being grandparents and my sister is excited to be an aunty, so..."

"That's positive, Alison. Now there's one other thing I want to ask you: how would you feel about joining my rape survivors group?"

"What's that?" Alison asked inquisitively.

"It's a group of rape survivors who meet every Wednesday night. Survivors talk through how they're feeling and how their week has been. It's essentially a group therapy session and a bit of a social event at the same time. I think it will be beneficial for you to see you're not alone in how you are feeling. We'll still continue our weekly sessions, but I'd also like you to come to the group session"

"Ok" Alison acquiesced. Being at home alone during the day was boring and hadn't Alexis just said she needed to get out of the house at least once a day? Now that all her friends were away at college she was starting to get lonely and it might be nice to talk to some people that had been through the same thing as she had. If Alexis thought it would help her then she was willing to try - even if the thought of leaving her house to meet a group of people she didn't know terrified her.

* * *

 _From the research I've done on the internet it seems to be common practice that when an alleged rapist is charged the police/ADA also applies for a restraining order, hence why I mentioned it in this chapter._

 _On a separate note, I have an idea for a Thanksgiving themed chapter however, I've never actually been to Thanksgiving so I could do with some help from you guys! From the TV I figure that it's common for families to have turkey, but do you have it as lunch or dinner? Is there any other traditions that happen on Thanksgiving? My friend went to Thanksgiving in Texas and said there was a sweet potato and marshmallow dish served as part the main course, is this normal?! Pumpkin pie also seems to feature a lot on the TV, is that a main course or a dessert? Any help over Thanksgiving would be gratefully appreciated._


	13. Chapter 13

_Thank you for the reviews and your help in respect of Thanksgiving. The information was very useful and I have an idea forming in my head, although it'll be a while before you guys get to read it I'm afraid as I'm a few chapters ahead in writing._

 _One of the reviewers, Chelsea, asked if you'll get to see Alison's baby being raised. All going to plan (which could change as this story has changed A LOT since the idea originally came to me!) there will be a little bit on how the baby is raised towards the end of the story. Not sure how much yet, but definitely some._

 _Anyway, on with the story..._

* * *

Alison McCord lay nervously on the bed in her OBGYN's office. She had a bandage on her arm from her latest blood tests and her abdomen was exposed as Dr Clarke conducted her 12 week scan, her mum sat beside her holding her hand. Like her last scan she felt nervous and worried, but this time it was for much different reasons.

She wanted to know her baby was ok.

Last time she'd been so distracted by the fact that she may not be able to have children and the decision she faced as to whether she actually wanted to have the baby, that she hadn't really appreciated the scan until the end when she'd heard and saw her baby for the first time. Now she was excited to see her baby again, but she knew this scan would include a nuchal scan and she was nervous and worried that the doctor would find something wrong with her child. She'd spent so long not wanting to be pregnant what if fate decided to play a cruel joke on her now that she had decided she wanted to keep her baby? The doctor was already 15 minutes into the scan and Dr Clarke hadn't said a word yet, she was just staring intently at the screen and with each second that passed her anxiety grew. She was broken from her reverie by the sound of her mum's voice and a gentle squeeze of her hand.

"You doing ok there, Noodle?"

"Yeah" she replied with a weak smile. Truth be told she just wanted the scan to be over and hear what the doctor had to say.

"I'm sure everything will be fine" Elizabeth tried to assure her daughter with a warm smile and a squeeze of her hand. She stared at her daughter fondly and reached out to stroke her hair lovingly, hoping the action would alleviate some of the nervousness she could see in her daughter's eyes. Her youngest daughter had always been a worrier, but in this instance she could understand why she was so worried - she was anxious to know her grandchild was healthy too. Alison had been so nervous, yet excited, about the scan and today was progressing so much differently than the last time they were here 4 short weeks ago. Her daughter had progress so far since then and a wave of love and affection for her youngest daughter washed over her. She desperately wanted to alleviate some of the anxiety Alison was feeling.

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the first scan I had with you?" she asked her daughter inquisitively.

Alison turned her head to look at her mother. "No, I don't think so" she replied thoughtfully.

"Your dad and I had been trying for years and had almost given up hope of conceiving naturally when I fell pregnant with you. We were both so happy when we found out I was expecting again and your dad was so excited about coming to the scan. You see, he'd been on active duty when I was pregnant with Stevie and hadn't been home to come with me to my scans with her" Elizabeth clarified at her daughter's confused expression. "So with you, gosh, he was just so over the moon that he'd actually get to see you on the screen and not some grainy scan picture I would send with a letter - if he even received the letter.

Anyway, we dropped Stevie off at day care so it was just the two of us, but when the doctor tried to do the scan you were curled up in a ball asleep and she couldn't get a clear picture. She made me jump up and down and prod my stomach to wake you up! Your dad insisted on doing it too so that he could 'share the experience'. Can you imagine? Me and your dad jumping up and down in the corridor, and me with a full bladder! I thought I was going to wet myself! She was just about to give up when you finally decided to wake up and we got to see you properly for the first time. Your dad was so happy that he cried for a good 5 minutes" Elizabeth recounted with a nostalgic smile.

"Dad cried?!" Alison exclaimed.

"Yep! He was just so happy and excited and I think the emotion overcame him. He carried the picture from the scan around in his wallet until you arrived and he replaced it with a picture of you. I think we still have the scan picture in your baby box at the horse farm" Elizabeth continued wistfully as she looked at her daughter. Where had the time gone? It seemed like only yesterday that she'd been lying on that bed having her scan done.

"You were loved and cherished from the moment you were made, Noodle. Nothing you could do or say will ever change that, never forget that" she added seriously.

Alison smiled shyly at her mum. "I know. With everything that's happened... I don't think... just ...thank you" she replied softly. "I love you too".

"I need to check the heartbeat, is it ok if I turn on the sound?" Dr Clarke asked breaking the tender moment between mother and daughter.

"Yes!" Alison exclaimed excitedly. She remembered how she'd felt the last time she'd heard her child's heart beating and she couldn't wait to hear it again.

"Ok" and with that Dr Clarke flicked a switch and the room was filled with the rapid thumping sound of her baby's heartbeat.

"Mum...!" Alison exclaimed as she gripped her mum's hand tighter, tears of joys filled her eyes and a small smile lit up her face as that same feeling from her last scan washed over her.

"I know, Noodle. I know" Elizabeth exclaimed emotionally as she took in the happy expression on her daughter's face and stroked her daughter's hair once again. She remembered how emotional hearing the heartbeat was with every one of her children - and now her grandchild too.

"Is everything ok?" Alison asked in a soft, worried tone.

Dr Clarke smiled reassuringly at her patient as she turned the screen to face both Elizabeth and Alison McCord. "Everything is fine. All the organs have formed and are developing well - here you can see the skull and the brain, the heart, stomach, bowels, and bladder" Dr Clarke pointed out each organ as she identified it. "Your baby has two arms and two legs and the heartbeat is strong. There's no signs of chromosome abnormalities. Your baby is perfectly healthy. I'll let you know the results of the blood test, including the chlamydia re-test in the next 2 weeks, but otherwise you're in perfect health too, Alison."

"Really?" Alison asked in a relieved tone.

"Really" Dr Clarke confirmed with a warm smile. "And according to your measurements and the date of your last period, you baby is due on 23rd April 2018. Would you like a picture of the scan?"

"Yes!" Alison asked without hesitation. She could barely believe that in a little over 6 months time she would be holding the tiny creature on the screen in her arms. The thought equally filled her with wonder and fear all at the same time.

* * *

Elizabeth McCord sat in the centre of the large table in the 7th floor conference room of the Statement Department coldly staring across the table at Kyle Jones. She had been dreading this moment for the past 7 weeks, but Alison's scan had gone well this morning and the time had come for her to announce her youngest daughter was pregnant. She hated that she had to do this, resented the fact that because she was a public figure it meant the public thought they had a right to know about her private life, but she would not go back on her word. Daisy had assured her that Kyle was a fair journalist and she too was sat in the boardroom to ensure the interview did not drift away from what had originally been agreed all those weeks ago.

"Madam Secretary" Kyle began "Almost 2 months ago the Washington Post came into possession of some photographs of your youngest daughter, Alison, buying a pregnancy test. Is it in fact true that she is the one who is pregnant, not you?"

"Yes, that is correct" Elizabeth answered curtly.

"And she's 18, correct?"

"Yes"

"What was your reaction when you found out she was pregnant?"

Elizabeth paused and thought carefully about her answer. She needed to answer honestly, without revealing the reason why Alison was pregnant, but also showing that she and Henry supported their daughter.

"We were upset, but she has decided to keep the baby and my husband and I are proud of her decision. We love our daughter very much and will support her in any way she needs us. Our grandchild will be loved and cherished by our family."

"Will Alison be marrying the father of her child?"

Elizabeth's blood ran cold and her stomach turned at the thought of her daughter having to be anywhere near the father of her child ever again.

"No, the father will not be involved in the child's life" she stated adamantly.

"That does not tie in with the Administration's view on family life. What do you think the Administration's reaction will be? Are you worried about your job?"

 _'I could care less what the Administration thinks'_ was Elizabeth's first reaction and she could feel the words forming in her voicebox before Daisy interrupted.

"The Secretary will not be speculating on what the Administration's view is on Alison's pregnancy" Daisy stated brusquely. "But I can confirm the President has been informed and is supportive" she added effectively ending that line of enquiry.

"Any what about the public? Do you think they will be concerned that the Secretary of State's daughter is pregnant out of wedlock and is not planning on involving the father in the raising of the child?"

Elizabeth bristled and spoke before Daisy could "I think my ability to do this job has nothing to do with my daughter being pregnant. As parents we can teach our children good from bad, right from wrong, but sometimes things happen beyond our control and we have to live with the consequences" she replied heatedly.

"You mean like Giovanni Rossi raping your daughter? Isn't that the real reason she is pregnant?"

A deadly silence hung over the room. Daisy's wide eyed shocked expression flicked between Kyle Jones and Elizabeth McCord, all her years experience of being a Press Coordinator momentarily leaving her as the McCord's family secret was revealed. She stared at her boss and was surprised to find that for the first time since she had known her, Elizabeth McCord was also speechless.

"Alison interned for Giovanni Rossi this summer, didn't she? She was at the party the night of 28th July 2017, the same party where it's alleged that Giovanni Rossi sexually assaulted someone. She's the one who brought charges against him, the reason he's been arrested and charged with rape, sexual battery, and false imprisonment, isn't she?"

Elizabeth McCord stared at the journalist before her in stunned silence, her heart breaking as she realised that someone outside of the family, the New York criminal justice system, and her immediate inner circle at the State Department, knew what had happened to her youngest daughter. She felt like her family had been violated in some way and she wasn't happy about it.

"Get out" she replied in a deadly tone.

"And then on..." Kyle Jones paused as he checked his notes "18th August 2017 the MPD were called to your house and you left late at night to go somewhere - I saw because I was hidden outside your house waiting to see what happened after I'd told Daisy about the photos. On 19th July 2017 your SUV's where spotted leaving a private clinic in New York in the early hours of the morning. You were there making a Police Report weren't you? And Alison was examined at that private clinic, wasn't she?"

Elizabeth's body pulsed with anger that somehow Kyle Jones had found out that Giovanni Rossi had raped her daughter and he had seemingly been tracking her every movement since he'd found out about the photographs.

"I said, get out" Elizabeth McCord repeated in the same deadly tone as she stood from her chair.

"And both you and your daughter have been seen attending the OBGYN department at Georgetown University Hospital..."

"I won't repeat myself, Kyle" Elizabeth stated in cold, terse tone.

"The public have a right to know..."

"Blake!" Elizabeth yelled.

"Yes Ma'am?" her dutiful assistant asked as he slid the doors to the conference room open.

"Call Security" she instructed as she stared coldly at the journalist in the room "Mr Jones is refusing to leave"

"Don't bother, I'm just leaving." Kyle stated offhand.

"Kyle, you know you can't print anything about the _alleged_ connection between Alison McCord and Giovanni Rossi, right?" Daisy clarified as both she and Kyle Jones stood from the large table.

"I know, Rape Shield laws and all that. But an exclusive after the trial..."

"You've blown any chance you stood of getting that" Elizabeth snorted. "You've got your exclusive on my daughter's pregnancy and if you print anything about what you _suspect_ you will feel the full force of the Executive arm. Now get out and leave my family alone"

"I want final say on the article" Daisy stated with finality as Kyle turned to leave. "Oh, and one other thing: consider your 7th floor press privileges revoked".

As Kyle reached the door of the conference room he paused and turned his head to look back at the Secretary of State "It's going to come out eventually. My sources say there's a video of the attack and it's very compelling evidence..."

And with that Kyle Jones turned and exited the State Department for the last time.

For the second time in less than 10 minutes Elizabeth McCord stood dumbfounded as she watched the back of Kyle Jones leave her office. Had he just said there was a video? How had he found that out?

"I'm sorry Ma'am, I've never seen Kyle like that before, he's normally extremely fair and reasonable. I'm shocked to be honest..." Daisy began as she tried to justify why she'd agreed to give Kyle Jones an exclusive in the first place.

"I don't care about that" Elizabeth snapped. "I want to speak to the Captain of the NYPD, NOW!"

* * *

Elizabeth McCord staggered into her beloved farm house unceremoniously dropping her briefcase and shedding her coat and shoes as she did so. She had never been more glad to be back at the horse farm. She wandered into the living room in search of her husband or kids wondering why the house was so quiet.

"Hey babe!" Henry greeted happily from the couch as his wife walked into the living room. His brow creased immediately in consternation upon seeing the expression on his wife's face "What's wrong?" he asked with concern.

Elizabeth flopped down on the couch next to her husband immediately curling up in his arms as he opened them to her. She lay her legs across his lap and almost instantly he started to rub them soothingly. She took a few moments to relish in the steady thump of his heartbeat beneath her ear before she took a deep breath.

"Where are the kids?"

"Jason and Ali are out with friends. Stevie and Jareth went out riding earlier so they're in the stables brushing down the horses" Henry informed his wife patiently. He knew there was something on her mind and he had to wait for her to tell him.

Elizabeth craned her neck to look up at her husband "Ali's out with friends?" she queried in confusion. As far as she was aware all of Ali's old school friends from Charlottesville had gone to college in August.

"We went into town to get some groceries and drop Jason off and she bumped into some old friends from her soccer club. They went to get Starbucks and she's going to call me when she needs a lift home"

"Oh" Elizabeth replied in surprise as she moved her head into the crook of Henry's neck once again "And she was ok with that? With going out with her soccer club friends?"

Henry shrugged the shoulder that Elizabeth wasn't leaning against "Today seems like a good day. She was happy after she came back from the scan and was chatting all afternoon. She wanted to go to the grocery store with me once we got here and she seemed happy and relaxed when the girls from the soccer team invited her to join them. She seem comfortable and her therapist said she needed to get out of the house to help with her anxiety, so I said she could go. I figured after tomorrow..."

"When the Washington Post prints the article and the media finds out..."

"Yeah, I figure things are going to get bad again for a while. She just looked so happy, almost like..."

"Almost like before" Elizabeth finished wistfully.

"Yeah" Henry added quietly. "Almost like before".

"Did you call your family?" Elizabeth asked inquisitively after several minutes where husband and wife pondered what life had been like 'before'.

Henry rubbed a hand tiredly down his face. "Yeah, I spoke to Maureen, Shane, and Erin this evening and I just got off the phone with Erin 15 minutes ago. They are angry and upset about what happened to Alison, but they're glad that Alison is keeping the baby and have offered to help out in any way they can. How did it go with Will?"

"The same" Elizabeth replied "He's angry and upset and I wouldn't want to be Giovanni Rossi if I ended up on Will's operating table, but he gets the need for privacy. Again, they've offered their babystitting services if we should need them" she replied with a slight smile. "Will said that Dr Clarke is apparently the best OBGYN is DC so he's glad that Alison is her patient."

"That'd good. How did the interview go?" Henry asked.

Elizabeth sighed heavily. "Not well" she answered truthfully. She had approved the final copy of the article just before leaving the office to head for the horse farm. They had decided to spend the weekend out of DC figuring it would be more difficult for the media to intrude on them there. It seemed ironic that after 7 weeks of waiting for the 'exclusive' the Washington Post was getting little more than confirmation that her daughter was pregnant, that she and Henry were standing by her, and the baby's father would not be involved.

"Well, it's done now. We've been through this before with the press, we'll get through it again, babe" Henry assured as he squeezed his wife comfortingly and placed a gently kiss to the top on her head.

"Henry, there's a video" she blurted out as she moved her head to look at her husband once again.

"What?" Henry asked in confusion as he looked down at his wife.

"Kyle Jones said his sources had told him there was a video of the...attack...and that it was very convincing evidence. I called the Captain at the NYPD"

"What?!" Henry exclaimed in disbelief. "I thought we agreed we weren't going to interfere?"

"I know, but I couldn't stop myself, Henry! I hated the thought of random people being able to see our daughter...like that. And the Captain confirmed there is a footage of the rape..."

"There's a video?"

"Alison!" Henry and Elizabeth exclaimed as they jumped up from the couch and turned to face their daughter.

"What are you doing here?" Henry asked in surprise "I thought you were going to call when you wanted a lift back?"

"Stacey gave me a lift. What were you saying about footage, mum?" Alison asked softly, a crestfallen look on her face.

Elizabeth swallowed as she looked at her daughter who was suddenly looking very pale and distraught, nothing like the girl this morning who had been so happy to see her baby at the scan. "I gave an interview to the Washington Post today and the journalist said there was footage of the ...rape. I spoke to the NYPD who confirmed it. I'm so sorry, Noddle" she replied heartbrokenly as she took in the devastated expression on her daughter's face.

"So people can see me..."

"Yes, but the Captain assured me that only the people who _need_ to see it, will see it. Any unauthorised person will be severely punished" Elizabeth tried to reassure her daughter.

A sob escaped Alison and Elizabeth immediately rushed to her side. "I'm so sorry, Noddle" she whispered as she held her daughter in her arms.

"Me too" Henry agreed as he came to stand next to Elizabeth and wrapped an arm around her supportively. To Henry's surprise he felt Alison's arm snake around his waist and he gently rested his other arm across her shoulder protectively. "It's going to be ok" he whispered to both his wife and daughter as they stood together and comforted one another in the middle of the room.

* * *

 _I read a few accounts on the internet from women who decided to keep their baby after they were raped and the one thing that struck me was that after they had decided to keep the baby they all seemed to have "normal" feelings towards hearing the heart beat and seeing the baby at a scan etc, hence why I've had Alison be excited and nervous. I appreciate that not all women feel that way (and there are only limited numbers of rape victims experiences detailed online) but I wanted Alison to have a positive experience as she seems like a positive character on the show._

 _I read in a pregnancy forum about a women who'd had to jump up and down to wake her foetus up at a 12 week scan and I thought it would be cute to use it in this story._

 _Oh! And I figure that since Will didn't go to Venezuela to help out with the the earthquake relief thing he ended up taking the job in the USA and that he's now living in the USA with his family._

 _Let me know what you think..._


	14. Chapter 14

_Just realised that this story has over 100 reviews! Thanks for the support and I hope you are still enjoying the story?_

* * *

Jason McCord slammed the front door shut as he stormed into his Washington DC home. He kicked off his shoes and threw his book bag and coat across the hallway as he did so, watching the items skid across the polished floor and hit the staircase with a heavy thud. Yet the act of violence did nothing to quell the anger and rage that burned within him.

It had been 5 days since the press had found out his sister was pregnant and the press were still hounding his family. None of them could leave the house without a journalist or paparazzi following them wanting to know what they thought of Alison being pregnant. Even now just to get into his own home after school he'd had to fight through a bunch of journalists as the DS agents fought to control them.

But that wasn't the worst thing. The worst thing was how the idiots at school were treating him and what they were calling Alison. Over the past three days his locker had had pictures of Alison stuck to it with a messages saying things such as "Slut's Brother!" "1-800-ASK-ALISON" and "Pimp!" and the jocks had already cornered him wanting to know why he hadn't given them access to his "easy" sister.

Then there were the random looks that students and teachers were giving him that ranged from sorrow, pity, and sympathy, to smugness, superiority, and disgust. He could hear them whispering behind his back and he wanted to yell at every one of them that it wasn't his sister's fault that she was pregnant, that she was actually the bravest person he knew and he was so proud of her after what she'd been through, but he couldn't. They'd had a family meeting the night his mum and Alison and got back from New York and his parents had explained why they couldn't say anything to anyone about Giovanni Rossi as it could affect Alison's case. He was not going to be the reason why the bastard wasn't sent to jail. Anger and frustration swirled in the pit of his stomach and washed over him in waves as he headed for the kitchen.

He violently threw open the refrigerator door and cursed as it swung back and hit him as it rebounded. He realised he needed to do something to get rid of his anger and he thought about what his dad had said to him the night they'd found out Alison had been raped and he'd put a hole in his bedroom wall. He opened the refrigerator door with considerable less force as he considered heading out to play a quick game of basketball in the rear yard to burn off some energy. Imagining the ball was Giovanni Rossi's head and getting to smash it against the hard concrete and basket suddenly seemed very appealing. As his eyes roamed the contents of the fridge for a snack one particular items suddenly caught his attention and made his thoughts change direction.

Beer.

God a drink would be so good right about now.

He'd sat through his father's lecture on the dangers of drinking last year and he got it, he really did. Since his parents had shut down his secret Instagram account and Daisy had decided to start monitoring them all for any secret social media accounts he'd pretty much stopped drinking. But right now? Right now a drink sounded pretty damn good, consequences be damned.

He picked up a bottle and retrieved the bottle opener from the kitchen drawer, a strange sense of relief washing over him at the hiss of air that escaped the bottle as he opened it. He gulped down the beer in a single shot and waited for the warm, relaxed, happy feeling to wash over him - but nothing happened. He slammed the bottle down in anger. All he wanted to do was to get rid of this anger and frustration and relax, was that too much to ask?

His angry eyes darted around the room and landed on the liquor cabinet. He'd not drunk anything but beer before, but he'd often seen his parents come home from work and pour themselves a scotch to relax, perhaps he could try a shot of that? If his parents used scotch to unwind, why couldn't he?

Feeling exhilarated and with adrenaline pumping through his veins, he all but ran desperately to the liquor cabinet and threw the doors open. Without a second thought he grabbed the scotch bottle, twisted the cap, took his first swig, and swallowed.

Burning.

That's all he could feel.

Burning.

He felt his chest start to spasm at the sensation and he couldn't help the coughs that escaped his throat.

Seconds later he felt the familiar warmth flood through him and he rather liked the sensation, it was almost cathartic. Now the burning had stopped in his throat he felt light, and warm, and comforted, as if the scotch was burning away his emotions. He took another swig, the burning wasn't so bad this time, and the pleasant warm sensation intensified. He could feel himself starting to relax, it was so much better than beer. Beer took a long time to take effect, with scotch he got that buzzed feeling almost instantly - he could see why his parents did this at the end of their day.

He took another swig and could feel himself relaxing more. He could almost forget about the idiots at school, about the media, about what had happened to Alison.

He'd just have a couple more swigs...

* * *

Alison McCord switched off her music, removed the headphones from her head, and tidied away her sketches. She glanced out of her bedroom window and sighed as she could still see some of the news vans parked at the rear of their house causing a wave of anxiety to wash over her.

The Washington Post had run the story about her pregnancy on Saturday and it had made the national news almost instantly. Whilst they had been through the media cycle before with the Microloans scandal and 'Starrison', this was by far the worst. Everyone had a view on her being pregnant at 18, about the fact she was ceasing contact with the father and she would be raising her child alone. Ha! If only they knew! She'd love to know what they thought if they knew the truth. But she couldn't tell them, she couldn't tell anyone what had happened to her and why the _father_ would never be allowed anywhere near her child or she.

People were judging her mum and dad's parenting skills and her mum's ability to be Secretary of State. Her dad had been accused of being a hypocrite as a world renowned religious scholar and ethics professor. She wanted to yell at the public that her parents were fantastic, that she couldn't have asked for better parents after she'd told them what had happened to her. She wanted to tell them they would be lucky to have parents half as good as hers and that she was glad her child would have such amazing grandparents. But she couldn't. She couldn't say anything and anger and frustration burned within her.

The comments that had been left on Stevie and Jason's social media accounts after the news of her pregnancy had broke had been terrible, but not as bad as the comments left on hers - some of which had been left by people she knew. By Sunday night she'd been hysterical by the names she'd been called and the threats that people had posted to her fashion vlog and social media pages and the decision had been made to pass over the handling of her accounts to Daisy. She'd deleted all her social media accounts and her vlog from her devices, but without her social media accounts she was starting to feel isolated and alone as her family were out at school, college, or work most of the day. She'd never thought she'd miss homework, but she did as she has nothing to do during the day - except her weekly counselling sessions with Alexis and group therapy.

Diplomatic Security were investigating if any of the threats were valid and she once again felt like she was a prisoner in her own home. She was too scared to go outside in case one of the people who had threatened her was waiting for her, after all, it wasn't like people didn't know where she lived. Even the DS agents posted outside her house did little to ease her fears. She couldn't even go to group therapy this week as she didn't want to risk exposing other members of the group to the paparazzi and breaking their anonymity. Alexis had even had to come to her home this week for their session. They'd talked about the video footage of her being raped and how she felt violated all over again, but in a different way. Now it wasn't just _him_ that was violating her, but anyone who saw that video. Sex was supposed to be a private, intimate affair, now anybody with access to the video could see her at her most vulnerable. It wasn't fair and it upset her greatly. She didn't want anyone to know what had happened to her, let alone see it, yet she knew it would be presented in court and that the jurors, judge, and legal teams would get to see it. Logically she knew having footage was a major coup for her case, but it made her feel sick to her stomach and part of her wished it didn't exist.

The start of the weekend had been so great too. Friday afternoon had seemed so _normal_ as she'd got Starbucks with her old soccer friends and it had been great to catch up with them. Then, despite the revelation about the video once she'd got home, Friday evening had actually been quite nice. Once Stevie and Jareth had finished with the horses and Jason had returned home, they'd cooked stir fry and she'd actually been able to eat a little of it without being sick. They'd played Scrabble and her mum had lost for the first time ever thanks to Jareth's amazing word skills. Seeing the disbelieving look on her mum's face as she lost was hysterical and they'd teased her about it for the rest of the evening. All in all the evening had turned out to be rather comforting as she was surrounded by her family.

But Saturday morning the newspaper article had run and all hell had broken lose. Whilst no journalists or paparazzi had made it onto the horse farm, coming back home on Sunday evening had been a nightmare. As soon as her mum's SUV had pulled up at the kerb of their DC home it had been swarmed by paparazzi and journalists. She had been blinded by the brilliant white light of the camera flashes the few short feet from the car to the front door of their home despite her parents and her mum's DS agent's best efforts to protect her as they ushered her into the house. She hadn't left her home since.

Glancing at the clock she realised that Jason should be home from school and she decided to try and find him. They'd got into somewhat of a routine over the past few weeks of playing video games together after school. Surprisingly she actually enjoyed hanging out with her younger brother and playing video games for a couple of hours, it was nice being able to talk and bicker with him again without feeling nervous and panicked and every time it was a reminder that she was making progress and starting to recover. She hoped he was in the mood for playing a game today as she could really use a distraction.

She wandered downstairs and into the family room, her breath catching in her throat and her blood running cold as she saw her brother passed out on the couch with a half drunk bottle of scotch hanging loosely in his hand as it rested precariously in a 45 degree angle with the floor.

"Jason!" she exclaimed as she shook his shoulder and removed the bottle from his hand.

Jason could feel his body shaking and someone calling his name. Why was the voice telling him to wake up? It was so nice where he was, he didn't have to think or feel, he could just _be_. The shaking continued so mustering all his energy he responded.

"Uh..." he grunted in reply.

"Jason, wake up!"

Slowly he opened his eyes and they rolled around the room in an unfocused fashion, before finally resting on his sister.

"Alison!" he exclaimed happily in an extremely slurred voice. His sister was here! "Ali, you da bes'!" he slurred as he tried to get up. He giggled when he realised his arms and legs didn't seem to want to respond to what his brain was telling them. Oh well, he was comfortable where he was.

"What have you done?" Alison exclaimed in a heartbroken tone.

"Nee'ed to relax" he slurred. He felt so relaxed at the moment, even if everything was a bit fuzzy and he felt dizzy. As long as he kept his eyes closed he was fine. Yeah, eyes closed and not moving was definitely the best.

"Jason!" she exclaimed again as she saw his eyes close.

Jason knew he should open his eyes, but he just didn't have the energy and he could feel the darkness encroaching again. He liked the darkness, he didn't have to think or feel when the darkness took him and he let it take over him as he drifted into unconsciousness once again.

* * *

"Jason? Jason? Can you hear me?"

Jason groaned as he heard someone calling his name. He ached everywhere and his head hurt - badly. The voice called his name again and as consciousness took over the pounding pain in his head got worse and he felt his stomach churn.

"Jason, open your eyes" the voice commanded.

"No..." he mumbled as he turned his head. Ugh! That was not a good idea, his head spun as he moved causing his stomach to churn more and the pounding in his head to intensify.

"Jason, open your eyes and look at me."

Reluctantly Jason opened his eyes and immediately regretted his decision as the dim light in the room hit his retinas. It felt like his eyes were being stabbed by a thousand tiny swords and almost immediately his stomach flipped .

"I'm going to be sick!" he exclaimed, noticing how the words slurred as they left his mouth.

He was tilted forward and he retched into the bucket that was thrust in front of him. He realised then that he was lying on his side on the couch in the family room. After he was finished he went to roll onto his back but was stopped by a gentle hand.

"Not tonight buddy. Tonight you have to sleep on your side"

"Dad?" he queried in confusion as he tried to focus his eyes.

"Yeah it's me, son" Henry assured his son in a concerned tone.

"He's awake?"

"Alison?" he queried as he tilted his head to look behind him from the direction the voice had come from, ignoring the spinning in his head. He could just make out his sister standing behind the couch, their mum stood next to her with her arm wrapped around his sister's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm here. Are you ok?" Alison asked in a worried tone, her voice catching as the words left her mouth.

Jason considered her question. His head pounded, his stomach hurt from where he'd just been sick, and his mouth felt like sandpaper.

"Need a drink" he whispered his reply.

"I'll get it" she answered as she turned and headed into the kitchen.

He closed his eyes and slowly turned his head back around so he was facing his father once again. He could see the concern on his father's face, but also the underlying anger and disappointment, and he swallowed thickly. After the last drinking talk his dad had threatened to send him to military school if he was caught drinking again and he seriously wondered if his dad would follow through with the threat.

"Dad..." he croaked.

"Do you think you can sit up?" his dad interrupted him in a no nonsense voice.

Honestly, he didn't think he could, but he had a feeling that it was going to be in his best interest to at least try.

"Yes" he croaked, and at his reply his mother came around to the front of the couch and together both his parents hauled him into a sitting position. The pounding in his head intensified and his stomach flipped again.

"Mum..." he managed to get out in a panicked croak and she had just enough time to grab the bucket and place it in front of him before he was sick again.

"Jason..." she breathed in a worried tone as she smoothed the hair back from his face and rubbed his back whilst his father held him in a seated position.

"Is he ok?" Alison whispered from behind.

"Yes, he's going to be fine" Henry assured as he reached out to take the glass of water his daughter was holding. "Why don't you go up to bed, Ali?"

"Ok" she replied softly realising that now her brother was awake it was time for her parents to take over the situation and her dad was very kindly trying to tell her to get out of the room. She hadn't known what to do when she hadn't been able to wake her brother and she'd called her parents in a panic, despite knowing how angry they would be at Jason. That was 5 hours ago and Jason had just woken up. She just hoped her brother wouldn't be angry at her for calling their parents once he sobered up.

"Here, drink this" Henry commanded his son as he handed Jason the glass of water.

Jason grateful gulped down several mouthfuls of water and relished in the cooling effect on his mouth and oesophagus, but then the cool liquid hit his stomach causing it to churn yet again and he immediately removed the glass from his mouth as he grimaced at the feeling of the liquid in his unsettled stomach. Not yet being able to summon the courage to look at his parents he looked down and was overcome by surprise at what he saw.

"Why are my trousers wet?" he asked in confusion.

He saw his parents cast a look between each other before his mother spoke.

"Because you wet yourself, Jason" she replied coolly.

"What!?" he exclaimed as embarrassment washed through him. He was 16, he didn't wet himself anymore!

"You lost control of your bladder. It happens when you drink too much" his mother continued in the same cool tone, her arms folded as she stared down at him, disappointment evident on her face.

"You've also been sick twice whilst you've been unconscious. You were lucky Ali was here and called us or you might have di..." his mum looked away from him then and he could see the flash of fear in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." he slurred, his foggy brain not yet fully comprehending what he'd been told.

"Come on, lets get you upstairs to bed" his father instructed with a resigned sigh.

With the help of his parents he managed to stand, but try as he might, he could not get his legs to walk properly and he was completely reliant on his parents as they stumbled up the stairs as a threesome. He'd never experienced this when he'd been drunk before and he really didn't like not having control of his body. His embarrassment continued once they got upstairs as he couldn't co-ordinate his limbs or sense of balance enough to change out of his dirty clothes. He stood propped up against the sink unit completely ashamed of himself as his parents undressed him, and at his dad's insistence, he sat in the bath as his dad showered him down to rid him of the smell of urine, before dressing him in his pyjamas and helping him clean his teeth. Once done, his parents helped him walk to his bedroom and as they lay him on his bed he realised his mum had changed his bedding and had put on the plastic sheets he'd had as a child. He felt completely humiliated and he couldn't help the tears that slid down his checks.

"I'm sorry!" he sobbed as he curled up in a ball on his side. He was beyond mortified and he just wanted to go to sleep, to let the darkness consume him again. His mum came to sit on the bed next to him and smoothed his wet hair off his forehead as she placed a cool cloth on his forehead, the coolness being a welcome relief for his pounding head.

"Why did you do it, Jase?" she asked in a sad, worried tone.

"Cos the idiots said mean things 'bout Ali. And it's not true, Ali great" he replied, and despite the drowsiness in his voice, the heated conviction and anger behind his words was obvious. "She's so brave... makes me so sad and angry they say mean things..."

He wanted to tell his mum everything that had happened at school and with the press, he wanted her to make all his problems go away like when he was little and he thought she was a super hero - but it was too late. The darkness was encroaching and he couldn't keep his eyes open. He let the darkness take him yet again...

* * *

Henry walked down the rear staircase having made sure that Jason was propped up on his side with enough pillows and cushions that he wouldn't be able lie on his back whilst he was downstairs helping Elizabeth clean up. His worst fear right now was that his son would be sick again in his sleep and choke on his own vomit. He'd propped Jason's iPad up next to him and FaceTimed his own iPhone so that he'd be able to keep an eye on his son whilst he was downstairs. If Jason was sick again he'd be able hear it and could be upstairs in seconds.

"Stevie's staying at Jareth's tonight" his wife informed him in a monotone voice as she scrubbed vigorously at the couch.

"Oh, right" he replied distractedly as he started to clean up the kitchen. So far this week had been awful, and that was before the frantic call from Alison informing him that Jason was passed out on the couch drunk. The press had been hounding him none stop for information on Alison and he'd just about had enough of the looks his colleagues and students were giving him. Everyone was acting as if his daughter was the only 18 year old to ever be pregnant and it was driving him crazy, especially as none of his colleagues or students knew the real reasons she was pregnant. He could take the criticism from his peers about his morals and ethics, and he could take the disapproval from the press about his parenting skills, but the things that were being said about Alison in the press was making his blood boil. Yet there was nothing he could do and he felt powerless, something he hated.

But all that had paled into insignificance when he'd got Alison's call and rushed home to find that he was unable to rouse Jason. He'd already been sick whilst he was unconscious by the time he'd got home and he would forever be grateful to Alison for having the sense to turn her brother onto his side so that he hadn't choked on his vomit. The past 6 hours had been truly worrying and witnessing his son like that had been terrifying. He was so angry and disappointed with Jason, but he couldn't help but wonder why he'd started drinking again after a year. Finishing the last of the washing up he absentmindedly walked to the cupboard and grabbed himself a tumbler. It was as he was about to pour the golden liquid into the glass that Elizabeth's voice stopped him.

"Don't!" she commanded.

Startled, Henry looked up to see his wife staring at him in disbelief.

"After what we've been through tonight, you're really going to drink that?" she all but yelled as she nodded to the bottle of scotch in his hand, the bottle that Jason had drunk out of mere hours earlier.

"Elizabeth, it's been a long day. I just need to relax" he snapped as he wiped his hand over his tired eyes. He really didn't want to get into a fight with his wife tonight.

"Don't you think that maybe that's what Jason thought? I mean, we come home from work and have a tumbler of scotch or a glass of wine nearly every day and Jason sees that. Is this our fault, Henry? Did we cause this?" she asked him pleadingly and as he looked up into her eyes he could see the desperation and guilt they contained.

Henry took a deep breath and released it slowly as he considered his wife's statement. "I don't know, babe" he answered truthfully. "I was so sure I'd got through to him last time..." he continued in a sad, resigned, tone.

"What are we going to do?" Elizabeth asked in a worried, desperate, tone. "First he was punching walls, now he's drinking. I can't...he can't..."

"Hey, I know" Henry soothed as moved over to his wife and took Elizabeth in his arms and held her close. He could feel how tense she was and her heavy breathing against his chest. By the way she had been vigorously scrubbing the couch when he came down he knew she was beyond worried about Jason.

"I guess we can follow through on our threat to send him to military school..."

"What? No!" Elizabeth exclaimed as she tore herself away from her husband's embrace "You promised..."

Henry sighed heavily. Despite his wife's pragmatic approach to her time at boarding school and the opportunities it had afforded her after her parents died, he knew that deep down she had hated the isolation of boarding school. She had hated not having a home to go back to each night and being stuck 24/7 with the same people in close confines. She'd made him promise when they had kids that they would never send them to boarding school.

"Ok, ok" he placated his wife "I wasn't serious" he assured as he once again took Elizabeth in his arms.

Elizabeth breathed in the comforting scent of her husband's cologne, only today it offered her little comfort. She'd had a terrible day before Henry had called her about Jason. The press had been relentless about Alison's pregnancy, everything she touched at work had seemed to go wrong, and things had flared up in Pakistan again which had caused tension in the White House and with her foreign counterparts who still blaming the USA for the fall of Pakistan in the first place. Then she'd come home to find her son barely conscious on the couch and Alison beside herself once again. She'd wanted to call an ambulance, but equally didn't want to bring anymore press attention to her family which she knew paramedics being called to her drunk son would. With no other choice she'd called Will who had come to check on Jason. He diagnosed that Jason was suffering from mild alcohol poisoning but thought that they'd be able to manage the condition without calling the paramedics. He'd told them what to do and what signs to look out for that meant Jason was getting worse, for which they would have to call an ambulance. Luckily Jason hadn't got any worse and they'd not had to call an ambulance, but it had been a close call.

She was stressed from her day at work, angry yet so so worried about Jason, and feeling completely overwhelmed with life at the moment. Despite being angry at Henry for suggesting they send Jason to military school, the greater part of her just wanted the comfort of being with her husband.

"If he's drinking to cope with what's going on..."

"I know, he could be in a world of trouble" Henry finished in a concerned tone. If Jason was drinking to deal with his emotions then it was a slippery slope to a serious drinking problem. "But you know, he could have learnt his lesson. I mean, you still don't drink vodka..."

"Henry..." Elizabeth cautioned as she pulled back from her husband and visibly paled. It had been over 27 years since she had got drunk on vodka and coke at her 21st birthday party and had then spent the best part of the next day being sick. It had taken her a long time to be able to drink coke again afterwards and she still couldn't touch vodka to this day.

"Hey" he soothed as he pulled her close once again and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "But that's kind of my point, he's never been this drunk before and he's going to have the hangover from hell, maybe that will be enough to put him off drinking".

"You think so?" she asked hopefully, a hint of desperation in her voice as she tilted her head to look up at her husband. She wanted so much to believe her husband was right and Jason getting this drunk was just a one off.

"I think... I think we should talk to him tomorrow and go from there" Henry replied as he cradled his wife's head in his hand and gently rested it against his chest once again.

"Ok" Elizabeth whispered tiredly as she relished the feeling of being in her husband's arms. She'd been wrong before, the smell of his cologne and the steady beating of his heart beneath her ear was slowly relaxing her and she wanted nothing more than to curl up in her husband's arms and go to sleep.

"What are we going to do about Jason tonight?" She asked tiredly. "We can't leave him on his own".

"Already thought of that, babe" Henry replied as he reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone.

Elizabeth took in the peaceful expression on her son's sleeping face, and despite everything, a small smile graced her features. Her son might be headstrong and rebellious, and could potentially have a drinking problem, but she knew she wouldn't change him for the world.

* * *

 _I wanted to do something involving Jason drinking as in my experience you don't just stop drinking after one talk with your parents, but in hindsight this might be me trying to get through some of my own issues as one of my relatives is an alcoholic. I hope it was worth the read in any case._

 _It also occurred to me that at the end of Season 2 the regime in Pakistan fell as the Prime Minster was killed and the "coup" failed, but we haven't heard anything more about Pakistan in Season 3 so I thought I'd being it up here!_

 _Reviews and constructive criticism welcomed._


	15. Chapter 15

_So, it's my birthday today and I thought I would post another chapter to celebrate. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Numbness in his arm caused Henry McCord to let out a moan. He could feel the soft hair and heavy weight of his wife's head on his arm and he moved to turn on his back so that he could retrieve his arm without waking his wife however, as he shifted he felt Elizabeth's grip on his other arm tighten keeping him in place on his side.

"Henry..." Elizabeth whispered to her husband "Shhh.."

Despite her husband's make shift monitoring device, Elizabeth had not been able to rest in her own bed so far away from Jason last night, and after a restless hour of tossing and turning, she'd finally decided to sleep in Stevie's room so she could be closer to her son. Henry hadn't lasted long without her and 20 minutes later he had joined her and they had spent the rest of the night curled up together in the small bed. She had opened Jason's door and also kept theirs open so that she could hear her son and be close by just in case he needed her during the night. It appeared that Jason was just like his father when he was drunk and had snored most of the night, although she had found the sound reassuring, because if he was snoring, he was alive. The sound had eventually lulled her to sleep until she had been awoken a few minutes ago by voices coming from the next door room.

As Henry started to regain consciousness he became aware of the sound of voices in the distance and his eyes shot open. Momentarily he was confused by his surroundings and then last night came flooding back to him. He shifted his numb arm so he could prop himself up to peer down at his wife incredulously.

"Is that Alison and Jason _talking_?" he whispered in disbelief, to which Elizabeth nodded and pressed her finger to her mouth gesturing for him to be quiet.

He strained his ears to listen to what his youngest daughter and only son were discussing only a few short feet away...

* * *

A small thud caused Jason McCord's brain to stir and he groaned as consciousness seized control of his mind. His head was pounding, his mouth felt like sandpaper, his skin felt clammy, and his insides felt like they'd just been through the wash cycle of the washing machine. He'd never had a flu bug like this before.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

The remorseful sound of his sister's voice broke through his foggy brain causing his eyes to flicker open, the action causing sharp pains in his eyes.

"It's ok" he croaked. God he felt terrible! He felt like he was dying.

"I thought you might like some fresh water and some painkillers" she said softly.

Jason stared longingly at the glass of water on his bedside cabinet. It looked so inviting but the thought of moving seemed like an impossible task.

Alison stared nervously at her brother. She had woken up early this morning desperate to use the bathroom and had checked on Jason on the way back to her room. He'd looked so pale and ill that she'd wanted to do something to help him knowing that he would have a terrible hangover this morning. She'd decided a new washcloth, a fresh glass of water, and some painkillers would be the best thing she could do and she'd managed to put the new washcloth on his head without waking him, but the glass of water had slipped slightly in her hand as she placed it on Jason's bedside cabinet and the small noise had caused him to stir. She hadn't meant to wake him and felt guilty for doing so however, noticing how he was staring longingly at the glass of water she thought there was something she could do to help.

"Here" she said as she perched on the side of his bed and picked up the glass of water. Jason lifted his head gingerly off the pillow and took a few grateful sips of water from the glass that she held to his lips.

"Thanks" he croaked.

"I brought you some painkillers too" she continued as Jason took a few more sips of water and swallowed the painkillers she offered him. "I thought you might need them after last night".

Jason looked at his sister quizzically as she referenced last night. He tried to remember what Alison was talking about and as he shifted on the bed he felt and heard the crackle of plastic sheets and it all came flooding back to him.

The jerks at school and the journalists on his doorstep.

The anger and frustration.

The scotch.

Passing out on the couch.

Being sick.

His parents undressing him...

"Oh God!" he groaned. He didn't have the flu, he had a hangover!

"How mad are mum and dad?" he asked in a resigned tone.

Alison shrugged and her face held a helpless expression. "They were more worried than angry last night, especially when they couldn't wake you and you were sick as you slept. Mum even called Uncle Will over to check on you but he got called back to the hospital before you woke up".

Jason closed his eyes and groaned as he remembered what his dad had said about being sent to military school if he was caught drinking again. He finally felt like he'd settled into a school and had actual friends, he didn't want to go to military school for one stupid mistake.

"Did they say anything when they found me?" he asked his sister.

"Not really. They just wanted to know how long you'd been drinking and how much you'd drank, but I didn't know. I'm sorry I called them but I didn't know what else to do and I was so scared when I couldn't wake you up. Why did you do it, Jase?" Alison asked in a distressed tone. "I thought you'd stopped drinking?"

He opened his eyes to find his sister staring down at him with a worried expression on her face and tears in her eyes.

"I did" he replied forcefully "But the past few days at school..."

"So, it's because of me" Alison interrupted in a choked voice as she turned away from her brother, shame coating her features. She may not have any of her social media accounts, but she still had her devices and the TV and she knew what was being said about her and she knew how much criticism her parents, and even the president, were taking because of her. She didn't want to cause her family any problems and guilt flooded over her that she was the one who was causing her family to be harassed. "I'm sorry!" she exclaimed in a chocked voice.

Despite his hungover state, Jason would not have his sister feel upset because of something he had done and he stared his sister straight in the eye as he spoke. The pain in his head was blinding, but instinctively he knew this conversation with his sister was important and he wanted to give her his full attention.

"It's not your fault, Ali. It's the stupid press and the jerks at school. It just got on top of me yesterday and I was angry and frustrated. I thought if I had a beer it would relax me, but it didn't, so I thought I'd try some scotch like mum and dad."

"But if I wasn't..."

"No, Alison. You didn't do anything wrong and you don't deserve what's being said about you and your kid. You did the right thing going to the police. I'm so...I'm so proud that you did. I know - well I don't _know_ know - but I get that the police stuff must have been horrible... I looked it up on the internet. Then there's what _he_ did" he stated honestly, his face flushing slightly at the uncharacteristically personal conversation he was having with his sister - the first time they had talked about her rape directly too.

Alison stared at her brother in shock, she had no idea he felt like that about her decision to go to the police. She thought this might have been the most serious conversation she'd ever had with him and it made her realise that her little brother was not so little anymore.

"It's been hard..." she admitted. Seeing as what Jason had just shared with her, she decided to share something equally as personal with him. "Do you know I thought about getting rid of it? The baby" she clarified at Jason's confused look.

"You did?" he exclaimed in surprise.

"Yeah" Alison replied in a contemplative tone as she paused to gather her thoughts. "Do you remember the day you came into my room because of the spider?"

Jason nodded.

"Do you remember I couldn't let you kill it?"

Jason nodded once again "Yeah, you made dad put it out on the window ledge."

"It made me realise that if I couldn't let you kill a spider, then I couldn't get rid of my baby and I decided to keep it. I have no idea how I'm going to raise it..." she trailed off, an overwhelmed look appearing on her face.

"Ali, you've always been the caring one. Look at what you just did, bringing me water and painkillers. You're going to be a great mum" he assured.

"I hope so" she replied in an unsure tone.

Realisation dawned on Jason "God, I've been so stupid. If you can go through all that then I can deal with the journalists and the jerks. That's...that's a piece of cake compared to..."

Alison smiled ruefully at her brother "Yeah, I guess when you put it that way" she agreed. "So, no more drinking?"

Jason groaned and humiliation washed over him as random moments from last night popped into his head "I couldn't walk, dad had to shower me, and mum put plastic sheets on the bed because I wet myself. Then there's this hangover...I'm never drinking again" he confirmed adamantly.

"Good, because I kinda like playing Zombie Apocalypse with you..." she replied with a fond smile as she nudged her brother's side and watched him grimace at her touch.

"Well, you better hope that mum and dad don't send me to military school then..." Jason stated in a pained tone as his sister's playful nudge caused an aching pain to reverberate around his body.

"We're not" his mother's voice interrupted and brother and sister turned round in surprise to see their parents standing in the doorway of the room.

"How long have you been standing there?" Alison asked in an embarrassed tone.

"Long enough" Elizabeth replied with a loving smile. It wasn't that she liked spying on her children, but sometimes it was necessary and this morning had been one of those times. Henry and she had not been able to stop themselves from creeping to Jason's room as their son and daughter talked, and hearing Jason accept responsibility for his actions and reassure Alison was enough for them to realise their son was growing up and had made a mistake last night that he was learning from. But there was a point that Jason had raised that she thought needed addressing.

"But there is one thing I want to add, Jason. Your dad and I don't get drunk every night, we might have one drink with or after dinner, but we don't drink to bury our emotions. If you start doing that then you're going to end up with a drinking problem" Elizabeth implored earnestly.

"And we don't want that for you, son" Henry continued. "You're smart, articulate, passionate, and you are a natural born leader. We want you to achieve everything in life that you're capable of achieving, like we want for you too, Noodle. But it seems like you have some anger issues that we need to figure out some ways for you to handle."

"I don't..." Jason began angrily before he was interrupted by his sister.

"Jase, my baby is not going to have a dad. It's going to need its uncle around and you can't be teaching my kid how to fight or get drunk" Alison stated shyly, yet emphatically, a slight reprimand in her voice.

Jason stared at his sister and realisation dawned on him that he was going to be an uncle. He knew his sister was pregnant, but he'd completely overlooked the fact that meant he was going to have a niece or nephew which he had to protect and look out for. His sister was right, he couldn't be getting into fights or getting drunk, there was something bigger in his life now than just him. He'd promised himself the night he'd found out Ali had been raped that he would do anything she needed, and now he realised he needed to do the same for his niece or nephew. He needed to be a good role model, because as much as he now felt the weight of responsibility of being an uncle, he knew that paled in comparison to the responsibility that his sister had raising her child.

Jason sighed. "So, Zombie Apocalpse every time I get angry?" he asked his sister.

"Oh, you're on!" she exclaimed happily as she ruffled her brother's hair fondly and grinned at his wince.

A wave of love washed over Henry as he watched his son and daughter interact and he glanced over at Elizabeth to find tears in her eyes. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close as he pressed a loving kiss to her forehead. She glanced up at him and he could see the love and pride for their family that shone in her eyes. A shared silent conversation was had between the two that somehow, despite everything, their kids were turning out just fine. Their reverie was broken by the sound of Jason's voice.

"Hey, how come you're not being sick?"

A bright smile lit up Alison's face. "This is the second day I haven't had morning sickness. Looks like the 2nd trimester is finally here!" she exclaimed happily.

"Good, because I was worried that your baby was going to come out looking like a pancake"

"JASON!" Henry, Elizabeth, Alison exclaimed, the loud sound causing Jason to wince.

"What? It's all she's been eating for like a month! The kid should be called Pancake!" Jason defended himself.

"JASON!" his parents exclaimed again, but Alison just looked at her brother thoughtfully.

"You have a point" Alison remarked causing all eyes to turn to her. "I do feel weird referring to _it_ as, well, _it_ , or baby, so maybe it can be known as Pancake until I find out if it - Pancake - is a boy or girl?"

Elizabeth smiled fondly at her daughter as a long ago memory popped into her head "Noodle, did I ever tell you about how you got your nickname..."

* * *

 _Ok, I swear I actually wrote this chapter about a month ago, way before this week's episode. I hope you enjoyed it._

 _Reviews welcome as they do make me smile...did I mention it was my birthday..._


	16. Chapter 16

_Thank you for the reviews and the birthday wishes. I had to work, which sucked, but found out that redundancy might be on the cards next year which is great. (Seriously, I hate my job and the redundancy package I would get would mean I could go to uni and train to do what I actually want to do, so I'm holding out for redundancy lol!)_

 _Anyway, here's the next instalment..._

* * *

"My latest chlamydia test came back clear today. Just one more test to go until I get the all clear" Alison McCord stated quietly as she pulled at her jumpers self-consciously. Although she was now 15 weeks pregnant Pancake had been quite 'shy' in revealing itself and her bump had been practically non-existent until this week. She'd been able to wear her normal clothes quite comfortably until a couple of days ago, but then somehow overnight her jeans had started to get tight and she'd had to loop a hair tie around the button hole of her jeans and then loop it around the button in order to get her jean done up today. She'd layered up a couple of her tops to hide her body as best she could but she still felt self-conscious.

"That's great news, Ali" the group praised and she smiled shyly as she tugged at the edges of her jumpers once again to make sure her stomach was covered. She gotten used to her breasts being bigger, but the slight curve of her stomach was making her feel uncomfortable and she couldn't quite figure out how she felt about it. It wasn't helping that a few paparazzi were still following her around hoping to get a picture of her despite the news of her pregnancy now being considered old news, even though it had only been announced 3 weeks ago.

"Is there something else that's bothering you?" Dr Alexis Castillo prompted her patient.

Alison looked nervously around the group. She'd been coming to the rape survivors group for almost a month now and this was her third session. She knew she was supposed to share her feelings with the group but if was hard effectively talking to a bunch of strangers about her most deepest, dark, thoughts and it went against everything she felt. Logically she knew it was healthier for her mental wellbeing to talk about what happened to her, but there was still a part of her that wanted to forget what had happened and not talk to anyone about anything. However, she'd heard how the other group members were feeling and she knew that whatever she said would not be repeated outside of these four walls. Gathering all her courage she decided to voice what was on her mind.

"It will be 3 months on Saturday since _he_ attacked me" she stated quietly as she stared intently at the wooden floor in front of her. "In some ways it seems like it was so long ago, but in others it seems like it was yesterday" she continued as she nervously looked up and met the gazes of the other members of the group. "Like, my mum is away the next two weeks for work and it's just me, my dad, my brother, and occasionally my sister, at home when she's not staying at her fiancé place. After the attack I couldn't stand being around my dad and brother, but now it's fine, it's like that part of my life is back to normal. In fact in some ways it's better, I'm actually getting along with my brother and we hang out when he comes home from school now! I'm having more good day - more _normal_ days- and sometimes I feel really happy, especially when I'm hanging out with my family, but then I feel guilty for feeling happy because this horrible thing happened to me and I feel like I shouldn't get to be happy".

"I know what you mean" one of the other members stated. "I was raped 10 years ago, but sometimes I wake up in the morning and it seems like it was yesterday. Or something good might happen and then out of nowhere I remember what happened all those years ago and I feel guilty for feeling happy as I'm reminded of this terrible thing that happened to me."

"Me too " another member agreed.

"Really?" Alison asked in an unsure tone.

"Really!" the other members of the group assured.

A small smile lit up Alison's face "That a relief, as I thought it was just me who felt that way"

"Everyone here has been forced against their will to do something they didn't want to do. I want you all to remember that you survived your attacks and that it's ok for you to be happy. It's _good_ for you to be happy and remember that you have control over you own life. You will have good days and bad days, but you will find that eventually the good days outweigh the bad and that's ok. You're recovering and that's a healthy reaction to have" Dr Castillo added.

"But don't you ever feel like you're being held back in time?" Alison asked timidly.

"What do you mean?" Alexis asked inquisitively.

"My...my attacker is still awaiting trial and sometimes it feels like I can't move on with my life until the trial is over, but yet I have to move on with my life. I...um... I have no choice due to the pregnancy" Alison stated self-consciously as she once again pulled the jumpers over her slightly protruding stomach. Whilst she was sure most people in the room had heard about her pregnancy in the news, it was the first time she had acknowledged it in the group; the first time she had acknowledged it outside her immediately family members and medical team.

An awkward silence descended on the room until the quiet, hesitant, voice of one of the group members spoke "You're pregnant because of the rape?"

"Yes" Alison whispered as she looked down at the floor unable to face the eyes that stared at her.

"I think it's very brave what you're doing, having your rapist's child" the same member stated after a few moments of silence as everyone absorbed the news.

"Thanks" Alison replied in a soft voice.

"I couldn't do it" another member began "How can you go through with the pregnancy knowing it could turn out like its father? How can you carry a child having gone through a rape?"

Hurt and fear ran through Alison at the scorn she heard in the group member's voice and she protectively rested her hand on her stomach. "I thought about abortion, but ultimately I decided that it wasn't Pan...the baby's fault who its father is and I couldn't go through with it" she stated quietly. "I mean, my parents are good people, as is everyone in my family, so the baby should stand a fairly decent chance of being good, right?" she asked in a desperate tone.

"Alison, I've met you three times and I can already tell you are one of the most sweetest, caring people. If how someone turns out is based on nurture rather than nature then your kid is going to be just fine" one of the group members assured, causing Alison to blush.

"I hope so" she replied before a heavy silence descended on the room.

"My parents made me get an abortion as soon as I told them I was pregnant. They didn't care that I was raped, all they cared about was the shame that would be brought on the family if anyone found out I was pregnant out of wedlock." a group member piped up breaking the silence, the resentment clear in her voice. "I might have a 5 year old child now if they hadn't. You're very brave for having the baby, Alison. I knew from the news who you were and that you were pregnant, but I didn't know it was because of the rape".

"Thanks" Alison stated quietly. "My mum and dad have been great and so supportive, I couldn't ask for better parents."

"You're lucky, Alison. I went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans for my friend's hen party and I had my drink spiked. I don't recall a lot of the night but I remember waking up the next morning in an alleyway behind one of the bars. I didn't have my underwear on and there were bruises, but I didn't know - and didn't want - to believe what might have happened to me. I mean, I was 32; things like that don't happen to people in their 30's, right? Anyway, it wasn't until the next month when I missed my period and the pregnancy test came back positive that I had to face the reality that I'd probably been raped. When I told my parents they were disgusted with me and told me what had happened to me was my own fault, that if I hadn't drank so much I wouldn't have been raped! I was raised Catholic and just couldn't bring myself to have an abortion, so I had my son. Ever since telling my parents I was pregnant things were strained, but when they called him the spawn of the devil I knew I had to sever ties with them. I haven't seen them for 12 years now and my son is now asking questions about his father. I had to tell him I went to a sperm bank, I couldn't tell him the truth" one of the members said in a sad, desperate tone.

A heavy silence once again descended on the room and Alison sat in shock as she replayed the stories the other rape victims had just revealed. She folded both of her arms around her stomach protectively as if trying to seal Pancake's ears from the words that had just been spoken.

"Rape is a terrible thing with consequences most of us can never imagine" Alexis began gravely. "But you are all here because you survived your rape. You did what you needed to do to get through the ordeal and live, never forget that. You will all have different journeys on your recovery and through life, but each member of this group is here to support each other. You will continue to live and you will continue to survive despite what you have been through".

"But what do I do about feeling like I constantly have one foot in the past whilst waiting for my attacker to be tried?" Alison asked desperately.

"I remember the wait when my attacker was awaiting trial, I thought the day would never come. All I can say is take each day as it comes. Focus on the good in your life and try to stay busy. The day will get here even if it feels like it won't" one of the group members advised.

"I guess..." Alison acquiesced. Until then she would just have to focus on the good things in her life and getting ready to have her child.

* * *

 _I'll admit I don't think this chapter is particularly good, but I wanted to write a group therapy session and this was the best I could come up with! I've never been to group therapy so it was hard to figure out what everyone would say, especially Alexis. The stories in there about rape victims being made to get abortions by their families, people saying someone deserved to be raped because they were drunk, or the child resulting from the rape being called the "spawn of the devil" etc are all based on true stories I read on_ _the internet from rape survivors._

 _No offence is intended to anyone or any religion, I chose Catholicism simply because I know more about Christianity than any other religion (which, believe me, is not a lot and what I do know is based on the Church of England bit of Christianity, but seeing as that is mainly practiced in the U.K. I went with the worldwide known Catholicism). The stories I read shocked me, especially that people would call children of rape the devil, so I wanted to write about it. I know this isn't my best work, nevertheless_ _I hope you enjoyed the read._


	17. Chapter 17

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter._

 _Just a heads up, in this chapter I've used British English words to describe certain items of clothing. I've used "leggings" which I know in Australia (and I think) New Zealand are called "tights", but I couldn't find the equivalent word in US English. But then I've used "tights" which I think in US English are called "pantyhose" but I have no idea what they are called in Australian/New Zealand English. I have no idea what leggings/tights/pantyhose are in South African English! It's not pertinent to the story but I thought I would mention it just in case you thought Alison was wearing bizarre clothing. I did use Google to try and find English words that would make sense to everyone but I couldn't find generic words so gave up! Got to love languages!_

* * *

Elizabeth McCord dropped her luggage with a thud and released a grateful sigh as she had entered her Georgetown house. She had been travelling for the best part of two weeks and was glad to be home, even if it was only for an hour so she could shower and change before going back into the office for the rest of the afternoon. It was late morning so Henry, Stevie, and Jason were all out at their respective jobs or school, but she thought her youngest daughter would be home to greet her and she called out for her.

"Noodle? You in?"

According to Henry Alison had started getting a bump since she had been away and she was looking forward to seeing her daughter, because although they had video called whilst she'd been away, her daughter had been careful only to show herself from her shoulders upwards. Getting no response, disappointment washed over her as she assumed Alison must be out on one of her daily walks and she ascended the stairs intent on having a long hot shower to soothe her aching, jetlagged body. However, she was stopped by the sound of soft sobs echoing in the hallway and she headed towards the source of the sound, stopping at the doorway of Alison's room as she discovered the source of the sound. Panic and worry washed over her as she saw her daughter sprawled on her bed, her jeans unclasped, and tears running down her cheeks.

"Noodle, what's the matter?" she exclaimed in concern, a little taken aback by the sight of her daughter with a pregnant stomach.

Elizabeth thought she'd prepared herself for how Alison would look pregnant, but seeing her youthful daughter with a protruding stomach made her realise she was not prepared in the least. Despite how proud she was of Alison for deciding to have Pancake and the progress she had made since she was raped, a wave of sadness washed over her that she was pregnant at such a young age and wouldn't get to experience the freedom she had in her late teens and early twenties. Her little Noodle still looked so fresh faced and young, yet her small bump was evidence that she was going to have to grow up so much quicker than she should have to.

Alison started at the sound of her mother's voice. "Mum?" she whimpered.

"Yeah baby, it's me. What's the matter?" Elizabeth repeated as she came to sit on the edge of her daughter's bed. She swallowed down her own feelings of shock and sadness as she tried to find out why her daughter was so upset.

"I'm so fat I can't get my jeans done up!" Alison wailed as she once again tried to pull her jeans together and loop the hair tie over the button. "See!" she exclaimed when the band wouldn't go over.

Elizabeth smiled ruefully down at her daughter remembering what it had felt like the first time her clothes hadn't fit when she was pregnant with each of her children. "Noodle, you're not fat, you're pregnant" she tried to rationalise gently.

"I know I'm pregnant!" Alison snapped "I just don't want to look like it!"

A wave of empathy washed over Elizabeth and she held back the chuckle she could feel brewing in her throat knowing the sound would only upset her daughter more. Instead she laid down on her side next to her daughter on the bed and lovingly tucked a piece of her daughter's thick, dark, hair behind her ear "I know, Noodle, but Pancake was going to start showing at some point" she tried to comfort. "Why don't you try your leggings, or one of your skirts or dresses with tights. Leggings and tights should stretch and fit your tummy"

"My skirts don't fit and I don't want to wear my leggings!" Alison all but yelled. "They make me feel exposed..." she finished with a whisper as she looked away from her mother, shame and embarrassment coating her features.

"Oh Noodle" Elizabeth exclaimed with a sigh as the sadness she had been feeling threatened to consume her once again. Alison had always been body confident and fashionable and she hated the fact that she was now self-conscious about her body with what she was going through.

"I know it's tough, but in a few more months Pancake will be here and your clothes will fit again, you'll see" she tried to assure her daughter.

She left out the part about how it could take months for her stomach to flatten again or that her hips may never go back into their pre-pregnancy position after they'd been stretched out by pregnancy. She just hoped that with Alison being so young her body would go back to something resembling normalcy shortly after she'd given birth.

"What am I going to do?" Alison asked desperately as she turned back to look at her mother, a pleading look in her eyes.

Elizabeth started at the flushed, tear-stained, cheeks of her daughter and mentally weighed up the work she still had left in the office to do. Realising that most of the work could either wait until tomorrow or she could have Blake send over for her to do tonight, she made a snap decision.

"I think there's only one thing for it. We're going shopping, my treat" she said with finality.

Alison stared at her mother in shock. "I can't go shopping, I have nothing to wear!" she exclaimed morosely.

Elizabeth let the irony of Alison's statement pass before she responded "You can wear your leggings and borrow one of my sweatshirts...

"I can't..." Alison interrupted.

"I know, I know, it's not the most fashionable look or one you'll be most comfortable in, but we'll get you some new clothes and you'll feel like yourself again before you know it, you'll see. Plus, you know, with Matt and Frank around I don't think anyone will be coming near you..."

Alison offered her mum a small smile at the comments about Matt and Frank as she knew they wouldn't let any harm come to her or her mother. She considered what her mum was offering and realistically she didn't have many clothes left that fit her; she supposed now that Pancake was making itself known she did need to get some new clothes. It was a weekday so the shops shouldn't be too busy with people to gawk at her if they went after the lunch time rush was over. Plus, it would be nice to spend some time with her mum outside of her OB/GYN appointments.

"Ok..." she acquiesced reluctantly.

"Good. Now let me go get showered and changed, we'll figure out what you're going to wear, and then we'll go upset Matt..." Elizabeth finished in a conspiratorial tone.

* * *

Alison McCord pulled her coat tightly around herself self-consciously. After an hour of trying on different items of clothing at home, and with her mum's encouragement, she had finally settled on a long sleeve cotton tee-shirt under one of her (previously) loose fitting shift dresses that she wore over a pair of leggings with her cowboy boots. With a cardigan and coat over the top she thought she'd managed to hide her stomach pretty well and she'd felt fairly confident leaving the house, but now that she was out in public she just felt insecure and self-conscious again.

She didn't know why she had developed such a problem with her stomach over the past couple of weeks and she was still working on it with Alexis during their weekly sessions. She'd accepted her pregnancy months ago and she'd certainly suffered with the symptoms of pregnancy - morning sickness, tender and enlarged breasts, the frequent need to pee, cravings for pancakes, extreme tiredness - yet she'd felt increasingly uncomfortable with her stomach as it had started to get bigger, and this was just the beginning. Logically she knew the fact that she was getting bigger was a good thing, it meant her child was growing after all, but she was also terrified as it made everything so _real_. She'd seen Pancake on a monitor, but seeing her child start to grow inside her? That was a completely different thing. It was like her body was a ticking time bomb counting down to when her life would irrevocable change - again.

Before New York she had loved shopping. Fashion was her passion and she loved putting different articles of clothing together to create an outfit, shopping was a natural part of that. But so far the afternoon shopping trip had been a bust and for the first time ever she was starting to hate the relentless trawl around the shops trying to find something she liked and then the hassle of having to undress and try the clothes on. They were now on their way to the fifth store of the afternoon and so far she hadn't seen anything she'd liked. Her mum had made her try on a few things in the other stores they had visited, but for various reasons they just hadn't fit her - the joys of being short, well endowed, and pregnant. She wanted nothing more than to just be able to shop like a normal teenager in a normal store, but she resigned herself to the fact she couldn't for the time being. She would have to buy clothes with elasticated waists and extendable sides to accommodate her growing bump and that knowledge depressed her somewhat. At least with her mum's status as Secretary of State they had gotten VIP treatment at the previous shops which had meant she could have her own private dressing room. She was so self-conscious of her body and she wasn't sure she would have been able to cope with public changing rooms. She let out a heavy sigh as she watched the buildings whizz by as they headed to their next destination.

Elizabeth regarded her daughter out of the corner of her eye as she quickly typed responses to various e-mails on her I-phone as they headed towards their next destination. She wished there was something she could do to cheer her daughter up. Normally a shopping trip always put a smile on Alison's face, but if anything her daughter was looking more and more depressed as the day dragged on. She hated seeing her daughter look so despondent and self-conscious. For 17 weeks pregnant her daughter looked amazing, she had the smallest, neatest bump she had ever seen, her thick hair had thicken more and looked luxurious and full, and her skin just glowed. She looked radiant and she just wished Alison could see that.

"You ready?" she asked her daughter, mustering all the enthusiasm she could as they pulled up at the rear of the next store, a decision made by her security detail in the hope of avoiding detection by the paparazzi that still plagued Alison.

"I guess" Alison replied with a dejected sigh as she mentally prepared herself for frumpy clothes that were probably designed for women at least a decade older than her.

Elizabeth paused and turned to look her daughter straight in the eye. "Alison, you're beautiful. With or without your bump, you're beautiful. Never forget that" she said seriously.

Alison was taken aback by her mother's words, but didn't have time to process them fully or respond before Matt was pulling open the door of the SUV and her mum and she were exiting the vehicle, DS agents in tow. She had to admit seeing her mum's burly DS agents walking around baby stores was pretty amusing, even if their group did draw attention.

* * *

Elizabeth McCord smiled softly at her youngest daughter as she watched her animatedly tell the family about their successful shopping trip this afternoon.

"...and I also got these new jeans and this top. They were on sale too!" Alison McCord finished happily as she ate takeaway with her family at the kitchen table. The fifth -and as it turned out final - store she had gone to with her mum had been fantastic. The designs had been hip and on trend and she'd been able to find an entirely new wardrobe in the one store. Despite her reluctance on buying elasticated jeans, she had to admit they did fit her better and were _much_ more comfortable to wear. The specialised cut of the maternity tops and dresses she'd brought also hid her bump a lot better and she felt much more confident in herself and the clothes she wore. This was one of the reasons why she wanted to become a stylist eventually, so she could help people look their best and help them feel better about themselves just by changing what they wore.

"You look beautiful" her father complimented her with a smile.

"Yeah, really good, Ali" her sister agreed.

"You're right on trend" Jason commented causing all eyes to turn to him. "What?!" he exclaimed defensively "I live with a fashionista, some of it is bound to have rubbed off on me!"

"Ok, Jase" Stevie teased as she got up and ruffled her brother's hair. "Well, this has been nice, but I've got a ton of homework to do".

"What about you, Jason?" Elizabeth asked her son.

"Nothing that can't wait" Jason replied non-committal tone.

Elizabeth noted the pause her son took before responding, the significant throat swallow, and how he looked away from her when he spoke - being ex-CIA did have some perks when it came to figuring out if her son was lying about his homework.

"Jason..."

"Ok, fine! I have a test to revise for tomorrow!" he replied in a grumpy tone.

"Ok, son. Upstairs to study" Henry ordered his son "Your mum and I will clear up".

"This is so unfair!" Jason exclaimed as he made his way upstairs causing both parents to roll their eyes.

"You finished, Noddle?" Elizabeth enquired as she cleared the takeaway containers from the table whilst her husband started rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher.

"Yeah, I think so" Alison nodded in confirmation. "Um, actually, there was something I've been meaning to ask you guys..."

"What is it, Noddle?" Elizabeth asked as she deposited the containers in the bin and started helping Henry with the clean up from dinner.

"Um, I need to borrow some money..." Alison began hesitantly.

Henry and Elizabeth stopped what they were doing, cast an inquisitive look at each other, before turning and facing their daughter.

"I still want to go to college next year" Alison continued seeing the enquiring looks on her parents faces "And I figure things are going to be hard with a newborn, so I phoned my college last week to see if they would agree to accept credits from one of the local community colleges. They agreed that if I did some of the compulsory courses at community college they would accept those credits next year so, I applied to one of the local community colleges. If they accept me for spring term then I'm going to need to borrow a few thousand dollars for the tuition."

A wave of pride washed over Henry and Elizabeth that their daughter was so committed to continuing her education and had used her initiative to look at ways she could get ahead at college for when Pancake arrived. There was just one thing bothering Elizabeth...

"That's great, Noodle, and your father and I would be happy to pay for your tuition" she confirmed as she cast a look at her husband who was vigorously nodding his head in agreement "It's just, well, won't your exams be around the time Pancake is due?"

"Yes, but it should be ok. Pancake is due on the 23rd April and exams start on the 1st May so I'll have a week after Pancake arrives to study for exams, that is, if you guys would be happy to babysit whilst I take them?" Alison replied in a determined tone.

Elizabeth cast a nervous look at her husband and she could tell he was having the same thought as she was.

"That's fine, Noodle, your dad and I would be happy to babysit whilst you sit your exams, it's just that, well, babies don't always come on their due date. Stevie was a week early and Jason was 2 weeks late. You were even a day late" Elizabeth stated gently.

Alison waved her hand dismissively as only a teenager can "Pancake is going to be on time and I'll sit my exams. It will be fine."

Henry cast a nervous look at Elizabeth who gave him a helpless look.

"Ok, Noodle, if you want to go to college your dad and I will support you" Elizabeth agreed in a worried, yet supportive, tone. "And are you sure you're going to be ok being surrounded by so many people?"

Alison considered her mother's question carefully. "I think so, I at least want to try. My anxiety is getting better and the techniques that Alexis gave me are really helping. I've discussed it with her and she thinks it's a good idea if it's something I want to do. I think it will be good prep for next year so I can see how I get on at college. It's only a couple of courses so I'll be a part time student. Plus, I'm getting so bored sat around here, I need something to do"

"Ok, Noodle, as long as you're sure. Let us know how you get on and if there's anything we can do" Henry offered.

"Thanks!" Alison beamed. "Actually, there is just one other thing..."

"Ok..." Henry replied hesitantly.

"The Rape Crisis Centre is looking for volunteers and I'd like to volunteer"

"I'm not sure..." Elizabeth began before being interrupted by her daughter.

"It's only answering the phone and admin type work, nothing strenuous and no counselling type work. And as I said I'm getting so bored. I want to help out and I feel safe there. Alexis has helped me so much that I want to do something in return. It will only be a couple of mornings a week..."

"And this is something you want to do, for you? Not out of feeling guilty for how Alexis has helped you?" Elizabeth asked seriously.

"I want to do it for me and for others like me that need help" Alison confirmed in an adamant tone.

"Ok, Noodle. If this is what you want, we're behind you" Elizabeth replied as she cast a look at her husband and saw the agreement in his eyes.

"Great! I'll call them in the morning and set things up." Alison exclaimed excitedly. "I'm going upstairs to take a bath."

"Sure" Elizabeth and Henry replied distractedly as they watched their daughter walk upstairs.

Henry turned to his wife once he was sure his daughter was out of earshot. "Wow! That was certainly a lot to take in..."

"I know, I can't believe how well she is doing. College and volunteering...it's not going to be too much for her is it?" Elizabeth asked her husband in a worried tone. "I mean, I came home from my trip this morning and she was crying because she thought she was fat. Now she's applied to community college and she wants to volunteer..."

Henry paused to consider his answer. He'd noticed how awkward Alison had been since she'd started to develop a bump whilst Elizabeth had been away and he wasn't sure if going to community college and volunteering would be too much for his daughter. It was a lot of change after what she had been through.

"I guess we just have to let her try and see how things go" he replied in an unsure tone.

"She didn't mention any of this today when we were shopping..." Elizabeth replied in a distracted tone.

"Speaking of shopping, exactly how much did you spend today? " Henry asked inquisitively, an undercurrent of warning in his tone.

Elizabeth swallowed guiltily as she looked up at her husband. She knew he would not be pleased with the amount she had spent on their daughter today, especially as they would soon be having a new grandchild to look after and another college fund to start putting money into, but once they had got to the final shop Alison had been in her element putting various outfits together and she just hadn't been able to say no, especially as Ali had been crying when she'd got home from her trip.

"Let's just say it was less than a college education..." she trailed off as she headed towards the family room to relax in front of the TV.

"Elizabeth..." Henry began in a disapproving tone before he was cut off by the sound of the door bell.

"You expecting anyone?" Elizabeth asked her husband inquisitively.

"No..." Henry replied in a confused tone and together husband and wife headed to the front door.

"I'm sorry, Secretary McCord, Dr McCord, but his credentials are legit" Matt stated as Henry opened the front door to a man dressed in dark clothes.

"Alison McCord?" the man in dark clothes asked.

"She's not available" Henry replied in a no nonsense tone. "But we're her parents, can we help you?"

"I'm sorry, but I must speak with Alison McCord"

"And you are?" Henry pressed.

"I'm sorry, as I said, I must speak with Alison McCord"

"Look, I'm not letting you..." Henry began before he felt Elizabeth's soft hand on his arm and he paused mid-sentence.

"Matt, you said his credentials checked out?" Elizabeth asked her Head DS Agent in a serious tone, a sinking feeling appearing in her stomach.

"Yes ma'am, they did" Matt replied in an equally serious tone, and if Elizabeth was not mistaken, there was also a hint of sadness.

"Elizabeth, what are you doing?" Henry hissed.

Elizabeth rubbed her husband's arm soothingly "Matt says his _credentials_ checked out" she whispered in response, willing her husband to understand what might be about to happen. Something that had happened to him not too many years ago. Henry just looked at her with a baffled expression on his face.

"Alison!" Elizabeth yelled. "Can you come down here?"

"But my bath's almost ready!" Alison replied.

Elizabeth sighed. "Alison, I need to see you down here, NOW!" she yelled.

"Ok, ok, I'm coming..." came the distant sound of her daughter's voice.

A minute later Alison appeared at the bottom of the stairs in her dressing gown and looked around in confusion before she saw her parents standing in the entryway of their home with a strange man dressed in black.

"Mum..." she asked nervously as she headed towards her parents, a sense of foreboding appearing in her stomach as she clutched her dressing gown tightly around herself.

"Alison McCord?" the strange man asked as she headed towards her parents.

"Yes" she whispered as she felt her legs start to shake. She saw Matt in the background and tried to reassure herself that if the man was dangerous Matt would not have let him anywhere near the house, let alone in it.

"I'm a Process Server, considered yourself served" he stated as he handed the young woman an envelope before turning and swiftly exiting the house.

With trembling hands Alison opened the envelope that had been given to her and pulled out the document, but the legal jargon on the document made no sense to her.

"Noodle, what is it?" Elizabeth asked her daughter in a worried tone.

"I...I don't know" Alison replied helplessly as she held out the piece of paper for her parents to see.

Henry's eyes widened as he read the document in front of him and his fists clenched at his sides. He took in the panicked expression on his daughter's face and took a deep breath to calm himself. There was no doubt in his mind that Alison was going to be beside herself once they told her what the document meant and his daughter needed his comfort, not his anger, right now.

Elizabeth's stomach dropped to the floor as she read the document and as she cast her eyes up to catch her husband's eyes she could see anger and indignation in his eyes, the same emotions no doubt reflected in her own.

"Noodle, it's a subpoena. Giovanni Rossi wants a paternity test..." she stated softly.

* * *

 _So, there's not a lot of information on the internet about how to defend a rapist, but I did read somewhere that where there is a pregnancy involved the guy can ask for a paternity test. The accused can't harass a victim, but I guess it's not an unreasonable test to ask for if you're a guy who's being accused of rape and the only one the victim is saying she slept with, but the baby turns out not to be yours. Therefore I thought it reasonable to put the request in the story, although I'm not sure if the request would come via a subpoena or the DA's office. For the purposes of the story the subpoena was a bit more dramatic so I went with that!_


	18. Chapter 18

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. To the "Guest" reviewer and "C.S", you gave me a couple of ideas that I've added to future chapters so stay tuned!_

* * *

Henry McCord hauled the large turkey into the oven and shut the oven door as pancakes sizzled on the stove behind him. As per McCord family tradition he was preparing the Thanksgiving turkey and making breakfast for the family's annual Thanksgiving breakfast in bed.

It had been a tough 10 days in the McCord household filled with anger, indignation, frustration, stress, and upset as Elizabeth and he had talked with the NYPD and lawyers to establish why Giovanni Rossi was demanding the paternity test. Despite Rape Shield Laws designed to prevent defendants from bringing up the victim's past sexual activity, it appeared that was exactly what Giovanni Rossi's legal team were trying to do by trying to prove that he was not the father of Alison's baby. The hurt expression on his daughter's face when she'd realised what Giovanni Rossi's intention was felt like he had been stabbed in the heart and he'd seen the tentative confidence she had built up since that night in New York rescind slightly. Elizabeth had told him that Alison hadn't slept with anyone prior to that night, but even if she had, he trusted that his daughter would have told them if there was any chance that Giovanni Rossi was not the father of her child.

But it wasn't only the paternity test that was the issue. Daisy had picked up from social media that Alison's former classmates were being questioned by lawyers with regard to Alison McCord and it appeared that Giovanni Rossi's legal team were trying to find out information on her sex life. Some of Elizabeth's DS Agents had also been subpoened, including Duncan and Andy who had been Alison's assigned DS agents from when they were being stalked, as had Stevie. After the subpoena had arrived for Stevie, Elizabeth had confronted both their daughters and reluctantly Stevie and Alison had recounted what had happened whilst he and Elizabeth had been in Venuzuela back in 2014. He would forever be grateful to Stevie for making James Montgomery leave, but the fact that he had almost stayed whilst Elizabeth and he were out of the country would no doubt be construed negatively by Giovanni Rossi's legal team in court.

With all the subpoenas that had been issued he could only assume one of two things: Giovanni Rossi's legal team were somehow going to try and paint Alison as promiscuous, or they were trying to hassle Alison indirectly and cause her to drop the case. Both reasons angered him beyond belief and he hated the fact that he felt so powerless to stop what was happening to his daughter. It also worried him that with all the social media activity the press would start sniffing around the story again and put two and two together, like Kyle Jones had.

So with everything that had happened over the past 10 days he was very much looking forward to spending the weekend with his family and relaxing, even the thought of going to Pittsburg tomorrow to spend the weekend with his family was appealing. Whilst he may be powerless to stop Giovanni Rossi demanding a paternity test or indirectly hassling Alison, he could at least make his daughter her favourite pancakes and he sprinkled some cinnamon, chocolate chips, and mashed up banana into the mix before placing it in the pan and watching it sizzle.

"Need any help?" came the sleepy voice of his son from the kitchen stairs breaking his reverie.

Henry couldn't help the smirk that appeared on his face as he took in the sight of his pyjama glad son with mussed up bed hair and bleary eyes. He would have bet his life's work that Elizabeth had sent Stevie and Alison in to wake up their son as she loved having the entire family in bed with them on Thanksgiving morning whilst they ate breakfast and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

"Want to take this tray up?" he said as he pointed to one of the trays that was already laden with plates, cutlery, pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and fruit.

"Ok" his son replied with a yawn as he grabbed the tray and slowly moved up the stairs.

Henry placed the last of the pancakes on the second tray before grabbing the pots of coffee, hot chocolate, juices, water, mugs and sauces, and following Jason upstairs to join the family. The sight that greeted him as he walked through the doorway to his room could only be described as feeding time at the zoo.

"Where's the coffee?"

"Jason!"

"Where's the blueberry pancakes?"

"Where's the maple syrup?"

All 4 of his family members were fighting over various items on the tray that Jason had brought up and placed on the bench at end of the bed and he promptly pursed his lips and let out an almightly whistle. Silence reined over the room as all eyes turned to look at him.

"Coffee, maple syrup, and blueberry pancakes are all on this tray" he replied with amusement as he placed the tray next to the one Jason had brought up. Almost immediately he was pushed out of the way as his wife and kids descended on the food before them.

"Dad! You made cinnamon, banana, and chocolate chip pancakes!" Alison exclaimed with glee as she grabbed two of her favourite flavour pancakes.

"Anything for you, Noodle" he replied sincerely and the grateful smile his daughter gave him in return at the small gesture was enough to fill his heart with joy - and if the look Elizabeth shot him was anything to go by he had a feeling his wife may be _thanking_ him later for the gesture, especially as he'd also made her favourite vanilla flavour coffee.

Once his family had helped themselves to food he assembled his own breakfast and took up his place on the bed. Elizabeth sat on her side of the bed, Alison sat next to her, followed by Stevie in the middle, then Jason, who he sat next to on his side of the bed. As he ate his breakfast he watched his family dig into their meals and he chuckled to himself as he watched his family devour the feast he created.

He had just finished his breakfast and was placing the family's discarded plates on the trays when he noticed that Alison had stopped watching the TV and was instead watching her stomach intently and cradling her bump, an odd expression on her face.

"Alison, is everything ok?" he asked with concern.

Alison jumped at her dad's question. She wasn't sure if everything was ok as she'd just felt the most unusual sensation low down in her stomach, a sensation she hadn't felt before. A sort of tickling/twitching feeling and she pressed her hand more firmly on her stomach. She felt the same sensation again and this time she felt a tiny bump against her hand. A wave of wonder and amazement washed over her and tears formed in her eyes as she realised what the sensation was.

"I think Pancake just kicked!" she whispered in awe. She'd had flutterings over the past week but had put it down the stress of the subpoena, but what she had just felt was definitely a kick.

"Really!" Stevie squealed in excitement as she went to place her hand next to her sister's, only doing so when Alison nodded her agreement to her questioning look. Several moments passed and an excited silence hung over the room.

"Pancake kicked!" Stevie exclaimed when she too felt a tiny thud and Alison took a sharp intake of breath.

"May I?" Elizabeth asked excitedly and placed her fingertips against her daughter's small bump when Alison eagerly nodded her approval. A delighted smile lit up her features as she felt the familiar sensation against her fingers and tears welled up in her eyes as she glanced at her husband.

"You ok?" he mouthed and she nodded with a watery small.

"Do you guys want to feel?" Alison asked her dad and brother softly, amazement coating her words.

"Sure, Noodle" Henry agreed and placed his fingers next to his wife and daughters. Moments later he felt the familiar tap and his eyes once against met Elizabeth's. He could tell they were both reminiscing about the times he'd felt their children kick in Elizabeth's stomach not so long ago.

"Seems like Pancake is a soccer player already" he joked.

"Jase, do you want to feel?" Alison asked shyly.

"Nah, I'm good" Jason replied, an apprehensive look on his face.

"It's ok, you can if you want to" Alison encouraged.

"Yeah, come on, Jase" Stevie teased.

"Ok, ok..." he agreed with a sigh as he gently placing his fingers next to his parents and siblings. Moments later he felt a tap and he promptly moved his fingers away.

"That's so weird!" he exclaimed

"Tell me about it" Alison replied in a choked voice.

A few more minutes passed but Pancake didn't kick anymore and one by one the family members removed their hands from Alison's stomach and returned their attention to the parade on TV. But Alison couldn't take her hand away from her stomach. She had just felt her child move for the first time and she was overcome with emotion. She was happy, of course, and she was filled with wonder and awe at the feeling, but it also reminded her that her baby was real and that thought scared her.

Financially she knew she was very lucky as her parents would take care of her and her child, but she was still going to be the one who was responsible for Pancake's wellbeing. She would be the one getting up in the middle of the night to feed her child and change its nappies. She was the one who would be doing bath time and bedtime. How was she going to do all that whilst going to college?

She had never imagined herself being a single mother. She'd always assumed she'd have a husband or boyfriend by the time she had a child, and despite being surrounded by her family, she'd never felt more alone. Some of her earliest memories were of her dad rubbing her mum's stomach when she'd been pregnant with Jason, but Pancake would never have that connection with its father - nor did she want that connection or support from _him_. A wave of sorrow for Pancake washed over her that her child would never know its father or have the connection with him like she she did with her dad. She thought of all the times her dad had been there for her, from scaring the monsters away from under the bed when she was little, to today when he'd made her favourite pancakes just because he knew she was feeling down due to everything that was going on with the paternity test. Whilst she had no doubt her dad would be a fantastic grandfather, it wouldn't be the same and she felt like she'd let her child down in some way.

"Well, that's it for another year" Elizabeth exclaimed causing Alison to start next to her.

"It's over already?" Alison queried in bewilderment. She'd been so lost in her thoughts that she'd barely been paying any attention to the TV or banter that was going on around her.

"Yep, time to get ready for the day. Jareth, Will, Sophie and Annie will be here in an hour to watch the football" Elizabeth replied as she switched off the TV and headed into the closet.

"Dibs on the bathroom!" Jason exclaimed as he made to move from the bed.

"Uh-uh! Jareth will be here soon and I need to take a shower!" Stevie exclaimed as she scrambled off the bed to catch her younger brother, Henry being caught in the kerfuffle.

"No fair, I'm pregnant and I need a shower to help with my aching back!" Alison exclaimed as she went to get out of her mum's side of the bed.

"You snooze you lose!" Jason remarked.

"You know, I actually feel like cooking..." Elizabeth commented as she came to stand in the doorway between her closet and bedroom.

Alison, Jason, Stevie, and Henry froze and all eyes turned to Elizabeth in horror.

"Mum it's ok, Alison and I have got this and Aunt Sophie said she'd help. You really don't need to cook" Stevie tried to placate her mother as she tried to keep the horror out her voice at the thought of having to eat something her mum had cooked, on Thanksgiving of all days.

"But I've been reading this new cook book. I really think I can nail the green bean casserole this year..." Elizabeth argued.

"Seriously mum, its fine" Alison continued in a desperate, high-pitched tone. She hated when her mother got the idea in her head that she wanted to cook, the thought of her mum cooking made her forget her previous worries and made her feel slightly nauseous as she remembered her mum's previous attempts at green bean casserole. "Stevie and I have planned it all out with Aunt Sophie..."

"And I've got the turkey under control..." Henry chipped in. He loved his wife and would kill for her, but having to eat her food might just kill him.

Elizabeth used all her CIA training to not let the smirk appear on her face. If there was one that could stop her family arguing it was her threatening to cook.

"You know, it's really not fair that I let you do all the work. I'll just go make a start on the casserole as you all get ready..." she replied seriously as she headed out the doorway of her bedroom and downstairs towards the kitchen. She held back the laughter that was building in her throat as she heard her family clamber behind her.

* * *

"Daddy, what's Thanksgiving?" the inquisitive voice of Annie Adams asked as she looked around the table at her mummy, daddy, aunty, uncle, and cousins.

"I have to say, Thanksgiving has always been a bit of a mystery to me." Jareth chimed in.

"Me too. We don't have it at all in the UK" Sophie added.

"Well, the pilgrims came over from England to start a new life in America, but the Native Americans were already living here and didn't like that the English were taking over some of their land. The pilgrims and the Native Americans started fighting, but one day they decided to put their differences aside and have a meal..." Will Adams began to explain to his daughter.

"Pfft! That's just a sugar-coated story told to you by the government to keep the true facts of exploitation and barbarity..."

"Jason!" Elizabeth and Henry exclaimed as Henry carried the turkey in from the kitchen into the formal living room.

"What?! It's all true. The English tortured..."

"Jason, enough!" Henry stated firmly as he placed the turkey at the head of the table and cast a warning look at his son.

"Annie, Thanksgiving is a day we spend together as a family and give thanks for the things we are grateful for in life" Elizabeth explained to her niece as she placed the last of the food on the table.

"Like daddy reading me a bedtime story every night?" Annie queried.

"Exactly!" Elizabeth replied encouragingly. "In fact, we normally go around the table just before we start eating dinner and each person says one thing they are thankful for, so why don't you start?"

"Ummm. I'm thankful for... all my toys!" Annie exclaimed happily. "Mummy, what are you thankful for?"

"I'm thankful for you and daddy and that we all live together in Washington DC" Sophie replied as she looked at her husband over their daughter's head and gave him a grateful smile, her husband returning the sentiment. "Alison?"

Alison pondered the question thoughtfully. So much had happened since last Thanksgiving, some of it good, some of it awful. "I'm thankful that I graduated high school and that I got to go to New York, even if it didn't end so well...And I'm so grateful for all the support you guys have given me and that Pancake is healthy" Alison stated. There was so much more she could say, but she was conscious that her 6 year old cousin was at the table. "Mum?"

"I'm thankful for my family and that I get to spend Thanksgiving with my brother and his family for the first time in a long time" Elizabeth stated "And, you know, that there's no international crisis or natural disaster so that I actually get to _be_ here" she added in a joking tone causing a chuckle around the table. "Stevie?"

"I'm obviously thankful for having all you guys in my life, but strangely I'm also thankful to President Dalton. If it hadn't been for him asking mum to be Secretary of State I wouldn't have dropped out of Lovell and moved to DC. I wouldn't have gone to Georgetown and met Jareth, so I'm grateful to President Dalton as he led me to the love of my life" Stevie finished as she kissed her fiancé earning a chorus of "aw" from around the table, except for Jason who made a gagging sound. "What about you, Jareth?" she asked.

"Well, after that how can I not be thankful to President Dalton?!" Jareth joked earning a laugh from the table. "If he's the man ultimately responsible for bringing you into my life that I am eternally indebted to him. Seriously, I'm just thankful for you being in my life" he said as he gently squeezed his fiancée's hand. "And for all of you guys for accepting me as part of your family and for letting me be here today" he finished.

"Henry?" Elizabeth prompted.

"I'm just thankful for you guys, for all my family, and the fact we're all healthy" he stated earnestly. "I couldn't ask for anything else. Jason?"

"I know it's controversial, but can I just say that I'm thankful that you guys stopped mum from cooking today..."

"Hey!" Elizabeth exclaimed in mock indignation.

"What? I'm serious! I'm thankful I won't get food poisoning today and that at least dad, Aunt Sophie, and my sisters can cook"

"Jason!" The McCords exclaimed whilst the Adams side of the family just laughed.

"Thank you, Jason" Sophie replied sincerely "But in fairness to your mum, she did a great job of chopping up the vegetables"

"That's about all she can do..." Jason snarked.

"Ok, ok. Enough about my terrible cooking skills. What about you, Will? What are you thankful for?"

Will looked at his wife as he responded. "I'm grateful Sophie gave me another chance. It's been difficult adjusting to life in just one place, but I'm thankful to have a home to come back to each day and a loving wife who is just the most amazing mother and has given me the best daughter I could ever ask for."

"What about me, daddy?" Annie asked a little distressed. "Aren't you thankful about me?"

"Well, of course, I'm thankful for you, munchkin!" he exclaimed as he tickled his daughter earning a squeal of giggles from her.

"Now that's over with, can we eat? I'm starving!" Jason exclaimed.

"Yeah, Dad. Time to start carving the turkey, Pancake is hungry" Alison agreed in a grumpy tone.

"Ok, ok. Carving time has come..." Henry agreed jovially as he picked up the fork and carving knife and started to carve the turkey. As he looked around the dining table at the assembled Adams and McCord family he couldn't be more thankful for the life he had. Despite everything that had happened he never regretted marrying Elizabeth or having his children - even if he had been a little reluctant to go for number 3 to begin with. They'd had their ups and downs, and he had no doubt that the year ahead would be a difficult one, but he knew that no matter what they would all be there to love and support each other. His family was everything to him and if he were to die tomorrow he would die a happy man.

* * *

Elizabeth McCord's eyes roamed around the family room as her loved ones watched "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving". Her eyes felt heavy after the feast she had just devoured and she snuggled into her husband's side as she sighed in contentment. She watched Alison doze on the other side of her father on the couch as Jason sat on the floor in front of them. Jareth and Stevie were cuddled together in one of the armchairs, and Sophie, Will, and Annie were all sat together on the other sofa.

In her opinion, the day had been perfect so far. She'd felt her grandchild kick for the first time as she ate the delicious breakfast her husband had cooked, Henry had done a fantastic job of the turkey and stuffing, Sophie and her daughters had cooked a feast of mashed potatoes, bread rolls, green bean casserole (that she had simply topped and tailed the beans for), sweet potato with marshmallows, and sweetcorn, followed by a scrumptious pumpkin pie. Whilst Henry, Jason, and Will had watched the football, she had spent most of her time playing with her niece. She'd enjoyed spending time with Annie, but it also reminded her that this was Alison's last Thanksgiving without a child and that next year her grandchild would be here and Alison would be a mother. She was getting used to the idea that she would be called grandma - she would only by 49 when the baby arrived after all - but she worried how Alison would cope. She had every faith in her daughter's mothering ability, it was just that being a mother, and a single mother at that, was a tough job and Alison would be juggling it with the demands of college. Henry and she had demanding jobs too and she worried how the family would cope with a new baby. It had made the time she'd spent with her niece slightly bittersweet, but she was enjoying the day nonetheless.

After dinner it had been by unanimous agreement that they all watch "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" and she currently found herself surrounded by all the people she loved the most in the world. There was no crisis for her to deal with and for the first time in 10 days she could feel herself unwind. She was even looking forward to going to Pittsburgh tomorrow to see Henry's family for the remainder of the weekend. Dealing with Maureen would be a breeze compared to the hounding she had taken recently from the press when she had announced Alison's pregnancy. She let her eyes slip shut as the movie played in the background and she heard the comforting thump of her husband's heartbeat under her ear...

"Mum! Wake up!"

Elizabeth awoke with a start at the sound of her son's voice.

"What? What is it?" she asked in alarm, her voice still drowsy with sleep.

"We're about to start the annual game of Pictionary, are you in?" Jason asked.

"Of course!" she exclaimed excitedly as the adrenaline from her stark awakening began to wear off. She didn't move from Henry's arms though as she was far too comfortable, although she noticed that Alison had moved away from Henry and was leaning forward eagerly in anticipation. Watching her kids try and draw the various titles to books, movies, and TV shows was one of her favourite parts of Thanksgiving.

"Ok. Well, you're in the team with Dad and Alison. Uncle Will, Aunt Sophie, and Annie are in another team, and Stevie, Jareth, and I are in the other team and we're going first".

"You alright, babe?" Henry whispered in her ear as Jason, Stevie, and Jareth readied themselves for the first round. "You were snoring".

Elizabeth felt her cheeks flush as she realised she'd been caught snoring. "Uh-huh. I think I ate a bit too much is all" she replied softly.

"Well, I think I can help you burn off some calories tonight..." Henry whispered in a flirtatious tone as he squeezed her hip and visibly checked her out, causing arousal to wash over her.

Elizabeth felt her cheeks flush yet again but for entirely different reasons this time. She may be about to be a grandma, but she sure wasn't out of the game yet. It looked like her Thanksgiving was going to end perfectly too...

* * *

 _So here's a Brits take on Thanksgiving, I hope I did it justice. Thanks to Lostinthewords, Caroline Stella, lil'mouse323, "Guest" and Chelsea for all your Thanksgiving suggestions and help._

 _Re: Rape Sheild Laws, what I've written seems to be the case in the USA, in that a victim's_ _past sexual history can't be taken into account (well, according to the internet). However, I figure that Giovanni Rossi could afford top lawyers and in my experience of dealing with them they're not the most scrupulous of people (although admittedly I've inky dealt with them from a corporate perspective) so their tactics might be a little underhand._


	19. Chapter 19

"Hi Alison, sorry I'm a bit late" Dr Clarke greeted her patient as she entered the examination room. "I wanted to make sure your NIPP test got to the courier safely and I can confirm it did".

"Thank you" Alison replied gratefully. "And a sample of my blood is all you need? It will confirm who the father is?" Alison queried nervously.

It had taken weeks of negotiation with _his_ lawyers to get _him_ to agree to the NIPP - Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity - test as initially _he_ had wanted an invasive amniocentesis test conducted. She had been against that as soon as she'd heard it would increase her chance of having a miscarriage, having felt Pancake move inside her she didn't know what she would do if she lost her child now. It was only yesterday that _his_ lawyers had relented and agreed to the NIPP test. The NYPD also wanted to conduct their own NIPP test to ensure that _he_ didn't try and forge the results. Luckily _his_ lawyers had agreed in time for her 20 week scan and the nurse had simply taken a couple of extra vials of blood along with her usual blood tests today. The vials were now being taken by courier to New York for testing by both the NYPD's lab and an independent lab chosen by _his_ lawyers.

"Yes, that's correct" Dr Clarke affirmed. "There's a small amount of your baby's DNA in your blood and the NIPP test will be able to ascertain who the father is from that. Now, are you ready for your 20 week scan?" the doctor finished with a warm smile.

"Yes!" Alison McCord replied excitedly. She had been feeling Pancake moving around so much over the past 2 weeks and she was very much looking forward to seeing her child on the screen again, even if it was just a black and white 2D image.

"Ok, well I have some good news first before we begin" Dr Clarke began in a cheerful tone. "I have your final chlamydia test results back and I'm pleased to say they're clear. You absolutely do not have chlamydia anymore"

Alison breathed a sigh of relief at her doctor's words "That's great" she replied happily. A small part of her had been worried that the infection was still there even though the last test had come back clear.

"All your other test results have come back normal and your measurements are all within an acceptable range, so if you're ready, let's start this scan!" Dr Clarke stated enthusiastically.

"Ok" Alison replied as she pulled up her top and slid the elasticated band of maternity jeans down.

A shiver ran through her as she felt the cool gel being squeezed onto her stomach and she watched impatiently as Dr Clarke began the scan. As the first images of Pancake became visible on the screen the same feeling she'd had at her previous scans washed over her, as did a wave of contentment at seeing her child.

"Pancake's gotten so big!" she heard her mother exclaim to her side.

"I know. Pancake is about the size of a banana" Alison whispered wistfully as she reached for her mother's hand and held it tightly. Had it only been a few months ago that Pancake had been a tiny dot on the screen?

Mother and daughter watched mesmerised as Dr Clarke conducted the scan. Alison couldn't really make out a lot of the organs the doctor was checking, but she recognised the brain and the heart and seeing her child's heart contract and expand was hypnotic and reassuring. The fact that her body had created another human being and that she was growing a baby inside of her still boggled her mind at times.

After about 30 minutes Dr Clarke turned to look at the two McCord women. "Everything looks good. There's no abnormalities that I can see and the baby is developing well. Both you and the baby are perfectly healthy, Alison"

"Really?" Alison queried happily, relief coating her words.

"Yes" Dr Clarke reassured. "I have absolutely no worries or concerns. Now, would you like to know the sex?"

"Yes!" Alison and Elizabeth replied excitedly as they both looked expectantly at the doctor.

Elizabeth was so happy to be finding out the sex of her grandchild. Henry had always preferred to be surprised in the delivery room and had never let her find out the sex of their children, his argument being it didn't matter what sex the baby was, he loved it unconditionally. Her argument had been that if they knew the sex then they could decorate and buy appropriate clothing etc, to her it just made sense from a practical perspective to find out the sex. But ultimately her husband had always won by giving her his puppy dog eye look that she'd never been able to resist. She'd hated having to decorate the nursery and buy clothes in neutral colours when she'd been pregnant, seeing all the clothes she may or may not have been able to buy her children was frustrating, as was the children's rooms all starting out in the same shade of magnolia. Alison and she had had the same argument with Henry over finding out the sex of Pancake, but ultimately the decision was Alison's and she wanted to know the sex. Elizabeth couldn't wait to find out if she was having a grandson or a granddaughter so she could start buying little outfits for her grandchild, and who knows, she may even attempt knitting something for Pancake.

"Do you have any instincts about the sex?" Dr Clarke enquired curiously as she moved the wand over her patient's neat bump. She'd already checked the genitals and knew the sex but was positioning the wand so that she could show her patient.

Alison recalled the numerous conversations that had taken place over Thanksgiving weekend regarding the sex of her child and how a family argument had almost erupted between her dad and her Aunt Maureen when they'd been in Pittsburgh. Ultimately her family was well and truly divided over whether she was having a boy or a girl. Jason and her mum thought she was having a boy, but her dad and sister were convinced she was having a girl. Even her aunts, uncles, and cousins on both sides of her family were split equally over what she was having.

"No" Alison replied anxiously, but she was lying. Secretly she wanted a girl as she liked the idea of having a daughter who she could do girly things with like plaiting her hair or painting her nails. Rightly or wrongly, she also thought a girl would be less likely to turn out like _him._ However, something was telling her she was having a boy and the thought of having a son filled her with dread. What if he turned out to be like his father? How could she live with herself if her son attacked someone like his father had attacked her? Was it true what they said about nature over nurture? She waited with bated breath for the doctor to confirm the sex of her child.

"You see here..." Dr Clarke began as she pointed to an area on the screen.

"Yes" Alison whispered as she squeezed her mother's hand more tightly.

"You see how it's completely smooth?"

"Yes" Alison replied in an expectant tone.

"That means the baby is a girl. Congratulations, Alison, you have a daughter!" Dr Clarke announced.

"Really?" Alison asked in disbelief as a wave of relief washed over her.

"Absolutely" Dr Clarke confirmed. "I'll just switch to 4D and you can clearly see your baby is a girl"

Alison let out a shocked laugh as she took in the clear 4D picture of Pancake's genitals - her daughter! She was having a girl! She had been so convinced Pancake was a boy that she could barely believe she was actually having a girl.

"It's really a girl?" Elizabeth exclaimed in delight. Poor Henry and Jason were going to be overrun with girls for a few more years yet it seemed.

"Most definitely, Madam Secretary" Dr Clarke assured.

"Can I see her? In 4D, I mean" Alison asked hopefully.

"Of course, we still have a few more minute" Dr Clarke agreed. "But I should warn you that her face might not be as clear because she doesn't have a lot of fat on her yet so she may seem a bit skeletal still. The best time to see her face would be when you're 26-32 weeks pregnant" she advised as she moved the wand to the baby's face.

Alison gasped as she took in her daughter's features for the first time. The shape of her face and her eyes...her daughter looked exactly like _him_! _He_ was growing inside her! The ball of anxiety that she had been repressing ever since she felt Pancake move for the first time bloomed and in less than a second she felt a wave of panic creep up her back and wash over her, consuming her in its depths. Something triggered in her brain and suddenly she was back in that room again and he was on top of her pinning her down and she couldn't breathe, couldn't move. She could feel his breath on her face and hear his grunts reverberate around in her mind and every fibre of her being was screaming at her to get away, to move, but her limbs were paralysed.

Elizabeth took in the vision of her granddaughter and the image took her breath away. "Can we get a picture?" she asked the doctor in a mesmerised tone.

"Sure, I'll just print you one out" Dr Clarke replied as she turned to the console to press the relevant buttons.

Elizabeth could not get over how real Pancake looked, she looked exactly like Alison as a baby. Her grandchild - granddaughter - was the spitting image of her mother and a wave of love washed over her. She turned to look at her daughter with a joyous smile on her face as she heard her daughter gasp, but immediately knew that Alison's gasp was not out of awe, but from something else and that something was very wrong with her daughter. Alison was deathly pale, her eyes were wide open with fear, and she was gasping for breath. She looked petrified.

"Noodle?" she asked in a panicked tone. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Dr Clarke turned to look at her patient at the sound of the elder McCord's panicked voice and her stomach sunk. She was an experienced OBGYN and specialised in dealing with pregnancies resulting from rape, immediately she recognised the symptoms her patient was displaying. Alison had been doing so well and she'd hoped that with the early therapy and her supportive family she would be able to avoid this repercussion of rape. She quickly flipped off the screen and the image on it disappeared.

"Alison" she commanded "Look at me"

"What? What is it?" Elizabeth asked the doctor frantically.

"I believe Alison is having a panic attack" Dr Clarke replied calmly. "Alison, I need you to look at me" she commanded in a more forceful tone when her patient didn't respond.

Elizabeth stared at her daughter in shock, a multitude of questions running through her head. Alison was having a panic attack? Why was she having a panic attack? Is this what she looked like when she was having panic attacks after Iran? No wonder Blake and Henry had looked so worried. She knew what a panic attack felt like and she was consumed by the need to help her daughter, to take the awful, terrifying, all-consuming, panic away from her Alison.

"Noodle?" she spoke calmly as she stood up and stroked her daughter's face in an effort to get her attention.

Alison felt something touch her face and the feeling of skin on skin triggered something inside her.

"No!" she gasped and lashed out with her fist, her hand connecting with something solid that was quickly followed by a grunt of pain and a crashing sound. The pain in her hand and the loud noise triggered something else in her brain and as quickly as the sensations had appeared, they disappeared. Mentally she was suddenly back in the examining room, but she couldn't breathe! She tried to remember why she consumed with pure terror and fear and the image of her daughter popped into her head.

She had to get the baby out of her! She couldn't have him inside her again!

Instinctively she raised her hands to the top of her bump and pushed down hard, as if the act would push the thing inside of her out.

Simultaneously the door to the room flew open and her mother's DS agents stormed in with guns drawn causing another wave of panic to wash over her. She heard her name being called and then her wrists were being held in a tight grip causing another wave of sheer terror to wash over her.

"NO!" she gasped as she fought against the force holding her hands. She couldn't be trapped again! She had to get out of here! She felt tears slide down her cheeks and her eyes frantically roamed the room looking for an escape, seeing the open door she went to move off the bed, but the tug on her restrained arms made her look up at the person restraining her as she struggled against the grip.

"Please!" she begged.

"Alison" Dr Clarke commanded softly, yet in a forceful tone as she held her patient's arms firmly.

"Let me go!" she gasped desperately. She had to get out!

"You're having a panic attack. Everything is going to be ok, just try and take some deep breaths" Dr Clarke soothed. "You're in the hospital, you're safe"

Alison's eyes darted around the room and she saw her mum on the floor unconscious and surrounded by her DS agents.

What was going on?

* * *

 _Thanks for the reviews, alerts etc from the last chapter._ _Just a few author's notes for this chapter:_

 _1) According to the internet the NIPP test is an actual test that can be done to confirm the paternity. I had to fudge the bit about how the blood got tested as I couldn't fathom that out from the research I've done._

 _2) I couldn't figure out what the difference is between a 3D and 4D scan, I think 3D might be pictures but 4D is video? I went with 4D as it sounded like the latest technology and I figured the Secretary of State's daughter is going to have the best healthcare!_

 _3) The smoothness of the genitals was how my BFF was told she was having a girl, if that's wrong blame the private clinic she had her 3D scan done at lol!_

 _4) More on the panic attack in the next chapter, but as someone who has mild PTSD and has had numerous panic attacks (since I was 7) what I've described is what I experience as a panic attack, albeit a very mild, shortened, version of one (I've actually collapsed from panic attacks in the past)._

 _Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and reviews welcome._


	20. Chapter 20

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, alerts, favourites and follows - it is much appreciated._

 _Apologies in advance if the editing of this chapter isn't great, I've come down with a virus so I'm not feeling too good at the moment._

* * *

"How are you feeling, Alison?" Dr Castillo asked her patient.

Alison sighed. Part of her really hated Dr Clarke right now for calling her therapist, she didn't want to be having a session with Alexis, she just wanted to sleep. But the other part of her knew she didn't really have a choice. After all she had freaked out and hit her mother, something her mother's DS agents were not pleased about.

"Exhausted" she replied honestly.

"That's to be expected after a panic attack" Alexis replied reassuringly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

A shot of panic ran through Alison as she thought back to what had happened in that room. "I saw her face for the first time" she replied in a dark tone.

"Her?" Alexis queried.

"My daughter. It's a girl" she replied in a neutral tone.

"Ok, but you've seen scan pictures before, what was different this time?" Alexis asked in an inquisitive tone knowing that now was not the time for congratulations.

"It was a 4D scan" Alison replied simply.

Understanding registered on Dr Castillo face. "Can you tell me what you thought when you saw her for the first time?"

Tears welled up in Alison's eyes "She looks just like _him_ " she replied in a strangled voice as she looked away from her therapist and fought to keep the panic and disgust at bay.

A wave of compassion washed over Alexis "How did that make you feel?"

Alison looked down at her hands and her brow creased in consternation as she tried to remember what she felt. Even though it had only been about an hour and a half since she'd had her freak out everything seemed so hazy, and truth be told, she really didn't want to recall what had happened.

"It was weird. It was like it was happening all over again"

"What was?" Alexis enquired.

Alison swallowed hard. "The rape. It's hard to explain but I felt like I was back in that room, but I could see that I wasn't in the room, it just felt like it. I could feel him on me and inside me and hear him grunting, and once again I was paralysed and couldn't move" she replied.

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Panicked...helpless - just like the first time" Alison answered in a pained tone.

"That must have been scary, Alison. Dr Clarke tells me that you were pushing on your stomach, why was that?"

Alison swallowed thickly and she looked away from her therapist. "Because I feel like she's _him_ , _he's_ growing inside me and I don't like it... I don't like her" she whispered sorrowfully, shame coating her words as the tears slid down her cheeks. "And I feel ashamed for feeling like that because it's not her fault that I hate her father and she's _him_ "

Alexis felt nothing but sympathy for her patient. It wasn't the first time she had heard that statement from a pregnant rape victim and she very much doubted it would be the last.

"And is it just today that you've started feeling like this?" Alexis asked her patient. Alison certainly hadn't mentioned anything of this nature in her previous sessions or group therapy. She had been happy and cheerful over the past month since she began volunteering at the Rape Crisis Centre and Alexis hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary with her patient, she had thought that Alison was recovering well.

Shame and guilt coated Alison's features "No, well, I don't think so. You know I've been struggling with my growing stomach and ever since I felt her move the first time I've had this tight ball of anxiety in my stomach and I've felt...off. I thought it was because my body was changing and I thought it would go away, but when I saw her for the first time today it was like that ball unleashed itself and now I know how I feel. I'm sorry I didn't say anything before" Alison stated regretfully as she wiped the tears from her face.

Alexis smiled reassuringly at her patient. "I understand. Pregnancy is hard and the emotions and feelings you are experiencing are a lot to process in a short amount of time. It takes time to figure out how you feel sometimes."

"I guess" Alison replied dejectedly.

"Dr Clarke also tells me you hit you mother, can you tell me about that?"

"I didn't mean to!" Alison exclaimed in a pleading tone. "I felt someone touch me and I thought it was him and something in me snapped and suddenly I could move and I needed to get him away from me so I lashed out, but then I was back in the hospital room and I couldn't breathe and I felt trapped and I needed to get out, but my mum's DS agents were there and my mum was on the floor and Dr Clarke was restraining me..." she said in a rush, panic building up in her again and her breaths becoming shallow once again as flashes of earlier popped into her head.

"Ok, Alison. Take a deep breath and look at me. Just focus on me and what I'm saying" Dr Castillo commanded her patient softly as she recognised the panic that was threatening to consume Alison once more.

"Ow!" Alison exclaimed as she felt a sharp pain in her stomach again and she writhed on the bed. She shook her head in an effort to rid her brain of the image of her daughter, of _him_ , that flashed into her head as she felt her daughter move within her.

"Alison, you need to listen to Dr Castillo and take some deep breaths" Dr Clarke stated seriously as she monitored both Alison and her daughter's vitals on the various monitors. As Alison's panic attack had progressed her patient had started experiencing stomach pains and she had taken the decision to monitor the baby. Whilst she was sure the stomach pains were due to stress, she didn't want to take any chances so she had placed Alison in a private room for monitoring. So far Alison was not showing signs of going into premature labour, but her baby was showing early signs of stress and she needed to get her patient to calm down.

Alison fought to control the panic that threatened to consume her again and forced herself to take some deep breaths as she focused on Alexis.

"Can I listen to some music?" she asked desperately. When she had first started therapy and was having difficulty being around her dad and brother she had found that certain songs helped her calm down and she had made a playlist on her I-tunes account of the songs that helped her. She hoped that by listening to them again now it would help fight the panic she was feeling.

"Sure" Dr Castillo replied as she reached for her patient's bag.

Alison retrieved her I-phone and found the relevant playlist. As the music filled the air she could feel a tiny portion of the panic rescind slightly.

"Sorry, I don't have my headphones" she stated apologetically.

"It's ok" Dr Castillo replied with a smile.

"I concur" Dr Clarke replied with a warm smile "I love this song"

Alison listened to four of the songs as she chatted aimlessly with the doctors which helped her to maintain a steady breathing pattern. At the end of the fourth song she took a deep breath and stopped the playlist.

"Ok, I think I'm ok now" Alison stated softly.

"Are you ready to continue?" Alexis asked kindly.

"Yes" Alison agreed in a shaky voice.

Dr Castillo cast a look at Dr Clarke, and at the doctor's affirmative nod that the baby was ok and she was happy for her to continue, she re-started the session.

"Alison, from what you described it sounds like you've had a flash back which is a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Do you know what that is?"

"Yes, my mum has it" Alison nodded in confirmation. Noting the surprise that flashed across both doctor's faces she suddenly realised her mistake - no one was supposed to know her mum had developed PTSD after the failed coup in Iran - and her eyes opened wide in fear "Oh God! I shouldn't...You can't..." she began.

"It's ok, Alison. Everything that is said here is protected by doctor/patient confidentiality. Neither of us will say anything" Dr Clarke assured.

"And it saves me a job of having to explain what it is" Dr Castillo stated drily, earning a small smile from her patient. "It's very common for women who have been assaulted to experience PTSD. We'll continue with our weekly therapy sessions and I want you to continue with your diary. The Cognitive Behaviour Therapy techniques you've been using to help manage your anxiety in public places can be used to help manage panic attacks so I want you to try using those techniques if you start to feel a panic attack coming on or if you feel anxious because of the pregnancy. We'll work further on converting them for specific use with pregnancy related anxiety in your next session, but in the interim continue the techniques as they will help. I also want to try exposure therapy"

"What's that?" Alison asked in an intrigued tone.

Alexis regarded her patient nervously, unsure of her Alison would react to the technique she was about to explain "It's a therapy where you're exposed to the thing that you're scared of in a safe environment and you'll learn techniques on how to manage the anxiety and distress so that you're no longer scared of it. We'll start with the early scan pictures and go from there"

Hearing the doctor's words Alison looked up at her therapist hopefully.

"So you can help me? You can help me like my daughter? You can help me love her?" she asked despairingly, the question hanging ominously in the quiet room.

* * *

"Elizabeth!" Henry called as he ran along the corridor towards the private room in the hospital.

"Henry" Elizabeth breathed as her husband came into view. Ignoring the nurse's protest to her side, she gingerly stood up and felt herself waver as she did so, her husband's strong arms catching her as she faltered.

Henry held his wife for a few seconds before gently pushing her away so he could take in her appearance, gasping in shock as he did so. Her blouse was stained red with blood, she had 2 black eyes, and her nose was swollen and looked to be broken.

"What happened?" he demanded. "Where's Alison?"

A little over 2 hours ago he had received a call from DS advising his wife and daughter had been involved in an 'incident' at the hospital. He'd been out in rural Virginia on DIA business at the time and the 2 hour drive back to DC had been torturous, DS had refused to give any more information when they'd called and he hadn't been able to get hold of Elizabeth.

"She's ok now, she's being monitored and Dr Castillo and Dr Clarke are with her" Elizabeth replied.

"Dr Castillo...monitored...Elizabeth, what is going on?" Henry asked in confusion.

"Alison had a panic attack, Henry. It was awful! She was so pale, and her eyes...I'll never forget the terror and fear they had in them" Elizabeth replied hauntingly.

Compassion washed over Henry and he pulled his wife close to comfort her. He knew from witnessing Elizabeth having a panic attack what the look his wife was describing was, but he was still confused over the whole situation, especially about the nurse holding the cold compress who was sat in the seat next to where Elizabeth had been sat.

"Why did Alison have a panic attack? And how did you end up with, what I assume is, a broken nose?" he asked inquisitively.

"Oh, that. Evidently she doesn't like having her face touched when she's having a panic attack" Elizabeth stated ruefully. "She lashed out and hit my nose and I fell back and banged my head against the wall."

"Are you ok?" he asked in a worried tone as he pointedly looked at the nurse.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a broken nose - which I'm sure the press is going to have a filled day over - and a mild concussion" Elizabeth stated off-hand.

"A mild concussion...a broken nose...Elizabeth?" he stated warningly as he moved his wife to sit down, taking the cold compress out of the nurse's hand and pressing it to the back of his wife's head, nodding to the nurse to leave with his head as he did so.

Elizabeth simply waved off her husband's concern. "I'm fine, Henry. It was an accident" she stated matter of factly, wincing slightly as her husband re-applied the cold compress to the back of her head. The constant headache she'd had since regaining consciousness eased slightly at the coolness touching her skin.

"And what about Alison and the baby?" Henry asked in concern as he noticed his wife wince and close her eyes.

Elizabeth eyes flew open and she glared at her DS Agents as a wave of guilt washed over her features "I don't know, Henry" she replied worriedly. "I blacked out for a minute and when I came to apparently I wasn't very coherent and Matt wouldn't let me stay with her. He made me get medical help. The last thing I saw was Dr Clarke restraining her. When I got back here the nurse told me Dr Clarke was monitoring the baby for signs of distress as Alison was having stomach pains and Dr Castillo was talking with Alison"

The distress in Elizabeth's voice was clear and he pulled his wife into his arms in an effort to reassure her.

"Hey, shhh. It's ok. I'm sure everything will be fine" he assured, silently sending a prayer to St Nicholas this his daughter and grandchild would be ok.

As if on cue Dr Clarke and Dr Castillo came out of the private room in which their daughter was located causing both Henry and Elizabeth to stand quickly. Henry helped steady Elizabeth as she swayed from the sudden movement and he couldn't help but think that her concussion was maybe a little worse than she was letting on.

"How is she? Is the baby ok?" Elizabeth asked in a desperate tone.

"Mother and daughter are doing well. There are no signs of Alison going into labour, and although the baby was showing early signs of stress, these have subsided. I want to monitor the baby for a few more hours, but if things continue the way they are I expect Alison will be going home late this afternoon" Dr Clarke advised in a professional tone.

"Really? Everyone is ok?" Elizabeth asked hopefully.

"Physically everyone is doing well..." Dr Clarke started.

"However, emotionally there are a few...challenges" Dr Castillo continued.

"Challenges?" Henry asked in concern.

"I've spoken to Alison and she wants you to know what we've just discussed. I believe the panic attack Alison experienced today was as a result of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Are you familiar with this?" Dr Castillo asked warily knowing that the couple were aware of it, but that she wasn't supposed to know the Secretary of State suffered from PTSD.

Henry and Elizabeth looked at each other and in that second all the pain they had shared as a result of Elizabeth's PTSD was evident on their faces.

"Yes, we're familiar" Elizabeth confirmed in a sad tone. She hated the fact that her daughter was now blighted with the same condition she had, she would not wish PTSD on her worst enemy.

"It appears that seeing the baby for the first time in 4D today has triggered something in Alison which resulted in the PTSD episode. From what she described she suffered a flashback and a panic attack, both of which are very common in women who continue with pregnancies as a result of rape - in fact 80% experience some sort of PTSD" Dr Castillo informed the couple.

"So you're saying that my daughter's PTSD trigger is her own child?" Elizabeth asked incredulously.

"It appears that is the case" Dr Castillo confirmed sorrowfully "But there are some psychological therapies that we can try and I've seen great results with patients who have used them"

"But what if they don't work?" Elizabeth asked the doctor in a serious tone.

Dr Castillo swallowed thickly as she regarded the powerful DC couple before her "If they don't work then it may be detrimental to Alison - and her child - for her to raise the baby"

Henry and Elizabeth stared at the doctor in shock.

"I know it's a lot to take in and we have time to work on her PTSD, but motherhood might not be easy for Alison" Dr Castillo advised. Feeling a vibration at her hip the doctor looked down at her beeper. "I'll really sorry, but I have to go"

"Thank you, doctor" Henry replied in a distracted tone as he watched the doctor rush off. He was reeling from the news they had been given and he pulled his wife close to him, feeling her body sag into his side as he did so.

"You can see Alison any time you like. I'll be in to check on her and the baby in an hour" Dr Clarke stated softly as she left the couple to process the news they had just been given.

Elizabeth rested her head against her husband's shoulder and took comfort in his warm embrace.

"Can you believe...?" she stated in disbelief.

"I know..." Henry agreed as his mind whirled with the information he had just been given.

"I've got to see her, Henry" Elizabeth exclaimed suddenly as she retched herself away from the safety and security of her husband and rushed towards her daughter's room. She ignored the pain and dizziness in her head at the sudden movement, she could feel Henry's presence behind her and she didn't need to look back to know he was following her.

She entered the room quietly and the sight that greeted her melted her heart. Despite the monitoring equipment she was attached to, Alison was already fast asleep, no doubt exhausted from her earlier panic attack. She moved to the side of her daughter's bed and looked down at her sweet angelic face, her eyes then slid lower to her daughter's protruding stomach and she swallowed thickly. She felt her husband come to stand behind her and rest his hands on her shoulders. She cast her eyes back at him and saw that his gaze was also on their daughter's stomach.

"What are we going to do, Henry?" she whispered.

Henry considered his wife's words and in his mind there was no doubt what he would do, they had already discussed it after all.

"We'll raise the baby if necessary" he stated with finality.

"But if she can't stand to look at her... " Elizabeth stated desperately.

"We'll make it work. If Alison can't...we'll be the baby's parents" he replied adamantly.

"But Henry, if Alison can't look at her how can we all live together. I can't chose between them..." Elizabeth stated desperately.

Whether it was witnessing Alison's panic attack, her concussion, or a culmination of everything, Elizabeth suddenly felt exhausted and she leaned back against her husband as she felt all her strength leave her. As always, her husband caught her and she relished in the solid strength he provided her.

As Henry's brain continued to process all the information it had been given in the last 15 minutes something that Elizabeth had just said struck him.

"Her?" he queried.

Elizabeth looked up at her husband in confusion. "Huh?"

"You just said _'But if she can't stand to look at her'_. Elizabeth, are you saying..."

Despite their current circumstances, a soft, loving, smile lit up his wife's features "Yes, Pancake is a girl. We're having a granddaughter"

Henry couldn't help the huge smile that appeared on his face in spite of the situation. "Really?" he asked goofily.

"Yes. Do you want to see a picture of the 4D scan? Dr Clarke printed some off before we realised Alison was having a panic attack and the nurse gave them to me when I got back from the ER"

"Yes!" Henry replied emotionally as he released his grip on Elizabeth so she could retrieve the pictures from her bag.

Elizabeth handed the pictures to her husband and watched his expression as he saw his granddaughter's features in 3D for the first time. Love radiated from his face and her heart melted as she watched him wipe away the tears that appeared in his eyes.

"She looks just like Alison" he whispered in a choked voice.

"I know! It's uncanny, isn't it?" Elizabeth agreed in the same choked tone.

"Oh definitely. She's the spitting image of her mother" Henry whispered. His granddaughter was simply beautiful in his eyes and he knew he would do anything for her. She already had him wrapped around her little finger.

Love and determination washed over Henry. "Whatever happens, we'll find a way for both of them to be happy, I promise."

It was one one promise he was not going to break to his daughter or granddaughter.

* * *

 _A few author's notes:_

 _1) The 80% statistic I quoted for PTSD following sexual assault pregnancy is true according to the research I've done._

 _2) Exposure therapy was the therapy I was offered for PTSD but I declined it as just the thought of having to do it terrifies me. Appreciate that probably makes me a bit of a hypocritic for bringing it up in the story but I want to try and keep it realistic and I know first hand that is a therapy offered for PTSD. I know a little bit about the theory of exposure therapy from doing A Level Psychology, plus what my therapist explained._

 _3) One of the reviewers of the last chapter wanted to know if it's likely for suffers of PTSD to hurt someone during a panic attack. I have unitentionally shoved a friend and also caused bruises by gripping people too tight during a panic attack. Shoving my friend was a defensive action as they tried to hug me and I shoved them away as I can't stand anyone being close to me whilst having a panic attack as I also get claustrophobic (that lasts for about 3 days after the panic attack which is fun. Note the sarcasm). The shove was reflexive and bourne out of the need to protect myself. When I have a panic attack I genuinely believe I'm going to die unless I get out so I have to get out of the building I'm in, and if I'm with friends/family, I have to get them out and to safety too, hence why I unintentionally grip them too tight and cause bruising. You kind of lose perception of your own strength when you're in the mist of panic and all you can think of is getting everyone to safety, at least that's how I react. So if you ever see someone having a panic attack and acting a bit crazy, have a bit of sympathy/empathy as they can't help their reaction, it a physiological one._

 _Reviews welcomed - I'm sure they'll make me feel a little less ill!_


	21. Chapter 21

_Thanks for the reviews from the last chapter. This one is pretty long so make yourself comfortable!_

 _Oh, and just a warning that there is swearing in this chapter. I knew the words when I was 13, but thought I'd better let you know in advance just in case you don't like that sort of thing._

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Alison McCord pulled her coat tightly around herself whilst juggling bags of Christmas presents as she entered the restaurant, nervously looking around her surroundings as she did so. If there was one thing she had discovered about being pregnant at 18 it was that people looked at you _all the time_. It seemed that people always did a double take when they saw her, which was quickly followed by a pitying or disgusted look, like she had ruined her life by getting pregnant. The look made her feel self-conscious, ashamed, and judged, but also angry and indignant, because who were they to be judging her? They didn't know what she had been through - was going through - or the tough decision she had had to make about her pregnancy. They didn't know about her PTSD or the nightmares she had suffered since her panic attack. They didn't know she was the real reason behind her mum's black eyes and broken nose. She supposed she could just be paranoid and that people were looking at her because of who her mother was, but she'd never noticed people stare so much at her prior to her pregnancy being announced and she hated it.

The only reason she was out in public on a Friday night was because her friends from Westmore were back from college for Christmas break and they'd all agreed to meet up for dinner in DC to swap Christmas presents. Although she'd told her friends she was pregnant, and they'd probably no doubt seen photos of her in the tabloids as she seemed to be a regular feature now, this was the first time she was meeting with any of her old friends since before she'd gone to New York. She was nervous and apprehensive about how they would react and the rapid movements of her daughter in her abdomen was a testament to that.

"Alison! Hey! We're over here!" Kelsey yelled grabbing her attention.

She self-consciously squeezed through the rows of chairs towards the table, feeling the blush rise on her cheeks as she tried to squeeze her stomach in as much as she could, but still nudging some people as she made the way to the table. Another downside of being pregnant was that her bump was always _there_ , it didn't matter how much she sucked in her stomach, the bump only got bigger and made it increasingly difficult for her to move around.

"Hi" she greeted nervously as she reached her friends, an awkward silence descending over the table as she took off her coat and revealed her pregnant stomach. She could feel her friends staring at her as she took her seat and she racked her brains on how to break the tense atmosphere.

"Well, I'm just going to say it: I can't believe you're pregnant! You!" Kelsey exclaimed after several moments.

Alison couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat and she cast her friend a fond smile. Kelsey had always been the most direct out of their group, and not for the first time since she had known Kelsey, her directness had broken the tension.

"I know, it's weird, right?" Alison admitted.

"But how?" Brianna asked in disbelief.

"I'm guessing the normal way, Brianna" Kelsey replied sarcastically.

"I know that" Brianna replied defensively "It's just that out of all of us, you would have been the last one I would have expected to get pregnant. I mean, you didn't even sleep with anyone on Prom Night".

"And you turned down Thad Newton" Kaitlyn added.

"And you were School Mediator!" Hannah exclaimed.

Alison felt the unease she had been feeling fade as she listened to her friends and she was glad that she had done some role playing in her last session with Alexis to prepare for tonight. The first session after her panic attack 2.5 weeks ago they had focused on using Cognitive Behaviour Therapy techniques to help her cope with her growing stomach and the panicked feeling she got every time she felt her daughter move - which was a lot. To begin with every time she felt her daughter move _his_ face would appear in her head, but by using the CBT techniques over the past 2 weeks things had improved and she no longer saw _his_ face when her daughter moved. However, her panic attack had seemed to release some repressed memories from that night in New York and she'd been having terrible nightmares since. Alexis had told her it was part of her PTSD and they'd been using Imagery Rehersal Therapy to try and reduce the number of nightmares she was having. Part of the therapy was trying to change the outcome of her nightmare whilst she was awake and re-playing the new ending over and over in her head. It was hard as it meant she had to replay that night over and over in her head until the point where she changed the dream and managed to get away from _him_. She wasn't sure the therapy was working as she still seemed to wake up most nights in terror, but at least this week she hadn't woken her family up with her screaming so she supposed it might be working. All she knew was that she was exhausted and glad that she was able to sleep during the day, as she didn't seem to get nightmares when she slept during the day with the TV.

She had not yet started exposure therapy with Alexis, nor had she looked at the 4D scan pictures her mum had acquired after her last scan. However, she had spoke to the women in her group therapy session, two of whom had also had children from their rapes and had suffered some form of PTSD too. It had made her feel slightly less crazy when they revealed they'd had similar experiences to her.

During one of her sessions with Alexis she had mentioned how nervous she was about tonight and the inevitable questions she would be asked about her pregnancy and Alexis had suggested role playing several scenarios that would come up. She was glad they had as she felt more confident and at ease about how she would react to her friend's questions about her pregnancy.

"Well, things just...happened" she replied nonchalantly.

"That's all we're getting 'things just happened'? Alison, we're your best friends, we want details!" Kelsey demanded playfully.

"Yeah, was it that hot model you were talking about in New York? " Brianna queried.

Alison felt her heart rate increase and a spike of panic rush through her at the mention of New York. She took a deep breath as she thought how she could answer the questions, relief and gratefulness flooding over her as their waitress chose that exact moment to take their food and drink order.

"So, come on Alison, details!" Kelsey all but demanded once the waitress had left.

Alison took a deep breath and did her best to smile "There's not much to say. It was just one night at a party and I got pregnant. The father's not going to be involved so..." she trailed off, her heart pounding so hard as she tried to discuss that night like it wasn't a big deal, like it hadn't altered her entire life. She wasn't the best liar but technically everything she had said was true, she'd just left out the chained to a headboard and forced against her will to have sex part.

"That's bullshit!" Kaitlyn exclaimed angrily. "He thinks he can just knock you up and not take responsibility? Surely your mum can use some of her CIA contacts to track him down? It's not fair..."

Alison was once again grateful that their waitress chose that exact moment to bring over their drinks, giving her a reprieve from her friend's questioning for a few moments.

"What did your parents say when you told them?" Hannah asked inquisitively after the waitress had left, always the quieter one in the group.

"Yeah, how did that conversation go?" Brianna asked in an amused tone "Just how mad were they?"

Alison smiled at the thought of her parents. "Well, I didn't exactly tell them - my dad found my pregnancy test and he was _really_ mad at first. But then my mum and I talked, and she talked to my dad, and they said they'd support me whatever I decided. They've been great and now they're really looking forward to being grandparents". Again, not a lie, but not the whole truth either.

"OMG, I can't believe your dad found your pregnancy test! How embarrassing! But you're really lucky, my parents would have freaked out" Kaitlyn stated.

"Mine too" Hannah agreed.

"Talking about your parents, is it really true that your mum broke her nose because she tripped over in high heels?" Brianna asked in disbelief.

"Yes. She was at my 20 week scan with me and we were walking down a corridor when one of her heels snapped off and she face planted into the wall at full force " Alison recounted in a forced jovial tone the story that had been released to the press. "She broke her nose and got a concussion, but she's ok now. Anyway, enough about me. What have you guys been up to? What's college like?" Alison asked with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, desperate to get the attention away from her.

The group talked animatedly about their college experiences over dinner and Alison felt herself really start to relax and enjoy being in the company of her old friends again. She was actually having fun, it felt good to laugh at her friend's antics at college and it was making her look forward to going. They were just ordering dessert and getting ready to exchange Christmas gifts when Kelsey made a comment that made Alison's blood run cold.

"Huh, would you look at that! They've arrested Giovanni Rossi again"

Alison was sure her stomach dropped to the floor and her heart stopped as she heard _his_ name.

"Wh...what?" she stammered as she turned to look at the TV screen behind her. Sure enough there _he_ was being led out of his apartment building by Detectives Morales and Johnson. The scrolling news ticker at the bottom of the screen stated the reason for his arrest and Alison could barely believe what her eyes were reading.

"There're more..." she whispered to herself in disbelief. According to the news ticker Giovanni Rossi was being arrested by the NYPD for the rape of 3 other women and there were allegations of rape and sexual assault from 36 other women that the NYPD were investigating.

"Ali?" Hannah whispered quietly to her friend who sat beside her. She'd noticed the change in her friend's demeanour and heard her quiet exclaimation, but didn't wanting to draw the attention of the rest of the group to their pregnant friend.

"Hey, Ali. You interned with Giovanni Rossi in New York, right? What's he like? Do you think he's capable of assaulting all those women?" Kaitlyn asked in a curious tone.

A sharp kick in her stomach from her daughter coupled with her friend's question broke her reverie and she felt panic rise within her. She had to get out! She had to get away from her friends and their probing questions. She had to get away from _him_.

"I've...I've got to..." Alison stammered as she stood up suddenly and all but ran to the front door of the restaurant, not caring who she knocked into on the way. She threw open the front door and stumbled outside, the frigid cold shocking her and making her breathing shallow. She paced outside of the restaurant agitatedly, her mind whirling at what she had just seen on the TV. Her daughter kicked and squirmed in her uterus as if it were she who had just seen the images on the screen and was saying hello to her father. She couldn't help the wave of resentment that washed over her towards her daughter, which was immediately followed by a wave of guilt.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she barely registered the knock as she walked into a passerby on the street.

"Alison?"

Alison looked up and was surprised to find that the couple she had bumped into were her sister and fiancé and suddenly tears filled her eyes at the familiar faces before her.

Stevie looked at her sister and immediately knew something was wrong, and not just because her sister was pacing outside a restaurant in the snow without a coat on with tears in her eyes and struggling to breath.

"Ali, what happened? Come on, you need to calm down. Breathe with me. In 1...2...3... and out 1...2...3..." she coaxed her sister as she held her firmly in place by her shoulders "In 1...2...3... and out 1...2...3..."

Alison fought to control her breathing as she listened to her sister's steady voice, their trance being broken by a soft voice.

"Ali, I thought you might be cold so I brought you your coat" Hannah stated in concern as she handed her friend her coat.

"Thanks" Alison choked out in a shallow voice as she put on her coat and wrapped it tightly around her.

"Are you ok?" Hannah asked in a worried tone.

Alison simply shook her head unable, and unwilling, to speak. All of her energy and concentration was on trying to breath and stop the whirling thoughts in her mind.

"Hannah, right?" Stevie asked.

"Yes"

"What happened in the restaurant?" Stevie asked in a serious tone.

"I don't really know. One minute we were laughing and joking, and the next minute a news report came out about Giovanni Rossi being arrested again and she went really pale and started breathing funny. Then she ran out of the restaurant. We didn't know what to do so we waited a few minutes to see if Ali came back, but she didn't so I brought out her coat and came to see if she was ok" Hannah replied.

"Oh God..." Stevie exclaimed as she realised why her sister was so upset. "Ali, it's ok, he's not going to hurt you. You're in Washington DC and he's in New York. You're safe and I'm not going to let anything happen to you" she assured as she squeezed her sister's shoulders comfortingly. "Jareth, can you...?"

"Already ordered the the Uber. Should be about 5 minutes"

Stevie shot a small grateful smile at her fiancé. "Hannah, can you go and grab the rest of Alison's stuff?" she asked her sister's friend in a tone that let no room for argument.

"Sure" Hannah replied in a worried, yet curious, tone as she watched the two McCord sisters.

"It's ok, Ali. We'll get you home..." Stevie began calmly before being cut off by her sister.

"No!" Alison gasped. "Can't go home...mum was washing...her blue nightie..."

Stevie groaned internally. Their parents were not as discrete as they thought and all the McCord children knew what the blue nightie meant: their parents would be having sex tonight.

"Ok, well we can go back to Jareth's and stay the night. We'll text mum when we get there so she knows where you are in the morning".

"Thanks" Alison replied with a grateful smile. The last thing she wanted was to catch her parents in the middle of doing it, tonight of all nights.

"Here you go" Hannah's soft voice interrupted them as she handed her friend her purse. "I hope you don't mind, but we want through your presents and allocated them out. Here are our presents to you".

"Thanks" Alison replied with a small grateful smile as she fought to control her emotions.

"I told them you weren't feeling well and were going home. Alison..." Hannah began.

"Uber's here" Jareth called cutting Hannah off.

"We've got to go" Stevie stated as she ushered her sister towards the waiting vehicle.

"Alison, is it Giovanni Rossi?" Hannah asked softly causing the McCord sisters to stop in their tracks. Alison cast a furtive look at her sister before turning to look at her friend and the look in her eyes told her everything she needed to know.

Realisation started to dawn on Hannah's face "Did he...?" she whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

Alison simply looked away from her friend as she felt tears slide down her cheeks and Hannah's features contorted into one of horror. "Ali, I'm so sorry..." she whispered, remorse evident in her voice.

"You can't tell anyone" Stevie warned "The NYPD are involved and if you tell anyone..."

"I'm pre-law, I get it. No one will find out from me" Hannah replied seriously.

Stevie nodded in satisfaction as she helped her sister into the vehicle before getting in herself, almost immediately her sister retrieved her i-Phone and earphones and started to listen to music. Stevie couldn't stop her big sister instincts and gently pulled her little sister into her embrace, letting out a sigh of relief when Alison didn't pull away but instead curled slightly more into her. Her sister's head rested on her shoulder and she placed her head on top of Alison's. They'd had their ups and downs growing up, but she loved her sister fiercely and wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. She hated what her little sister had gone through and continued to go through. Their parents had had no choice but to tell them what had happened at the hospital almost 3 weeks ago when Alison had accidently broken their mother's nose and it had scared her to find out that Alison had been so upset that Pancake - her niece- had to be monitored. It was heartbreaking to see the rollercoaster ride of emotions her sister was going through after New York, and truth be told, she felt helpless. She'd never been in a situation like Alison's, so how could she help her? Wasn't it her job as the eldest McCord to help her younger sister? That being said, she was so proud of sister and she honestly didn't think that she would be able to cope with what Alison had been through. Hell, she'd got drunk at the first whiff of her dad having an affair and that was really nothing to do with her.

As the buildings whizzed by she could feel Alison becoming more and more tense against her and she held her closer in an effort to provide some comfort. 15 minutes later they pulled up in front of Jareth's apartment and he let them in, an awkward silence descending on the living room.

"Ali, are you ok?" Stevie asked her sister in concern as she watched her sister pace across the living room from her place next to Jareth on the couch.

"Can I use your bathroom?" Alison asked in a tired voice, her breathing now back to normal.

"Sure, you know where it is?" Stevie replied.

"I'll just get some sheets and blankets" Jareth stated as he got up and headed toward the bedroom.

Minutes passed and Alison returned to the living room to find Stevie and Jareth making up a bed for her on the couch.

"Thanks" she stated in a distracted tone as she watched her sister and future brother in law work.

"Oh, this isn't for you" Jareth replied in a surprised tone. "I'll sleep on the couch, you and Stevie can have the bed"

"What?" Alison replied in an annoyed tone. "I'll pregnant, not crippled. I can sleep on the couch"

Jareth looked taken aback at his fiancée's sister's response. "No, seriously. I won't have my pregnant future sister-in-law sleep on the couch. Please take the bed, it will be much more comfortable. I insist" he replied in a genial tone, ever the gentleman.

"No! You don't get to tell me what to do! I'm fine to sleep on the couch!" Alison exclaimed angrily.

"Alison! Don't be rude!" Stevie exclaimed, annoyed at how Alison was treating her fiancé.

"Fine! You want me to sleep in your bed, I'll sleep in the damn bed!" Alison yelled as she stormed off into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her.

"I'm sor..." Stevie began as she looked at her fiancé helplessly.

"Hey, it's ok" Jareth soothed as he moved to press a gentle kiss on his fiancée's forehead. "Alison needs you and I really will be ok on the couch. There's a whole box set of Dr Who that I need to catch up on anyway."

"You're such a dork" Stevie replied fondly before kissing Jareth reverently. "Thanks for this" she stated gratefully as she headed for the bedroom door and prepared herself to deal with her sister. There was a reason Alison's was known in the family as 'Hurricane Alison' as her emotions could change in a second - and that was before she was pregnant. She could go from the sweetest most loving person, to a sharp and sour in the blink of an eye. She had no idea what had triggered Alison, but she was going to find out.

"What the hell is your problem?" she demanded as she entered the bedroom and slammed the door behind her, her voice catching in her throat at the expression on her sister's face. Alison looked furious.

"My problem? My problem is all these guys pretend to be gentlemen but all they really want is to fuck you! They don't care! Sure, they tell you you're talented and that you'll go far. They tell you not to worry and they'll lend you a top. But they always want something in return! They just want to get laid! They don't care about anyone but themselves!" Alison yelled.

"Ali, that's not true..." Stevie tried to placate her sister.

"No, don't even! You have your perfect little life with your perfect fiancé, but it's not like that in the real world! Don't you see? _He'll_ be out tomorrow and _his_ life won't have changed! _He_ can still go to work and go out. People will still buy his clothes and the press will say there has been a great injustice done against _him_ and that the women are just out for his money! But what about me?!"

"Ali..." Stevie tried again as she realised who her sister was really angry at.

"Do you know what Kaitlyn said to me tonight?" Alison continued as she panted for air and prepared to answer the rhetoric question "She said ' _That's bullshit! He thinks he can just knock you up and not take responsibility?'_ She doesn't know who the father is, but she's right! Why am I the only one who has to suffer? I'm the one who's had to suffer through months of morning sickness! I'm the one who has a gigantic stomach and stretch marks! I'm the one who has to get scans done and be pricked by needles for blood test after blood test! I'm the one who has panic attacks and has to go to therapy and tell everyone my deepest, darkest, thoughts! I'm the one who everyone is judging and calling a slut! I'm the one who's getting the dirty looks! But it's him that's the dirty one! _He's_ the evil one, not me!"

Stevie looked at her sister in shock. The pained and angry expression on her sister's face broke her heart and she didn't know what to do. "Ali..."

"And I'm the one who's going to be getting up in the middle of the night to deal with _his_ kid whilst trying to go to college! But nobody cares about that and it's not fair!" Alison choked out as the tears finally fell from her eyes and the rage and indignation she had been feeling disappeared almost as quickly as it had appeared. Suddenly she felt weak and drained and she no longer had the energy to hold herself up. She collapsed onto the bed sobbing.

Stevie climbed onto the bed and took her sister in her arms, much like she used to when Alison was little and scared in the middle of the night. "Shhhh" she soothed as she felt Alison's tears wet her shirt.

"It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!" Alison sobbed angrily against her sister as she thumped her sister's shoulder in frustration.

Stevie winced at her sister's punches, but did nothing to stop her knowing that her sister needed to let out her frustration. What were a few punches compared to what Alison was going through anyway?

"You're right, it's not fair" Stevie agreed. "It's not fair that you have to go through all of this and he gets to live in his nice apartment and party every night. But Ali, when he goes to trial and he's found guilty - and he will be - his life is going to fall apart, whereas yours is just beginning" she stated softly in a reassuring tone.

"It doesn't feel like it's beginning, it feels like it's ending" Alison sobbed into her sister's shoulder.

Stevie's heart broke at her sister's words and anger washed over her at what that man had done to her sister. Tenderly she pulled Alison's head away from her shoulder and smoothed her hair back. "Oh Ali, I promise your life's not ending. There's people at Georgetown who have kids and they make it work. Mum and dad are so excited to be grandparents and Jareth and I can't wait to be Pancake's uncle and aunt. It might be tough to start off with but we're all here for you and I know how strong and determined you are. I know you can achieve anything."

"It doesn't feel like it" Alison replied dejectedly, hiccuping from the force of her sobs.

"You remember when you came back from New York? I bet you thought you'd never be happy again, but look how far you've come? You were out tonight having fun and socialising with your old school friends. You're volunteering and about to go to community college. I bet there was a time you never thought would happen" Stevie encouraged.

"I suppose" Alison mumbled.

"I know you're worried about how you'll react when Pancake gets here" Stevie began gently "But there are already things you're doing that show you care".

"Like what?" Alison asked inquisitively, genuinely interested in what her sister had to say. Not being able to look at her daughter made her feel like such a failure.

"Well, you don't smoke or drink, and whilst I know you're not old enough to drink, if you'd really wanted to harm Pancake then you could have easier drunk some from the alcohol cabinet at home or started smoking. You've stopped eating cheese, fish and paté, and you've stopped having caffeine. You walk and do yoga everyday and I've seen how healthily you've been eating. You say you don't think you love her, but all those things show you care."

"But..." Alison began, but relented when she realised she couldn't think of an argument and that everything Stevie had said was true.

"And you're going to therapy and telling everyone your deepest, darkest, thoughts as you want to be well for her and be a good mum" Stevie continued. "Your life might be different from the one you envisaged, but it's not ending."

"But I'm so tired, of everything" Alison stated in an exhausted tone. "I'm so tired of having to fight all the time"

"I know, but you're doing so well and I'm so proud of you, Ali. I love you so much" Stevie replied in a choked voice, tears appearing in her own eyes.

"I love you too. I know we don't say it to each other very often, but I do." Alison replied in a serious tone.

"Come on. Sleep now, you look exhausted" Stevie whispered to her sister as she lay backwards on the bed and pulled her sister with her.

"But what if I have a nightmare?" Alison asked in a timid voice as she snuggled closer to her sister, just like she had when she was a child and she was scared of the monsters under her bed. It was strange that even after all these years they had easily fallen back into the sleeping positions they'd used when they were kids. Right now it just felt so comforting to have her big sister by her side.

"I've got you" Stevie replied adamantly as she watched as her sister's eyes closed and her breathing even out.

"You were always good at keeping the monsters away..." Alison replied sleepily.

Stevie watched her sister sleep peacefully in her arms and wiped the tears that had formed in her own eyes. A poking sensation against her stomach caused a frown to cross her features and it took her a few moments to realise what the sensation was. A gentle smile appeared on her face when she realised she was feeling her niece kicking her stomach and a wave of love washed over her. "I've got you too, Pancake" she whispered as she gently rubbed her sister's stomach. She too closed her eyes and soon followed her sister into the land of dreams as she felt her niece playing against her stomach.

* * *

 _The therapies I mentioned are therapies that can be used to treat PTSD._

 _I wanted a sister bonding scene and a scene where Alison gets really angry as she hasn't done that yet and this is my attempt at that. I don't think I've channelled Stevie very well and I'm not sure the final part is as sweet as the scene is in my head, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway._

 _Reviews welcome!_


	22. Chapter 22

_Thanks for the reviews from the last chapter. Just a heads up for this one that there is a scene that is heading in the "M" direction but it's not graphic and I think it still fits the "T" rating._

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Henry McCord watched his wife from the kitchen as he busied himself preparing dessert. It was New Years Eve and with all the kids out of the house at various parties, he had decided to cook his wife a romantic meal - something they both needed after a rather stressful Christmas.

Emotions had been running high in the McCord household since the news of Giovanni Rossi's latest arrest: Stevie was the epitome of indignant, Alison had discovered the anger she had been repressing since her attack, and Jason was sullen and withdrawn and hadn't seemed to have processed the news fully yet. Elizabeth was beside herself with guilt blaming herself for sending Alison into the lair of a sexual predator when she thought she should have known from her CIA training what Giovanni Rossi was really like. It didn't matter how much he reassured her it was not her fault, she couldn't stop blaming herself. As for himself, he was obviously furious that Alison was a victim of a sexual predator and he was saddened for the other victims, but he was also so proud of his daughter's courage to report her horrific ordeal when so many hadn't. Because of Alison there was a very good chance that a serial sex offender would be removed from the streets and countless young women would be saved from Giovanni Rossi.

So, after the events of the past 9 days, Elizabeth and he definitely deserved some romantic, relaxing time together. Their date had been going really well too until they'd been interrupted by Elizabeth's phone ringing 5 minutes ago and she was now in their office staring at something on her laptop. He picked up the bowls and carried them into their office, his heart sinking as he saw his wife lean back in her chair and close her eyes, her phone now discarded on her desk.

"Bad news?" he enquired as placed her bowl on the desk and leant back against it so he was facing her. He really hoped she didn't have to go into the office on New Years Eve.

Elizabeth started at her husband's voice and she sighed heavily as she looked up at him with sad eyes. Until 5 minutes ago she'd been having the best New Years Eve. All the kids had been home today, in relatively good moods for the first time in days, and they'd ended up spending the last day of 2017 hanging out in the Family Room watching trashy TV together until their kids had started to get ready for their evening activities. Henry had cooked a delicious meal for the two of them whilst she'd grabbed a rare nap on the couch. They'd chatted and flirted their way through dinner and she'd thoroughly enjoyed the company of her husband. He had just gone to prepare dessert as her phone had rung.

"That was Daisy. She sent me this..." Elizabeth said tiredly as she gestured to the newspaper article that was currently displayed on the laptop in front of her. Henry came to stand beside his wife so he could read what was on her screen, his blood boiling at the words it displayed.

"How can they...?" he exclaimed, lost for words.

"It just alleges that Giovanni Rossi fathered the child of a high ranking politician's daughter" Elizabeth replied in a resigned tone.

"Oh, because I'm sure there are so many high ranking politicians whose daughters are currently pregnant" Henry scoffed.

"According to Daisy there are 3 senator's daughters who are pregnant at the moment, all 3 are happily married and one has been vocal about her struggle with infertility and conceived 6 months ago via IVF" Elizabeth replied in a neutral tone.

"So basically that just leaves Alison. And it alludes to the fact that the pregnancy resulted from a sexual assault. How is this not defamatory against Alison?" Henry asked angrily.

"Apparently Legal has said there's not enough grounds for retraction or to sue for defamation. It's just vague enough to miss being libellous, but gives just enough information for people to put two and two together, especially if they do a little digging and find out Alison interned for Giovanni Rossi at the time she got pregnant" Elizabeth replied in a helpless tone.

Henry sighed in resignation. "Do we call Alison?" he asked his wife.

Elizabeth considered her husband's question. "Let her have one last normal night with her friends, it's not being printed tomorrow anyway. A new year, a new scandal" she finished in a resigned tone as she let out a heavy sigh. She was so tired of the press invading her family's privacy, Alison didn't deserve the scrutiny and she was sure the added stress was not doing her daughter or granddaughter any good. Why hadn't she seen through Giovanni Rossi? Why had she let Alison go to New York? Frustrated, she got up and pushed past Henry making her way to the drawing room.

Henry's heart sank as he realised there was going to be another scandal that the family would have to endure. All he'd wanted was to spend a nice New Years with his wife, but it looked like that might now be ruined. Realising there was nothing he could do about the article, he picked up Elizabeth's bowl and followed his wife into the drawing room where he found her sprawled on the couch with her eyes closed and an arm over them.

"Here" he said as he held out the bowl to Elizabeth.

"What is it?" she asked as she lifted her arm and quirked an eye at him. The newspaper article felt like it was the last straw and she suddenly felt so drained, she didn't think she had the energy to even eat the dessert her husband had made.

"Take it and find out" he teased as he shook the bowl in front of her.

Elizabeth reluctantly scooted up the couch so her back was against the arm rest and took the bowl from her husband, her face lighting up in delight at what she saw.

"Ice cream and popcorn! Dr McCord, you really are the best!" she exclaimed as she took a mouthful of her favourite sundae - the one she'd told Stevie never to show her how to make.

Henry lifted his wife's legs and sat down on the couch, taking his wife's feet into his lap before starting on his own dessert.

"Anything to make you happy, babe" he replied with a flirtatious smile, a serious undertone in his voice.

Elizabeth returned his smile with a coy look as she seductively took a mouthful of ice cream and licked the dessert slowly off the spoon, a spike of arousal rushing through her giving her a burst of energy as she saw Henry check her out at the motion. She could do nothing about the article she realised so she might as well enjoy the final few scandal-free hours she had left.

Henry gulped at his wife's action and watched mesmerised as she ate her dessert, the light from the lit fire reflected from her eyes and made her hair shine. He distractedly finished his own dessert before collecting both his and Elizabeth's bowls and placing them on the coffee table. As he sat back down on the couch he once again took his wife's feet into his lap and started massaging them earning him a moan of pleasure from Elizabeth, the sound immediately starting a fire within him.

Elizabeth watched as her husband massaged her aching feet. After breaking her nose she'd had a reprieve from wearing heels for a couple of weeks in view of the "heel breaking causing her to fall" story however, now that her nose was fully healed she was back to wearing heels again and Henry's hands on her feet felt heavenly. The light from the fire cast him in a shadow making him look dark and mysterious and she felt her arousal spike up a notch. Their sex life had suffered because of Alison's rape as for a few months after she'd heard Alison recount her attack to the police every time she and Henry started to get intimate her mind would flash back to the interview. Images of what her daughter had gone through would flash through her mind and she hadn't been able to give herself to her husband. Her sweet Henry had been nothing but patient and respectful of her, never pushing her to do anything more than what she was comfortable with, but she had missed being intimate with him and had eventually sought Dr Sherman's help. It had only been last month on Veterans Day that she had been able to be fully commit herself to Henry again, something about the day reminding her that although there was evil in the world, there was good too. They'd been making up for the lost couple of months ever since.

Henry's strong hands were now making their way up her calves and as her eyes met his, she bit her bottom lip seductively - her secret way of telling her husband what she wanted.

Seeing his wife's gesture, Henry smiled softly as he almost immediately stopped his massage and moved towards Elizabeth as she simultaneously moved to lie down on the couch. He held himself above her and looked into her shining eyes, currently free of the stress that he usually saw within their depths.

"I love you" he whispered as he tenderly placed kisses on her lips, her checks, her jawline, and her neck. He felt her sigh and relax into him, her grip on his shoulders tightened and he relented as she pulled him closer so their bodies were now flush on the couch.

"Make me forget, Henry" she whispered as he sucked the spot behind her ear that he knew made her weak at the knees.

"It'll be my pleasure" he whispered into her ear as his tongue came out to trace circles on her skin, his hand moving its way up her body until it reached her breast and he started to massage her gently, earning him a moan of pleasure from his wife.

Elizabeth gave herself over to the sensations Henry was causing within her and couldn't stop her hands from roaming over her husband's form as she turned her head to meet Henry's lips. She kissed him slowly and deeply trying to communicate with her lips just how much she loved and cherished her husband. It had been so long since they had truly taken their time to explore each other, and tonight with all the kids out of the house they _had_ time. She wanted to lose herself in her husband tonight, to forget everything that had happened over the past 4 months and to just _be_. They had the house to themselves until the morning and she wanted to enjoy the time she had with her husband.

Henry relished in being able to be explore his wife intimately once again. She'd had a tough time being with him after hearing what Alison had been through and it had pained him to see how deeply she had been effected by what had happened to their daughter. Now that he had his wife back he wanted her to know how much he loved and cherished her and he explored her body reverently and with care as he kissed her lovingly. Their bodies moved together on the couch stoking each other higher, moans and gasps of pleasure being the only sounds in the room as hands and lips roamed each other's bodies and the fire in the fireplace grew dim. So lost were they in each other that they didn't hear the front door open or the inhabitant of the house enter until it was too late.

"Oh God!"

A voice that wasn't his wife's broke through the trance Henry was currently in and he looked up in confusion, shock and embarrassment flooding over him as he stared at the hazel eyes of his daughter.

"Alison...!" he exclaimed.

Elizabeth's mind was battling through the haze her husband had invoked in her as she tried to figure out what was going on. Had her husband just said...

She tilted her head back to find herself staring at the shocked and appalled face of her daughter.

"Uh, hi Noodle..." she began in an awkward tone, too shocked to move as Henry pinned her to the couch.

"I'm sorry...I'll just go..." Alison squeaked as she rushed towards the stairs as fast as her pregnant body would allow.

Elizabeth tried to extricate herself from her husband embrace, desperate to go to her daughter and explain... goodness knows what... but stopped when he glared down at her.

"Elizabeth!" he hissed, and it was only then that she realised that somehow during their make out session both of their tops had disappeared and Henry's trousers were undone to allow him _space_. She was glad that she at least still had her bra on.

It wasn't until they heard their daughter's bedroom door slam shut that the couple moved from the couch.

Henry handed Elizabeth her top and he carefully zipped his fly up and pulled his own shirt back on.

"I guess I should go talk to her, right?" Elizabeth asked her husband in an unsure tone as she dressed herself.

"I guess?" Henry replied awkwardly.

Elizabeth looked at her husband, worry and defensiveness coating her features. "I mean, it's natural, right? A married couple who love each other..."

Henry raised an eyebrow at his wife "Our 18 year old daughter just caught her parents making out on the couch, I don't think she's going to see it that way"

Elizabeth grimaced "And out of all our children, why did it have to be Alison?"

Henry shrugged helplessly as he helped his wife fix her hair. "I don't know, but I think you should go sooner rather than later. You know, get it over and done with"

"Easy for you to say" Elizabeth shot back as she helped Henry fix his hair.

"If nothing else you need to find out why she's back home so early. She was supposed to be staying at Kelsey's all night" Henry replied seriously.

Elizabeth sighed. "You're right. Raincheck?" she asked her husband hopefully.

"Raincheck" Henry confirmed as he kissed his wife tenderly and watched her walk up the stairs.

Nerves built within Elizabeth as she ascended the stairs and she looked back at Henry who shot her an encouraging smile. It was the first time ever that Henry and she had been caught in such an intimate position by one of their children and she honestly didn't know what she was going to say to Alison. Sure, she'd always been open and honest with her daughters about sex - as Henry had been with Jason - but that didn't mean she had a clue what to say in the situation she was now faced with. On the other hand, Henry did have a point as she needed to find out why her daughter was home before midnight when she was supposed to be at a New Year's Eve party all night.

"Noodle, can I come in?" she asked tentatively as she knocked on the door to her daughter's room and gently pushed it open.

Alison jumped and turned around at the sound of her door opening "Mum!" she squeaked as a wave of mortification rushed over her.

"Hey Noodle. I'm sorry about before" Elizabeth stated apologetically as she felt her checks flush in embarrassment to match the same colour as her daughter's. "Your dad and I thought we had the house to ourselves and I guess we got carried away a bit."

"It's ok" Alison replied simply as she turned back to her overnight bag and continued unpacking it in an effort to distract herself.

"Are you ok?" Elizabeth pressed. Whilst Alison did look suitably embarrassed and awkward by what had happened, her daughter also looked troubled by something and she hoped that Alison finding Henry and she in the position she did hadn't triggered anything for her daughter.

Alison stopped what she was doing. There was a question she wanted to ask, but there was a part of her that thought the question was the wrong thing to be asking her mum however, after everything she had been through she supposed her mum was used to difficult questions from her by now.

"Why do you let him do it?" she whispered as she cast a half look back at her mum.

"Do what, Noodle?" Elizabeth replied in a confused tone.

"Hold you down like that?" Alison asked softly. When she had walked in on her parents her dad had been holding her mum's arms down above her head. She had been in that position in New York and it had been anything but enjoyable, it had been terrifying.

Elizabeth racked her brain as she tried to remember the last position she had been in with Henry and suddenly everything fell into place.

"I trust your dad, Noodle, and he wasn't pinning me down per se, more like...we were confirming our trust in one another" Elizabeth replied awkwardly, never in a million years had she thought she would be having this conversation with one of her daughters. She sighed as she decided to tell her daughter something she never thought she would. "Your dad, he wasn't the _only one_ " she began.

Alison turned to look at her mother in shock. Her mum had only been 19 when she'd met her dad and she'd always assumed he'd been the only one her mum had slept with.

"Now, I'm not saying I slept around, but there were ...others" Elizabeth stated awkwardly and somewhat defensively. "With them there were times I wasn't comfortable being in the position I was in when you found your dad and I tonight. It made me feel restrained and trapped and there were a few times I thought something was going to happen that I didn't want to. With your dad though it's like my way of showing him that I trust him, because he could exploit that power over me but with a squeeze of my hand or a slight movement he'll let me go in an instant and it's that small thing that shows me how much he loves and respects me. I trust him enough to give him that power over me and he loves me enough to give it back whenever I want it. I know it sounds cliché, Noodle, but when you're with the right guy sex really is a wonderful thing and stuff like that is...nice, fun almost."

Alison scoffed at her mother's words "I'm never having sex again!"

Elizabeth sighed sadly at her daughter's words "Alison, you had a really terrible first experience, but please don't let that determine the rest of your life. Sex can be a wonderful bonding experience, when you're that close to someone - that connection - well, there's a reason it's called making love. I hope you get to experience that one day, Noodle, you deserve it. You have a beautiful soul and you deserve to experience that pleasure".

Alison let her mother's words wash over her and on some level she understood what her mother was saying, but what had happened to her was still far too recent in her mind "I'm not ready..." she stated softly, pain coating her words.

Elizabeth moved to her daughter and took her into a gentle hug. "It's ok, Noodle. One day you will be and there's no rush" she assured as she pressed a gentle kiss to her daughter's forehead. "Now, what happened tonight?" she asked her daughter carefully after a few moments.

Alison sighed into her mother's embrace. "I thought it was just going to be Kelsey, Hannah, Kaitlyn, Brianna and I, but it somehow turned into this big party and everyone was drinking. Thad and his friends were there and Thad wanted to know why he was being hassled by _his_ lawyers. When I couldn't answer them they started calling me a slut and a whore and saying that I got what I deserved after what Jason did to his car. Kelsey and Brianna heard and it turned in this big thing so I decided to leave. It just seemed so...childish. I'm sorry if I ruined your evening" she replied sadly as she looked up at her mother earnestly.

"You never have to be sorry for coming home, Noddle, and you didn't ruin anything" Elizabeth reassured her daughter as anger washed over her at the names her daughter had been called. "And you know it's not true, right? What those boys called you?"

"Yeah, I know. They were just being idiots" Alison replied in a resigned tone.

Part of Elizabeth was seriously considering phoning Conrad and getting Thad Newton's dad fired for what his son had done, although the rational part of her knew that would probably just make the situation worse. Thoughts of the White House brought back her conversation with Daisy earlier that evening.

"Alison, there's something I need to tell you..." Elizabeth began in a resigned voice as she prepared herself to shatter her daughter's life once again.

* * *

 _I have to admit im a bit nervous about posting this story as I'm not sure if it's a bit of a taboo subject re: talking to your mum about positions you get in during sex etc, but the concept seemed like an interesting one to explore from Alison's perspective so I had a go at it. I hope it didn't creep you out too much._

 _Oh, and I know the Elizabeth and Henry scene wasn't that good, writing intimate scenes is obviously not my forté but I had to set the scene somehow lol._

 _Reviews welcome as always._


	23. Chapter 23

_Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter. I've had a stressful week and they've really cheered me up. :-)_

 _Now on with the story!_

* * *

Alison McCord rested her eyes as she lay on the examining table in Dr Clarke's office. She was so tired, of everything.

The past 2.5 weeks had been a nightmare. The stupid newspaper article had caused a media storm and meant that the father of her child was now the worst kept secret in the USA. No media outlet would say her name or _his_ in the same sentence for fear of being sued for defamation, but anyone with a brain knew that her pregnancy was due to Giovanni Rossi. However, what the media was not clear on was _how_ she got pregnant. Half were reporting that as _he_ had been arrested and charged for raping the total of 4 women (of which she was one unbeknownst to the press) and was being investigated for numerous other reports of sexual assault, that the "due to legal reasons unable to identify daughter of one of the most high ranking politicians in the country" must have been raped by Giovanni Rossi and that was why she was pregnant. The other half were reporting that all the alleged victims were just out for _his_ money and the "pregnant alleged victim", aka her, was just bitter that she had fallen pregnant and wanted Giovanni Rossi to pay.

On New Years Day Kelsey, Hannah, Brianna, and Kaitlyn had all turned up at her house demanding to know if the reports in the press were true. Hesitantly, she had told her friends what had happened at _his_ apartment in July and how she had brought charges against _him_. She'd been scared of their reaction, that they wouldn't believe her, but she needn't have worried as all four of her friends had been beside themselves once she'd told them how Pancake had been conceived. New Years Day afternoon had been filled with anguish, sadness, sorrow, and plenty of ice cream, but by the evening they had all settled themselves in the Family Room watching random movies on Netflix. It had almost been like old times, especially as her friends had ended up staying the night for an impromptu sleepover - her dad had even made them popcorn like the first time they had stayed over. She knew the press were hassling her friends trying to get confirmation as to how she had fallen pregnant, but neither Kelsey, Hannah, Brianna, nor Kaitlyn had breathed a word of what she had told them, and if anything, the whole experience had brought them closer. It was such a relief to have told her closest friends what had happened to her and to not have to lie about how she had fallen pregnant.

And if that stupid article hadn't been enough, Thad Newton had also posted pictures of her online at Kelsey's New Years Eve party that the media had also picked up on. She was now being criticised by the press for partying when she was pregnant, even though she'd left the party before the clock had struck midnight and hadn't drunk anything but juice the few hours she had been there. Questions were being raised by the media as to whether she was fit enough to raise her child, which hurt and angered her beyond belief. Aside from her weekly group therapy sessions, volunteering at the Rape Crisis Centre, and spending time with her family, she had been out the grand total of 3 times since she had come back from New York: when she'd gone out for coffee with her old soccer friends from Charlottesville, meeting up with her old Westmore friends for dinner just before Christmas, and then New Years Eve - which she wasn't even aware was a party until she'd got there. Hardly behaviour that would make her unfit to be a mother.

Her parents were once again being criticised in the press for letting their daughter party and she knew that Daisy was working really hard to control the press for both her mum and she, but it was hard because all Daisy could really issue were denials and "no comments" due to the criminal case that she had against _him_. There could be no statement from either herself or her mum to clarify who the father of her daughter was or how Pancake had been conceived. They were now 2.5 weeks into the latest scandal and it didn't seem to be relenting anytime soon. The press continued to be camped outside their house and the paparazzi followed her wherever she went hoping to snap a picture of her being a "bad" mother.

From a security perspective things were so bad that DS had decided she needed agents again, so Duncan and Andy were back escorting her everywhere she went. Whilst it was nice having the protection from the paparazzi, it equally made her feel vulnerable as she was starting to realise how many crazy people were out there that wanted to harm her and her child just because of what was being reported in the press. Pro-life groups were praising her for keeping her baby regardless of how it was conceived, whereas men's rights groups were advocating that she was setting up an innocent man just to get his money. People were saying she couldn't have been raped if she'd decided to keep the baby, because surely if she'd been raped she wouldn't have wanted to keep the baby as a reminder of such a horrible ordeal? Others were praising her for keeping the baby after being raped. It felt like whatever she did was wrong in the public's eyes and part of her wondered what they would think if they knew the truth - not that she would ever tell the public what she had been, and was going, through.

Following her tirade at Stevie after the fiasco that was Christmas dinner with her friends, she'd awoken in the morning feeling full of anger and injustice at what had happened to her. Looking back now she realised she'd been the most unpleasant person to be around over Christmas, snapping and yelling at her family over the smallest little thing - she'd even thrown a mug at her brother in a fit of rage, thankfully he hadn't been injured by it. However, after what had happened at Kelsey's New Years Eve party and after her talk with her mum, she'd realised just how much her life was now different from her old school friends. She'd felt out of place at the party as all her friends seemed to want to do was go out and party and to hook up with people. It was like they thought they were adults just because they had fake ID's to buy alcohol and could sleep with whomever they wanted, but to her it all seemed a bit pointless and childish. The idea of getting wasted and losing control of herself disgusted her. She'd seen what had happened to Jason and she never wanted to get into that state, never wanted to let herself be that vulnerable - because she had been stone cold sober and surrounded by people in New York and she'd still been attacked. She had responsibilities now and she somehow felt more grown up than her old school friends. Maybe it was because she was no longer the number one priority as she had to put her daughter first all the time. Stevie was right when she'd said she cared for Pancake because she _could_ have drunk at Kelsey's party, but she'd chosen not to as there was something bigger in her life now and her daughter's life mattered to her. Whilst part of her was sad that she'd never again get to be as care-free as her friends now were, she'd realised what she had was somehow better, even if she couldn't explain how at the moment.

So, much to DS's displeasure, she has insisted on starting community college this week. Originally she'd hoped community college would be a fresh start for her, that she would be able to make a few friends and get a head start on next year. She'd been apprehensive about going having been in the press so much, but she'd awoken on New Years Day feeling lighter and freer, as if all the negative emotions she'd been feeling since that night in New York had evaporated. She was determined not to let _him_ stop her from doing what she wanted to do. It was unfair that she was the one who was suffering physically and emotionally right now, but Stevie had been correct when she'd said _he'd_ lose everything when he went to jail, whereas her life was just beginning. Her life might be different than her friends, but college and her education was still something she had control over and she could - would - achieve her degree. She was going to be a role model for her daughter and she had to believe that _he_ would go to jail for what he had done to her and that her own life would get better.

Although no one seemed to know how to approach her at community college due to the press attention and the DS agents that followed her around, she had signed up to help out in the college's theatre department where she hoped she could help with some of the costuming for the spring term production. Hopefully once people got to know her she could start making friends again and people would see that she wasn't the monster the press were making her out to be. Surprisingly, she was also enjoying studying again- even if 'baby brain' was making remembering things more difficult - and it was useful to have something to lose herself in when things with the press became overwhelming.

"Hi Alison, Alexis." Dr Clarke welcomed as she entered the room breaking Alison from her reverie.

"Hi" Alison greeted with a tired smile as she opened her heavy eyes.

"Sorry to wake you" Dr Clarke said apologetically.

"It's ok. I wasn't sleeping, just resting my eyes as it's been a long week and I'm exhausted" Alison replied as she stifled a yawn.

"Are you sure you're up to doing this?" Dr Alexis Castillo asked her patient in a concerned tone. The last 6 weeks since Alison had her first panic attack had been a trying one for her, although the strength and determination her patient was showing in overcoming her PTSD was awe-inspiring. This was their third exposure therapy session and they were going to try a live 4D scan, although the main purpose of the meeting with Dr Clarke was so that they could print off some more pictures and hopefully gain some video footage that could be used in future sessions.

"Yes" Alison replied in a determined tone. She had been using the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy techniques she had learned to deal with her pregnancy related anxiety and social anxiety issues and they were now like second nature to her. Instead of seeing her daughter's/ _his_ face every time she felt her daughter move - which was _a lot_ \- and feeling panicked and resentful, she instead focused on the fact that her body had done this amazing thing in creating another human being and that the movement meant her daughter was healthy and just saying hello to her. "I want to be able to look at her and love her"

"Well, we'll start slowly and if at any point this becomes too much for you we'll stop and you can put on your headphones and close your eyes whilst Dr Clarke finishes the scan and prepares the pictures and video. You don't have to do everything today, we'll just do a little bit and then work a little bit more next week once we've got the updated scans and video, ok?" Dr Castillo informed her patient.

"I know, baby steps" Alison agreed in a relaxed manner "No pun intended" she added with a laugh.

Dr Clarke and Alexis returned their patient's smile, glad that Alison seemed to be able to joke about the scan indicating she was relaxed.

"Ok, then let's get started..."

* * *

 _I have to admit I don't really like this chapter but I thought it was necessary to have a bit of an Alison catch up as she's been through a lot the past couple of chapters. Hope it wasn't too boring!_

 _As always, reviews welcome._

 _On a separate note, I'm about 11 chapters ahead in the story and I'm currently writing Pancake's birth. However, I can't seem to figure out how you register a birth in the USA! Some sites says the nurses do it in the hospital, others say they take a foot print for the birth cerifiticate - I'm confused! I've tried Googling it but the results just keep showing how to register a birth in the UK which is not helpful! So, could someone please help me?! How do you register a birth in the USA? What does it entail and how long do you have to do it? Who does it?_

 _Thanks in advance!_


	24. Chapter 24

_Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favourites from the last chapter. I have updated chapter 23 as I forgot to mention Alison's friends reactions to the allegations which in hindsight I think should be in there. Nothing plot wise, just an exploration of how her friends might have reacted to the news of how she got pregnant so don't worry if you don't want to re-read it. It's the second paragraph that I've added if you do._

 _In honour of the UK's General Election today I thought I would post this chapter today (what with MS being a political show and all that - tenuous link I know!). Plus, I'm away this weekend..._

 _Oh! And just a heads up that at the end things get a little bit more detailed about the assault than they have been. Nothing too bad (I don't think!), but there is some language and reference/mild description of sex acts._

* * *

Alison McCord sat nervously in the Reception of Schulman, Friedman, and Walsh, the law firm representing _him_. Her dad, Detective Erica Johnson, and ADA Scott White were sat surrounding her as she waited to be called in for her deposition by _his_ attorney: none other than attorney to the rich and famous, and partner in the law firm, William Schulman.

If the grand offices on the 90th floor of 1 World Trade Center were meant to intimidate, then they were doing their job brilliantly. The floor to ceiling windows giving a view of downtown New York and the Statue of Liberty were breathtaking, but also added to the feeling of how small and insignificant she felt. Right now she felt completely out of her depth and very much the teenager she was. She was surrounded by the most powerful attorneys in New York, if not the country, an ADA, a high ranking detective, and a world renowned religious scholar. All she had was her high school diploma, yet she was supposed to be taking on one of the richest and most famous fashion designers in the world. She felt sick, her heart was beating rapidly, her hands were clammy, and her daughter was turning somersaults in her tummy.

She wanted her mum.

Her mum was _supposed_ to be here with her. They had come up to New York together two days ago so that she could be prepped for the deposition by Detective Johnson and the ADA ready for today. But everything had changed yesterday when there had been a terrorist attack in Cancun in the early hours of Sunday morning killing and injuring hundreds of Americans. The President had summoned her mum back to DC to deal with the crisis, and understandably, her mum couldn't say no to the President of the United States. Her dad had flown up to be with her instead, but it wasn't the same.

She wanted her mum.

Her mum had been with her when she'd given her statement to the NYPD and been examined; it was bad enough that she knew every horrible, intimate details of what _he_ had done to her, she didn't want her dad to know too. She was grateful for her dad being here and supporting her, but she really didn't want him to know everything that had happened to her that night.

"Alison McCord?"

Alison could swear her heart stopped as she heard her name being called.

"Yes!" she squeaked, her knees going weak.

"We're ready for you now"

Alison sat rooted to her seat as the gravity of the situation hit her. This was it. What she was about to say could destroy her or validate her when her case got to court. Panic and fear consumed her.

Henry stood up at the sound of his daughter's name being called and mentally prepared himself for what he was about to hear. Whilst Elizabeth had told him some of the things that had happened to his daughter on that night back in July, he knew she had purposefully not told him everything and he was wise enough to know there was probably a very good reason for that. Now though he was about to find out in horrific detail what had happened to Alison. Elizabeth and he hadn't even had a chance to talk since she had been summoned back to DC so she hadn't been able to give him any further information about what had happened that fateful night. If he was being honest with himself he wasn't sure he was going to be able to handle it, but with his wife in DC to dealing with the terrorist attack there was no way he was going to leave his daughter on her own.

He turned to give his daughter a reassuring hug and was disheartened to find her still sitting on the plush chair, a look of pure terror on her face.

"Noodle?" he queried and his heart broke as her wide, panic filled eyes gazed up at him.

"I don't think..." she whispered.

"Hey" he soothed as he came to kneel in front of her and gently took one of her clammy palms in his. "It's going to be ok. You just do what Erica, and Scott have told you to do and it will be over before you know it".

"He's right" Erica comforted as she came to kneel on Alison's other side "You just answer all the questions that Mr Schulman asks and you'll be fine. Scott will make sure that he doesn't ask any inappropriate questions and you can ask for a break at any time. It's just going to be Mr Rossi's legal team and us in a private boardroom, that's it. Remember like I said, it's just a conversation between two people"

"But what if he doesn't believe me?" Alison whispered.

"Today is not about establishing who is or isn't guilty, today is just for asking questions" Erica assured.

"That's all, Ali. Just a few questions and then we can go home" Henry pushed gently knowing how important this meeting was. "And if you feel up to it afterwards we can go to the Hello Kitty store. I'm sure there must be something in there that you and my granddaughter would like".

"But you hate Hello Kitty" Alison argued.

"True, but I love you more than I hate Hello Kitty" he teased with a smile, earning a small smile from his daughter in return. "You can do this" he added seriously.

Alison looked into her father's eyes and saw the belief and earnestness they possessed. Her father was an ethics professor and a world renown religious scholar. He believed in right from wrong, good from bad. She heard about the other victims who'd come forward on the news and part of her was so mad at them for not coming forward sooner, because if they had this thing wouldn't have happened to her. She was not going to be like them. She was going to stop the bastard Giovanni Rossi if it was the last thing she did.

"Ok" she agreed in a determined tone as she summoned all her courage. She could and would do this because she didn't want anyone else going through what she was going through.

Her dad held out his hand as he stood up and she gratefully accepted it as she heaved herself out of the low chair. At 28 weeks pregnant she was now officially in her third trimester and was finding it increasing hard to move around. She dreaded to think what the next 12 weeks were going to be like.

Alison followed the assistant as she made her way to the door that led to the main offices, but paused just before going through.

"Um, dad..." she asked in an unsure tone.

"Yes, Alison?" Henry asked in a serious tone.

"Would it be ok if maybe you didn't, you know..." she asked in an awkward tone as she gestured towards the main office.

Relief washed over Henry at what his daughter was asking, because as much as he wanted to be there to support his daughter, he really didn't want to know the intimate details of what had happened to her.

Henry nodded his agreement. "As long as you're sure, Noodle?" he asked in a concerned tone.

"Yeah, I'm sure" Alison replied in relief. "Erica and Scott will be there and I can take a break and come and find you if I need you. As long as that's ok with you?"

"Are you kidding me? There's a National Geographic waiting on that coffee table with my name written all over it" he replied in a joking tone with a loving smile.

Alison simply rolled her eyes at her father before taking a deep breath and heading through the door, her head held high.

Henry sent a silent pray to St Nicholas to be with his daughter as he watched her head through the doors to the most important meeting of her life.

* * *

William Schulman had been Giovanni Rossi's attorney for over 20 years and today was not the first time he had had to deal with one of Giovanni's 'girls'. However, it was the first time that he'd had to depose one of the girls and he had to admit to himself that the experience had shaken him.

Normally the girl could be brought off with a sum of money, or there would be something in her past that they could use to coerce her into taking the money and keeping quiet about whatever she said had happened with Giovanni. In the worst case scenario he could have one of their "investigators" visit the woman to "discuss" her version of events and after the visit she was usually happy to accept the money and keep her mouth shut. However, Alison McCord was different for three very big reasons:

1) She was pregnant and the DNA test proved the baby was Giovanni Rossi's. This at least gave credibility to the fact that she'd had sex with his client

2) She had actually reported what had happened to her as a crime to the NYPD

3) And the most important reason: she was the God damn Secretary of State's daughter

Being the Secretary of State's daughter meant that his options were limited when it came to investigating her. She was pregnant for starters and even he wasn't low enough to set one of their "investigators" on a pregnant woman - he wasn't as heartless as people thought. Plus, Alison McCord had her own Diplomatic Security agents and quite frankly he couldn't risk one of his "investigators" getting involved in a skirmish with one of her agents.

He'd done his best to get background information about Alison McCord but quite frankly he couldn't find anything. The girl had a 3.5 GPA, had been the school mediator, and was well liked. Her sister's deposition had revealed little more than a James Montgomery being signed in by her, rather than Alison, whilst their parents had been in a State visit to Venezuela. Whilst he suspected there was more to the story than Alison being unable to come to the door when he'd arrived, both Stephanie and James were adamant that nothing had happened with Alison that night and Alison's deposition reflected that. There had also been an incident where Jason McCord had vandalised a Thad Newton's car, but Thad would only say this was due to a misunderstanding that had happened at a school dance the weekend prior. Again, he suspected there was more to the story but he couldn't prove it and it would never stand up in a court of law. Alison's DS agents had also attested to the fact that she had not had a serious boyfriend and was not promiscuous in their opinion, and being DS agents their opinions mattered to a jury.

He'd even had members of his staff meet with friends and ex-boyfriends from Alison's former schools to see if there was anything he didn't know, including hacking their computers and devices, to little avail. With Alison's own devices protected by the government's cyber security the risk of getting caught hacking her devices was too high, if they had been caught it would have devastated Giovanni's case.

Not that he had much of a case with the rape being caught on Giovanni's CCTV. The stupid man had always been obsessed with security.

Usually with a case like this when he couldn't find any dirt on a plaintiff he would simply look for flaws in the Police procedure and have his client acquitted of the crime on that basis - it was one of the things he was renowned for. However, he had to give the NYPD and DA's office dues when it came to this case, they had followed procedure to the tee- no doubt given who Alison McCord's mother was - and he couldn't find one thing that even he could fault, let alone have his client acquitted on. He couldn't even claim that Elizabeth McCord was using her position to influence the case, because as far as he could tell, she had not exerted her influence at all - not that he should be surprised given her CIA background.

He also had one other big problem with the Alison McCord case: he believed her - and not because he had seen the CCTV recording.

That gave him a big problem because if she had managed to convince him she was raped, then there was no doubt in his mind that her testimony would also convince a jury.

With the other girls he had simply had his staff do all the dirty work before he and Giovanni met with the girl, presented her with their evidence, and then offer a sum of money that they always took. Up until the CCTV footage he had always believed his clients' version of events; unfortunately it wasn't unheard of for people to try and exploit his super wealthy and famous clients for money. Now knowing that in all likelihood all those girls from the past _had_ been raped he felt disgusted with himself that he had aided a rapist all these years. After all, he had his own daughter and granddaughter and it sickened him to know that Giovanni had been around his girls at various functions he had thrown over the years.

He was disturbed from his reverie by the sound of his office phone ringing.

"Schulman" he answered brusquely.

"Mr Schulman, I have Giovanni Rossi on the line for you" his secretary informed him.

"Put him through" he instructed.

"William, how are you?" Giovanni asked his old friend and attorney in a jovial tone. Today was the day that William had deposed Alison McCord, and if William was as brilliant as he normally was, he had no doubt that his troubles would soon be going away and his life could resume as normal without this pesky case hanging over him.

Now knowing what his client was truly like William's stomach turned at the sound of his client's voice. However, Giovanni Rossi paid his several million dollars a year to represent both himself and his business and it was his job to get the best deal for his client that he could.

"Giovanni, I'll cut to the chase. Today did not go well" he informed his client bluntly.

"You couldn't get her to withdraw her accusation?" Giovanni asked in an annoyed tone.

"No, and I need to be honest with you, as things stand at present you do not have a strong case..."

"That is not good enough" Giovanni interrupted. "I pay you a significant amount of money each year, William, to make sure problems like this do not exist!" he yelled.

Shame washed over William. Sometimes he felt like he had sold his soul to the devil in return for his fortunes and this conversation was one of those times.

"Giovanni, my job is to give you the best legal advice and if you want it, this is it: admit you assaulted her and I'll negotiate a plea deal for you"

"NEVER!" Giovanni roared. He would not go down because of that bitch Alison McCord. She'd teased his with her tight tops and tiny skirts from the very moment she had walked into his studio, he'd known right away that she wanted him and he would make her _his_ by the time her internship was up.

He'd watched her that night at the party as she'd danced provocatively and smiled coquettishly at him from across the room, and then she'd split her drink and he'd known that was his cue to take her to his bedroom and ravish her. Sure, things had got off to a rough start when she'd tried to deny she'd been seducing him for weeks and he'd ended up having to use the handcuffs with her because she was feisty, but as soon as she'd stopped trying to fight him he'd had a fantastic time with her. She'd been so pliable and had done everything he had asked of her after he'd tamed her with the handcuffs. The fact she'd been a virgin was just a bonus. Seeing the blood from her hyman on his sheets and watching his seed leaking out of her knowing he was the first one to claim her had been such a turn on. There was one thing he was sure of: he'd taken care of her virginity that night. She had tired him out and after their last time he had passed out, it had been several hours later before he'd woken up and had the presence of mind to undo the handcuffs. The rude bitch had tried to leave without so much as a goodbye as soon as he'd released her too! He'd made sure she'd gone down on him for that indiscretion and his cock twitched as he remembered what her hot mouth had felt like on him. He'd reminded her as she'd sucked him off (under his tutelage as the girl really hadn't known what to do) why she shouldn't tell anyone about their evening together - he didn't want it known that he'd lowered himself to sleeping with one of his interns, he was used to sleeping with supermodels and hot little movie stars after all. That was why he was so confused and furious by what she was doing to him. It was bad enough that the bastard child she was now pregnant with was evidently his and he would be stuck paying for it for the rest of his life, he would not go to jail because of her.

William sighed in resignation as an idea for a strategy popped into his head. "There is one other thing I can try. It involves the CCTV footage and it is risky, but if it pans out your case against Alison McCord will be stronger..." he advised his client as he filled Giovanni in on his idea, a wave of self-disgust washing over him at his plan.

"Do it" Giovanni agreed in a low voice. If William's plan worked then Alison McCord would be humiliated and exposed as the whore she really was and he would be free. He was out for revenge and would do anything he could to make Alison McCord's life a living hell like she had made his.

And in the meantime there was something he himself could do...

* * *

 _A few author's notes:_

 _1) I am lucky enough to have been to 1 World Trade and the view from the top is amazing - I was speechless the first time I saw it. Although it is a little sobering when you realise the view was some people's last ever view. :'(_

 _2) Re: the deposition. I read some accounts were victims had to go through a deposition and others where they didn't seem to. The accounts I've read didn't discern between criminal or civil cases and I couldn't figure out if you'd be deposed for a criminal case, but not a civil one, or vice versa. As I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible I thought I would include it as it makes sense to me that the defendant's legal team would interview the victim, rather than just rely on the statement the police collect. If I've got this wrong and offended anyone, apologies._

 _3) Elizabeth's job is demanding so I wanted to show that she can't always be there for Alison as so far she'd been there with her for everything. Plus, I wanted a bit of a father/daughter binding moment!_

 _As always, reviews welcome._


	25. Chapter 25

Elizabeth McCord didn't want to be here.

She wanted to be at home with her family.

Today, Alison had given her deposition to Giovanni Rossi's lawyer. She had desperately wanted to be there with her daughter, but due to a terrorist attack in Cancun in the early hours of yesterday morning, she had been summoned back to DC by the President. Granted, she had talked to Alison since she'd given her deposition and her daughter had said she was ok and Henry had assured her the deposition had gone well, but it wasn't the same as actually seeing her daughter and husband and being able to read their expressions and body language.

Instead she was at the Italian Embassy in Washington DC at a party being held by the Italian Ambassador to celebrate the signing of the latest trade agreement between the USA and Italy. As Secretary of State she _had_ to be here, Russell Jackson had been very clear on that when she tried to withdraw due to the terrorist attack in Cancun. Not that there was much she could do in relation to the terrorist attack at the moment. The Federal Ministerial Police in Mexico and the CIA were still investigating which group were behind the attack, the bodies had been removed from the scene and were in the process of being identified, and the State Department had set up all the necessary helplines, websites, and social media accounts so relatives could try and find their missing loved ones.

So here she was; a guest of the Italian Ambassador at a party she didn't want to be at, wearing formal clothing and high heel shoes that were making her feet hurt, talking to wealthy business owners who bored her to death, and with a face that ached from fake smiling so much.

At least the food was good.

She surreptitiously looked at her watch and groaned internally when she realised she would have to stay at least another 45 minutes before she could leave without offending anyone. Deciding to try and kill some of those minutes in the bathroom she headed towards the ballroom door and into the hallway.

"Madam Secretary" an Italian accented voice called from behind her.

Once again she groaned internally as she tried to figure out which boring Italian business man now wanted her attention. Plastering a fake smile on her face she turned around ready to make polite conversation with whoever had cornered her in the hallway however, her expression hardened and her stomach tightened with anger as she realised who was standing a few short feet away from her.

"Giovanni Rossi" she stated in a cold tone.

"Ah, I see you know who I am" he greeted in a jovial tone "It's nice to meet you, I believe I know your daughter"

Elizabeth felt pure hatred, the likes of which she had never known before, boil within her and she felt her cheeks flush due to the rage and indignation currently coursing through her body. Her nails dug into the skin of her palms as her hands fisted into tight balls by her side.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded being in no mood to trade polite necessities with her daughter's rapist.

"Oh, you see the Ambassador and I are life-long friends. We went to school together and with my business interests in the USA and Italy it was only natural that he invite me to celebrate this spectacular trade deal between our two countries" he replied in a condescending manner.

Elizabeth was very aware that she was in a public corridor, and whilst no one was standing particularly near them, there were other people milling around. Her DS agents were a respectable distance away too given that they were at an embassy. Instinctively her CIA skills kicked in and she profiled the man before her. He was arrogant, narcissistic, suave, and had a cold, calculating glint in his eyes despite the genial expression on his face. He was up to something she was sure, she just had to figure out what.

"I'm surprised he would want you here given the amount of negative press you have been receiving recently" she replied in a flippant manner. She watched as for a split second Giovanni Rossi's expression darken and his true nature was revealed, before the genial expression meant to garner trust and friendship was back on his face. Her comment had angered him and wounded his pride, she could tell.

"Yes, those poor women who are so insecure they feel the need to drag what should be a private matter between two individuals into the press for attention. Such a shame" he replied in a remorseful tone as he swayed his head in a saddened manner.

Elizabeth continued to analyse the man in front of her. Despite his words the calculating glint in his eyes had never left and she concluded that he was assessing her. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise and a shiver down ran down her spine at the predatory look his eyes now possessed. She wondered if this was the same look Alison had seen when...

"What do you want?" she demanded being in no mood to make further small talk with her daughter's rapist.

"Now, is that any way to talk to the father of your grandchild?" he sneered as he moved forward and into her personal space in an effort to intimidate her. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Matt and her other DS agents start to move forward, but she raised her hand slightly to let them know she was ok and they stopped in their tracks.

"Ah, a woman in power" Giovanni commented as he took note of the agents around them that had been stopped by her small gesture "Personally I prefer my women a little more submissive. Complicity is such a turn on, don't you think?"

She stood her ground as she stared into the eyes of Giovanni Rossi and used all her CIA training not to rise to the veiled insult he had just made about her daughter. She knew Alison had tried to fight on the night she was attacked but had frozen when she'd been handcuffed to _his_ bed, she had not wilfully submitted to him. As she continued to assess the man before her she could practically see his mind working and something Alison had said to her the evening she told her she'd been raped popped into her head _'he said he'd destroy you'_. Was that what Giovanni Rossi was trying to do? Trying to get her to do or say something that he could use to destroy her or her daughter?

"I see your attorney told you the results of the DNA test. Congratulations" she replied in a hard voice as she ignored Giovanni Rossi's previous comment. She had been spat at, head butted, insulted, and leered at whilst conducting interrogations for the CIA, she could handle Giovanni Rossi and his attempted insults at Alison and she.

"Yes, a very interesting result given how slutty your daughter dressed when she was interning for me. I was surprised when she told me she was a virgin to be honest, not that it mattered as that just made the whole experience so much more _gratifying_ " he replied in a patronizing tone. "I think it's such a reflection on the parents when girls dress like that, don't you think?"

Elizabeth had to use every ounce of self-control she possessed not to punch the imbecile standing before her, but as she looked into his eyes she could see the challenge there. To him this was a game and he was enjoying it, he wanted to get a rise out of her so he could claim she assaulted him or intimidated him, or bribed him, or whatever it was he was trying to achieve so that he could have the case against him dropped. She had to look at the bigger picture and be the bigger person.

She smiled cordially up at Giovanni Rossi and she saw a flash of confusion in his eyes. "It was nice to meet you Mr Rossi. Now if you'll excuse me..." she turned to walk away no longer wanting to participate in this game of cat and mouse and not trusting what she would do if she continued to converse with the man for a second longer.

"You know, I'm very much going to enjoy being a father..." he replied offhand causing Elizabeth to stop in her tracks and her blood to run cold. She turned back to face her daughter's attacker. "You see, when I'm found innocent I plan to fully extend my parental rights over my child..."

"Mr Rossi, from what I understand the likelihood of you being found innocent is very small" Elizabeth replied coolly, a hint of anger creeping into her tone.

Giovanni moved towards her and once again encroached in her personal space. "Drop the case or I'll make sure I get custody of that child!" he hissed.

Elizabeth stood her ground as she stared up into the cold, hard eyes of Giovanni Rossi. Fury burned within her and she wanted nothing more than to unleash the tirade of offensive language that was brewing in her brain, but she knew she couldn't. She had stared down brutal dictators and terrorists, she would not let her daughter's rapist get the better of her.

"You do realise there is a strong case against you..." Elizabeth began sarcastically before being cut off.

"The CCTV footage? According to my lawyer that will never make it to court. William tells me that today's deposition went _very_ well, so you see, it will just be my word against hers. Me, a world renowned fashion designer with almost unlimited resources against an 18 year old intern and the State of New York. It'll be an easy win and then I'll be free to gain custody of my child. I have numerous houses, a thriving business, and millions of dollars in the bank. What does your daughter have? A High School Diploma? I'll be given custody in seconds and then I'll take that child to Italy and you'll never see it again!"

Elizabeth couldn't help but scoff at Giovanni Rossi's statement.

"I doubt that very much, Mr Rossi" she replied coolly. "How exactly do you plan on doing that without my daughter's permission? Without a passport for your child? We may not be as wealthy as you, but my family can more than adequately support my grandchild in a stable, loving, environment, which is more than you can offer. Any judge in the USA would be more than happy to grant my daughter sole custody of her child. So, Mr Rossi, your threat to remove my grandchild from this country is baseless"

She saw the flash of confusion and indignation in his eyes and she had to force herself not to roll her eyes. As Secretary of State didn't he realise she was more than aware of US citizen's travel rights? Her knowledge of custody law was not the best, but she knew enough to know that Alison would have no problem with being awarded custody of her child with the support Henry and she could offer - both emotional, physical, and financial. She watched the man before her as anger and arrogance quickly filled his expression once again. From profiling him she was sure he was a man that was not used to being told 'no' so the fact that the McCords were not backing down was something she was sure he was not used to.

"Who said I'd take the bastard out of the country _legally_?" he challenged. "I mean, it would be such a shame if the child went _missing_ whilst visiting me. I have friends in very high places after all..." he continued threateningly.

The menacing look on his face gave Elizabeth no doubt that Giovanni Rossi was serious about his threat, and as Secretary of State, she was all too aware of how young children were smuggled around the world. If he was awarded any form of unsupervised visitation, even a couple of hours a week, it would be more than enough time for her granddaughter to disappear and the thought filled her with fear and dread.

"Now, I know that's not a threat against the Secretary of State's grandchild?" she replied in a challenging tone. Whilst she didn't like throwing around her title, now she needed every ounce of power that title gave her.

"Not at all, Madam Secretary" he replied smarmily "Just thinking of the worst case scenario like any good father should"

Elizabeth felt her stomach flip in disgust at the joy his eyes contained and she turned and walked away from the vile, decrepit, man before she did something she'd regret.

"Drop the case and I'll sign away my paternity rights" he called after her causing Elizabeth to pause her step and turn back to face her daughter's rapist. Surreptitiously she cast her eyes around the hallway and was relieved to see that no one seemed to have noticed his outburst. As confident as she could be that her family's secret remained intact, she walked towards Giovanni Rossi with her head held high and her shoulders back. This time it was she who encroached on his personal space and her voice was icy cold as she spoke.

"No judge in this land will give custody to an _alleged_ rapist..." Elizabeth began before being interrupted.

"Ah, but that's exactly the point, isn't it Madam Secretary? _Alleged_. When I'm found innocent and your daughter is found to be the lying whore that she is I'll petition the court for custody and then it's goodbye grandchild for you. _Drop the case!_ " he hissed, hatred evident in his eyes and his cheeks red with fury.

Elizabeth once again turned away in disgust. She didn't look back as she started walking in the direction of the ballroom to search for her assistant. She was going home NOW, social etiquette be damned.

* * *

As soon as Elizabeth got home she headed straight for the drinks cabinet and poured herself a large scotch as she kicked off her heels. Downing the golden brown liquid in one gulp she poured herself another shot and headed into the kitchen. She hated to admit it, but her encounter with Giovanni Rossi has shaken her. It had made her think of what would happen if Alison lost her case and he was acquitted, because everything he'd said was true if he was found innocent. He _could_ pursue Alison for joint custody, or at the very least visitation rights, and that scared her beyond belief.

"Hey babe, I didn't hear you come in. You're home early" her husband greeted her as he placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Oh, hi" she replied distractedly as she swirled the brown liquid in the tumbler.

Henry regarded his wife and instantly knew something was wrong "Elizabeth, what's the matter? Is everything ok in Cancun?"he asked seriously.

Elizabeth stared into the concerned, loving, eyes of her husband and something inside her broke "Henry!" she breathed as she all but threw herself into his arms.

Confusion reigned over Henry. He knew his wife had been up for the best part of 40 odd hours dealing with the terrorist attack in Cancun, but he'd seen her deal with worse catastrophes with less sleep and not be this upset and emotional.

"Was Cancun really that bad?" he asked in a gentle voice as he held his wife close to him and rubbed her back soothingly.

"It's not Cancun" Elizabeth mumbled into her husband's neck. She took one last deep inhale of his comforting scent before she pulled herself away and picked up the tumbler of scotch once again and took a swig.

"Tell me" Henry urged as he gently grabbed his wife's wrist and pulled the tumbler away from her mouth.

Elizabeth peered up into Henry's eyes as she took a deep breath "Giovanni Rossi was at the party at the Italian Embassy tonight..."

" _He's_ here?! In DC?" Alison interrupted as she rounded the corner from the Family Room having heard her parents talking in the kitchen. She felt adrenaline course through her, Pancake reacting immediately as the hormone hit her bloodstream. She rubbed her stomach gently in an effort to comfort her daughter.

"Alison!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "What are you still doing up?"

"We did some shopping in New York and only got home about an hour ago. Dad and I were just going through some paint samples for the nursery whilst I had a snack before bed. Now, you said _he_ was there?" Alison asked in a serious, yet slightly panicked, tone as she deposited her plate and glass in the sink.

"Yes" Elizabeth replied simply. Now her daughter was in the room she didn't know what to tell her. She had hoped to discuss Giovanni Rossi's threat with Henry before talking to Alison.

"Did he say anything?" Alison asked inquisitively, mentally reminding herself that she had a retraining order against _him_ and that her house was surrounded by DS agents. He couldn't touch her - or if he tried it would probably be the last thing he did.

"We spoke in the hallway..." Elizabeth replied in a non-committal tone before taking another sip of scotch.

Concern and panic washed over Henry "Did he...?"

Confusion washed over Elizabeth's face before she realised what Henry was asking and she couldn't help the bitter laugh that came out of her throat "No! He didn't do anything like that and Matt was only a few feet away anyway. No, he just said he wanted Alison to drop the case"

"That's it?" Henry asked in a confusion.

Indecision washed over Elizabeth as she turned away from her husband and daughter and went to pour herself another scotch however, she forgot about her discarded shoes and stepped on one of the heels in the process.

"Damn it!" she yelled as she kicked the offending item across the floor and grabbed the arch of her foot in pain. Anger washed over her at the position she had put herself in tonight with Giovanni Rossi and for her own stupidity for stepping on her shoes.

Father and daughter cast a concerned look between each other, but it was Alison who was the first to speak, unnerved by her mother's behaviour.

"Mum, what else did he say?" Alison asked in a worried tone.

Elizabeth turned to face her family, fury and upset evident on her face "He said that if he's found innocent he's going to sue for custody of Pancake. Or you could drop the and case he'd sign away his paternity rights"

A deadly silence hung in the air as all three persons in the room processed the words Elizabeth had just spoken.

"Can he do that?" Alison whispered, tears evident in her eyes. She may be having difficulty with looking at her daughter, but she was working hard to overcome it as she wanted to be a good mum, as overwhelming as that was. By using Cognitive Behaviour Therapy she no longer felt disgust or panic when she felt her daughter move within her. She'd learnt the basic relaxation techniques required for Exposure Therapy and had managed to look at her daughter for a few seconds during her last 4D scan. Starting in her next session with Alexis she was going to start increasing the amount of time she looked at the 3D images of her daughter as she was determined to overcome her PTSD. It helped that her mum had been through PTSD and they had talked at length about her mum's experiences with the condition.

Elizabeth's heart broke as she took in the defeated look on her daughter's face and she immediately felt guilty for snapping at her family and breaking the news in the way she had. " In DC there has to be a conviction for rape before parental rights can be terminated, so yes, if he's acquitted then he's considered a free, innocent, man and he has the right to sue for custody, or a least visitation" Elizabeth confirmed gently.

"Oh" Alison replied dejectedly as she protectively placed an arm over her stomach and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"But it doesn't mean he'll get it" Elizabeth tried to reassure "I'll speak to Justice tomorrow and get their take on the situation"

Alison's eyes widened and fear washed over her as she realised that if _he_ was found innocent then she would have to see _him_ again on a regular basis for the rest of her life.

"But if he does get custody or visitation it would mean I'd have to see _him_ again? And I'd have to leave Pancake with him unattended? I can't... she can't..."

"Hey" Henry soothed as he took his daughter in his arms "That's not going to happen, he's going to be found guilty and you won't have to see him ever again, neither will Pancake"

"How do you know that for sure?" Alison demanded angrily as she pulled herself from her father's arms. "He somehow found a way of seeing mum tonight, you can't guarantee that he'll never see me or Pancake again!"

Henry stared at his daughter dumbfounded. She was right, he couldn't guarantee that Giovanni Rossi would never see his daughter or granddaughter if he was found innocent. A feeling a helplessness, quickly followed by anger, washed over him.

"Look Noodle, _if_ he is found innocent in the criminal courts then we'll go into the civil courts and get a conviction there. We won't go down without a fight and it could take years before a judge even awards him visitation, let alone any form of joint custody..." Elizabeth began heatedly before being interrupted.

"Or I could just drop the case and get him to sign his rights away" Alison stated seriously. "That's the only way I can guarantee hers and mine safety, isn't it?"

Henry and Elizabeth looked at each other in despair. Neither of them wanted Alison to give up her fight against Giovanni Rossi as they wanted justice for her, but equally they wanted to ensure their daughter and granddaughter's safety. Once again a heavy silence fell upon the room as each occupant considered the options.

Something in the Family Room caught Alison's attention and she walked over to stare at the TV that had been providing background noise whilst her dad and she had been going through paint samples for the nursery. There was a news report about Giovanni Rossi stating that 76 women had now come forward with allegations of rape or sexual assault against him. She thought back to her deposition this morning and how angry she had been at those other women who she'd seen on the TV at Christmas for not coming forward sooner so that she could have avoided going through this. Then she thought about her daughter. If she agreed to drop her case so that he would sign his paternity rights away how would that make her daughter feel when she found out? How would she explain that she had not been strong enough to go through with her court case? That _he_ had essentially bribed her into not going ahead with it? That all her daughter was to her father was a bargaining chip to ensure his freedom? God forbid, but what if something like this happened to her daughter when she was grown up? It would be hypocritical for her to tell her daughter she had to go through with a prosecution when she couldn't.

"I'm not dropping the case" she replied with determination and conviction. "He's not going to hurt anyone else".

The stakes were high but she was willing to roll the dice to ensure justice for herself and her daughter.

* * *

 _All the stuff about people being accused of rape being allowed to see their children if they are found innocent is true according to the research I've done. In fact, in some states even convicted rapists are allowed to see their children. As far as I can tell from the internet, Washington DC does require a conviction for rape before parental rights can be terminated._

 _I hope you guys are still enjoying the story as I've noticed reviews have dropped off a bit. If there's anything you think needs improving let me know and I'll see what I can do._

 _Thanks for reading!_


	26. Chapter 26

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter and I'm feeling very reassured that people are still reading/enjoying! :-)_

 _In particular, thanks to the reviewer "Jenny" for the info about where the custody charges would have to be filed and about the birth certificate. Being in the UK it's hard to find information about US custody laws, birth certificates etc and US laws are very different to the UK, so thank you as the info is useful for future chapters too. I've amended the interaction between Elizabeth/Giovanni and Elizabeth's discussion with Henry and Alison in chapter 25 so it's hopefully a bit more realistic. As the writer I knew that Elizabeth/Henry would know that Giovanni wouldn't get full custody, but I guess it didn't come across very clear in the previous draft, hopefully that's clarified a bit now._

 _I hope you enjoy the revised chapter 25 and this chapter as well!_

* * *

Henry and Jason McCord looked around at the boxes in front of them and felt slightly overwhelmed about the task at hand.

"Dad, how can a baby need so much stuff?" Jason asked in disbelief.

"I knew I shouldn't have let your mother go shopping with Alison..." Henry muttered grumpily. 2 weeks ago Alison and Elizabeth had spent all day shopping for baby supplies and had returned with bags full of clothing, toys, bedding, towels, nappies, bottles, sterilisers, breast pumps, and numerous other pieces of equipment he was sure they never had with any of their kids. Their house was now completely full of baby paraphernalia and he had spent every evening last week painting the guest room a soft pink in preparation for his granddaughter's arrival. Her nursery furniture had arrived yesterday, and seeing as today was Saturday, he'd agreed to spend all day assembling the nursery. He was surprised that Jason had volunteered to help him and when he'd questioned him about it Jason had mumbled something about wanting to do something for his niece, which had filled him with pride that Jason was taking his responsibility as an uncle seriously.

"I mean, what is all this stuff?" Jason asked incredulously.

Henry picked up the order form and started reading from it "Cot, mattress, moses basket, changing table, book case, rocking chair, toy box..." he also noted that they'd brought a travel system which Elizabeth had arranged to be delivered to the State Department, apparently still believing in the old wives tale about not having a pram in the house before the baby was born. His eyes widened as he saw the total cost at the bottom of the form. His wife and he would be having words tonight.

"Right guys..." came the voice of his youngest daughter disturbing him from his inner tirade. The authoritative tone in her voice surprised him and in that moment she reminded him so much of Elizabeth in Secretary of State mode it was scary. "Mum and I have talked and I've drawn you this plan of where I want all the furniture to go, do you think you can do that whilst mum washes the clothes and bedding and I prepare the moses basket?"

"Sure, Noodle" he replied quickly casting a warning look at his son. He had a feeling that a sarcastic comment from Jason right now would end badly for him. He took the plan from his daughter and was surprised at how detailed the sketch was, it wasn't a simple 2D plan, it was 3D with labels and measurement as to where to hang the Hello Kitty motifs they had brought in New York as well as where the furniture should go.

"These are really good" he exclaimed.

"Thanks" Alison replied bashfully as she picked up the moses basket and headed out the room.

Henry looked at the remaining boxes and gulped. "Looks like we better get started, son..."

* * *

"Ow!" Elizabeth McCord exclaimed as she stabbed herself with the needle for the umpteeth time today. Whatever had possessed her to try and help her daughter with sewing fabric for her granddaughter's moses basket she had no idea.

Alison cast an amused look at her mum "You don't have to help me do this, you know? Washing all the clothes and bedding is enough".

"I know, Noddle, but I want to help. I like doing this stuff with you, I never got to do it with my own mum" Elizabeth replied in a wistful tone.

"Didn't Grandma help you?" Alison asked inquisitively.

"Your grandma and grandpa came to visit whenever they could, but grandpa was still working then and it's a good 3.5 hour drive between Langley and Pittsburgh so they couldn't come too often. Most of the time it was just me and your dad" she replied honestly. " And it's not the same when it's not your own mum" she added in a sad tone.

"What was Grandma Adams like?" Alison asked curiously with a hint of nervousness in her voice. Her mum rarely talked about her own mother.

A sad, nostalgic, smile appeared on Elizabeth's face as she thought about her own mum. "She was free-spirited and very caring. She was one of those people that always seemed to be happy, you know what I mean?"

"Uh-huh" Alison replied.

"And she had the patience of a saint - she had to with Will and I - but gosh, if you got on the wrong side of her... well, she soon let you know. She had the smartest brain and could put you in your place with just once sentence. She loved the outdoors too, especially our horses. She would take Will and I riding for hours when we were kids..." Elizabeth recalled fondly.

"She sounds like an amazing woman" Alison offered.

"Yeah, she was... You know, you remind me a lot of her. Looks wise you're definitely more of a McCord, but personality wise, yeah, there's definitely some of my mum in you..." Elizabeth stated in a proud tone.

"Yeah?" Alison asked shyly. She wondered about her other grandmother from time to time and it was nice to know that she was like her a little bit.

"Definitely" Elizabeth agreed as she felt tears spring to her eyes. Thankfully she heard the buzzer of the washing machine in the background.

"Looks like it's time for the tumble dryer" she stated in a choked voice as she left Alison at the kitchen table and went to place the freshly washed clothes in the tumble dryer. It wasn't that she didn't like talking about her mother, it's just that it brought back a lot of painful and bittersweet memories which she sometimes thought were best kept locked away. On the way out of the kitchen she noticed Alison rubbing her back and on her way back she picked up a heat pack.

"Here you go, Noodle" she offered as she placed the heat pack on Alison's lower back as she returned to the table.

"Thanks" Alison replied with a grateful smile. "I had no idea that pregnancy was this painful!"

"One of the many things they don't tell you about pregnancy" Elizabeth agreed in a conspiratorial tone "Because if they did no one would ever have kids"

Alison smirked at her mother "Yet you did it 3 times"

"True" Elizabeth agreed with a laugh. "But as soon as you hold your baby in your arms for the first time all the aches and pains, and frequent trips to the bathroom, and indigestion, and swollen feet, and stretch marks are completely worth it"

"I hope so" Alison whispered as she looked away in shame. Exposure Therapy was hard work and she was still finding it hard to look at her daughter's scan photos and control the panic she felt.

"Oh Ali, you'll get there" Elizabeth assured as she gently smoothed her daughter's head.

Alison offered her mother a watery smile "Thanks for everything you've done. I don't know how I would have done this without you"

"It's been my pleasure, Noodle. You know I'll always be here for you" Elizabeth replied adamantly as she cast a loving smile at her daughter.

"Me too, mum. I just wish your own mum could have been there for you when you were pregnant" Alison replied in a sad tone.

"You know, it wasn't so bad at the time. Don't get me wrong, I was terrified when I was pregnant with Stevie, but I guess you don't miss what you don't have. I think I've only just realised what I missed out on since you've been pregnant" Elizabeth replied in a contemplative tone. "I know it's not what any of us expected, but I've really enjoyed coming to your scans with you and I'm looking forward to having a baby in the house again. Thank you for letting me a part of your pregnancy, Noodle".

Alison smiled quizzically at her mother "How could you not have been a part of my pregnancy?"

Elizabeth smiled lovingly at her daughter as she regarded her carefully. At this moment Alison looked so happy and content as she created her own daughter's moses basket and she was simply glowing from pregnancy. It was especially surprising in view of the past week that had been another trying one in the McCord household as it appeared Giovanni Rossi was making good on his threat to try and gain some form of custody of his child. 8 days ago Alison had been served with a court order demanding that his name be listed on her child's birth certificate, which had caused Alison enormous upset.

"And how are you doing, Noodle? With the court order and everything?" she enquired gently, hesitant to break the easy going, loving atmosphere that had been created over the past few hours.

Alison sighed in resignation and her brow creased just slightly. "I'm ok. I spoke to Alexis and she made a good point that there's no point stressing over something I can't change. As our attorney said, he has the genetic test results to prove he is the father and I've never denied that he is. So far he's done everything legally and under DC law he is allowed to obtain a court order proving that he is the father and to demand his name is on her birth certificate. There's nothing I can do about that until he'd convicted, but once he is I will petition to have her birth certificate amended. At least when the ADA in New York filed for a restraining order against him on my behalf they included a restraining order for my unborn child so she has one protecting her too. She's going to be safe until the trial, after that I'll just have to take things a day at a time"

Elizabeth smiled sadly at her daughter as a wave of pride washed over her at how her daughter was dealing with the news. She hated Giovanni Rossi for what he was putting her daughter through and both she and Henry had agreed that they would spend every last penny they had to protect their daughter and granddaughter from him. Hell, after her conversation with him at the Italian Embassy she was getting close to using her contacts from her old CIA days, consequences be damned.

"So, what do you think?" Elizabeth asked as she held up a strip of material with wonky stitching.

Alison smiled in amusement at her mother as she tied off the final stitch of her fabric. "I think you shouldn't give up the day job" she replied drily. A sixth sense had told her that her mum would not be any good at sewing and she had been proved right. The piece of material her mum had been sewing was not actually part of the moses basket cover and she'd simply given her mum some spare material to sew together so she could feel involved.

Elizabeth looked at the piece of fabric, turning it over in her hands as she did so. "Yeah, looks like seamstress is something I won't be putting on my resumé any time soon" she agreed with a laugh. "I think I'll stick with international diplomacy"

Not for the first time today, a loud thump followed by a string of curse words came from upstairs.

"Think we should go check on them?" Alison asked her mother.

Elizabeth looked at the clock and was surprised at the time. "They've been up there over 6 hours, why don't we take them a snack and see how they're getting on?"

Elizabeth helped her daughter out of the chair and together they prepared sandwiches and drinks for Henry and Jason. Elizabeth carried the tray upstairs as she watched her daughter waddle up the stairs in front of her.

"I hate this!" Alison exclaimed breathlessly once they got to the top.

"Only 10 more weeks and she'll be here" Elizabeth replied encouragingly as they headed for her granddaughter's new room.

"Knock, knock!" Alison greeted by way of a welcoming as she opened the door to her daughter's new room.

"We thought you might be hungry..." Elizabeth greeted as she followed her daughter into the room, her eyes widening at what she saw. Henry and Jason stood red faced and sweaty in the middle of the room as they collected the remains of the furniture packaging. All the furniture had been assembled and put in its allocated space and the Hello Kitty motifs put on the wall as per Alison's design. She had to admit that when she'd first seen all the Hello Kitty paraphernalia that Alison and Henry had brought in New York she was slightly dreading what her granddaughter's room would look like. But with Alison's talented design eye she had to admit the room looked extremely cute and not too over the top at all. The furniture and floor still needed to be cleaned, the bed made, and the curtains hung, but she could already see the room taking shape.

"Oh my God!" Alison exclaimed as tears filled her eyes.

Henry turned to face his daughter at the sound of her exclamation and his heart sunk as he took in her expression.

"Don't you like it?" he asked dejectedly. Jason and he had worked really hard all day to assemble the furniture and get everything in its right place and the thought that his daughter might not like what she had picked broke his heart. Plus, the thought of having to decorate again filled him with dread, decorating this week had made him realise he was not as young as he once was.

"No, I love it!" Alison exclaimed in a choked voice as tears slid down her cheeks. "I don't know why I'm crying" she sobbed as she moved towards her father and brother and gave them both a grateful hug. The room looked so much better than she had envisioned and it wasn't even finished yet!

"Another joy of pregnancy" Elizabeth replied ruefully as she placed the tray on the new changing table.

Alison felt a strong kick against her kidney as she looked around the room in awe "Looks like Pancake likes it too!" she winced as she rubbed her side. She just hoped her mum was right and that when she held her daughter for the first time all the pains of pregnancy would fade and she would love her daughter like she wanted to.

* * *

 _The bit about the birth certificate I've had to make assumptions on. As I understand it, if the parents aren't married then the father's name doesn't have to be on the birth certificate unless there is a court order saying it has to be or the parents sign a voluntary agreement. The voluntary agreement obviously isn't going to happen, and apart from finding a form that the petitioning father has to fill out, I couldn't find out on the internet exactly how to get a court order for paternity so I've had to fudge it a little. Similarly, I've had to fudge the restraining order as I couldn't find out if in DC the child has to be born before a restraining order can be issued however, I did manage to find out that a restraining order can be issued for an unborn child in New York. I figured it wouldn't be a stretch for the ADA in New York when first filing charges and getting the restraining order for Alison to also get one for her unborn child given the nature of the crime and that they would've known she was pregnant when they filed charges so I went with that! I'm also assuming that as you're considered innocent until proven guilty Giovanni Rossi can get a court order to have his name put in the birth certificate._

 _I'm happy to correct any factually incorrect information if you want leave a review or message me the corrections._

 _Hope you enjoyed!_


	27. Chapter 27

_Thanks for the reviews, favourites, and follows for the last chapter. Hope you enjoy this one!_

* * *

Alison McCord could not stop laughing as she watched her dad, sister, and brother walk around the Family Room with simulated pregnancy bellies on and watch as they tried to do simple tasks such as pick up a magazine from the floor, tie shoe laces, or try and get up from one of their low armchairs - all things that were virtually impossible for her to do now that she was 32 weeks pregnant and her stomach was _huge_.

"Oh I wish they had these bellies when I was pregnant!" Elizabeth exclaimed with a laugh as she watched Henry try and tie the shoelaces of his boots. Having been pregnant 3 times already she knew exactly what being pregnant was like and had been exempted from trying on the fake stomachs.

Henry smiled ruefully at his wife. "Ok, in hindsight, maybe I could have been a little more understanding when you pregnant".

"How do you do this?!" Jason exclaimed in frustration as he tried to pick up the magazine from the floor.

"Ow!" Stevie exclaimed from the corner as she landed on the floor with a thud. She had been trying to get up from the armrest free chairs, but as she'd rolled from side to side in an effort to gain momentum to actually get up, she'd rolled too far and fallen on the floor.

"Oh, please stop! I'm going to wet myself!" Alison choked out with laughter as she clamped her legs together. "Help me up someone!"

"Here, Noodle" Henry offered as he held out his hand to help his daughter off the couch.

"Thanks" she replied with a grateful smile as her dad heaved her off the sofa.

This weekend was turning out to be so much more fun than she thought it would be. Her parents had paid for a private labour and delivery nurse educator to come to their home for an intensive 2-day Lamaze course, as DS had said it was too much of a "security issue" for her mum and she to go to a regular class. Originally the course was only going to be for her mum and she, but when her mum had been unable to come to New York with her for the deposition, she had asked Stevie to be her back-up birthing partner in case her mum was away for work when she went into labour. As her dad was the one with the car most days he had then decided to attend the course as he would be the one taking her to hospital if her mum was at work and he wanted to know what the correct admission procedure was and also wanted to familiarise himself with the hospital for when he came to visit. Somehow Jason had also been coerced onto the course, although she very much suspected her mum was behind the coercion as some sort of sex prevention education for brother, who had been dating a lot of girls recently.

Yesterday they had spent the day at the hospital going through the admissions procedure, policies on visiting hours, who could visit, who could be in the room with her etc, and a tour of the nursery, birthing suites, and the water birthing suites. Today was the "classroom" day where they would be learning about the actual labour and delivery and she had to admit she was nervous about finding out what she would be going through in 2 months time.

Returning from the bathroom she was bemused to find her dad, Stevie, and Jason all still wearing the pregnancy bellies. They were all now seated in various positions facing Laura, the L&D nurse educator, and her dad and siblings were shifting around uncomfortably and moaning how the balls inside the belly were digging into them and how hot the bellies were making them.

"Why are they still wearing the bellies?" she whispered to her mother as she plonked herself down next to her on the couch.

"Apparently Laura thought it would be a good idea for Jason to see how 'no big deal' pregnancy is and thought that Stevie would like to experience the 'wonder and joy' of pregnancy" her mother replied with amusement.

All day at the hospital yesterday Jason had been bitching about how women moaned about pregnancy so much and that it was "no big deal", and Stevie had been arguing that pregnancy was "a time of wonder and joy". This morning Laura had arrived with 3 pregnancy bellies for her dad, Stevie, and Jason to try. Each belly weighed 25lbs, had balls in to simulate a baby's limbs, and also had a heat pack to replicate the added body heat that carrying a baby caused.

"So why is dad still wearing his?" she whispered in confusion.

"I have no idea. Pride, empathy, to prove a point..." her mum replied with a shrug.

"Ok, seeing as we're all here. Let's get started..." Laura announced as she clicked on the first slide of her PowerPoint presentation.

* * *

Alison McCord's brain was buzzing and she felt completely overwhelmed and horrified. She had just spent the day learning about what her body would be going through when she went into labour, how her vagina would be - for lack of a better word - ripped apart to let her daughter out, or how her stomach would be sliced open if she had to have a c-section. She'd learnt what would happen after the birth, complications that could occur during labour and delivery, pain management, and a whole host of other labour and delivery procedures that her brain could barely grasp at the moment. She looked around the room and was relieved to see that her brother and sister looked equally appalled by the information they had just been given, although her mum and dad just looked calm and interested.

"So, unless there are any questions, that just about concludes everything. The only thing left to go through is the birthing plan, but that's something that really only you need to do, Alison" Laura stated in a friendly manner. "Oh! And you can take off your bellies now".

"Oh thank God!" Jason and Stevie exclaimed as they struggled to their feet and helped each other rip off the bellies as fast as they could. Henry also struggled to his feet slowly and his son and daughter helped him to remove the belly, he couldn't stop the groan that left his mouth as the weight was lifted from his shoulders and back. What he wouldn't do for a massage right about now!

"I'm going to call Jareth and tell him we're never having kids!" Stevie proclaimed as she stretched her shoulders and back.

"I have bruises!" Jason exclaimed as he prodded the tender flesh, wincing as he did so.

Elizabeth couldn't help the smirk that appeared on her face. "Ha! At least you get to take them off. Try carrying that around for 9 months with it moving constantly as well! You missy..." Elizabeth said as she pointed towards Stevie "would not be still for even a moment. And you..." she continued pointing at Jason "decided my kidneys were a drum kit and would hit and kick them constantly. I near enough had a permanent UTI infection when I was pregnant with you and I swear that's the reason why. And you..." Elizabeth persisted as she pointed in the direction of her youngest daughter "decided my bladder was a soccer ball and kicked it constantly. No wonder you're such a good soccer player, Noodle, you practiced inside me for 9 months!" she finished before turning to look at her youngest daughter, immediately knowing something was wrong.

"Alison, what's the matter?" she asked in a serious tone.

Alison looked up at her mother with tears in her eyes. "I can't do it!" she whispered in a distressed tone. "I've changed my mind, I don't want to be pregnant anymore! Please make it go away! she pleaded.

The jovial atmosphere in the room disappeared immediately at Alison's statement and the four remaining McCord's looked at each other nervously. A heavy silence descended on the room and Elizabeth shot an imploring look at her husband, immediately Henry knew that he needed to leave the room, and get Jason and Stevie to leave with him. Elizabeth was the only one that could relate to what Alison was currently feeling, and having just spent an afternoon with a simulated pregnancy belly, he knew he could not offer any real advice to his youngest daughter.

"Come on, guys" he began indicating to his eldest daughter and son "let's get out of here so that Alison can work on her birthing plan" he said with a nod of his head. Not knowing how to respond to Alison's statement, Jason and Stevie were only too glad to leave the room and followed their father up the stairs.

Once she was confident that her family were safely upstairs and out of earshot, Elizabeth turned so she could face her daughter on the couch. She gently brushed away the tears that had slid down Alison's cheeks and her heart broke at the completed daunted look on her daughter's face.

"Ali, it's too late now if you don't want the baby. You have to give birth" Elizabeth stated softly.

Alison was barely aware of the other occupants of the room leaving as her mind processed everything she had learned in the past 7 hours. How was it even possible? How could she do it? The video they had watched was like watching something from a horror movie, only worse!

She turned to look at her mother as she felt her brush her tears away. "It's not possible!" she stated in a fearful tone. "It's just not natural or right!"

"I know it's scary, Noodle, but you'll get through it, you'll see" Elizabeth comforted.

"She's right, Alison" Laura encouraged. "Most women I see don't think they can go through with the labour or delivery, yet when the time comes they all turn into these superwomen and all they care about is giving birth."

"She's right, Noodle. It's hard to explain, but it's like this other force takes over your body and all you can focus on is getting the baby out of you. Everything else fades away and it's just you and the baby, it's like a primal urge" Elizabeth tried to describe. "And the sense of euphoria afterwards, it's beyond words"

"Maybe if we go through the birthing plan it will help you feel more in control?" Laura suggested.

"I don't need a birthing plan because she's never coming out! She can just stay there forever!" Alison exclaimed adamantly.

"Ali" Elizabeth began with a resigned sigh "I know how scary it is, but she is going to be coming out whether you like it or not. I was petrified after my Lamaze classes when I was pregnant with Stevie - you can ask your dad. I was in so much denial after my waters broke at work and I went into labour that I refused to leave work and President Dalton had to call your dad to practically drag me to the hospital. By then I was so far into my labour that it was almost too late for me to get the epidural. And trust me, Noodle, you want to get that early"

Alison looked at her mother in shock. "I am not getting an epidural! There's no way someone is sticking a needle in my back!" Alison stated fiercely.

"Ok, maybe that's something that we can put in your birth plan" Laura suggested gently.

"No! I can't..." Alison stated in a horrified tone.

Elizabeth turned to Laura "Maybe we could do the birth plan another time?" she suggested in a tone that, although friendly, clearly indicated they would be doing it at another time. "Once we've had some more time to digest the information"

"That's fine, we have plenty of time. Now, do you have any other questions?" Laura asked seriously.

Alison peaked up at the nurse. "Do you really, um, have to touch...down there?" she asked awkwardly as she looked away in embarrassment.

"Noodle?" Elizabeth queried sensing there was some further reason behind the question her daughter had just asked. She smoothed her daughter's hair away from her face, before gently cupping it and turning her daughter's face so that she was looking at her. She looked earnestly in her daughter's eyes and could see shame coating her features. She tilted her head questioning wanting to know why her daughter was feeling ashamed and hoping the gesture would encourage her daughter to speak.

"No one has touched me down there since the exam in New York" she whispered. "And before that it was _him_ "

"Oh Ali" Elizabeth exclaimed sadly as she brought her daughter into her arms for a hug, placing a gentle kiss on her head as she did so. She looked at the nurse expectantly, at a loss herself as to how to reassure her daughter.

Laura was aware of the delicate nature of her client's case and considered her words carefully before responding "Alison, I'm not going to lie, Dr Clarke and the nurses will have to touch you 'down there', but we will be as gentle as we can and will only do so when it's absolutely necessary. Our job is to make sure that both you and your daughter are safe and when you're in our care and we will have to check that area to see how you are progressing. It will be uncomfortable, but we'll do everything we can do make sure you're as comfortable as can be"

Alison let out a sob and Elizabeth could do nothing but hold her daughter tighter.

"Maybe I should..." Laura stated as she indicated towards the front door.

"I think that might be best for now. Thank you for this weekend, it has been very useful and informative. We'll be in contact about the birth plan" Elizabeth stated grateful as her daughter continued to sob against her shoulder.

"Shh, Noodle, it's going to be ok" Elizabeth soothed as she rubbed her daughter's back.

"I don't want anyone to touch me there! I don't want to give birth! I don't want to be pregnant!" Alison sobbed almost hysterically.

Concern washed over Elizabeth as she heard her daughter gasping for breath and she gently pulled her away from her.

"Ali, you need to calm down or you'll have a panic attack. Come on, breath with me. In 1, 2, 3, 4...Out 1, 2 , 3, 4..." Elizabeth encouraged in a soft commanding tone.

30 minutes later an exhausted Alison lay propped against her mother's shoulder as they sat on the couch eating ice cream.

"Feeling better?" Elizabeth asked her daughter softly as she took a mouthful of the creamy dessert, relieved that Alison appeared to be a lot calmer.

"A little" Alison stated softly as she rubbed her stomach tenderly. Her earlier distress had upset her daughter and she was currently kicking frantically in her abdomen "Pancake's still upset though"

"Like any true Adams, once the ice cream kicks in she'll calm down in a little bit, you'll see" Elizabeth assured confidently. "I wasn't lying before when I said you kicked my bladder like a soccer ball constantly, but a little bit of ice cream used to soothe you for a while".

"What else did I do, when you were pregnant with me?" Alison asked inquisitively.

Elizabeth considered her daughter's question. "I used to be able to feel you do this head roll thing, like you were stretching your neck, and it was weird seeing you do it in real life when you were born. You still do it now" Elizabeth replied in a nostalgic tone.

"I think I know what you mean" Alison replied thoughtfully "She does a similar thing with her head. It'll be interesting to see if she still does the movement when she's here".

"Do you think she's turned yet?" Elizabeth asked in an inquisitive tone. At Alison's last doctor's appointment her granddaughter was still in a breach position.

"No" Alison sighed "Her head is still here and her feet are here" Alison said as she indicated to her liver and lift hip respectively. "I hope she moves as I really don't want a c-section"

"They do take longer to recover from" Elizabeth replied gently, not wanting to upset her daughter again by talking about labour, but equally wanting to encourage her daughter to discuss what she wanted in her birth plan.

Alison sighed heavily against her. "She's really coming out, isn't she?" Alison asked in a resigned tone.

"Yes, Noodle, she is" Elizabeth confirmed.

"I'm scared" Alison stated in a quiet voice.

"I know, Noodle, I know" Elizabeth replied softly as she placed a kiss on her daughter's head.

* * *

 _I've never been to a Lamaze class or been pregnant so all of the above came from research on the internet (except the head roll thing which is something I did when my mum was pregnant with me and apparently I still do now!). If there's anything majorly wrong let me know and I'll try and correct it._

 _On a separate note, I was wondering if any Americans who are reading this could please help me? I'm thinking of doing an Independence Day chapter but I don't know much about the day except it's the day the USA celebrates their independence from England (oh, and that the Declaration of Independence wasn't actually signed on 4th July!). Are there any traditions? Is the Secretary of State required to go to any official functions, and if so, would their family go with them?_ _Thanks in advance!_


	28. Chapter 28

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter and suggestions for Independence Day. It'll be a while before you guys get to read the Independence Day chapter I'm afraid as I'm writing about 10 chapters in the future (mainly because one of my close relatives is on end of life care and I'm guessing I'm not going to feel like writing when they pass away, but I'd like to keep some sort of update going on the story as reviews do cheer me up)._

 _Anyway, on with the story..._

* * *

"Mum..."

"Surprise!"

Alison McCord jumped as she walked into the private room of the day spa she was visiting with her mum and sister, her earlier thought temporarily forgotten as she took in the sight before her.

"What's going on?" she exclaimed in confusion and shock. Her mum and sister had already surprised her this morning with a day at the spa for her birthday and they'd just finished having massages and pedicures. The massage had been amazing as the spa had a specialist massage table that had a hole for her bump and being able to lie on her front for the first time in months had been a wonderful experience, and that wasn't including the massage the trained pregnancy masseur had given her.

"It's your baby shower and birthday party!" Elizabeth McCord informed her daughter excitedly.

"But I didn't want..." Alison began in an annoyed tone.

"I know, I know! You said no baby shower, but Kelsey and Kaitlyn contacted Stevie about organising a baby shower for you whilst they were on Spring Break, and seeing as your birthday also happened to be at the same time, I thought we could just combine the two..." Elizabeth informed her daughter with a hopeful expression on her face. She knew it was a risky play organising a baby shower for her daughter, but equally she didn't want Alison to miss out on this important occasion to celebrate the new life she was bringing into the world.

Alison took in the pink, lilac, and yellow decorations that were a mixture of "It's a Girl!" and "Happy Birthday!" and the people who were attending her party. She saw her Aunt Maureen, Aunt Erin, and Aunt Sophie, Annie and her cousins from Pittsburgh, Kelsey, Hannah, Brianna, and Kaitlyn, the friends she had made at community college, and also a couple of women from the Rape Crisis centre. It touched her that so many people were attending the party.

"I guess it's ok" she agreed hesitantly. The last thing she felt like being at the moment was the centre of attention at a party, but as she looked around the room at all the expectant faces she realised that she was lucky to have so many people in her life that supported and loved her and a wave of gratitude washed over her. This baby shower/birthday party was more for them than it was for her she realised and the least she could do was try to be gracious about the effort her friends and family had made to be there.

A wave of relief washed over Elizabeth. "Good! Because we have games, and presents, and food, and cake..." she said as she guided her daughter further into the room and towards her friends.

"I can't believe you did this!" Alison exclaimed as she greeted Kelsey, Hannah, Brianna, and Hannah in what she hoped didn't sound like a false happy tone. If she was going to have to do this, then she was at least going to give it her best effort to have fun despite how she was feeling.

* * *

Elizabeth McCord surreptitiously regarded her daughter from the corner of the room as she busied herself with tidying up the recently unwrapped baby shower gifts with her sister-in-laws.

There was definitely something wrong with Alison.

From her perspective she thought the afternoon had gone well, they had played a few games, eaten lunch and cake, and Alison had just opened all her baby shower gifts. She was still sat on her designated chair that had been piled high with pillows and cushions for her comfort, and she was talking to her old Westmore friends however, Elizabeth could tell there was something wrong with her daughter. Throughout the day Alison had been polite and courteous and she could tell her daughter had been making a real effort to try and enjoy the party, but as the day had progressed her daughter had become more and more distracted and withdrawn. She'd noticed the small crease in her brow and the way her eyes crinkled at the side, all indicators that Alison was concerned about something. There was also something different about the way her daughter touched her bump, it wasn't the usual rub or caress following a kick, punch, or a squirm, but more like her daughter was sneakily trying to prod Pancake without anyone noticing - she was doing a good job of it too and she was sure it was only her CIA training that had made her pick up on the subtle differences. She saw Hannah help Alison up from the chair and she watched as Alison made her way out of the room.

"Excuse me" she said as she smiled genially at Sophie, Maureen, and Erin and followed Alison out of the room. Looking up and down the hallway she couldn't see her daughter, but she noticed the bathroom door closing and headed in that direction hoping it was Alison who had entered the bathroom.

She pushed open the bathroom door and was relieved to see that only one of the cubicles was in use. She busied herself with smoothing her hair and applying a fresh coat of lipstick just in case it wasn't Alison in the cubicle, and was relieved when the cubicle door opened and revealed her daughter.

"Hey Noodle" she greeted brightly, her smile fading as soon as she saw the look of worry and concern on her daughter's face. "What's the matter?" she asked in a sombre tone.

Alison looked at her mother nervously in the mirror above the sink as she washed her hands.

"I haven't felt her move all day" she admitted quietly, trying to make out like it wasn't a big deal even though she was consumed with worry and fear.

Concern washed over Elizabeth at her daughter's words. "When was the last time you felt her move, Noodle?"

Alison considered her mother's question carefully, her brow creasing in consternation as she thought about the last time she felt her daughter move. "She was definitely moving when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, so that would have been about 4am" Alison replied slowly.

"You haven't felt her move for 12 hours?" Elizabeth exclaimed in surprise as the unease she was feeling intensified.

"No, and she always moves whenever I eat something or lie down, but she didn't move at breakfast or at lunchtime or during the massage. I tried to tell you as we were going into the room, but then everyone was there and she hasn't moved all afternoon even after I was shocked by the surprise..." Alison replied, each word coming out of her mouth faster and faster as anxiety and dread washed over her. She felt tears spring to her eyes and she broke the eye contact she had with her mother in the mirror and turned to dry her hands with the paper towels.

Guilt washed over Elizabeth that she'd never thought to check what Alison was going to say to her as they'd first entered the private room and she moved over to her daughter and gently rested a hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

"Noodle..."

Alison turned to her mother expecting to find the calm, rational face that was always there in a crisis, instead she saw the panic and concern in her mother's eyes and she felt her stomach drop as she realised her mum thought the situation was as grave as she thought it was.

"Mum..." she croaked as she fought back tears.

"Shh, Noodle" Elizabeth soothed as she hugged her daughter. "You're nearly 8 months pregnant and Pancake will move around less now that she's bigger. We'll call Dr Clarke and see what she says, ok?"

Elizabeth was surprised at how rational and calm she sounded as she pulled her phone from her pocket and searched for the number of her daughter's OB/GYN doctor. Pressing the relevant buttons she placed the call to the doctor and explained what Alison had told her, passing the phone to her daughter when Dr Clarke asked to speak to her. She watched as Alison paced in the small bathroom as she spoke with her doctor, worry washing over her as her daughter paled as she hung up the phone and handed it back to her, her hand shaking as she did so.

"She says I have to go to the hospital immediately..." Alison whimpered in a broken tone, devastation evident in her eyes. She had never been more scared than she was right now having spoken to Dr Clarke. The thought that her daughter might be...

Elizabeth allowed herself a split second to feel completely and utterly terrified that her daughter's doctor wanted her to go to the hospital immediately before she forced herself to compartmentalise her feelings and take control of the situation.

"It's going to be ok, Noodle. I'm sure it's just Pancake deciding to give you a day of rest for your birthday. We'll go to the hospital and get you and Pancake checked out just like Dr Clarke wants" she stated reassuringly.

"What if..." Alison whispered.

"No, Noodle" Elizabeth commanded forcefully as she grabbed her daughter's shoulders and peered determinedly in her eyes. "We're not going to think like that. We're just going to take things one step at a time. Now, let's get to the car and to the hospital". She steered her daughter out of the bathroom and immediately explained the situation to Matt who ushered both Alison and she towards the exit.

"Mum, the guests!" Alison exclaimed as they passed the doors to the private room.

"Damn it!" Elizabeth exclaimed before she paused. "Matt, get Alison to the car. I'll be along in a minute"

"Come on, Alison" she heard Frank coerce Alison softly as he guided her towards the exit, Matt following her into the private room.

Elizabeth headed into the room and was relieved to see that all the guests were still busy talking to each other and no-one was missing Alison's presence from the party yet. She saw her sister-in-laws standing in the corner and immediately went over to them.

"What's the matter?" Maureen asked as soon as she saw her sister-in-law's expression. Elizabeth McCord and she may not have the best relationship, but whether she liked it or not, she was part of the family and she'd known the Secretary of State long enough to know that something had rattled Elizabeth McCord "Where's Alison?"

Elizabeth quickly explained the situation to Sophie, Maureen and Erin, their expression soon matching that of Elizabeth's.

"Don't worry about the party, we'll sought everything out. Just go and keep us updated" Maureen commanded her sister-in-law.

Elizabeth offered a small grateful smile to the women before her as she turned and headed out of the room. Whilst Maureen and she had always had a difficult relationship, she knew when it came to family the McCord always pulled together...and that support may prove invaluable over the next few hours.


	29. Chapter 29

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. I hope this one lives up to expectation!_

* * *

Alison McCord squeezed her mum's hand tightly as she waited for Dr Clarke to enter the examining room. Her nerves were off the chart, her hands were clammy, and her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Why wasn't her daughter moving?

"It's going to be ok" Elizabeth tried to reassure her daughter as she cast her a small supportive smile.

Alison simply nodded and smiled weakly at her mum before she once again focused her attention on her stomach, desperate to see one of her daughter's feet or elbows protruding from her abdomen. Her mum and she had arrived at the hospital barely 10 minutes ago and they had immediately been shown to a private room, an ominous feeling overcoming her as she entered the room and settled herself on the bed. Her eyes had scanned the pregnancy posters on the walls, but she'd immediately felt sick at the thought that her pregnancy would not be progressing beyond today and a heavy silence had descended on the room. Despite her mum's reassurances, things were definitely not ok. They would not be ok until she heard her daughter's heartbeat or felt her move. She was desperate for any sort of indication that her daughter was alive.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by the sound of Dr Clarke and nurse Laura - the same nurse who had conducted their Lamaze class only a few short weeks ago - entering the room.

"Hi Alison" Dr Clarke greeted seriously. "Have you felt any movement since we spoke on the phone?"

Alison was taken aback by Dr Clarke's business-like tone, so different from her normal, warm, welcoming tone and the gravity of the situation only made the fear inside her intensify. Was this her fault? Had she done something wrong? Was she being punished because she'd thought about aborting her child?

"No, nothing" she answered in a low voice, the fear palpable in the quiet room.

"Ok. I'm going to start with a Doppler scan to see if we can hear her heartbeat and we'll go from there" Dr Clarke stated simply as Laura prepared the machine.

Alison watched with baited breath as Dr Clarke squeezed the cool gel onto her stomach and turned on the Doppler machine. Her ears expectantly waited to hear the familiar 'whoosh' of her daughter's movements and the rapid thump of her daughter's heartbeat, instead an eerie hollow sound filled the room. She watched as her doctor moved the wand over her stomach, but still there was no sign of her daughter and she looked anxiously up at Dr Clarke, her heart stopping when she saw the expression on her doctor's face.

"NO!" she gasped.

"Alison, I'm so sorry..."

"NO!" This could not be happening! "NO...NO...NO...NO!" she screamed in despair.

"ALISON...ALISON..."

 _"Alison...Wake up!"_

Alison awoke with a start as she felt someone shaking her and calling her name. Immediately her eyes flew open and to the screens monitoring her daughter's vital statistics, a wave of relief washing over her as she saw the steady waves appearing on the monitor.

"She's ok?" she croaked as adrenaline coursed through her veins.

"She's fine" Henry assured his daughter as he rubbed her arm tenderly, the distress and fear on Alison's face breaking his heart.

"You're sure?" Alison asked in a small voice.

Henry smiled softly at his daughter. "Pancake is fine"

"I dreamt that she...that she wasn't" Alison whispered before a sob wracked her body. Before she knew it her dad had enveloped her in a hug and she was crying heavily into his shoulder as she clung to him desperately.

"Hey, shhhh. It's ok, everything is going to be ok" Henry assured his daughter as he held her close and rubbed her back comfortingly. "It was just a dream"

For several minutes Alison remained snuggled in her dad's embrace as she let the emotions of the day - and her dream - pour out of her through her tears. She felt protected and loved whenever her dad hugged her and she needed that comfort right now, needed to feel safe after the afternoon she'd had.

Reluctantly she pulled away from her father and anxiously lay back on her bed in the private room at Georgetown University Hospital, her dad coming to sit on the side of her bed with his arm draped comfortingly around her. She rested her head tiredly against his shoulder and became transfixed by the various monitors that were currently displaying her daughter's vital statistics. Since arriving at the hospital nearly three hours ago she'd had blood and urine taken for testing and also been placed on continuous electronic fetal monitoring. She didn't care that the straps wrapped around her stomach were uncomfortable, or the fact that she was stuck in bed and couldn't walk around which caused her back muscles to stiffen and ache, all she cared about was that her daughter was alive. She was waiting on Dr Clarke to visit to see if her daughter was alive _and_ well.

"Where's mum?" she asked distractedly as her eyes watched the screens.

"She's just outside calling the family to keep them updated on what was happening. She won't be long, don't worry" Henry comforted his daughter as he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. His granddaughter had definitely given them all a scare today and he would never forget the feeling he'd experienced when Elizabeth had called him from her motorcade on the way to the hospital with Alison. Today was supposed to be about Alison relaxing and celebrating her birthday and baby shower with her friends, not about her possibly losing her own daughter. The devastated sound of his daughter crying out in her sleep had broken his heart and he'd had to wake her, had to get her out of the terrible nightmare she'd been in.

Alison relaxed as best she could against her dad and couldn't help but think her mother was no doubt also calling Daisy to deal with the press that had gathered outside of the hospital. The arrival of her mum's motorcade at the hospital - complete with flashing lights - hadn't exactly been low key, and given the TV news coverage that was currently playing in the background, had quickly been picked up by the media it seemed. But she didn't care. She just wanted her daughter to be ok.

"Hey Noodle" her mum greeted as she returned to the room "Look who I found outside".

"Hi Alison" Dr Clarke greeted brightly as she followed her mum into the room and headed for the monitoring equipment.

Alison waited for several minutes as Dr Clarke checked the statistics but could not resist asking about her daughter any longer. Those mere minutes felt like years to her.

"Is everything ok?" Alison asked nervously, afraid of what the answer might be.

Dr Clarke smiled warmly at Alison "Yes, your blood and urine tests have come back clear and your daughter's stats are all good, it looks like she's just having a sleepy day. I want to conduct a quick scan, and subject to that being well, you'll be free to go".

"Really?" Alison asked hopefully, the fear and anxiety she had been feeling since lunchtime rescinding slightly.

"Yes. If the scan is fine there is absolutely no reason for you to be here any longer. You can go home and enjoy the rest of your birthday". Dr Clarke replied as she detached the monitors from her patient. "I'm just going to check and see if she's moved position" Dr Clarke stated.

"I don't think she has" Alison replied. "I'm pretty sure her head is still here by my ribs and her bum is by my hip bone"

"Let's see" Dr Clarke replied in a distracted tone as she felt her patient's stomach. "You're right". Dr Clarke agreed. "There's still time for her to turn so we don't need to start talking about a planned c-section just yet, but we might have to in a couple of weeks if she hasn't turned by then".

Apprehension and fear washed over Alison at the mention of a c-section, as much as the thought of pushing her baby out of her vagina did not appeal to her, having a needle placed in her spine and then cut open appealed to her even less. She winced as Dr Clarke squeezed the cool gel onto her stomach and moments later the black and white profile of her daughter filled the screen of the ultrasound machine and instinctively she grabbed for her parents hands.

Henry watched in awe as the first images of his granddaughter appeared on the screen. Whilst the pictures Elizabeth had managed to obtain were amazing in their own right, being able to see his granddaughter 'live' on the monitor was a completely different experience and it took him back almost 20 years ago when he had accompanied Elizabeth to her first scan with Alison. Tears once again pricked at his eyes like they had almost two decades ago and he sent a silent pray to St Jospeh to protect his granddaughter until she was born, as she had certainly given them all a scare today.

Elizabeth squeezed her daughter's hand reassuringly as she took in the image of her granddaughter on the monitor. She glanced over at her husband and her heart melted at the look of love on his face as he saw his granddaughter on the monitor 'live' for the first time. Being in the maternity unit of the hospital was bringing back all sorts of memories from the day Alison was born 19 years ago and she felt herself getting choked up.

"There she is Noodle" she comforted in a choked voice. After the events of this afternoon she had never been more happy to see her granddaughter.

"I see..." Alison whispered, tears of joy leaking out of her eyes. She felt them slide down her checks but she didn't care, her daughter was alive and that was all that mattered.

The three McCords watched relieved and mesmerised as various images of Pancake appeared on the screen. All too soon the images disappeared as Dr Clarke finished the scan.

"Is she ok?" Alison asked hesitantly.

"She is perfectly healthy. As I said, she's just having a lazy day" Dr Clark assured confidently. "Now you can clean yourself up while I..."

"Can I see her?" Alison interrupted, an urgent tone in her voice. "In 4D I mean".

"Alison, are you sure that's a good idea?" Elizabeth asked her daughter carefully, her eyes darting to Henry's for reassurance and seeing worry reflected in them. As much as she'd loved seeing her granddaughter in 4D - and she had no doubt Henry would be completely overwhelmed by the experience - she remembered how distressed Alison had been last time and she didn't want her daughter to have another flashback and panic attack after such a stressful and emotional day.

"Yes. I want...no... I _need_ to see her" Alison replied emphatically.

Dr Clarke considered her patient's request seriously. "How are you progressing with Exposure Therapy?" she asked cautiously.

"It's going well. Last week I watched the entire video that you recorded last time I came for a 4D scan and stayed calm through the whole thing. I hold a picture of her 3 times a day and I'm increasing the length of time I hold that picture each day. _Please_ , I need to see her and I'm due to come in for some more 4D scans next week anyway for therapy. Can't we just do those now? If I start to feel panicky I'll tell you to stop, I swear" Alison all but begged her doctor.

"Ok" Dr Clarke agreed as she switched the ultrasound machine to 4D mode.

"We'll start with the body and work up to her face. If at any time you feel uncomfortable let me know and I'll stop" Dr Clarke replied seriously.

"Ok" Alison agreed easily as she held her breath in anticipation and squeezed her parent's hands tightly. She felt tears spring to her eyes as she saw the first 4D images of her daughter on the screen.

"She's so big!" Alison exclaimed. She knew her stomach was getting bigger and she was definitely weighing heavier on the scales, but seeing that on the screen was beyond words.

"She's a little on the small side at about 4.5lbs and 17 inches" Dr Clarke advised.

"Is that bad?" Alison asked in a timid tone, worried that it was because of something she had done.

"I'm not worried" Dr Clarke stated offhand.

"You were on the small side too, Noodle, when I was pregnant with you but were a perfectly healthy 7lb 6oz and 20 inches when you were born" Elizabeth reassured.

"I'm going to scan her face now" Dr Clarke warned.

Alison took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she ran through the relaxation techniques she had practiced as part of Exposure Therapy. She wanted to do this and was determined to look at her daughter. Slowly she opened her eyes as she exhaled and let the first images of her daughter wash over her.

"She's changed so much!" she exclaimed in surprise as relief at seeing her daughter alive and well washed over her. Pancake still had _his_ shape eyes, but her face had fattened out a bit and looked less like his and more like... a McCord's?

Elizabeth watched her daughter carefully. "Are you ok, Noodle?" she asked in concern.

"Uh-huh" came the distracted reply from her daughter. Only then did Elizabeth allow herself to look at the monitor and a wave of love washed over her - her granddaughter was still the spitting image of Alison. She glanced over at Henry a fresh wave of love washed over her at the expression on his face.

Henry stared at the images on the screen completely stunned and he wiped a small tear from the corner of his eye. If he thought the 2D scan was amazing, that was nothing compared to the 4D scan. He could make out all of his granddaughter's features and it took his breath away to see how much she looked like Alison, he was overcome with love and affection for the small baby and he knew then that he would die for her in a heartbeat - and that he would be spoiling her rotten when she finally arrived.

Alison peered at the image before her inquisitively. Her daughter had her eyes closed and appeared to be fast asleep and a warm, peaceful, feeling washed over Alison. There was no panic or fear this time. No flashback feeling of being pinned to a bed, just that warm, peaceful, feeling. She revelled in the feeling as she watched her daughter on the screen and wanted nothing more than to smooth her stomach and feel a connection with her child, but she couldn't because of the wand. She watched mesmerised as her daughter suddenly yawned and stretched, and she immediately felt the movement in her abdomen and saw the ripple on the skin of her abdomen.

"I guess she was just having a long nap!" she exclaimed as she watched her daughter open her eyes. She laughed at the expression on her daughter's face. She was definitely pouting and it was almost like her daughter was annoyed with her for waking her up. Her daughter's wriggling movements in her stomach intensified and became almost violent, hands, knees, and elbows could be seen poking through the skin of her abdomen as her daughter squirmed and she started to move away from the wand.

"Alison, I think your baby might be about to flip" Dr Clarke said, a look of concentration on her face as she stared intently at the screen. "I've never captured this on video before, do you mind if I record it?"

"No, that's fine" Alison agreed readily. Watching and feeling her daughter move on the screen and also seeing the various movements on the skin of her stomach was amazing, especially after the scare her daughter had given her today.

For 30 minutes Elizabeth, Henry, Alison, and Dr Clarke watched as Alison's baby pushed, wriggled, squirmed, and stretched, until finally completing its rolly polly in Alison's abdomen. Alison felt her daughter's head move into her pelvis and her feet come to rest on the left hand side of her stomach, and once her daughter had settled, Dr Clarke scanned low in her abdomen and once again picked up the image of her daughter's face. Her daughter now had a peaceful, relaxed expression on her face and was sucking her thumb as she slept as if nothing had happened. The whole experience was the best birthday present she could have asked for.

"Well, I think we can safely say she's ok" Elizabeth joked as she looked at her granddaughter for the last time.

"Definitely!" Alison agreed, a wave of sadness washing over her as Dr Clarke removed the wand and the image of her daughter disappeared.

"I'll leave you to get cleaned up whilst I prepare your discharge papers" Dr Clarke advised as she left the room.

"I'll wait outside whilst you get dressed" Henry stated as he pressed a gentle kiss to his daughter's forehead "You've done good, Noodle" he whispered proudly as he pulled away and left the room.

Alison smiled sweetly after her father, a wave of happiness washing over her at her dad's praise. She wiped the gel from her stomach before she turned to face her mum, ready to ask her to help her off the bed so she could get dressed. Instead her brow creased in concern as she saw tears in her mum's eyes as she stared down at one of the pictures Dr Clarke had printed off during the scan.

"Mum, are you ok?" she asked in a worried tone.

Elizabeth looked up in surprise at the sound of her daughter's voice and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Yes, I'm fine, Noodle. It's just been a bit of an emotional day and I can't help thinking of the day you were born" Elizabeth replied in a nostalgic tone. "She really does look like you, you know" she added softly as she once again looked at the picture of her granddaughter in her hands.

"You're not the only one who's said that, but I guess I just don't see it" Alison admitted quietly as she took in the look of love on her mother's face, a question bubbling in her mind that she had been wanting to ask for a long time. "Isn't there are part of you that see's _him_? Doesn't that make you love her less? There are people at my rape survivors group who have been disowned by their parents because they kept their child or whose parents won't have anything to do with their grandchild as they think it's evil because of how it was conceived, but you and dad have never said anything like that to me" she asked in a tone full of shame, confusion, and inquisitiveness.

Elizabeth looked at her daughter in surprise, compassion and understanding coating her features. "I guess to your dad and I she's just your daughter and our granddaughter, we don't think about how she was conceived. She's our grandchild and we love her, simple as that."

"I hope I will too" Alison whispered.

"Ali, after everything you've been through today, do you really still think you don't love her? You were petrified when you thought she'd... but look how happy you are now. I don't think you realise how much you love and care for her already, but trust me, when you hold her in your arms for the first time you will" Elizabeth assured.

Alison considered her mother's words and offered her a watery smile, not knowing how to respond.

"Come on, let's go home" Elizabeth stated as she helped her daughter off the bed. "You've got birthday presents to open and your aunts and cousins are staying the night too. Let's see how long this latest video of Pancake can help keep your dad and aunt Maureen from fighting...".

Alison let out a laugh at her mum's comments before releasing a contented sigh. Home had never sounded so good.

* * *

 _So apparently St Joseph is a patron saint of children according to the internet. Apologies if I got this wrong but my knowledge of saints is extremely bad!_

 _Also, the comments about grandparents wanting nothing to do with grandchildren of rape is something I've read in a few rape survivor stories and I wanted to bring it up in the story, hence Alison's question. I did seriously think_ _about having Alison lose the baby, blame herself, and go completely off the rails, but decided against it as there are more issues I've read about that I'd like to bring up in this story and little plots relating to the birth and afterwards that kept popping into my head._

 _I've also updated a bit earlier than usual as I need your help again. What is the latest Alison could apply to college? Could she do a late application in the summer? I assumed college acceptance in the USA was similar to that in the UK and she could go through 'clearing', but having done a bit of research I think the application and acceptance procedure is actually quite different so could do with your advice! Do you think Elizabeth and Henry (as a well known scholar and college lecturer) could pull some strings to get her into college? I intimated in the early chapters that Alison was going away for college (as I presumed they'd do that in the show), but now we know she's staying in DC so I want to write her decision to stay in DC for college into the story. Thanks in advance!_

 _Reviews welcome!_


	30. Chapter 30

_Thanks for the reviews from the last chapter and the info on college admission. I think I'm finally getting there on what I'm going to have Alison do!_

 _Hope you enjoy this instalment..._

* * *

"ALISON! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Alison jumped at the sound of her brother's voice and almost fell off the stepladder she was climbing.

"What? I'm just going to clean the lampshade" she replied innocently.

"GET DOWN! You can't be up a step ladder when your 8.5 months pregnant!" Jason exclaimed in horror. He didn't know much about pregnancy, but he was pretty sure someone as heavily pregnant as his sister should not be climbing a stepladder.

Alison simply rolled her eyes at her brother. Honestly, she couldn't see what the big deal was, the lampshades in the house needed cleaning and she had some spare time so she thought she would do them.

"Stop being so dramatic, I'm fine" she replied with a roll of her eyes as she prepared to take another step up the stepladder.

Jason stared at his sister incredulously. "You're kidding me right? You have a human being growing inside you and you think you're ok to be climbing 12ft in the air?"

Alison just looked at her brother in a confused manner "But how else am I going to clean the lampshades?"

Jason couldn't help but wonder if his sister had gone completely insane. In the past week she had cleaned all the skirting boards in the house, polished all the floors, dusted the spindles of the main staircase, scrubbed clean all the bathrooms in the house, and now she wanted to clean the lampshades? His parents had told him that Alison was nesting and that he needed to be sensitive to Alison's need for cleanliness and order. Apparently nesting was a normal part of pregnancy but he was starting to wonder if in fact his sister had just completely lost her mind. A wave of panic washed over him as his sister took another step up the ladder.

"Get down or I'm calling Dad!" he exclaimed.

Alison turned to look at her brother "Dad's in lectures all day so he'll have his phone off" she replied smugly as she took another step up the ladder.

Another wave of panic washed over Jason. "Ok, I'll call mum then!"

Alison paused at her brother's threat to call their mother. If she was able to their mum _always_ picked up the phone when one of them called her, and if she couldn't answer the phone, Blake did. There was not one time she could recall where Blake hadn't somehow got their mum to the phone when one of them had called her and genuinely needed her, and there was no doubt in her mind that if Jason called their mum, he would get through to her.

"You wouldn't dare!" she exclaimed as she narrowed her eyes at her brother. If Jason called their mum there was a strong chance that she would overreact and send in one of the DS agents posted outside, or worse, come home, and then she'd never get the lampshades clean.

"I would!" Jason replied desperately as he retrieved his phone from the pocket of his jeans and held it out threateningly. Calling his mummy to tell on his sister was not something he would normally do, but hey, desperate times called for desperate measures.

"What are you, 8?!" Alison exclaimed in annoyance.

Jason let the insult wash over him, more concerned about getting his sister down from the ladder, and quickly unlocked his phone and found his mother's direct line number to her office. He turned the screen so his sister could see that he was serious and held his thumb over the call button.

"I'm serious" he replied in a stern tone.

Tears welled up in Alison's eyes. "Why are you being so mean? I just want to clean the lampshades! she wailed.

Jason's eyes widened in alarm as his sister started to cry whilst halfway up the ladder causing it to start shaking slightly and he quickly ran to the ladder and held it steady. He hadn't meant to make his sister cry, but his sister was so emotional recently that her mood could change at the drop of a hat.

"Come down Ali and I'll clean them" he suggested in desperation. As much as he did not relish the idea of cleaning, and cleaning lampshades at that, if it meant that his insane sister would get down off the ladder then he would do it.

"Really?" she hiccupped.

"Yeah, I'll clean the lampshades" he replied with a sigh.

"You're the best!" she exclaimed as her tears seemed to miraculously disappear and she started climbing down from the stepladder, handing her brother the duster once she reached ground level. "Now that you're doing the lampshades I can start organising the kitchen..."

Jason groaned as he watched his sister waddle into the kitchen. His niece could not arrive soon enough.

* * *

Elizabeth McCord sighed wearily as she shut the front door behind her. Although it was only 6.30pm and she was home from work at a relatively normal time, her day had been intense and she was exhausted. All she wanted was a glass of wine, a nice dinner with her family, a relaxing bath, and then an early night. She dumped her belongings in the hallway and went in search of her family, an amused smirk appearing on her face as she leaned on the archway to the kitchen and took in the scene before her.

The kitchen table had been pushed to one side and replaced with a stepladder which Jason was using to clean a lampshade, Henry was up another ladder and dusting what appeared to be the ornaments and photo frames on the large built in bookcase on the far wall, Stevie was standing on a chair cleaning the kitchen cupboards - the contents of which had been put on the island and Alison seemed to be sorting through.

"Hi guys!" she greeted jovially.

"Hi mum" Alison greeted in a distracted tone as she sorted through canned goods.

Not receiving a response from the other three McCords she surveyed the room and took in the slightly desperate, imploring looks of her family.

"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked, a teasing undertone in her voice. If she was a betting woman she would bet that Alison's nesting had something to do with the current cleaning frenzy going on in her kitchen.

"Alison wanted our help cleaning" Stevie replied in a forced cheerful tone.

"Did she now?" Elizabeth replied in amusement.

"She was half way up a ladder when I got home from school..." Jason began before being cut off by his mother.

"You were what?!" Elizabeth exclaimed in horror.

Alison rolled her eyes at her mother as she turned to face her. "I just wanted to clean the lampshades! Jason freaked out that I was on a ladder so he said he'd do them for me instead" she replied in an offhand tone.

Elizabeth cast a grateful look at her son, a wave of affection washing over her that despite his argumentative nature, at his core he was turning out to be a decent man just like his father.

"Ok. But what about the rest of the cleaning? Whose idea was that?" Elizabeth asked gently just in case her family had decided to go on a voluntary cleaning spree.

"Well, I left Jason to clean the lampshades in your office, the drawing room, and dining room, but then I realised the shelves in the bookcase in the kitchen needed cleaning - do you know how much dust there is on those shelves? Anyway, I started to climb the other ladder but dad caught me and _he_ freaked out just like Jason had so he said he'd clean those shelves for me" Alison replied in a calm, rational tone.

Elizabeth shot an inquisitive look at her husband as he was normally more than adept at dealing with 'hurricane Alison', even with her pregnancy mood swings he had been coping fine.

"There may have been tears involved..." Henry admitted sheepishly.

"I was not crying!" Alison snapped in an annoyed tone and Elizabeth did not miss the brief look of fear and apprehension that appeared on her family's face at Alison's outburst.

"Of course not" Elizabeth soothed not wanting to upset her daughter before she had all the facts.

"So with Jason cleaning the lampshades and dad cleaning the bookcase I decided to sort out the kitchen cupboards and when Stevie came home from college she decided to help me" Alison continued to explain in the same rational tone.

"There may have been a _conversation_ first..." Stevie commented.

"Well, it looks like you guys have been working really hard, but it's 6.30pm and I'm _starving_. Lets order take out..." Elizabeth began before she was cut off by her daughter.

"What! But we're still cleaning and there's so much to do! We can't mess up the kitchen now that we're just starting to get it clean!" Alison exclaimed in distress.

Three sets of desperate eyes and one set of hormonal pregnant eyes stared at Elizabeth and she sighed deeply. She may be America's lead diplomat but tonight it looked like she was going to have to be the enemy.

"Alison, it's getting late. Stevie and Jason have homework to do, your dad has marking, and I just want to relax. We can finish cleaning tomorrow, I promise" Elizabeth stated in a soft yet firm tone.

"But..." Alison began, tears welling up in her eyes.

"No 'buts', Noodle. It's time to stop for the night..."

"This is so unfair!" Alison interrupted before she stormed upstairs.

All occupants of the kitchen waited with baited breath until they heard the slam of Alison's bedroom door.

"Oh thank God!" Jason exclaimed as he immediately started climbing down from the ladder.

"Thank you so much!" Stevie gushed as she came and hugged her mother. "I love Ali, but this nesting has turned her into a hormonal monster".

"Thank you!" Henry greeted as he pulled his wife into a loving hug. "I just can't stand it when she cries and I couldn't let her get up the ladder..."

A wave of nostalgia washed over Elizabeth as she remembered how overprotective Henry had been of her when she was pregnant. She remembered the nesting urge all too well and how cleaning the skirting boards at 2am, or asking Henry to repaint the house, had all seemed liked completely reasonable suggestions at the time. It was an urge that you couldn't understand unless you had been through it and she knew she was best qualified to speak to Alison.

Elizabeth smiled ruefully at her family. "Well, seeing as you guys have done the cleaning, I guess I'll go and talk to Ali. Order me something nice, will you?"

"Good luck!" Jason called after his mother as she followed Alison's footsteps upstairs.

Elizabeth headed in the direction of her youngest daughter's room and was surprised when she opened the door and saw that Alison was nowhere to be seen. She could still hear muffled sobbing from the hallway so she headed in the direction of the nursery and found Alison stood by the dresser with her back towards her. She watched as her youngest daughter angrily yanked open a drawer, pulled out a pile of tiny clothing, and started re-folding the items.

"Noodle..." Elizabeth began.

"I just want the house to be clean and organised for when she gets here" Alison sobbed. "Why can't you all understand that?"

Elizabeth approached her daughter carefully and leant against the dresser next to her. "We do, Noodle, it's just that the cleaner does a pretty good job of cleaning the house anyway and we've already washed and organised all of Pancake's things" Elizabeth assured in a soft tone.

"But there's still so much to do!" Alison exclaimed.

Elizabeth sighed. "I know it seems that way at the moment, but trust me Noodle, you're all ready. The nursery is finished, your hospital bag is packed, your birthing plan is done - you're ready. You're just nesting is all".

"I'm not nesting!" Alison snapped angrily.

"Ali, apart from this past week, when was the last time you cleaned the spindles? Or organised the cupboard? Or dusted the lampshades? Heck! When was the last time you even cleaned the bathroom?" Elizabeth asked gently.

Alison had read about nesting but never thought that it would happen to her. She thought hard about what her mother had just asked, determined to prove that it was everyone else that was illogical and not her, but her mind was completely blank.

"Oh God, I'm nesting!" she exclaimed in horror.

Elizabeth gently pulled her daughter into her arms. "It's natural, Noodle. I went through it with each of my pregnancies. Goodness the things I put your dad through! Don't you remember that I made him re-paint the entire house when I was pregnant with Jason? And with Stevie I decided that I wanted to learn how to cook so I would make these terrible meals that would char the pan and set off the fire alarm. Bless your father, he would always eat them and I think we must have brought a brand new saucepan set by the time Stevie arrived. With you I was obsessed with how clean the bathroom was and I even cleaned all the tile grouting in the house with a toothbrush!"

"You did not?!" Alison exclaimed with a laugh.

"I did! And my favourite cleaning time was between 2am and 5.30am so your poor dad barely got any sleep. Of course then I wouldn't actually let Stevie or your dad use the bathroom when they got up in the morning..."

"So how did they get ready in the morning?" Alison asked inquisitively.

"Well, Stevie and your dad would bathe at night and then clean their teeth in the kitchen sink in the morning, but your dad and I would have terrible arguments over the use of the toilet..." Elizabeth reminisced with a smile.

"Nesting sucks, doesn't it" Alison stated drily.

"I wouldn't say that and it does have its plus side too. I mean, the house has never looked cleaner or been more organised since you've been pregnant" Elizabeth joked earning a small smile from her daughter. "Just try and remember that there are other people in the house who don't quite understand what you are feeling. I know that urge you have to clean and organise, but please, no getting up ladders?!"

"Ok, ok...!" Alison agreed as she held up her hands in surrender. "I promise, no more getting up ladders!"

"Good! Now let's go see what they've ordered us for dinner as I'm starving!" Elizabeth exclaimed as mother and daughter headed towards the newly cleaned and organised kitchen.

* * *

 _I've never been pregnant and have only read about nesting, although I did have a friend who decided to reprint her house when she was 9 months pregnant and ended up going into labour whilst up at ladder! This chapter is loosely based on that and I hope you enjoyed it._

 _Oh, and I figured the McCords would have a cleaner given the size of their house and that they're super busy people._

 _Reviews welcome as always._


	31. Chapter 31

_Thanks for the reviews of the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one!_

* * *

"Morning!" Alison McCord greeted brightly as she slowly waddled down the stairs into the kitchen.

The other occupants of the kitchen froze and four pairs of eyes turned to stare at Alison, each set of eyes trying to gauge what mood she was in.

"Uh, hi Noodle" Henry ventured cautiously. Over the past 2 weeks Alison had become increasingly grumpy and her moods even more subject to change as she neared the end of her pregnancy, her bright tone today was definitely a change from her usual gripes about the aches and pains of late pregnancy and Henry couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive.

Alison reached the bottom of the stairs and looked up to find everyone staring at her. She self-consciously smoothed her hair and tugged at her clothing.

"Why are you all looking at me?" she asked defensively.

"No reason" Elizabeth soothed quickly as she continued making her coffee for the journey to work. Her voice seemed to break the reverie that had fallen over the room and instantaneously the room fluttered to life again - Henry flipped the pancakes he was making, Jason resumed cutting his bacon, and Stevie started pouring orange juice into a glass.

"It's just that you seem particularly happy today" Elizabeth continued warily.

"Guys! Don't you know what the date is?" Alison asked in disbelief, annoyance washing over her that her family could forget such an important date.

"It's the 23rd April, right?" Jason replied.

"Exactly!" Alison replied emphatically. "It's my due date so Pancake should be arriving sometime today" she finished happily. As much as the thought of giving birth and raising her daughter scared her, she could not wait to get her body back. She was fed up with back ache and being out of breath, of having to sleep on her side and waddle everywhere she went. She was done with swollen feet and looking like a beached whale. By the end of the day she would be able to move around again without her gigantic stomach being in the way and she could not wait.

Elizabeth shot a furtive glance at her husband. "Have you had any contractions yet? Any cramps? Anything?"

"No" Alison replied truthfully, disappointment evident in her tone. "But you heard what Dr Clarke said last week, she's fully engaged and I could go into labour at any time. Well, today's her due date so I should be going into labour. You're still ok to be my birth partner, right? Blake's cleared your diary?"

"Yes, Ali, don't worry. Blake has one of your hospital bags practically glued to him and is under strict instructions that if you phone he is to get me no matter where I am. The President has authorised emergency leave for whenever I need it and the under-Secretaries are on notice" Elizabeth assured her daughter.

Alison nodded seemingly happy with her mother's reply, before turning to her face her dad.

"And Dad, you're going to keep your phone on in class today as you have the car, right?"

"Affirmative. Phone is fully charged, the car is full of gas, and your hospital bag is in the trunk just in case you can't hold of mum for some reason. I await your call" Henry replied as he jokingly saluted his daughter.

"And what about you, Stevie?" Alison asked.

"I'm going to be in the library all day studying so just call me and I'll get to the hospital if mum or dad can't for some reason".

"So, we're all set" Alison replied happily.

"Yes, but Noodle, you need to actually go into labour and that might not be today. Babies are unpredictable like that" Elizabeth cautioned.

Alison looked at her mother like she was crazy. Had she not just heard what she said? It was her _due date_! She'd been eating pineapple like crazy, she'd had curry for dinner last night, and she had been doing _a lot_ of walking.

"She is going to come today" Alison replied with determination. "But she just needs to hand in there for a few more hours so I can get my classes done. Dad will you drive me to college?"

"Sure, Alison, but don't you want these pancakes first?" Henry replied as he cast a worried look at his wife who simply stared at him with a helpless look. He just hoped for all their sakes his granddaughter made her appearance today as he wasn't looking forward to dealing with his youngest daughter if she didn't.

"Definitely!" Alison replied. "My daughter needs her favourite food on such an important day..."

* * *

One week. Alison McCord was one whole week overdue and she was miserable.

"Why isn't she here yet?" she grumbled as she shifted in the chair in Dr Clarke's waiting room.

"That's why we're here, Noodle" Elizabeth McCord replied as she scrolled through the e-mail on her I-phone "to see what Dr Clarke can do to help you along".

"It feels like I've been pregnant forever" Alison whinged.

"I know, but she'll be here before you know it" Elizabeth replied distractedly as she clicked on a link on one of the e-mails Daisy had sent her, a proud smile appearing on her face as she read the contents of the article.

"It doesn't feel like it" Alison grouched before her eyes widened in fear. "What if she never comes out and I'm pregnant for the rest of my life!?"

Elizabeth turned to look at her daughter and had to force herself not to laugh at her daughter's statement. "Oh, I remember that feeling, like pregnancy was never going to end. But it does and then before you know it she'll be a teenager leaving home..." she finished wistfully.

"But first she has to GET OUT!" Alison replied in frustration.

A wave of empathy washed over Elizabeth as she recalled being pregnant with her children, especially what if felt like being overdue with Jason and feeling like she would be pregnant forever. She'd ended up having to be induced with her son and it had been a horrible experience, the contractions had been intense right from the start and she'd had to wait what felt like a lifetime until the epidural kicked in, she hoped that Alison didn't have to go through the same experience. At least Stevie had come a week early and Alison had only been a day late.

"Well, Daisy has just forwarded something to me that should cheer you up. It's a review of your college's end of semester production and I quote _'The costume design by Alison McCord was ahead of its time and really set the scene for the futuristic setting of the show. A bright future awaits this designer and any fashion house would be lucky to have her. Her mother, none other than Secretary of State herself, Elizabeth McCord, was spotted in the audience with her husband during the second half of the show and the couple looked rightfully proud of their daughter's creations_ "

Alison looked up at her mother in surprise. "How did you ...?"

"You really think Your dad and I wouldn't want to see the costumes you've been working so hard on since January? Your dad brought us tickets as soon as they were released, and I for one am glad that Pancake hung in there a little longer so we got to see your amazing creations. Now I'm no designer, and granted you are my daughter so I may be a little biased, but I think if the whole fashion designer thing falls through you could easily make it as a costume designer. You have a nature gift, Noodle, and your dad and I are so proud of you" Elizabeth replied seriously.

Alison smiled bashfully at her mother, her pregnancy woes momentarily forgotten. "You think so?" she asked shyly.

"Most definitely" Elizabeth replied proudly.

"I've been designing some outfits for her..." Alison admitted softly.

"I know" Elizabeth replied with a conspiratorial wink as she nudged her daughter's shoulder playfully.

"Alison McCord?" the nurse called breaking the moment between mother and daughter.

Elizabeth rose from the chair and offered her hand out to her daughter who gratefully accepted and heaved herself out of the chair. Together mother and daughter headed towards Dr Clarke's office.

"If you'd like to get settled on the bed, Alison, Dr Clarke will be with you shortly" the nurse informed them as she moved out of the room, closing the door behind her.

With her mother's help Alison sat on the edge of bed, studying the stirrups with apprehension as she did so. Mentally she started to prepared herself for what might be about to happen as Dr Clarke had warned her that if she hadn't gone into labour by this appointment then she would need to undertake an internal exam and may opt to do a sweep of her cervix. Nervousness washed over her as she thought about having her doctor's hand inside her. She hoped it didn't trigger another panic attack like her first 4D scan had.

"Good morning!" Dr Clarke greeted cheerfully as she entered the examining room.

"Good morning" Elizabeth replied in a polite tone, whereas Alison's greeting was a lot less enthusiastic.

Dr Clarke smiled knowingly at her patient. "I take it you're not enjoying the last few weeks of pregnancy" she asked her patient ruefully.

"You could say that" Alison replied in an annoyed tone. Why did everyone think it was amusing that her daughter had not arrived yet and she was still pregnant?

"Well, all your blood and urine tests have come back clear and your blood pressure is normal, so it looks like she is just taking her sweet time to come out" the doctor informed her patient. "Have you had any contractions?"

"No" Alison snapped in an grumpily. "Lots of Braxton Hicks, but I don't think I've had any proper contractions".

"That's not unusual but I would like to conduct an internal exam to see if you've started to dilate yet. It's not uncommon for pregnant women to start to dilate before they get contractions, would that be ok?" Dr Clarke asked her patient.

Alison swallowed hard. She really didn't want to have an internal exam but she knew that she would be examined a lot during labour and she supposed it was best to have an internal exam now before she was in pain. Plus, if the exam could tell her whether labour was close to starting then that was a good thing.

"Ok" she agreed hesitantly.

Dr Clarke smiled encouragingly at her client. "Ok, well I'm going to need you to remove your jeans and underwear. I'll leave whilst you are doing that and once you're done if you could position yourself on the bed with your feet in the stirrups and drape this cover over you I'll come back in to conduct the exam."

"Do you want me to leave too, Noodle?" Elizabeth asked her daughter, unsure as to whether her daughter expected her to stay or not.

Mortification washed over Alison at the thought of her lower body being naked in the examination room. With the exception of the exam in New York, she had never been naked in an exam room before and it made her feel nervous and uncomfortable. Images and feelings from her exam in New York came rushing back to her and realisation hit her then that it had been 8 months since she'd been examined in New York. She couldn't believe how much had happened and how her life had changed in such a short amount of time.

"If you wouldn't mind..." she asked her mother.

Elizabeth squeezed her daughter's shoulder reassuringly before following the doctor out of the room.

Awkwardly Alison got off the bed and removed her jeans and underwear as instructed. She positioned herself back on the bed with her legs in the stirrups and moved the paper sheet over her to cover herself as best she could. So far the position was not uncomfortable, although she felt extremely exposed and vulnerable and it stirred unpleasant feelings within her. She fidgeted nervously as she waited for her mum and doctor to arrive and a few moments later there was a knock at the door and Dr Clarke and her mother returned.

"How are you doing, Alison?" Dr Clarke asked.

"Ok" Alison squeaked.

"Have you ever had an internal exam before?" Dr Clarke queried.

"Only the exam the police did in New York" Alison admitted shyly, memories of that particular exam flashing through her mind.

"Ok. Well, this will be a little different but it shouldn't hurt, although it will be uncomfortable. If at any time you want me to stop just say, ok. Now, are you happy for me to begin?" the doctor asked earnestly.

"Yes" Alison replied as she grabbed her mother's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Noodle, do you remember the breathing techniques we did in New York that helped you relax during your exam?" Elizabeth asked her daughter.

"Yes" Alison replied thickly as she watched Dr Clarke prepare herself for the exam.

"It will hurt less if you use those techniques again. Just keep your eyes on me and breathe with me, ok?" Elizabeth instructed her daughter as the doctor took her position at the foot of the bed and slid the blanket up so she could start the exam.

As soon as her doctor's finger pressed inside her she felt herself tense and Dr Clarke immediately stopped what she was doing.

"Alison, are you ok?" the doctor asked in concern.

Alison squeezed her mother's hand tightly as images and feelings from the night her daughter was conceived flashed into her head. She willed herself not to panic and forced herself to look at her mother, following the breathing pattern her mum had established and remembering the relaxation techniques she had learnt during therapy.

"Yes" she replied distractedly as she forced herself to focus.

She felt the doctor's hand move again and touch something deep inside her. It was unpleasant and uncomfortable, but not painful.

"You're cervix has softened and you're about 2cm dilated. I'd like to conduct a sweep as I think it might help start labour, are you happy for me to do that?" Dr Clarke asked her patient seriously.

"Yes" Alison replied immediately. She just wanted this over with and if the doctor thought it would help and her hand was inside her anyway, then she might as well do the sweep. She felt firm side to side movements inside her and she had to use every ounce of self-control not to tense again.

"All done" Dr Clarke announced as she removed her hand and started to clean up from the exam. "You may experience some cramping, much like period cramps, and you may have some light bleeding so it's probably best if you wear a sanitary towel for the rest of the day. I want to see you again in 3 days to see how things are progressing".

Alison's eyes widened in panic. "I have an exam in 3 days time!" she exclaimed.

"That may be the case, but I need to make sure your daughter and you are ok" Dr Clarke instructed her patient firmly.

"We'll make the appointment" Elizabeth assured the doctor.

"Now if you'll excuse me" Dr Clarke smiled warmly as she left the room.

"Mum, what am I going to do?" Alison asked in distress. She had worked so hard at community college over the past 4 months and she was so sure her daughter would arrive before her exams started that she hadn't even considered the fact that she may not be able to take her finals.

"We'll work something out, don't worry" Elizabeth assured her daughter. What that something was she wasn't sure yet, but she would find a way for Alison to do her exams come what may.

* * *

 _I've never been pregnant so I don't actually know what a sweep feels like, what I've described is from various accounts on the internet. Hope it wasn't too graphic for people. The idea of Pancake not following Alison's plan and Alison being overdue just tickled me for some reason so I decided to write a chapter about it._

 _Oh, and apologies for the rubbish attempt at writing a newspaper article. I haven't written in a journalistic style since I was 16!_

 _Reviews welcome as they really do cheer me up!_


	32. Chapter 32

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, they've really cheered me up during a week that's been particularly crappy at work - and I still have to get through today! Hope you enjoy the chapter._

* * *

"Mum..."

Elizabeth and Henry McCord awoke with a start at the sound of their daughter's voice.

"Are you in labour?!" Henry exclaimed as his hand reached out to turn on the bedside lamp. Glancing at the clock he realised it was just past 3am and it was still dark outside. The steady hum of Elizabeth's motorcade outside brought a little solace knowing that they could be at the hospital in minutes if needs be.

"Wha...what is it?" Elizabeth asked in panic as she flew upright in bed so she could see her daughter. She willed herself awake as she waited for her eyes to adjust to the brightness of the room.

"My back hurts and I've got really bad cramps" her daughter replied in a pained tone. "I think it's started..."

Elizabeth could see the discomfort and fear on her daughter's face and a wave of fear and panic washed over her. Seeing her daughter in discomfort made her realise that she may not be as prepared to see Alison in pain as she had first thought. She hated seeing her kids in any pain and, well, labour was the worst kind of pain there was. How was she going to do this?

"Do you want to try having a bath?" she asked her daughter not sure what she could do to help. "Maybe try the TENS machine?"

Alison shook her head. It had been 19 hours since she'd had her sweep and she'd had no reaction until about 2 hours ago when she'd been woken by cramps in her stomach. Over the past 2 hours those cramps had increased in frequency and her lower back had also started cramping, the pain was bearable at the moment but all the pain served to remind her was that she was alone and scared in the dark with her body doing something she had never experienced before. The truth of the matter was that she was petrified and just didn't want to me alone.

"Could I maybe just...stay here with you guys?" she asked awkwardly.

Compassion washed over Elizabeth as she remembered how scared she'd been when labour had first started with her kids. She hadn't wanted Henry to leave her side for a second and she didn't think she would have made it through the birth of their children without him by her side. She just hoped she would be as good a support to Alison as Henry had been to her when she'd given birth.

"Sure Noodle" Elizabeth replied as she scooted over in bed to make room and lifted the bedcovers for her daughter to join her. She felt the bed shift as Alison lay down and Henry rose out of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Alison asked her dad in confusion as he got out of the bed. She snuggled up against her mother, instantaneously feeling better as her mum welcomed her into her embrace and started to rub her back, but she wanted her dad there too. Right now she wanted the comfort of both her parents.

Henry looked at his daughter in surprise. "I just thought you'd rather it just be your mum and you. I'll go and sleep in your bed, or on the couch if you'd prefer?"

"Oh" Alison replied disappointedly "I was kind of hoping you'd stay and tell me a story like when I was little".

Henry looked at his wife and daughter in confusion, but realised by the looks on their faces that his presence was needed. Both his wife and daughter looked scared and overwhelmed and he realised then that his wife was just as scared at the thought of Alison giving birth as Alison was of giving birth. His wife and daughter needed him by their sides and he wouldn't let them down.

"If that's what you want, Noodle, then no problem" he replied in a contented tone as he settled himself back in bed beside Elizabeth.

He switched off the light as he lay back down in bed and felt Elizabeth lean back to rest against his side. In the darkness he heard his daughter inhale sharply and he realised she must be having a contraction of sorts as he heard Elizabeth comfort her. Alison had asked him for a story and if that's what she wanted then a story he would give her.

"Once upon a time..."

* * *

Alison awoke with a groan as she felt a sharp throbbing pain radiate around her abdomen. This pain was unlike the cramps that had awoken her during the night and she thought she might have just had a contraction. A wave of fear and panic washed over her.

Elizabeth felt her daughter stir and glanced up at the clock. It had been 20 minutes since she had been woken up by Alison groaning in her sleep, 10 minutes ago Alison had groaned again whilst asleep and she had felt her daughter's stomach tighten, now her daughter was awake and groaning whilst her stomach tightened again.

"It's ok, Noodle" she whispered softly not wanting to startle her daughter. "I'm here".

"It hurts!" Alison moaned.

"I know" Elizabeth soothed as she felt Alison grasp her tee-shirt tightly and bury her head further into her shoulder.

Moments later Alison released a breath and looked up at her mum.

"I think that was a contraction" she whispered in shock and fear.

"I think so too" Elizabeth agreed as she smoothed back Alison's dark hair. "You've been groaning on and off in your sleep for the past 30 minutes".

"Have I?" Alison queried in embarrassment, she hadn't meant to wake her parents up.

"Uh-huh" Elizabeth replied. "Do you want to try having a hot bath?"

Although the sharp stabbing pain had gone, her body still ached and her lower abdomen felt heavy and achy, the thought of a hot bath sounded wonderful and she nodded her agreement.

"Henry, wake up" Elizabeth nudged her husband.

"Huh?" Henry queried as he felt Elizabeth nudge his side.

"Alison wants to take a bath. Come up, get up"

Henry's mind scrabbled to figure out what was going on, and then he remembered their daughter's early morning visit and that Alison's labour had most likely started.

"Ok, ok, I'll run a bath" Henry acquiesced sleepily as he stumbled from the bed and into the bathroom, noting that it was already 6am. He turned on the taps and poured in some of Elizabeth's favourite bubble bath which he also knew his daughter loved. He exited the bathroom to find Elizabeth helping Alison from their bed and towards their ensuite and he decided to give the two women some privacy.

"Fancy pancakes, Noodle?" he asked knowing that his daughter would need her strength as he had a feeling his granddaughter would be making an appearance today.

Alison smiled weakly at her dad "That would be nice"

"No problem" he agreed as he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly and pressed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. His daughter looked so young and scared that it broke his heart.

He made his way downstairs and prepared the batter as he reminisced about the times Elizabeth had been in labour. He recalled how with Stevie Conrad had called him into the office to drag Elizabeth away from her desk as she'd been so terrified after her waters had broken and had gone into complete denial. With Alison, Elizabeth's waters had broken whilst they had been at a soccer game of Stevie's and he swore that it was the excitement of seeing Stevie score the winning goal that had caused Elizabeth to go into labour. Jason had been completely different and hadn't wanted to come out of his mother. Elizabeth had gone through 3 sweeps, copious amounts of pineapple, curry and Mexican food, and they'd had sex as many times as Elizabeth could manage to no avail. She'd been induced at the hospital and in the end the doctor had had to break Elizabeth's water - they should have known then just how stubborn Jason would turn out to be.

Watching someone you loved in agonising pain was heartbreaking and he didn't envy what Elizabeth would be doing today, he wished he could have been there too to support his daughter but he understood her reasons for her not wanting him in the room whilst she was giving birth. Truth be told he wasn't sure he would be able to handle seeing his daughter in that much pain, it had been hard enough when it was Elizabeth.

"Hey Dad" Stevie greeted as she walked into the kitchen and immediately headed for the coffee machine.

"Hey" Henry greeted as he was broken from his reverie. "You're up early?"

"I couldn't sleep and with finals coming up I thought I'd just get up and study. What about you?" Stevie queried curiously.

"Oh, during the night Alison's labour started..."

"What!" Stevie exclaimed in shock, a look of excitement on her face.

"Wo, hang a on sec" Henry stalled his daughter as he held up his hands to pacify her. "It's very early stages and she's currently upstairs in Mum and I's bathroom having a bath".

"Is she ok?" Stevie queried in concern.

"She's in a bit of discomfort so I'd leave her be for now. Mum is with her so don't worry, everything is going to be fine and it could take some time, just try and be understanding if you see her. Oh, and can you please make sure that Jason gets to school, I have to go into work early today".

"You're still going into work?" Stevie exclaimed in disbelief.

A feeling of helplessness and guilt washed over Henry "Yeah, there's not much I can do here, and as I said, it could take some time so..."

Stevie saw the look of helplessness on her father's face and her heart went out to him. Their dad was so attentive and loved being involved in their lives, as did their mum. Whilst their mum maybe tried to be a little too involved at times, their dad successfully treaded the very thin line of being involved and attentive, but not smothering or restrictive. They were all so lucky to have him as their dad.

"Don't worry, she knows you love her" she reassured as she gave her father a hug. "And I'll make sure Jason gets to school".

"Thanks" Henry smiled gratefully at his daughter and placed a loving kiss on her forehead.

"Now I've got to go tell Jareth about Alison..." Stevie exclaimed happily as she grabbed her coffee and headed upstairs.

With breakfast prepared Henry took the tray up to his bedroom and found Elizabeth on their bed with her laptop.

"Everything ok?" he queried.

Elizabeth started at the sound of her husband's voice. "Yeah, just e-mailing Conrad, Russell, Nadine, and Blake to let them know I'm not going to be in for a couple of days. Alison is soaking in the bath".

"Do you want to take her breakfast in?" Henry queried feeling that it was best for Elizabeth to take breakfast in to their daughter.

"Oh, yeah, right" Elizabeth replied in a distracted tone as she got off the bed and moved towards her husband.

Henry noted the apprehensive look on Elizabeth's face and concern washed over him. He deposited the tray on the bench at the end of their bed and placed his hands on his wife's shoulders in a comforting manner.

"You ok, babe?" he asked in an inquisitive tone.

"It's really happening, isn't it?" she whispered as she looked up imploringly at her husband.

"Yeah, babe, it really is" he replied softly.

Elizabeth had known that this day would come, but now that it was here she felt completely overwhelmed. She hadn't realised how much denial she had been in over Alison giving birth. Sure, she was excited for her granddaughter to arrive, but the process of her arriving? Not so much.

"I'm scared. What if I can't do it? It was hard enough seeing her have a contraction and this is just the beginning, it's going to get so much worse. I've never seen someone give birth before, I've only been through it and then I was kind of distracted" Elizabeth admitted ruefully.

Henry pulled Elizabeth into his embrace and felt her grab handfuls of his tee-shire desperately. He placed a loving kiss on her forehead as he rubbed soothing circles on her back in an effort to reassure her.

"You'll get through it because you love her, and to be honest, there's no other choice. Once you get in there and see the person you love the most in that much pain you just can't leave them, at least I couldn't leave you. It hurt me seeing how much pain you were in, but it would have hurt me more to leave you. You're going to be the best birthing coach to her because you love her more than you hate the pain she's in" Henry assured.

A wave of love washed over Elizabeth for her husband and she looked up at him with a playful smile.

"You always know exactly the right thing to say, Dr McCord" she replied lovingly as she placed a reverent kiss on his lips.

"Do you want me to stay home with you guys today?" Henry asked his wife seriously. Granted he did have an important meeting to attend, but if his wife and daughter needed him he would make his excuses.

"No, it's ok. Save you vacation for after Pancake arrives. I'll call if I need anything, I promise". Elizabeth assured her husband.

"Keep me updated. If you need me just call and I'll be there. Remember, I'll always show up for you".

"I know, that's one of the many things I love about you Dr McCord" Elizabeth replied with a flirtatious smile.

"Mum...!"

"I better..." Elizabeth stated as she waved towards the bathroom and pulled herself from her husband's embrace.

"Don't forget the pancakes!" Henry called after his wife as she headed into their ensuite. He had a feeling today was going to be a long day.

* * *

Alison McCord had never experienced pain like this before. It was now 12 hours since she had first been awoken by her abdomen cramping in the early hours of the morning and the pain had just got worse and more intense since then. She'd had 3 baths in the past 7 hours but the last one two hours ago had done little to ease the pain and her TENS machine was now permanently attached to her back, thankfully that seemed to be easing the sharp, throbbing pain. She had spent all morning either bouncing on her birthing ball or walking laps of the house with her mum, all while her mum quizzed her in preparation for her finals in an attempt to distract her. She wasn't sure how much she was learning, but it did at least make her feel better than she was doing some studying towards her finals because she doubted she would get to do anymore studying before her first exam in 2 days. According to her mum she was doing pretty well too.

"Agggh!" Alison exclaimed as her uterus tightened and she felt the stabbing, cramping pain radiate around her abdomen. She bent over and grabbed the back of the sofa in the drawing room as she breathed deeply like she had been taught in her Lamarze lessons. She slowed her breathing as she felt her abdomen loosening and she righted herself once again.

"That has to have been longer than the last one?" she asked her mum pleadingly. They'd phoned Dr Clarke earlier in the morning but had been told not to come to the hospital until her contractions were 5 minutes apart. Right now that felt like an eternity away.

"That one lasted for 52 seconds and was 6 minutes apart again" Elizabeth stated as she made a note on the pad, worry and fear washing over her. Alison's contractions were now in a regular pattern and getting closer together and stronger. She didn't think it would be long before they would be headed to the hospital, and not for the first time today, she glanced behind her to make sure Alison's hospital bag was by the front door.

Alison groaned. She still had to wait for her contractions to get to 5 minutes before she could get to the hospital. This was horrible!

"How much longer is this going to take?" she groaned.

"Do you want to try the birthing ball again?" her mum asked her kindly.

"Yeah. My feet are really starting to hurt and could do with a break" Alison agreed tiredly as she waddled towards the family room.

Elizabeth steadied the ball with one hand whilst holding the other one out to help Alison onto the ball. It was as Alison was squatting down onto the ball that she felt a popping session that was immediately followed by wetness between her legs. She looked down to find the crotch and inside leg of her grey pyjama bottoms were now dark grey.

"Mum!" she exclaimed in panic.

Elizabeth looked at the wide open eyes of her daughter and could see the fear they contained. Apprehension and fear washed over Elizabeth as she looked further down and noticed the darkness of Alison's pyjama bottoms.

"Oh!" she exclaimed before panic and adrenaline washed over her, but she forced herself to remain calm. She was a trained spy for goodness sake, she had been in situations much worse than this, she had to remain calm for her daughter. "Noodle, your waters have just broken!" she stated dumbly.

Alison was about to yell at her mother that she knew that and ask her what they should do when she felt the tail tale signs of a contractions starting.

"Not again!" she groused and she started to breathe deeply.

Elizabeth took note of the time and her eyebrows raised in surprise, adrenaline coursing through her once again. She supported her daughter as the contraction passed, her own eyes widening in panic when she noted how long the contraction lasted.

"Please tell me that was only 5 minutes since the last one?" Alison asked desperately.

"Not exactly, Noodle" Elizabeth replied, to which her daughter simply groaned. "It was 4.5 minutes and lasted 70 seconds. Noodle, it's time to call Dr Clarke and get to the hospital, Pancake is coming..."

* * *

 _As I mentioned above, work is a bit rubbish at the mo so any reviews would be gratefully received as they really do put a smile on my face._


	33. Chapter 33

_Apologies if the last chapter grossed anyone out with Alison sleeping in her parents bed. It was supposed to be a sweet scene_ _where she's scared and goes to her parents for comfort and sort of regresses back to her childhood when times were simpler and she asks her dad to tell her story like when she was little and scared._ _I figure Elizabeth and Henry's bed is more than big enough to accommodate them all comfortably, but I guess it didn't come across quite like that._

 _Anyway, I think this is the chapter some of you have been waiting for..._

* * *

"Hey! How's she doing?" Henry asked his wife anxiously as he rose from his seat to greet Elizabeth as she stepped out of Alison's hospital room. Elizabeth had text him 3.5 hours ago to say that she was on the way to the hospital with Alison and he'd come straight to the hospital from work, too anxious to sit at home whilst his daughter was in labour and wanting to be there to support his wife.

"God, Henry! How did you do this?" Elizabeth exclaimed as she threw herself into her husband's arms. She'd never been so grateful to receive Henry's text to say that he was coming to the hospital as watching her daughter in so much pain was heartbreaking. Why had Alison initially decided she wanted a natural, medication-free, birth? She snuggled her head into her husband's neck and breathed in his reassuring scent, immediately feeling calmer as she did so.

Henry gathered his wife in his arms and held her tight as he placed a loving kiss on her forehead.

"I know, I know..." he soothed as he rubbed his wife's back in an effort to calm her. "How she doing?"

Elizabeth peeked up at her husband. "She was doing really well without any pain medication but in the last 30 minutes her contractions have gotten really intense and she's asking for an epidural. Dr Clarke is with her now to see if she can have one".

"How far along is she?" Henry asked inquisitively, knowing better than to query Alison's desire for pain relief having watched Elizabeth give birth 3 times. Both Stevie and Jason had been bombarding him with text messages ever since they had got home from school but he had very little information to give his other children at present.

"She was 5cm when we arrived so it can't be too much longer now, can it?" Elizabeth asked desperately.

Henry chucked ruefully. "Don't you remember how long you were in labour with Jason?"

"Oh God!" Elizabeth exclaimed as she curled her head back into the crook of her husband's neck.

Henry risked a chuckle as he held his wife tighter and pressed another reassuring kiss on Elizabeth's head. After a moment the atmosphere turned serious as Henry spoke.

"I've spoken to DS and they've reminded hospital security of the restraining order Alison has against Giovanni Rossi. They've increased security in the Labour and Delivery ward and he will be removed from the premises immediately if for some reason he arrives and tries to claim paternity. DS has also reminded the Labour and Delivery staff that they've all signed confidentiality agreements and that no one is allowed access to Alison or her child unless they're on the pre-approved list we've given them".

After Giovanni Rossi's threat to try and gain custody of Alison's child they'd been relieved to discover that when the DA had filed charges in New York and obtained a restraining order for Alison, the DA had also included Alison's unborn child on the restraining order meaning the order covered both Alison and her daughter until at least the trial.

"Thanks" Elizabeth replied gratefully as she squeezed her husband tighter. She knew DS had already liaised with the hospital prior to today regarding the restraining order, but she had been so focused on Alison that she'd forgotten to remind the hospital of the restraining order when they'd arrived at the hospital. She was overcome with relief and gratitude that her husband, and DS, had taken care of the restraining order and reminded the staff that they couldn't reveal Alison was about to give birth.

"No problem, babe" Henry replied quietly. Speaking with DS had made him feel a little less helpless and like he was actually doing something to keep his daughter and granddaughter safe.

"How is she?" Henry asked immediately as he saw Dr Clarke leave his daughter's room. It was a testament to how worried and scared Elizabeth was that she didn't move from his arms.

"She's about 8cm. I don't think it's going to be much longer now so in all probability the epidural won't have taken effect by the time she's ready to push. Do you think you can talk her through the pain until then?" Dr Clarke asked seriously.

Excitement, panic, and fear washed over Elizabeth at the doctor's words. Knowing that Alison was so close to the end was a relief, watching her daughter in so much pain was heart wrenching and for some reason she just could not compartmentalise the pain Alison was in. She didn't know how she was going to be there to support her daughter.

"I've got faith in you" Henry whispered as he saw the flash of pain and indecision in his wife's eyes "You can do this".

Elizabeth looked up into her husband's eyes and saw the conviction and belief they held. Seeing her husband's complete and utter belief in her stirred something in her and a wave of courage and determination washed over her. This was her daughter, her Noodle, of course she would be there for her daughter.

"Yes, I can do that" she informed the doctor emphatically.

"Ok, well I'm going to leave nurse Laura in with you to continually monitor Alison and she'll page me as soon as Alison gets the urge to push. Until then, good luck" Dr Clarke informed the expectant grandparents.

"Thank you, doctor" Elizabeth stated gratefully as she watched the woman turn and head into another room.

Henry squeezed his wife one last time for encouragement and Elizabeth took one last breath of her husband's comforting scent before she wretched herself from Henry's arms and headed into the room.

"See you on the other side..." he called after her encouragingly and Elizabeth simply smiled in response.

"Hey, Noodle" Elizabeth greeted her daughter.

"Where have you been?" Alison snapped as soon as she saw her mother. Granted she hadn't wanted her mother in the room as the doctor examined her, but after Dr Clarke had left her in the room with Laura it had felt like hours had passed before her mother returned. Alison groaned as she felt the telltale signs of another contraction starting and she cried out in pain as she writhed on the bed.

"Come on, Noodle, breathe through it like we've been doing" Elizabeth encouraged as she simulated the Lamaze breathing for Alison to follow.

"She said I can't have the epidural!" Alison sobbed once the contraction had ended.

"I know, I know..." Elizabeth soothed as she smoothed Alison hair back from her sweaty head "But do you know what else she said? She said you're 8cm. You're almost there, Noodle"

"It doesn't feel like it!" Alison exclaimed.

"I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are" Elizabeth encouraged.

"Oh God! It's started again!" Alison cried as she was overcome with another wave of agonising pain.

Elizabeth once again started the Lamaze breathing and let Alison squeeze her hand as they breathed together.

"I can't do this!" Alison wailed as the contraction ended.

Elizabeth took her daughter's flush face between her hands and wiped the tears away tenderly as she turned her daughter to face her. She looked deep into her eyes as she repeated the words her husband had said to her not 15 minutes beforehand.

"I've got faith in you, Alison McCord. You can do this".

Alison could see the belief and conviction her mother had in her and she felt like such a failure.

"You don't understand! I can't do this! I can't...it's too much!" Alison cried desperately before she was overcome with another contraction.

"Listen Alison" Elizabeth stated seriously as she once again looked deep into her daughter's eyes after the contraction was over "I know right now you think you can't go on, like you can't take any more pain and that the exhaustion will consume you: but you can. This is what a woman's body was made to do and with each contraction it's a step closer to the end. You _can_ do this, Noodle, you're one of the strongest people I know ".

Something about the way her mother was looking at her coupled with her mother's words seemed to wake something inside Alison, something primal. Her body had made and grown her daughter inside her for 9 months and she suddenly trusted that her body would deliver her daughter like it should. Right now she needed to use her body as a machine; a tool to give her daughter life. As the next contraction hit an intense focus and determination unlike anything she had ever felt before washed over her. She didn't cry out as she felt her body contract, instead she closed her eyes and focused on what her body was trying to achieve - what her daughter needed for her to achieve. She felt her muscles tense, and she felt the wave of pain wash over her, but she also felt the endorphins being released in her brain and the sensation of her daughter being in her uterus - a place where she wouldn't be much longer.

"It hurts, being on my back" she panted as the contraction ended.

"Do you want to try changing positions?" Laura asked.

Alison nodded. "It hurt less before Dr Clarke examined me, when I was all fours"

"Ok, well we can try that position again. We'll start by getting you to sit" Laura stated.

"Here, Ali" Elizabeth offered her hand to help her daughter into a sitting position before another contraction overcame Alison. She saw the pain wash over her daughter's face and breathed with her as Alison's grasp on her hand tightened. Meanwhile Laura positioned the bed and pillows for Alison to be able to kneel on her front.

Once the contraction ended Alison shifted onto her knees and lent against the pillows that Laura had accumulated, hugging one against her comfortingly. Almost immediately the pressure in her lower back eased slightly.

"Is that better, Noodle?" Elizabeth asked as she wiped a cloth over her daughter's heated face.

"Uh-huh" Alison replied distractedly as she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on what her body wanted her to do. She felt the telltale signs of a contraction starting again and asked an open question to the occupants of the room.

"Can someone massage my back?"

"Like this?" Elizabeth asked as she worked her fingers around the patches for the TENs machine.

"Yes" Alison squeaked as her contraction reached its peak.

For almost two hours Alison laboured on her knees as she hugged the pillow close to her and Elizabeth massaged her daughter's back until her fingers were numb. Alison's contractions increased in intensity until suddenly she had an urge to bear down.

"I need to push!" Alison cried as simultaneously the monitors monitoring her daughter started to beep.

"Don't push" Laura stated sharply as she looked at the monitors intensely whist picking up the phone. "I need Dr Clarke in here, now!"

Alison was consumed by the need to push and was barely aware of the nurse calling the doctor, let alone what she was saying.

"But I have to!" Alison exclaimed as another contraction washed over her. She gritted her teeth and tried with all her might not to push.

Elizabeth regard the situation before her and didn't need medical knowledge to know that something was not right with her granddaughter. A wave of panic washed over her as she demanded to know what was going on. Laura did not have time to answer the Secretary of State before the door to the room flew open and Dr Clarke walked in.

"What's happened?" she demanded.

"The baby's heart rate and oxygen levels have started to drop dangerously low every time she is having a contraction" Laura informed the doctor seriously. Dr Clarke studied the readout intently, her brow creasing in consternation at what she saw.

"Alison, I need you to listen to me. The baby is showing signs of distress and I need to examine you to see how your labour is progressing" Dr Clarke informed her patient firmly. "I need you to lay on your back".

"I can't!" Alison groaned. "I need to push!"

"Noodle, you have to do this" Elizabeth implored of your daughter. "For your daughter's safety, you need to lie on your back".

Alison let out a sob as her concentration waived for just a second. Her brain could barely grasp what she was being told, but she was conscious enough to know that her daughter was in trouble and she needed to lay on her back to help her. Without saying a word she held out her hand to her mother, and with her mum's and Laura's help, she managed to lay on her back inbetween contractions. Laura placed her legs in stirrups whilst Dr Clarke prepared herself for the examination and positioned herself between Alison's legs.

Alison reached for her mother's hand as the examination began and couldn't help but cry out in pain as a contraction hit her. Once again she fought the urge to push and she squeezed her mother's hand tightly.

Elizabeth tried not to wince as Alison squeezed her already numb fingers. She fought back her own tears as she watched Alison contort in pain. She felt completely helpless and would have given anything to take the pain away from her daughter.

"Alison, you're 10 cm dilated and the baby's head has dropped. I need you to push on the next contraction, your daughter is not tolerating these contractions well and we need to get her out quickly, ok?" Dr Clarke informed her patient.

Alison simply nodded in response, a wave of relief washing over her that she was _finally_ allowed to push. It felt like only seconds later that her next contraction started and she began pushing with all her might.

"Aggggh!" she exclaimed as she beared down, something she had never done before but suddenly felt so natural and right. She felt like she was almost in a trance. All that mattered was allowing her body to push her baby out of her. She felt something hard in between her legs and she barely had time to breath before she was consumed by yet another contraction and she felt something wet between her legs.

"Damn! There's meconium present. Page Dr Mitchell, stat!" Dr Clarke yelled.

Elizabeth felt sick at the doctor's words. Her daughter was in agony and her granddaughter was in distress. She felt completely overwhelmed and helpless, and although she knew Henry was just outside, she wanted him by her side.

"Heart rate is dropping again" Laura announced.

"We need to get this baby out!" Dr Clarke exclaimed.

Alison was only vaguely aware of what was going on her around her. She could hear the panic in Dr Clarke's and Laura's voice and she'd heard Laura say something about heart rate dropping, but the trance she was in meant she could only focus on what her body wanted her to do. As another contraction hit she pushed with all her might and screamed as a burning pain started in her vagina and she felt like she was being split in two.

"Mum!" she gasped as tears slid down her checks.

"I'm here, Noodle" Elizabeth reassured her daughter as she swept her daughter's hair out of her face. "You're doing so good" she encouraged as fear for both her daughter and granddaughter rushed through her.

Elizabeth's concentration was broken for a second as the door to the room crashed open and a doctor and several nurses flooded into the room wheeling a NICU bed with them. She glanced behind her and as the door closed she briefly saw Henry standing outside the room, a look of confusion and worry on his face. She heard the doctors talking and saw the nurses setting up a resuscitation kit by the NICU bed and she suddenly realised how dangerous the situation was.

"What's happening?" she asked desperately, never feeling more out of control in her life. It was not a feeling she was use to and she did not like it one bit.

"The baby is in distress and has had a bowel movement. If she breathes in the meconium then there could be some complications. We need to get the baby out in the next few pushes or we're going to have to do a c-section" Dr Clarke informed her patient and her mother. "Alison I need you to push with everything you have on the next contraction".

"Can you help me support her when she has the next contraction?" Laura asked the Secretary of State.

"Sure" Elizabeth replied in dazed confusion.

Alison felt the start of another contraction and curled herself forward. She felt arms wrap around her and push her forward more as she pushed. She felt burning and pain and she let out a scream at the sensation.

"Baby is crowning" Dr Clarke remarked. "Alison, I need another push like that, now!".

Laura nodded at Elizabeth and as the next contraction built they helped support Alison and curl her even more forward.

Burning. That's all Alison could feel. Burning. And something hard moving ever so slowly between her legs. She cried out as her contraction ended.

"And again!" Dr Clarke demanded.

Alison barely had time to breathe before she was being helped to curl forward again. She pushed with everything she had as exhaustion washed over her. She felt hot, yet cold, all at the same time.

"Head is out. Cord is wrapped around the neck twice" Dr Clarke remarked as she untwisted the cord from around the baby's head. "Alison, I just need a small push on the next contraction to get the shoulder out otherwise you'll tear"

Alison wondered how she was supposed to control the strength of her pushing but didn't have time to think any further before her contraction hit. She pushed as gently as she could and felt her baby slide ever so slightly further down inside her.

"That's great, Alison. Now on the next contraction push with everything you have and I think she'll be here".

The thought of knowing this torture would be over soon released something within Alison and as her body contracted once again she let out an almighty roar as she pushed with everything she had. She felt something slide out of her body and then the burning pain stopped - it felt like she'd just had the biggest, most painful, poop of her life.

"Time of birth 6.48pm on 1st May 2018" Dr Clarke called as she cut the umbilical cord.

Alison flopped back on the bed completely spent as adrenaline and exhilaration washed over her. She'd done it! She'd given birth! She felt completely dazed but she was suddenly so excited to meet the person who had been residing inside her for the past 9 months and she waited eagerly for the doctor to pass her daughter to her. After several moments she raised her head in confusion as her daughter hadn't been handed to her yet and she saw a buzz of activity going on in the corner of the room. Then something hit her which caused her elation to disappear and panic to replace it.

"Why isn't she crying?" Alison yelled, panic evident in her voice.

Elizabeth watched in shock as Dr Clarke quickly cut her granddaughter's umbilical cord and handed the blue, limp, lifeless, body to Dr Mitchell. Her eyes followed her granddaughter over to the bed and she watched as her nose and mouth were suctioned and a tiny oxygen mask was placed over her granddaughter. She saw the nurses rubbing her granddaughter's body vigorously and she was overcome with sheer terror. During her life she'd been caught in foreign territory whilst running covert ops and had to avail herself of the 'spy code', almost been blown up in a coup in Iran, and come close to being shot in a power struggle in Algeria, but she had never been as terrified as she was as she watched the doctors try to resuscitate her granddaughter. She was brought out of her daze by the sound of her daughter's voice.

"I..I don't...It's going to be ok, Noodle" Elizabeth tried to comfort her daughter as she turned to face her.

Alison stared at her mother in shock. She had never seen that look on her mother's face and fear unlike anything she had ever known before washed over her.

"No!" she gasped. Her daughter couldn't be, could she? "Pancake!".

"Alison, look at me" Dr Clarke commanded her patient. "Dr Mitchell is looking after your daughter and she is the best neonatologist in DC. Now I need you to concentrate as we still need to deliver the placenta".

Alison looked at her doctor in complete astonishment. How was she supposed to... when her daughter might be...?

Elizabeth saw the confusion on her daughter's face and realised there was something she could do to help her daughter. She pushed the lingering quietness from her thoughts as she turned her attention to her daughter.

"She's right, Noodle. You need to deliver the placenta and Dr Mitchell is..."

Just then a piercing cry filled the room and Alison felt weak with relief.

"She's ok?" Alison asked desperately as tears filled her eyes. Her daughter's cries grew in intensity and Alison was overcome with emotion. She could barely see the bed in the corner of the room due to the number of people around it and she was consumed by a desperate need to see her daughter.

"It sounds likes it" Elizabeth replied in a choked voice.

"Alison, we need to deliver this placenta. I want you to push when I say, ok? " Dr Clarke's voice broke through Alison's reverie.

"Ok" she replied distractedly as she watched the bustle in the corner of the room. She was vaguely aware of Dr Clarke placing her hand on her still extended abdomen and start massaging, the movement helping to ease the mild contractions she now felt.

"Push now" Dr Clarke commanded and Alison obeyed feeling something soft slide out of her body.

"Placenta's out" Dr Clark confirmed.

Moments later she watched as Laura carried a crying, wriggling bundle of blankets in her direction and Alison looked at the nurse in disbelief as she stopped beside her.

"Dr Mitchell doesn't believe she ingested any of the meconium but she wants to run a few more tests just to be sure. Your daughter has scored well on the latest apgar test so Dr Mitchell is happy for you to hold her for a few minutes before we take her down to the NICU. Would you like to meet your daughter, Alison?" Laura asked kindly.

"Yes!" she exclaimed in a choked voice. Her body ached to hold the creature it had contained for the last 9 months and she held out her arms into which Laura placed the crying baby. Alison couldn't help the panic that flooded through her as she saw her daughter for the first time. She looked exactly like _him_!

"Mum..." she gasped as she tried to control her breathing and the panic that threatened to consume her.

Elizabeth's heart sank as she saw the panicked expression on her daughter's face. She'd been sure that as soon as Alison saw her daughter she would fall in love with her, just like she had with each of her children. She was at a loss as to how to help her daughter and she stared helplessly at Alison as she held her baby.

At the sound of her mother's voice the tiny baby quietened and her eyes flew open to look for the person whose voice she had been hearing ever since she could remember.

Alison continued to stare at her daughter feeling completely overwhelmed. She looked so much like _him_! What was she going to do? Suddenly her daughter's cries quietened and her eyes flew open causing Alison to gasp as she looked into her daughter's eyes for the first time. She may look like _him_ , but she wasn't _him_ , not in the least. Looking into her daughter's eyes for the first time was like looking into her soul and there was no trace of her father in her soul. She was so innocent, and curious, and sharp, and... _new._ Suddenly her daughter didn't look like _him_ at all, she looked like her own person - a person she had created. A wave of love so strong that she knew it would never be broken washed over her as she stared at her daughter mesmerised.

"Hi!" she whispered to her tiny daughter as she was overcome with a new type of emotion that she had never felt before - the love of a mother. "I'm the one you've been living in for the past 9 months. I'm your mummy and I love you so much!"

She gently stroked her daughter's cheek as she took in her thick dark hair, squished nose, and pouting mouth. She counted 10 fingers on her daughter's flailing hands and gently smoothed her thumb over them, fierce love and protectiveness washing over her as her daughter grabbed her finger for the first time. She knew in that instant that she would die for her daughter, no questions asked.

"I'm sorry" Laura interrupted apologetically "But we have to take her down to the NICU now".

"Oh! Ok" Alison agreed as disappointment and despair flooded through her. As soon as her daughter was taken from her arms she felt like a part of her was missing and she desperately wanted it back. She already missed having her daughter kicking and squirming inside her and she felt her heart break as her daughter started crying as she was placed on the NICU bed and wheeled towards the door of the room.

"Bye Pancake" she called after her daughter as she disappeared from sight. "I love you".

* * *

 _I hope the birth lived up to expectation? Please bear in mind though that I've never given birth and the information in this chapter is from the internet and watching "One Born Every Minute". I hope it was vaguely accurate._

 _Regarding the restraining order, from what I can establish from the internet, New York State does allow an unborn child to be named on a restraining order (although not all states do) so Giovanni Rossi wouldn't be allowed to see the baby until the restraining order is lifted._

 _Reviews welcome and let me know if you're still enjoying the story._


	34. Chapter 34

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, they were much appreciated. Hope you enjoy this chapter..._

* * *

"Do you think she's ok?" Alison asked anxiously. "What if they've forgotten where I am?"

It had been two hours since her daughter had been taken for tests, and apart from Laura returning to strap a purple identity band to her wrist and that of her parents to match Baby McCord with her and other authorised visitors, they'd heard nothing since. She'd been moved from the delivery room into a post-partum room where she had had what felt like the best shower of her life, coupled with the best cup of tea and plate of toast she had ever tasted, but with no other activity to distract herself with the worry she felt for her daughter was threatening to consume her. It amazed her that she could be this distressed over her daughter who was only 2 hours old.

"I'm sure she's fine, Noodle. You heard what the doctor said, she's just having some tests done" Elizabeth informed her daughter calmly as she looked up from the e-mail she was typing on her phone. The truth was, she was just as worried about her granddaughter as Alison was but knew that letting her daughter become even more anxious would not be good for her. Whilst there was an argument to be made that as Secretary of State she needed to check her e-mails to see what had happened in the world during the course of the day, her main reason for doing so was to distract herself and to stop herself from becoming consumed with worry. She needed to stay calm, rational, and strong for her daughter.

"Why don't you try and get some rest?" her dad suggested from his position on the sofa beside her bed, where her mother was curled up next to him.

Alison looked at her father incredulously. He had to be joking, right? How was she supposed to rest when she didn't know where her daughter was? If she was even alive? As exhausted as she felt - and she felt _beyond_ exhausted - there was no way she would be able to sleep until her daughter was back in her arms. She was way too buzzed still from actually giving birth too.

"I can't... I need to see her" Alison admitted, and if on cue the door to her room opened and Laura walked in wheeling a plastic bassinet, Dr Mitchell following her. All three pairs of eyes turned to the new arrivals expectantly.

"Is she ok?" Alison demanded as she looked at her peacefully snoozing daughter. She was so tiny and cute and a wave of love washed over Alison, she couldn't take her eyes off her.

"Her chest x-rays are clear and her blood-oxygen levels are good. She doesn't appear to have inhaled any of the meconium but we'll continue to monitor her for the next 24 hours to be sure" Dr Mitchell informed the family with a smile. "She's maintaining her body temperature well and she's been very vocal and alert during all her tests, she only fell asleep about 20 minutes ago".

"So she's really ok?" Alison asked anxiously as she quickly cast a look at the doctor.

"Perfectly healthy as far as I can tell. When she wakes up we'll try and get you to breastfeed her, but until then, enjoy your time with her and try and get some rest" Dr Mitchell informed the family.

"Thank you, doctor" Elizabeth replied gratefully as she watched her husband and daughter stare adoringly at her granddaughter from her place beside the bassinet.

Dr Mitchell quietly left the room leaving the high-powered family to enjoy some bonding time with the newest member of the family.

"Can I hold her?" Alison asked softly. Her body ached to embrace the creature it had been growing over the past 9 months.

"Sure" Laura replied brightly. "But I just need to check your blood pressure and temperature first".

"Noodle, can I...?" Elizabeth asked as she gestured towards the newborn. She had been itching to hold her granddaughter from the moment she'd been born.

"Sure" Alison replied encouragingly. If she couldn't hold her daughter, then her parents were the next best thing.

Elizabeth reached down and carefully picked up her granddaughter for the first time, a wave of love just as fierce as she had for her own children washed over her and her heart almost broke with the amount of love she felt for her granddaughter. She felt Henry place his arm her shoulder as he stood next to her and gently stroked their granddaughter's check.

"Hey baby girl. I'm your nana" Elizabeth whispered lovingly as she felt tears slide down her cheeks, quickly wiping them away with her free hand. "Gosh, aren't you just the most gorgeous little thing! I could just eat you right up!" she exclaimed as she watched her granddaughter snooze. "Henry, look?"

"I see" Henry whispered in his own choked voice. He sent a silent prayer to St Christopher to thank him for the safe arrival of his granddaughter into the world and for giving him such a beautiful child to look after.

"Here" Elizabeth said after several minutes as she turned in her husband's embrace and held out their granddaughter to him, she could practically feel his desire to hold the newest member of their family, and as much as she wanted to hold her granddaughter, she couldn't deny Henry any longer.

Henry cast his wife a grateful smile as he took his granddaughter in his arms for the first time. He felt such love and protectiveness for her that he knew he would die for her in an instant. The hold she had over his heart intensified more than he could ever imagine and he felt his own tears wet his eyes.

"Hey beautiful" he cooed "I'm your grandpa and it's so nice to finally meet you"

Alison watched her parents hold her daughter for the first time and a wave of love and gratitude washed over her as she saw the adoration in their eyes. She reached over and grabbed her phone off the nightstand and took a picture of the tender moment of her daughter meeting her grandparents for the first time, so wrapped up in their new granddaughter that her parents didn't even notice.

She let her parents hold her daughter whilst Laura took her blood pressure and temperature, her own desperate need to hold her child growing as she watched her parents fuss over Pancake. She wanted her daughter back! Once the cuff and thermometer had been removed she could no longer hold herself back.

"Dad..." she asked longingly.

Henry smiled lovingly at his daughter before stroking his granddaughter's cheek one final time.

"You did good, Ali" he whispered as he placed a gentle kiss on his daughter's forehead as he deposited his granddaughter safely in her mother's arms.

Alison smiled proudly at her father. "Thanks" she replied distractedly as she looked down at her daughter, finally feeling like the part of her that was missing had been returned.

"Does she have a name?" Laura asked kindly.

Alison shook her head. "No, not yet. I thought I would know her name when she arrived but none of the names I've been thinking of seem to suit her" she replied regretfully.

"What names have you been thinking of?" Elizabeth asked curiously as she took in the heart warming scene of her daughter holding her baby. Alison had been reluctant to discuss names whilst she'd been pregnant despite the _many_ suggestions the family had put forward and it had worried her that Alison's lack of interest in naming her child was a sign that Alison wouldn't bond with her daughter, but that didn't seem to be an issue at the moment.

"I liked Emily, Jessica, or Phoebe, but none of them seem right" Alison replied woefully. "She's so tiny, are you sure she's ok?" she asked Laura worriedly.

"Yes, she's a perfectly healthy 7lbs 6 oz, her head circumference is 13 inches and she's 20 inches long..."

Elizabeth gasped "They were your exact measurements, Noodle!"

"Really? What are the chances..." Alison replied distractedly as she watched her daughter completely awestruck by the tiny person she had created - evidently an almost exact replica of herself. Elation and disbelief washed over her that she had created something so perfect.

At the sound of her mother's voice the tiny baby opened her eyes and peered up at her mother curiously, sighing as she realised she was back where she belonged. Seconds later her face scrunched up and she emitted a cry.

"What's the matter, baby?" Alison asked in a distressed tone. Her daughter's cries felt like a knife to her heart and she was desperate to make them stop.

"Sounds like she might be hungry" Laura suggested. "Do you want to try and feed her? The skin to skin contact will be good for her and help her with her body temperature"

Alison looked up nervously at the nurse. She had been unsure about breastfeeding right from the start. After what _he_ had done to her breasts in New York she really didn't want anyone to touch them, not even her daughter.

Elizabeth could see the fear and apprehension pass over her daughter's face. She knew what had happened in New York and she could understand her daughter's reluctance.

"It won't be like New York, Noodle. Breastfeeding, it's a completely different sensation" she assured.

Alison knew what the benefits of breastfeeding were for her daughter and she wanted to do everything and anything she could for her. She started to feel guilty for not even wanting to try and the ache in her heart only worsened as her daughter continued to cry.

"If I don't like it, can I stop?" Alison asked timidly.

"Of course" Laura assured. "If you don't feel comfortable at any time or if she struggles we can give her some formula".

"Ok, I'll try" Alison agreed hesitantly.

Laura started to help Alison prepare for breastfeeding and Alison was suddenly grateful that her mum had forced her to bring a button down pyjama top. She'd argued with her mum over it, not finding button down tops particularly comfortable, but now she understood the logic behind her mum's insistence.

"Um...it's getting late. Maybe I should just..." Henry gestured to the door as he watched his daughter start to undress.

Startled, Alison looked up to at her father. She had been so caught up with her daughter that she'd forgotten her parents were there. Her cheeks heated in embarrassment and she looked down in shame as she realised she had been about to undress in front of her father.

"Hey, it's ok. No big deal" Henry assured as he saw the shame pass over his daughter's features. "I'll come back tomorrow with Jason and Stevie, they can't wait to meet her"

"Thanks" Alison replied grateful as her father placed a kiss on her forehead. "But mum's staying right?" she asked anxiously.

Although it was not protocol to allow grandparents to stay overnight, it had already been agreed in advance that Elizabeth could stay with her daughter if Alison requested it. Sometimes being Secretary of State really came in useful.

"Of course" Elizabeth reassured her daughter. "The couch has my name written all over it"

"I'm sure we can find you a bed..." Laura offered, to which Elizabeth simply waived the offer away.

"The couch is fine. Do you know how often I grab a nap on the couch in my office? I'm used to it" Elizabeth joked.

"Well, I'll be off then" Henry stated as he picked up his jacket.

"Ok" Alison replied distractedly as she turned her attention back to her daughter whose cries seemed to be increasing in intensity with each passing second.

"Bye Noodle" he stated softly as he stroked his granddaughter's cheek tenderly and took one long last look at the tiny infant "Be good for your mummy, Pancake" he added.

"I'll just..." Elizabeth stated as she followed Henry out of the room, suddenly desperate to have a few moments alone with her husband.

As soon as the couple were out of the room they embraced passionately as their lips met in tender, loving, kisses.

"I'm so proud of you" Henry whispered against his wife's lips. "Thank you for being there for Alison through all of this, for helping her to get our granddaughter here safely. "

Elizabeth reached up to kiss her husband deeply as a wave of love washed over her, not caring about her DS Agents in the hallway or the public nature of their location.

"Can you believe she's a mum? We're grandparents!" she whispered tearfully as their lips broke apart and she looked up into the kind, loving eyes of her husband.

"Mind-blowing, isn't it?" Henry agreed.

Elizabeth rested her head against her husband's chest and tightened her hold on him. She felt herself relax for the first time in 18 hours as she felt her husband's arms tighten around her.

"I was so scared watching the doctor's work on her. I was terrified" Elizabeth admitted softly having informed Henry of what had happened in the delivery room as Alison had been cleaned up and taken a shower.

"I know. When I heard the page go out and realised it was for Alison's room and then I saw the doctors rush in with the NICU bed and crash cart I felt sick. I've never known fear like that before. Not when I was in Pakistan, not when the dirty bomb went off, not even when I was in Iraq. It was terrifying not knowing what was going on. Then when they wheeled her out and all I saw was a glimpse of her dark hair... I felt so helpless" Henry admitted.

"But she's ok now" Elizabeth whispered.

"Yeah, she's perfect" Henry agreed as he rested his chin on top of his wife's head.

"And Ali's doing well too, right?" Elizabeth asked her husband in an unsure tone as she peered up into his eyes once again.

"Alison is doing great" Henry reassured "She's a natural just like her mother".

Elizabeth smiled softly up at her husband. "I love you" she stated seriously.

"I love you too" Henry replied just as seriously. Noticing the time Henry sighed deeply. "I guess I better go".

Sadness washed over Elizabeth "Yeah, I guess you better had. See you in the morning?"

"I'll pop in as soon as I've dropped Jason at school" he assured as he reluctantly broke their embrace.

Elizabeth watched her husband as he walked to the end of the corridor, her own heart aching a little that her soul mate was leaving her at such a special time. Just as he headed through the security door he turned and gave her a heart rending smile and she could see just how elated he was to be a grandfather. An idea popped into her head and she retrieved her phone from the pocket of her jeans, before unlocking it and selecting one of the few pictures she had managed to take of her granddaughter in the delivery room as Alison held her for the first time. She emailed it to her husband knowing that he would be delighted by the small gesture having only met his granddaughter for a few minutes this evening. She knew they would both have to be careful otherwise they would both be spoiling their granddaughter rotten.

She turned and headed back into her daughter's room, the sight that greeted her as she opened the door melted her heart. Alison and her daughter were staring intently at each other as Alison breastfed her, a soft pink blanket having been placed over mother and daughter to keep them warm. The look of love on Alison's face was almost tangible.

"Hey Noodle" she greeted softly so as to not disturb the moment. "How's she doing?"

"Good, I think. She latched on straight away and she'd been feeding for about 5 minutes. Laura says she latched on well and I can feel her pulling which Laura says is normal. It's weird, but good weird...not like New York" she replied absentmindedly.

"That's great, Noodle" Elizabeth encouraged as she took in the bonding scene. Love washed over her as she watched Alison feed her daughter, nostalgia flooding through her as memories of breastfeeding her own children for the first time ran through her mind.

Alison could not stop staring at her daughter as she fed her, she was simply besotted with her. She might be biased, but she was sure her daughter was the most beautiful child in the world and she didn't think she'd ever get bored with staring into her eyes - her daughter's soul. Never in a million years did she think that she would have a child at 19, and despite how her daughter had been created, she would not change her for the world now that she was here. Feeling her daughter skin to skin was the most incredible sensation and she could feel the bond that had formed the first time she had held her deepen. She watched as her daughter's eyes began to droop and her petite body relaxed against her skin as she fed, all too soon her daughter released her nipple and moved her head away, sighing in contentment as she did so.

"You're going to need to wind her now" Laura informed her patient softly. "Do you know how to do that?"

Alison had babysat for their neighbours numerous times when she lived in Charlottesville and knew how to wind a baby. She positioned her daughter over her shoulder and alternated between gently rubbing and tapping her back.

"That's great, Alison" Laura encouraged.

Moments later her daughter emitted a tiny burp and she felt her become even more limp against her shoulder.

"I think that should just about do it" Laura informed her.

Carefully Alison manoeuvred her daughter so she was once again laying skin to skin on her chest. She didn't know how much time passed as she watched her daughter sleep - she just couldn't stop looking at her - and she felt a wave of contentment wash over her. Her daughter was just so beautiful and innocent and _perfect_ , she didn't know it was possible to love anything so much. Watching her daughter sleep made her realise just how exhausted she was and she yawned tiredly.

"You should get some rest, Noodle" Elizabeth coaxed her daughter seeing the bags under her eyes and her eyes beginning to droop.

"Maybe that would be a good idea" Alison murmured, suddenly unable to keep her eyes open.

"I'll leave you to it" Laura stated as she moved towards the door and exited the room seeing how the Secretary of State was more than capable of looking after her daughter and granddaughter.

Carefully Elizabeth picked up her snoozing granddaughter and swaddled her once again. As she picked her up she looked at Alison who was already fast asleep and she pressed a gentle kiss to her daughter's head as she arranged her top and a blanket over her.

"Sweet dreams, Noodle" she whispered.

As she looked down she noticed her granddaughter's bright blue eyes had opened and she stroked her cheek tenderly. "You too, Pancake" she added and a wave of love washed over her as her granddaughter once again closed her eyes and went to sleep. Despite everything that had happened over the last 9 months there was one thing Elizabeth McCord was sure of:

Right now everything was just perfect.

* * *

 _I'm not sure if the tea and toast thing is a British thing, or just something that my local hospital does, but all of my friends that have given birth say that they're given a cup of tea and a plate of toast and it's the best tea and toast they've tasted. I thought it was a nice sentiment so I put it in the story. Similarly, parents/grandparents aren't allowed to stay overnight in the UK, but I'm assuming with the Secretary of State they would make allowances._

 _I'm also not a doctor so the information about Pancake's medical condition if from research off the internet. Also, I've never had kids but I'm assuming you would still burp them after their first feed._

 _Hioe you enjoyed and feedback is welcome._


	35. Chapter 35

_Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favourites,for the last chapter and I've just realised this story has over 200 reviews which is amazing! Thank you to all of you who continue to read (and hopefully enjoy!) this story._

 _I think this is another chapter you have all been waiting for and I hope you enjoy..._

* * *

Alison awoke with a start. Immediately sensing something was wrong her eyes flew to the bassinet beside her, her heart stopping when she realised the tiny bundle that was her daughter was not there.

"Pancake!" she gasped as she sat up in bed.

"Shhhh. You'll wake your mother" Henry whispered to his daughter.

"Dad?" Alison queried blearily as she blinked into the dimly lit room.

"Yeah it's me" he replied softly as he stared adoringly at his granddaughter. He was so in love with her it was untrue.

Alison's heart rate slowly started to return to normal as she saw that her dad was holding her daughter and she observed the scene with a gentle smile. Her dad looked so enamoured with his granddaughter and the silly faces he was making at her were heart-warming.

"How did last night go?" he asked inquisitively as he cast a look at his daughter.

Alison sighed wearily. "The first 4 hours she slept solidly, since then she's been awake every 1-2 hours for a feed and what with the nurses coming in to check on her and me, and mum's snoring, I've barely slept".

Henry smiled sympathetically at his daughter. He remembered what the first few weeks had been like for Elizabeth and he when they'd first had their kids. Newborn baby exhaustion was unique and he still didn't know how they'd made it through that period, especially when his youngest daughter and son came along. He knew the next few months would be a struggle for Alison and he was glad that it was almost the end of the school year so he'd be around over the summer to help Alison out - his job with the CIA would hopefully not take up too much of his time.

"Hang in there, Noodle. You can get some decent rest when you get home" Henry encouraged.

Alison scoffed. "How? I'm the one who has to feed her."

"We'll work something out, don't worry" Henry assured.

As if knowing her mother and grandpa were talking about food the tiny infant started fidgeting in her grandfather's arms.

"Looks like someone is hungry" Henry commented as he felt is granddaughter wiggle in his arms and stared into her big blue eyes.

Alison sighed. "I guess it's feeding time again" she stated in a resigned tone as she held out her arms to her father who gently placed the tiny infant in them.

"I've got to go, Noodle, but I'll be back this afternoon with Stevie and Jason. They can't wait to meet her"

"Ok" Alison replied. "See you later"

"Bye Ali, Pancake" Henry replied as he kissed his daughter's forehead and stroked his granddaughter's check lovingly.

"Oh, and Ali..." Henry called softly as he reached the door.

"Yeah?"

"Don't mention your mother's snoring, she'll deny it until she's blue in the face" he stated in a conspiratorial tone. He'd had many an argument with Elizabeth about her snoring and had even recorded it once, but she still refused to believe she snored.

"But...!" Alison exclaimed in disbelief. Her mother's snoring was so loud!

"I know...just trust me. Oh! And you'll find your favourite muffin and your mum's favourite cinnamon bun in the box on your bedside cabinet in case you need a sugar rush" Henry added as he winked at his daughter and exited the room.

Alison smiled at her dad's generosity and couldn't wait to eat her muffin, just as soon as she had fed her daughter. She looked down at her squirming daughter and despite the exhaustion and the pain in her nether regions, she couldn't help but love her. She undid her top and gently moved her daughter, whose mouth was already opening in search of her nipple, into position. Almost immediately she latched on and Alison felt the now familiar pull as her daughter fed.

Despite everything, she was totally worth it.

* * *

"How about Mona?"

"No"

"Cassidy?"

"No"

"Allegra"

"No, no , no, no, no!" Alison replied in frustration.

Her daughter was now 22 hours old and she still didn't have a name! All day her mum and she had been bouncing names around as she'd learnt to look after her daughter, and now her dad, brother and sister, had also joined in. However, none of the names they had suggested seemed right.

Stevie looked down at her tiny niece who she held snugly in her arms. Meeting her for the first time had been one of the most wonderful experiences of her life and she had fallen instantly in love with her. The connection she felt with her was like the connection she experienced when she'd held Alison and Jason for the first time, except she'd been too young then to know what that connection was. As far as she was concerned her niece was just the most perfect little thing and she deserved a name that reflected just how amazing she was.

"McKenzie?" she suggested.

"I'm not naming my daughter McKenzie McCord! It'll sound like she has two surnames!" Alison exclaimed.

"Ok! How about Charlotte?"

Alison paused. "I do like it, but I don't like Charlie as a nickname and it still doesn't seem quite _right_ "

Jason peered over his sister's shoulder at his niece. He wasn't really a baby person but his niece was different, he was completely smitten with her. He'd fallen instantly in love with her as he'd peered into her eyes for the first time and she'd grabbed his little finger so tightly that he'd instantly felt a bond form with her. He knew in that moment that he would die to protect her and _no one_ was going to hurt his niece whilst he was around.

"Lucy?" he suggested.

"No" Alison replied. She liked the name but it didn't go with the middle name she had chosen - and she was non-negotiable on the middle name, not that her family knew what that was yet.

"Isobel?"

"I'm not naming her after mum's friend!"

"How about Susan or Susannah or Suzie after Grandma Adams?" Jason suggested.

Alison paused to consider the names, slightly shocked at the sentiment behind her brother's suggestion. Suzie was cute and she liked Susannah, but then she looked over at her mum and saw the pain in her eyes, although she was trying to cover it well. Her mum rarely talked about her own mother and now that she was a mother she could understand that pain. If anything happened to her daughter... No, she couldn't name her daughter after her grandmother as it would hurt her mum too much to hear the name being called all the time.

"Hmmm, it's a bit old fashioned" she lamented and saw the flash of relief on her mother's face.

For the next hour the McCords debated various names to no avail and tensions in the small room rose as the minutes ticked by.

"Alison, you have to chose something before we leave the hospital and that could be in as little as an hour if her tests are all clear!" Elizabeth exclaimed in frustration.

"You can always change it afterwards. You have up to 90 days in DC to change the official record" Henry added.

"But it has to be right!" Alison exclaimed tearfully. Why didn't her family understand just how important this was to her?

"Knock, knock!" came a voice from the doorway.

"Alexis!" she exclaimed as she wiped the tears from her eyes, the new arrival somehow breaking the tenaion in the room.

"Are you ok?" Alexis asked in concern as she noted her patient wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine" Alison assured as she waved her hand in dismissal of her therapists concern. "Just hormones, exhaustion, and frustration as I can't figure out what to name her"

"Oh right!" Alexis exclaimed in relief. Alison had text her earlier today to say she would not be in group therapy tonight as she'd had her baby. "I was called to the hospital so I thought I'd pop in. How is everyone doing?" she asked kindly.

"We're all good, apart from the name thing" Alison replied happily. "Do you want to meet her?" she asked her therapist excitedly.

"Definitely!" Alexis replied excitedly.

Stevie moved over to Alison's therapist and gently deposited the baby in her arms.

"She's just gorgeous, Alison, those 4D scans didn't do her adorableness justice" Alexis stated kindly. "She looks so much like you it's uncanny" she stated as she placed the baby back in her mother's arms after a few moments.

Alison didn't have time to respond to the compliment before the door to her room opened and Dr Clarke, Dr Mitchell, and Laura entered the room.

"How is everyone?" Dr Clarke asked genially. "Alexis, nice to see you too".

"We're all good, doctor, but I'm wondering when I can go home?" Alison asked, a hint of desperation in her tone as she shifted her daughter in her arms so that Laura could take her blood pressure. She couldn't fault the care the hospital was giving her, it's just that she wanted to go home and be with her family.

"Well, I have some good news and some bad news" Dr Mitchell began. "The good news is that her blood oxygen levels remain good so I have no doubt that the merconium didn't enter her lungs, in that respect I'm happy for her to be released. However, she's started to develop jaundice and I'd like to monitor that before discharging her. If her jaundice has stabilised over night I'm happy to release her tomorrow morning".

"But I have an exam tomorrow morning!" Alison exclaimed. Part of the reason she wanted to go home was so that she could do some last minute revision - how she was going to study she wasn't quite sure, but she at least wanted the opportunity.

"What time is your exam?" Dr Mitchell asked with concern.

"9.30am"

"I'll put you first on my list for rounds tomorrow. If she checks out ok at 6am we should be able to discharge you by 8.30am for you to make your exam"

"But if she's not ok, we can still temporarily release you, Alison, so you can take the exam" Dr Clarke assured noticing the distressed look on her patient's face. "Talking about discharge, have you thought of a name yet?"

Alison looked down at her daughter who was now awake and looking at her with an almost begging expression on her face, like she too was now demanding to be named. She looked up at the occupants of the room desperately and suddenly vowels and consonants arranged themselves in her head.

"Lola" she said cautiously, to which her daughter emitted a tiny cry - the only time she had reacted to any of the names that had been suggested.

"As in the showgirl?" Henry quipped, earning him an elbow in the ribs from his wife.

"As in Charlie and Lola?" Jason queried in confusion.

"No" Alison replied in exasperation as she rolled her eyes "As in the people who helped deliver her. Dr Clarke, your first name is Lydia, right?"

"Yes" Dr Clarke replied in confusion.

"And yours is Olivia, right Dr Mitchell?"

"Yes, that's correct".

"So the 'L' is in respect of Dr Clarke who looked after her when I was pregnant and delivered her safely. 'O' is for Dr Mitchell who quite literally brought her to life when she was born and has looked after her for the past 23 hours. 'L' is for Laura who was with me throughout my labour and was the first to alert Dr Clarke that there was a problem when she was being born. And 'A' is for Alexis, because without her help I'm not sure I would even be able to look at her, let alone love her like I do. So, Lola" Alison explained to the stunned occupants of the room, as her daughter let out another small sound.

"Do you like that name, Lola?" Alison cooed to her daughter, to which her daughter flailed her tiny arm and emitted another small cry. "I think you do!" she exclaimed with a smile.

The more she looked at her daughter the more she seemed to _be_ a Lola. The name went with the middle name she had chosen too and a wave of relief washed over her as realised she had finally named her daughter.

"Alison, that's..." Alexis began as she was overcome with emotion at the gesture.

"You can't..." Laura and Dr Mitchell exclaimed in disbelief.

"It's the right name for her and I think it suits her perfectly. My little Lola" she said with a smile and she could have sworn her daughter also smiled up at her in that instant.

Dr Clarke cleared her throat and wiped the tears that had appeared in her eyes. To think that she had contributed to her patient's name was such an honour and she was touched beyond belief.

"So, I'm putting Lola McCord on her birth certificate and the official record?" Dr Clarke queried as professionally as she could given the circumstances.

"No, her full name is Lola Elizabeth McCord" Alison stated.

"Alison!" her mother gasped from the corner. "You can't name her after me!"

Alison looked up her mother defiantly. "Mum, after everything you've done for me over the past 8 months... I can't thank you enough. I _want_ to name her after you. If she grows up to be half as amazing as you are then she'll have been blessed" she replied adamantly.

"Alison..." Elizabeth tried to protest, but for once she was lost for words. She felt Henry pull her into his side and whisper in her ear "I couldn't agree with Alison more, it's an honour for her to be named after you, babe". Elizabeth felt the tears rim her eyes and she moved over to her daughter and sat beside her on the bed.

"Hi Lola Elizabeth" Elizabeth cooed at her granddaughter, her heart melting as Lola grabbed her finger. "You've got a pretty big name to live up to but I'm sure you're up to the job if you're as strong and fearless as your mother".

Lola simply tightened her hold on her finger and let out a small cry, as if acknowledging what her grandmother was saying.

Alison looked up at Dr Clarke with a joyous smile on her face and tears in her eyes at her mother's words. It was finally official.

"Her name is Lola Elizabeth McCord".

* * *

 _Ok, so a few author's notes:_

 _1) I know the first scene doesn't really flow with the rest of the chapter but the scene kept popping up in my head so I decided to put it in as I thought it would be nice to have a Henry and Alison moment._

 _2) I hope the information about the birth certificate and birth record are correct as it turns out registering a birth in the USA is completely different to registering a birth in the UK (I had naively thought the process would be the same lol). Thanks to lil'mousie323, dumo123, and carolinemstella1, for their comments way back in Chapter 23 regarding birth certificates. (This goes for the next chapter too)_

 _3) I really struggled to come up with a name for Lola as I have an image of the child in my head but couldn't find a name that fit. I'm still not entirely sure the name fits the child in my head, but it's the closest I've come and once I figured out I could use the doctors and nurses names to form Lola's name, that became her name as I liked the sentiment behind it. I hope you like it too!_

 _On a completely separate note, I'm thinking of doing a Halloween chapter as I know Halloween is a big deal in the US. Would Alison take Lola trick or treating or is she too young? Any traditions apart from trick or treat that are normally undertaken? What is the likelihood of DS allowing trick or treaters to the McCords front door? Any help would be greatly appreciated as my family don't celebrate Halloween at all._

 _Reviews welcome._


	36. Chapter 36

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. This is the last of the "birth series" chapters, I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Alison McCord swallowed thickly as she looked at the forms that had been placed in front of her by Dr Clarke.

"...and this one is for Lola's Social Security Number..." the doctor continued as Alison became more and more overwhelmed with the weight of taking on the legal responsibility for her daughter. The most official form she'd signed until today had been her driving licence! Now she was completing insurance papers, birth records, hospital forms, Social Security paperwork...the list seemed endless and her mind swam.

Lola's jaundice had stabilised overnight and both Dr Clarke and Dr Mitchell were happy to release her daughter and she, with the instruction that Lola be placed in sunlight to help her body process the toxins that were causing the jaundice. The news had come at 7am and it was now 8.25am and she was getting ready to leave the hospital to hopefully make her exam, although exactly how well she would do she had now idea. Her dad had brought the car seat in yesterday and Lola was strapped in and covered by a blanket as she slept soundly. She'd been lucky enough to take another shower whilst her parents watched Lola and the hospital prepared the relevant papers earlier this morning, now all she had to do was sign them and she'd be free. She gratefully accepted the pen that Dr Clarke handed her and dutifully signed in all the places the doctor indicated.

"Well, that's it. Congratulations Alison, you're all discharged!" Dr Clarke announced. "I'll see you in a week for your check up"

"Thanks" Alison replied, relief evident in her tone. She took one last look around her room and a wave of sadness washed over her. So much had happened in the room over the past 36 hours. She'd learnt how to breastfeed her daughter and change her nappy. She'd learnt how to bathe her and dress her. And it was in this room that her daughter had been named. Part of her felt bittersweet and sad to be leaving, the other part of her just wanted to get home and settled with Lola. Gingerly she moved from her bed, wincing as she felt the bruises tug in her nether regions - how she was going to sit for the next 3 hours to do an exam she had no idea.

"Ready?" she asked her mum.

"Yep" Elizabeth replied enthusiastically as she picked up the baby carrier, suddenly remembering just how heavy and bulky they were. Henry was riddled with guilt that he couldn't be here to take his granddaughter home but unfortunately he was busy with exams himself today too - setting them rather than taking them though. Elizabeth was still officially 'working from home to be with her daughter in the late stages of pregnancy' and was on babysitting duty whilst Alison took her exam. She could not wait to spend some quality time with her granddaughter, even if Lola had kept her awake for best part of the past 48 hours.

"Ma'am, we've had some reports of paparazzi in the hospital so we're sending a decoy motorcade to the front of the hospital whilst we exit underground" Matt informed his charges seriously.

Elizabeth nodded in confirmation and together the McCord women with the DS agents moved towards the door of the room, a nurse suddenly appearing with a wheelchair.

"Oh, we're just leaving" Alison explained to the nurse.

"Sorry, it's protocol" the nurse stated apologetically. "We have to wheel all the discharges out"

"No way!" Alison exclaimed in an annoyed tone "I'm fine to walk".

"Sorry, Alison. The nurse is right, it's hospital policy I'm afraid" Dr Clarke agreed in an apologetic tone.

"Fine!" Alison huffed as she reluctantly sat in the chair. It was now 8.35am and she needed to be at her college in the next 35 minutes for exam registration.

The small group made their way through the hospital and Alison felt her cheeks heat in embarrassment as their group attracted attention from the people they passed. Luckily the hospital administrator greeted them at the elevator and gave them priority access to the basement car park so at least they didn't have to stop on every floor of the hospital to be gawked at as the elevator doors opened. As they exited the main hospital into the basement car park she felt cool, fresh air hit her face, and despite the whiff of petrol that she could detect, the breeze felt lovely and refreshing on her face having spent nearly 2 days in an air-conditioned room with recycled air.

She was the first to get into the SUV and then one of the DS agents kindly lifted in the car seat before her mum got into the vehicle. Together the two elder McCords made sure the car seat was safely strapped in before they themselves secured their seat belts and departed the hospital. Despite the bumps Lola continued to sleep soundly and Alison couldn't take her eyes off her peacefully sleeping daughter. Already she looked different from when she was first born, her head had rounded out and wasn't cone shaped anymore. Alison was oblivious as the motorcade started moving and was startled when she heard her mum's voice.

"We're here, Noodle"

Alison looked up in surprise to see they had reached her community college. Nervousness and anxiety washed over her and she felt tears spring to her eyes.

"What's the matter, Ali?" her mum asked with concern.

"How am I supposed to leave her?" Alison sobbed as she looked down at her perfect daughter. The 2 hours Lola had been gone for tests when she was first born had felt like an eternity, now she was leaving her for 3 hours! Voluntarily too!

Elizabeth smiled sympathetically at her daughter recalling all too well the anxiety of leaving her children for the first time.

"It's going to be ok, Noodle" Elizabeth reassured.

"But what if she needs me?" Alison sobbed as she looked tearfully up at her mother.

"She's going to be fine. I've got the colostrum you expressed earlier in case she gets hungry and we're just going to go home and hang out before coming to pick you up in a few short hours" Elizabeth comforted.

"But what if something happens?" Alison asked in a distressed tone.

"Nothing is going to happen" Elizabeth replied in a confident tone. "I have done this before and Lola is surrounded by the finest DS agents this country has to offered" she added in a joking tone, to which Alison shot her a devastated look.

Elizabeth sighed heavily. "I know it's tough, Noodle, but everything really is going to be ok. You've worked so hard over the past few months now go and make yourself, and your daughter, proud. I've got this" she encouraged in a serious tone.

Alison looked down at her daughter. She wanted Lola to be proud of her and she wanted to show her that anything was possible if you put your mind to it. Her exam today was the start of that.

"Ok" she croaked as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "It's just a few hours, right?"

"Right, just a few hours and you can see her again. Good luck, Noodle" Elizabeth wished her daughter as she tenderly tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "You're going to do great".

Alison shot her mother a watery smile before nodding to the DS agent who immediately opened the door for her.

"Bye Lola, love you" she called to her daughter as she exited the vehicle.

Elizabeth watched with pride as her daughter entered the college building. Sitting an exam less than 48 hours after giving birth was admirable and she was so proud of Alison for what she was trying to achieve, she just hoped the exam went well and Alison got the grade she deserved.

"Your mother is amazing, do you know that Lola?" she cooed to her granddaughter, before a vibration in her pocket garnered her attention. She read the text and let out a heavy sigh at what she read.

"Matt, there's been a change of plans..."

* * *

Elizabeth McCord confidently strode along the corridors of the White House as she headed towards the situation room.

"What's going on?" she demanded as she entered the room, noting the military commanders and Chiefs of Staffs that currently occupied the room.

"About two hours ago we were given intel indicating the terrorists who were responsible for the bombing in Cancun back in January are holed up in a abandoned town in Algeria. Now we've...what's that?" Russell Jackson demanded mid-flow as he suddenly noticed the item in the Secretary of State's hand.

Elizabeth looked down at the baby carrier before looking back up at Russell and stating the obvious.

"It's my granddaughter" she replied as she heaved the baby carrier onto the long table.

"She can't be in here" he stated in an obvious tone.

Elizabeth looked at the President's Chief of Staff incredulously "Excuse me?"

"You need to get her out of here, she's a distraction"

"She's sleeping, how exactly is she distracting anyone?"

"And this is a matter of national security..."

"You've got to be kidding me! She's not even 48 hours old, Russell! I doubt she's going to be selling our secrets to the Russians!"

"It's not protocol..."

"Alright..." President Dalton placated as he held up his hand to silence his Chief of Staff and Secretary of State. Whilst Russell was technically correct that the newborn did not have security clearance and could potentially cause a distraction, he had worked with Bess long enough to know that she could multi-task. Hell, his office in the CIA had practically become a second bedroom for Stevie and Alison when they were youngsters and Bess had been called into work whilst Henry was on missions for the NSA. If anyone could handle a security emergency and a newborn, it was Elizabeth McCord.

"She can stay. If she starts to cause a distraction we'll deal with it then" he stated with authority.

A wave of relief washed over Elizabeth. With Henry invigilating exams, all of her three kids currently sitting exams, and Will and Sophie visiting family in England, she had no idea who would have been able to look after Lola if the president hadn't agreed to her being in the Sit Room.

"Fine, fine..." Russell agreed with a shake of his head. "Anyway, as I was saying, we've located the terrorists however, it looks like they are preparing to move again. Our timeframe is small if we want to eliminate them and so far the Algerian government have not been receptive to us conducting a drone strike..."

"So you need me to speak with Algeria to get their permission?" Elizabeth interrupted.

"You are the one who managed to get the General to turn on his best friend and become the interim President... " Russell inferred.

Elizabeth sighed. The downside of being so good at her job was that people expected her to conduct miracles, even when she'd barely had any sleep and was babysitting her new granddaughter.

"Mr President, can I use your office?" she asked in a resigned tone. The sooner she performed this particular miracle the sooner she could go home with her family - and maybe catch up on some sleep.

* * *

Alison sat at her desk consumed with amazement and disbelief.

She'd had a baby.

She'd just finished her first exam.

She'd had a _baby_ and she'd sat an _exam_.

The past 48 hours had gone by in a whirlwind and it was a completely surreal experience. 72 hours ago she'd been pregnant and revising for exams. Now she was a mother and she'd finished her first exam, although how well she'd done she had no idea as she'd barely slept over the past 48 hours and she was still exhausted from giving birth. However, she was pleased that she had managed to answer all the questions and finished with 2 minutes to spare, despite having to use the bathroom mid-way through her exam to change her maternity pad.

Relief and happiness washed over her as the invigilator called the end of the exam and collected the paper. As she walked through the hallways with her classmates discussing the exam she noticed they were looking at her strangely, it was only then that she realised they didn't know she'd given birth. The last time they'd seen her she'd been very heavily pregnant, now she still looked pregnant but more like she was 6 months pregnant and they were probably trying to figure out if she was still pregnant or not. No one outside her close family knew about Lola and she wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible, so she was very glad when she saw her mum's motorcade parked outside.

"I'll see you guys in tomorrow!" she called as she headed towards the vehicles. Normally she would've been embarrassed by her mum's motorcade but today she didn't care. She could not wait to see Lola - and not because her breasts were starting to tingle which she'd noticed meant Lola needed feeding - she'd _missed_ her so much! Her heart and body ached to hold her again and she could not wait to get home to spend the rest of the day with her daughter. One of the DS agents opened the door for her and she got into the vehicle, her blood running cold when she realised she was the only passenger.

"Where's Lola?" she yelled desperately.

"Alison, there's been a change of plan..." the DS agent informed her calmly as the SUV pulled away from the curb.

* * *

Elizabeth gently jiggled the baby in her arms as she cast a nervous look at the clock in the Oval Office.

Alison should be here any minute.

It was almost 2 hours since Lola's last feed and she was starting to get fidgety indicating she was hungry. The only problem was, she didn't have any colostrum left to give her as she'd unexpectedly finished it all in her last feed.

In fact the lack of food was not her only problem, the other one being she was still in a phone conference with the President of Algeria, the same call she'd been on for nearly 3 hours as she tried to convince him to give the USA permission to launch a drone strike in his country. Granted it was highly unusual for the Secretary of State to be negotiating whilst babysitting, but she literally didn't have a choice. In the words of Russell Jackson 'Sometimes you have to walk and chew gum' and that's exactly what she was doing.

"Mr President, you've seen the evidence we have. The footage is right there showing the terrorists we believe are responsible for the attack in Cancun in January. If we miss this opportunity we might not get another one and who knows what they'll plot in the meantime" she repeated for the umpteeth time.

The President considered the footage one last time. "Ok, but it will be Algeria that claims victory for the kill"

"With the assistance of the USA" she amended.

The Algerian considered the Secretary of State's offer. "That is acceptable. I will prepare to send my soldiers to the site to confirm the success of the hit and to record footage for the media".

"Fine" she agreed in an annoyed tone. At this point she could not care less who claimed responsibility for the drone strike as long as the terrorists were eliminated. This was not how she envisaged spending her first day out of the hospital with Lola and she was frustrated that such a simple request was taking so long.

"Good day Madam Secretary"

"Good day to you too Mr President" and with that she terminated the call. No sooner had she replaced the receiver did the sound of her daughter's voice cause her head to whip around.

"Mum! What are you doing here?" Alison seethed. She was beyond angry with her mum. Lola should not be at the _White House_ on her first day out of the hospital!

"I'm so sorry, Noodle, and I'll explain it all later, but I have to go now" Elizabeth replied as she moved over to her daughter and placed the tiny bundle in her arms.

"Mum!" Alison exclaimed angrily once again as Lola emitted a tiny cry. "Shh, it's ok, mummy's here now" she soothed as she turned her attention to her daughter.

"I'm sorry, Noodle" Elizabeth replied in a helpless tone as she cast her daughter an apologetic look before turning and exiting the room.

Alison stared in shock after her mother as she suddenly realised that for the first time since Lola had been born she was all alone with her daughter. She was overcome with the weight of the responsibility and felt terrified that she would do something wrong now that she was on her own. What was she supposed to do?

Feeling her daughter's movements become more frantic against her, and feeling the tingling in her breasts intensify, she suddenly knew what she had to do. She had to feed Lola. If Lola started to cry and became distressed she'd never be able to feed her. She looked around the room before shrugging and gingerly sitting on the couch. Wherever her mum was going the President was obviously there too so it wasn't like he would be needing his office anytime soon. She unclipped her maternity bra and lifted her top so that she could place Lola into position, her daughter hungrily latched on to her nipple. She placed a blanket over them just in case someone came in and she watched in contentment as her daughter fed, a random though popping into her head:

Exactly how many women had breastfed their children in the Oval Office?

* * *

Elizabeth watched as the screen turned orange indicating the missile had reached its intended target. Once the smoke had cleared all that remained of the house where the two terrorists and their recently arrived associates had been hiding was a hole in the ground.

"Job well done" the President exclaimed before he dismissed the group.

Elizabeth was too exhausted for praise as she walked back to the Oval Office with Russell and Conrad, briefing them on how she had got the Algerians to agree as she walked. There had not been time to brief them before the strike as the group had been packing up the vehicle and preparing to leave just as she had arrived back in the Sit Room. The trio walked into the Oval Office and her heart dropped into her stomach at the sight before her.

Alison sat slumped over to one side fast asleep with Lola held against her shoulder, also fast asleep. A soft pink blanket was draped over Lola to keep her warm.

A wave of guilt washed over Elizabeth that she had abandoned her daughter in the _Oval Office_ to _breastfeed_. She felt like such a terrible parent and grandparent, but at the time it had been imperative that she get the information to the Sit Room. If she hadn't left when she did they might have missed the terrorists.

"Why don't I give you a minute?" Conrad said softly with a knowing smile as he exited his office, Russell in tow.

Elizabeth moved over to her daughter and gently touched her shoulder.

"Noodle" she called softly.

Blearily Alison opened her eyes and instinctively the hold she had on her daughter tightened. She looked at her surroundings in confusion before it all came rushing back to her.

"You left me" she mumbled tiredly, annoyance and hurt still evident in her voice.

"I know and I'm really sorry" Elizabeth replied simply. "But I had just got something agreed that the President needed to know about right away. It really was a matter of national security"

"Isn't it always" Alison replied scornfully, causing a stab of pain and a wave of guilt to wash over Elizabeth.

"If it's any consolation, the world just got a little bit safer for you and Lola. And that's why I do this job, so that you can grow up in a better world" Elizabeth replied sincerely.

Alison considered her mother's response. She'd found it tough not having her mum around the past few years and sometimes she missed the days when her mum was a college professor and was around more. However, now that she had Lola she could understand why her mum had sacrificed as much time away from her family as she had. Her mum just wanted the world to be safe for her family, and humanity, to live in. If that meant she didn't get to see her mum as often as she used to, then so be it. At the end of the day, her mum had looked after Lola even though she had been dealing with some international crisis that she couldn't talk about.

"I'm sorry I snapped" she replied remorsefully.

"That's ok, I understand. I would have been mad too if I were in your shoes, but you have to know that I would never let anything bad happen to Lola, or you" Elizabeth stated emphatically.

"I know, but can we please go home now? I'm so tired and I have a ton of studying to do for my exam tomorrow" Alison asked desperately.

"Most definitely! I need some Lola cuddles!" Elizabeth asked excitedly. Maybe her first day at home with her granddaughter would be like she envisaged after all.

* * *

 _Author's note: I wrote this chapter before I found out that in the US you can re-schedule exams. In the UK pregnancy is considered a "preventable condition" and is not accepted as a reason to miss an exam (at least that was my friend's experience - luckily her baby was late and she managed to sit all her exams with 2 days to spare!) and I assumed it would be the same in the US. I just thought it would funny, and probably realistic, to have Elizabeth called into work when she was babysitting and how she would handle that. Anyway I hope you enjoyed the chapter nonetheless._

 _Oh, and I wasn't sure if Alison would have her own medical insurance as she is over 18 or if she would fall under her parents' medical insurance, and who would sign the medical insurance paperwork - Alison or Elizabeth. I went with Alison as it worked with the whole weight of responsibility thing. Medical insurance is a completely foreign concept for me so I did my best!_

 _Reviews welcomed as always._


	37. Chapter 37

Alison McCord stared at her reflection in her bedroom mirror for the umpteeth time, sighing in resignation at what she saw. Exactly one month and 2 days ago today she had given birth and still her uterus had not completely shrunk despite the fact she was breastfeeding. The 20lbs she'd gained whilst pregnant was also clearly visible on her petite frame and she was still wearing her maternity clothes as her pre-pregnancy clothes were nowhere near fitting. She had heavy, dark, circles under her eyes, both her nipples were sore and chapped from breastfeeding her daughter what felt like almost constantly, one of her breasts was red and inflamed as she had mastitis, and due to said mastitis, she felt like she had the start of the flu.

Briefly she turned away from the mirror, grabbed her make-up bag, and started applying the make-up in an effort to seem at least half-human. She felt frumpy and disgusting, but today was a very important day and she had to pull herself together.

Lola was getting baptised.

Ever since the scare Lola had given her at the hospital when she was born she'd not been able to escape the irrational fear that if, God forbid, something were to happen to her daughter she would be sent to hell or purgatory. Lola's conception had been an act of evil as far as she was concerned and she didn't want her daughter sent to hell or purgatory for something that wasn't her fault. Despite her dad's assurances that God would welcome Lola if the worst were to happen, it hadn't allayed her fears and a little over a week after Lola's arrival she'd found herself at Holy Trinity Catholic Church asking their priest for Lola to be baptised as soon as possible. It wasn't often that having a world renowned religious scholar for a father came in useful, but she'd been relieved when her dad had agreed to go with her to the church as she'd been so scared that their priest would refuse to baptise Lola because of what _he_ had done. She knew her dad would be able to argue with the priest if he'd refused to baptise Lola and she'd wanted her dad there to support her if needs be. As soon as she'd seen her priest she'd been overwhelmed with guilt and she'd found herself blurting out that Lola had been conceived because she'd been raped, before she'd burst into tears and apologised repeatedly to their priest, for what she wasn't sure. Their priest had been nothing but sympathetic and understanding and had assured her that he was more than happy to baptise Lola. After talking with their priest he had assuaged her fears and she felt reassured that God would accept Lola if something were to happen before her daughter was baptised. Although the McCord's did not attend church every week, they did attend for all major religious holidays, and they made an effort to attend Sunday mass once a month, and their priest was confident that Lola would be raised Catholic. She'd completed baptism preparation last weekend with Lola's Godparents and she was looking forward to having Lola baptised at Sunday mass today.

Satisfied that she'd hid the heavy bags under her eyes to the best of her abilities as she assesses herself in her mirror once again, she turned away from the mirror and put on her bra, wincing as she did so as pain shot through her infected breast. Next she pulled on the dress she had managed to buy on Thursday afternoon whilst her sister had babysat Lola, and again winced at the pain caused by the mastitis. Wearing a bra and tight clothing was the last thing she wanted to do right now, but alas it was necessary for her daughter's baptism.

She turned around and looked at herself in the mirror, sighing at what she saw. She didn't look as fashionable as she once did, but she thought she at least looked presentable and vaguely human - not like the human cow she felt like at the moment.

"How you doing, Noodle?"

Alison jumped at the sound of her mother's voice and she turned to face her.

"I'm just about ready. Have you got the gown?"

Yesterday her aunts, uncles, and cousins from Pittsburgh had arrived in town and her Aunt Maureen had brought the McCord family baptism gown with her. The lace and silk were starting to yellow with age and she knew that not only had she and her siblings been baptised in this gown, but so had her dad and his siblings, and her grandad too. She felt honoured that Lola would get to continue the McCord family tradition of being baptised in the gown.

"You look beautiful, Noodle" Elizabeth exclaimed as she swallowed down tears, a wave of nostalgia washing over her as she recalled preparing each of her children for their baptisms.

Alison snorted at her mother's words. "I don't feel it" she admitted.

Elizabeth smiled sympathetically at her daughter. "You'll feel better soon, Ali, I promise. It just takes some time".

Alison didn't think she'd ever feel normal again and chose to ignore her mother's words, instead reiterating her earlier question.

"Have you got the gown?"

"Yes, Noodle" Elizabeth replied with a roll of her eyes and a teasing smile "Your dad has already put it in the motorcade"

"And the caterers and party planners will have everything done for when we get back?" Alison asked nervously.

"Blake is staying here to take care of everything, don't worry. Now come on, we'd better hurry up before your dad has a heart attack! He's so excited and he's managed to get everyone, including Jason and Lola, in the motorcade already. We're the only two left and if we don't..."

As if on cue Henry's voice sounded from downstairs "Alison? Elizabeth? Come on! We're going to be late!"

Alison smiled knowingly at her mother and together the two women walked downstairs, ignoring Henry's frantic gesturing at his watch as he ushered them out of the house. With Lola's arrival the McCord's could not longer fit in one SUV and Jason, Stevie and Jareth were in one vehicle, whilst Alison, Lola, Elizabeth, and Henry were in the other. The remainder of the family would meet them at the church.

Alison took her place next to Lola's baby seat in the rear of the SUV and she couldn't help but smile lovingly at her sleeping daughter. She still could not believe that she had created her and it was moments like this that made motherhood worthwhile.

The past month had gone by in a whirlwind of exams, doctor's appointments, meetings with lactation counsellors, dodging the paparazzi, and existing on next to no sleep. She felt constantly overwhelmed and insecure about her mothering abilities and she had reached a level of exhaustion she didn't think was possible. Most of the time she felt like she wasn't doing anything right when it came to her daughter, despite her parents reassurances, and the hours she spent alone in the house when it was just Lola and she felt endless. Sometimes when she couldn't get Lola to latch on, or couldn't get her to sleep, or she'd cry for what felt like hours, she felt like such a failure, especially when Lola would look at her with her heartbroken blue eyes which felt like a knife going into her heart. She could not wait for her parents to get home from work each day as they were always seemed to know what was wrong with Lola and what she needed, whereas she just felt completely out of her depth. Lola was special and deserved the very best mother, she just wasn't sure she was it.

And as much as she loved her daughter there were times that Lola looked so much like _him_ that it would take her breath away and she had to fight the panic she felt. It was strange to love someone so much, yet also fear them at the same time.

She knew she shouldn't complain though as her family had been beyond amazing. Her parents and siblings had taken on her share of the chores and were even doing hers and Lola's washing, and cooking meals for her, so she didn't have to. They were happy to burb Lola, change her nappy, rock her to sleep, bathe her, and pretty much do anything she needed and it warmed her heart to see how much everyone in the family doted on her daughter. Stevie, and surprisingly Jason, loved playing with Lola. Her dad was still the 'baby whisperer' and was the master at getting Lola to calm down if she got irate, and her mum was more than happy to take Lola running with her in the pushchair when she went for her early morning run so that she could have a few more hours sleep. Literally all she had to do was concentrate on taking care of her daughter, which at times felt like endless hours of breastfeeding sat in the nursery or her bedroom whilst everyone around her went on with their lives.

"Do you want some help dressing her in the gown, Noodle?"

Alison jumped at the sound of her mum's voice, she had been so lost in her reverie that she hadn't even realised they'd started driving, let alone reached their destination.

"Please" she replied as she gave her mum a grateful smile.

"I'll go round everyone up" Henry stated as he got out of the SUV and headed towards the church, his body language exuding excitement and contentment.

Alison carefully lifted Lola from her car seat and passed her to her mother whilst she moved herself from the rear of the vehicle into the front passenger section. Her mother gently placed Lola on the soft leather seat and together the two woman tenderly manoeuvred Lola into the dress. A small, adoring, smile lit up Alison's face as she took in her daughter's dark eyelashes, button nose, and pouting lips, as she continued to sleep. She really did look angelic in the baptism gown and she let the enormity of the event wash over her. She may not be the best Catholic, but she believed in God and she was happy that her daughter was being baptised today.

A wave of nostalgia washed over Elizabeth as she took in her sleeping granddaughter. Despite her waning religious beliefs she was glad that Lola was being baptised today as she knew how much it meant to her husband and daughter.

"She looks just like you did, Alison" she stated softly as she looked at her tiny granddaughter.

"Yeah?" Alison replied as she continued to stare mesmerised at her daughter.

The moment was broken by the sound of Henry's voice.

"Elizabeth! We're going to be late! Everyone is inside!"

Nothing could get her husband as fastidious about time like a religious celebration. Rolling her eyes at her daughter, and seeing Alison fight off laughter, she picked up Lola and turned to face her husband.

Henry was about to remind his wife and daughter _again_ that they were running late when Elizabeth turned around with Lola in her arms. He was totally unprepared for the emotion that washed over him as he stared at his granddaughter wearing the McCord family baptism gown and he couldn't help himself from lifting Lola from her arms.

"You're so beautiful" he whispered to his granddaughter as he stroked her face tenderly with the back of his finger. He felt tears prick his eyes as he stared mesmerised at his granddaughter. This was such a big day for her, for all of them, as she became one of God's children.

"Dad, we're going to be late" Alison stated softly as she came to stand in front of her father.

"Right...right..." Henry replied distractedly as he carefully placed Lola in her mother's arms and wiped the tears from his eyes. He proudly placed his arms around his wife and daughter and together the four McCords entered the church.

* * *

Elizabeth knew she should be watching Alison and Lola at the front of the church, but at this moment she just couldn't take her eyes of her husband's face. His eyes were moist with tears and love and pride shone from them.

 _What name do you give your child?_

 _Lola Elizabeth McCord_

 _What do you ask of God's Church for Lola Elizabeth McCord?_

 _Baptism_

 _You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training her in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring her up to keep God's commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbour. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?_

 _I do._

Henry turned and smiled proudly at his wife as Alison asked for her child to be baptised. Elizabeth returned his smile and squeezed his hand comfortingly. Henry turned back to face the alter, and this time Elizabeth also turned to face the front of the church and watched as the priest turned to face Lola's Godparents.

 _Are you ready to help the parent of this child in their duty as Christian parents?_

 _We are._

Henry and Elizabeth watched with pride as Stevie and Jason agreed to accept the responsibility of becoming Lola's Godparents.

 _Lola Elizabeth McCord, the Christian community welcomes you with great joy. In its name I claim you for Christ our Saviour by the sign of his cross. I now trace the cross on your forehead, and invite your parent and godparents to do the same._

Henry turned to his wife and Elizabeth tenderly wiped the tears from his eyes, just like she had when all of their children had been baptised. Lola's baptism meant something to Henry on a deep level, something she could never truly understand having never believed that deeply in God. She loved watching the spirituality of the moment pass over Henry and she fell a little bit more in love with her husband. Henry squeezed his wife's hand tenderly and together husband and wife turned back to watch the rest of their granddaughter's baptism.

* * *

Alison sat in the rocking chair of the nursery, gently rocking to and fro hoping that the motion would send her daughter to sleep.

Lola had slept through most of the baptism, until the point water had been washed on her head which she had not like one bit. She had started crying immediately and had been inconsolable for the rest of the baptism and journey home. As soon as they'd arrived home she had come straight up to the nursery hoping that the peace and quiet would help Lola calm down. Her mum had helped her undress and re-dress Lola, which had only upset her more, and then walked laps of the nursery with Lola whilst she'd sat with the hot towels her dad had prepared for her on her breast. Being able to take her dress and bra off had felt heavenly and by the time she felt ready to breastfeed Lola her mum had had some success in calming Lola down. Immediately Lola had hungrily latched on and it had been so painful as her daughter fed off her infected breast that she hadn't been able to stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks or the sobs escaping her throat. Her mum had been great and had stayed with her the whole time until Lola had finished feeding and had taken over burping Lola whilst she'd expressed the rest of the milk from her breasts which was supposed to help the mastitis - not that it felt like it was at the moment.

Her mum had gone to take the breast milk downstairs to the fridge with reassurances that she would be straight back - that had been 10 minutes ago. She suspected her mum had been caught up with the guests, and if she were being honest, she didn't mind. She was enjoying having Lola laying against her skin and not having to wear anything on her top half apart from the light fleece blanket she had placed over Lola to help keep her warm. She felt her own eyes droop as she rocked back and forth in the chair...

* * *

Henry gently knocked on the door of the nursery. It had been nearly an hour and a half since they'd arrived home and he was starting to worry about his daughter and granddaughter. He'd seen Elizabeth come down with some breast milk about 30 minutes ago, but then she'd been cornered by Maureen and Erin and she hadn't been able to get away since. A few moments ago she had thrown him a distressed look and indicated upstairs, he'd taken that to mean she wanted him to check on Alison.

Not getting a response to his knock he quietly opened the door and the sight that greeted him melted his heart. Alison was asleep in the rocking chair with a sleeping Lola snuggled against her chest.

As much as he loved and adored his granddaughter, he'd forgotten just how exhausting it was having a newborn in the house. Although Alison was doing most of the grunt work when it came to looking after Lola - and an amazing job she was doing too - he'd be lying if he said that Lola's cries didn't sometimes wake him in the night. If he was awake, he would always check in on his daughter and granddaughter to make sure they were ok as he knew how exhausted Alison was. He'd normally let his daughter go straight back to bed once she'd finished feeding Lola, whilst he would then wind his granddaughter, change her nappy, and rock her to sleep again before placing her back in the crib in Alison's room. Nothing melted his heart more than watching his youngest daughter and granddaughter sleep together.

He hated to wake Alison, but the guests were asking for Lola and she and he felt duty bound to try and get them to make an appearance at the party, especially as the guests had made such an effort to attend Lola's baptism.

"Alison" he called softly as he gently shook his daughter's shoulder.

"What?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Time to get up. The guests want to see you" Henry replied gently.

Alison groaned. She didn't want to socialise with people right now. She just wanted to sleep!

"No..." she moaned.

"Kelsey, Brianna, Kaitlyn, and Hannah are here and they want to meet Lola" he coaxed.

That caught Alison's attention.

"They're here?" she queried sleepily as one of her eyes peeked open.

"Yes. They were at the baptism, remember?"

Truth be told, she didn't remember much of the baptism apart from what the priest had said and what she had to do.

"What time is it?" she asked and was surprised when her dad told her the time. She'd only been asleep about 20 minutes.

"Lola's only just gone to sleep, I don't want to wake her by taking her into a big crowd. Could they maybe come up here to see her?" she asked, a hint of pleading in her tone.

Henry smiled sympathetically at his daughter. He knew Alison wasn't feeling 100% and he didn't want Lola to be distressed unnecessarily. Alison's life had been completed turned upside down over the past month and he decided that some time with her friends might be exactly what she needed.

"Sure" he replied. "I'll send them up".

Once her dad had left the room she gently got up from the rocking chair and swaddled her daughter before placing her in the cot. Next she dressed herself again, wincing as she replaced her bra and dress, and then wiped off the remnants of her mascara that had run down her face as she'd cried whilst feeding Lola.

She heard voices in the hallway and a shot of nerves went through her as she heard footsteps. What if her friends didn't like Lola? What if they didn't like her anymore because she was fat? She heard a soft knock on the door and her heart skipped a beat.

"Alison?" Hannah called quietly.

"Come in" she squeaked.

Seconds later Kelsey, Brianna, Kaitlyn, and Hannah were before her with arms laden with presents and huge smiles on their faces.

"Hi!" they exclaimed excitedly as they each came and hugged her, passing off the presents as they did so.

"Thanks, guys" she replied tearfully, touched that her friends would buy Lola more presents after the baby shower they had thrown for her.

"Are you ok?" Hannah asked in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just hormones" Alison replied with a chuckle as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Another post partum joy she had discovered was having her hormones all over the place and crying at the drop of a hat...plus the hot and cold flashes, night sweats, and headaches.

"Is this her?" Kaitlyn asked as she stood next to Lola's cot.

Alison had to force herself not to make a sarcastic comment and chuckled instead. "Yes, Kaitlyn, that's Lola. Say hi"

Several moment passed by in silence as her friends saw her daughter for the first time.

"Hi Lola. Aren't you just the prettiest little thing!" Kaitlyn cooed.

"Gosh, Ali, she looks just like you!" Kelsey exclaimed.

"She is very cute" Brianna agreed.

"She's beautiful, Ali. I can't believe you're a mum!" Hannah exclaimed.

"Thanks" Alison replied bashfully. "Come on, let's go into my room. There's more room to sit there"

Alison lifted Lola out of the cot, before carrying her into her room and placing her in the crib. She indicated for her friends to take a seat on the bed, beanbags, and desk chair that she had in her room, before she sat on her bed next to the crib.

"Won't we wake her?" Hannah asked inquisitively.

Alison looked at Lola and noted she was still sound asleep. "She should be ok as long as we keep our voices down"

A baited silence filled the room, as if no one knew what to say.

"What was it like?" Kaitlyn asked eventually breaking the awkward silence that had descended over the room "Giving birth?"

Alison re-counted for her friends what labour and delivery had been like in all its gory realness, a shudder running through her as she'd remembered those first few minutes when she hadn't heard Lola cry.

"Ali, that's terrible! But she'd ok now, right?" Hannah asked in concern.

"Yes, she's perfectly healthy. She's gained a 1lb and grown an inch since she was born which is all within the healthy range".

"And you sat your exams the day you got out of hospital?"

"Yeah, I still can't believe I did that" Alison replied in disbelief. The first week at home with Lola was a blur of studying whilst learning to care for her daughter and she still didn't know how she had managed it. "But somehow I ended up getting a B+ on my finals and I finished the year with a 3.2 GPA"

"Ali, that's great considering everything you've been through this year" Brianna assured kindly knowing that Alison's GPA hadn't been much higher at Westmore before the events of the past year.

"Anyway, enough about me, what have you guys been up to?" Alison continued wanting to change the subject.

For the next hour Kelsey, Brianna, Kaitlyn, and Hannah caught Alison up on everything that had happened in the last month and their plans for the summer.

"...and my parents have said we can have their house in Bethany Beach the week before college starts again. We're all going to go up for one last get together before we all have to go back to college. You should come, Ali" Kelsey stated.

A wave of resentment washed over Alison as she thought about her plans for the summer. Kelsey and Brianna were off to Europe backpacking for the summer, Hannah was undertaking volunteer work in Africa, and Kaitlyn had managed to obtain a summer internship in LA, whereas she would be stuck in Washington DC looking after her daughter. Guilt washed over her almost as soon as the wave of resentment finished. Her daughter hadn't asked to be created and she'd known when she'd decided to continue with her pregnancy that she would have to make sacrifices, this was just one of those.

"I'd love to, but I have Lola now so..."

As if on cue a sound from the crib caught everyone's attention and Alison reached in to pick up her daughter.

"Hey Lola Bean" she cooed to her daughter as she settled her in her arms, a wave of love washed over her as her daughter opened her eyes and stared into her own as she recognised her voice.

"Motherhood looks good on you, Ali" Brianna said sincerely and Alison cast her a grateful smile.

"It's hard. I'm barely get an hours sleep at a time, but then she looks into my eyes and it's totally worth it, isn't it?" she replied in a soft tone as she ran the back of her finger down Lola's cheek, hoping the gesture would soothe her daughter back to sleep as Lola should still be asleep for at least another hour. She watched as her daughter yawned, stretched, sighed and then fell back to sleep.

As amazing as a week away with her friends sounded, she was no longer carefree like them as she had responsibilities now. She resigned herself to the fact she would not be carefree for a long time yet.

She was broken from her reverie by the sound of a knock at her door. A second later her mum's head popped around.

"Sorry guys, but the guests really want to see Lola. How's she doing?"

Alison looked over at her daughter. "She's out of it so she'd probably ok to be passed around for a bit".

Elizabeth smiled genially at the occupants of the room. "I'll go tell the guests"

"Come on, I suppose we should go down" she stated as she rose from the bed with her daughter. Together the friends exited the room and made their way downstairs.

As soon as she reached the top of the stairs she heard her aunt call out her name.

"Hi Aunt Maureen" she greeted cheerfully as she reached the bottom step.

"Oh, isn't she just gorgeous! A McCord through and through!" she exclaimed as she lifted her great-niece from her niece's arms. "Tom, look!"

And with that Lola started making her way around the room.

Alison surveyed the room as she chatted with the guests, one eye constantly on Lola. A wave of gratitude washed over her that so many people cared about Lola and she and she felt blessed that she had such a loving group of friends and family. Her life may not be as exciting or glamorous as her friends, and she may not be carefree anymore, but her family and friends still cared about her and her daughter and for now that was enough.

* * *

 _Apologies to any Catholics if Alison's thoughts re: purgatory and hell are a bit cliché. Religion is not my strong point at all, and although I did some very brief reading, I appreciate it probably comes across a bit cliché. I thought it was an interesting moral perspective to explore and this was my attempt at it. No offence is intended._

 _Similarly, I've never been to a Catholic baptism and the wording for that was taken from a Catholic baptism preparation guide I found online. I hope it was vaguely correct._

 _Thanks to TheBigDamnSaviour for their help on US college grades._

 _I'm now going to shameless beg for some reviews as I've had a really crappy week at work, to the point where there's a 50/50 chance I will get fired next week because of something that was 10% my fault. Literally 10%, that's what the company's official investigation says! 90% Management's fault, and 10% mine!_ _I should point out that I work in a paper pushing job so no one died or anything, a piece of work got delayed by a day as several more urgent pieces of work came in on a day when there was only me and one other person in the office (out of a department of 18), but unfortunately the delay resulted in my employers losing a (smallish) client - even though management were all on holiday on the day in question so there was no one for me to refer to anyway had there been time to do the piece of work! So yeah, I could do with some luv (and I think possibly a solicitor...)!_


	38. Chapter 38

_Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter._

 _For those who are interested, I do still have a job. Subsequent to my last post I have been completely exonerated from any wrongdoing by the owner of the company and it's increasingly looking like my boss and one of the senior managers (who my boss is close friends with) have a vendetta against me. The owner of the company has decided to investigate my boss and the senior manager at his own volition as he's not happy with their behaviour, which is a relief for me as I've suspected for years that my boss and the senior manager have a grudge against me. Needless to say, things are still stressful and emotionally draining at work and I just didn't have the energy to edit and post a chapter last week - sorry. I hope this chapter was worth the wait!_

* * *

"What do you think, Lola Bean? Do you like your new dress?" Alison McCord cooed to her daughter as she changed her into the lightweight summer dress she had made for her. "Today's a big day as it's your very first Independence Day and we're going to the White House for the President's BBQ. There's going to be food, and a concert, and fireworks..." she continued talking to her daughter animatedly, loving how Lola responded to her voice and a smile gracing her features as her daughter gave her a gummy grin - her new favourite thing in the whole world - and a wave of relief washing over her that her daughter appeared to be feeling better. Yesterday Lola had had her first set of jabs and had been grouchy all afternoon and evening however, after some baby Tylenol Lola had slept through 6 hours last night and the extra sleep seemed to have helped her daughter feel better.

"Do you want to help mummy decide what to wear?" she asked Lola as she gently placed her daughter on her stomach on the bed. Almost immediately Lola raised her head to look around her new surroundings and Alison took the opportunity to quickly dress and do her makeup as she kept an eye on her daughter in the mirror.

Truth be told, she was apprehensive about today as this was Lola's first official public appearance since she had been born. So far Daisy had managed to keep Lola's picture out of the press, but she wasn't sure how much longer that would be possible given there would be official photographers at the event today. It wasn't that she was against her daughter's picture being in the news per se, it was just that she wanted to protect her daughter from speculation about who her father was, because as much as Lola did look like her, there were times she thought her daughter looked exactly like _him._ In those moments her breath would catch in her throat and a shot of panic would surge over her and she would have to look away from Lola to stop herself from having a panic attack. She wanted to protect her daughter from the scrutiny the press would no doubt inflict on her if they obtained a picture of Lola and she wanted to guard her daughter against any of _his_ supporters trying to harm her. Plus, there was a part of her that wanted to deny _him_ the opportunity of ever seeing his daughter. As far as she was concerned Lola was hers and _he_ didn't deserve to even see a picture of her.

Picking up her daughter and settling her against her shoulder she made her way downstairs and placed her in her swing as she checked that she had everything she would need for the day. It still amazed her how much stuff she needed to take with her whenever she left the house and she was grateful that her dad had loaded the carrycot attachment for Lola's travel system into the Jeep for her earlier. The rest of the family had gone to the National Independence Day Parade, but she had decided that a parade, BBQ, concert, and fireworks would be too much for a 2 month old so it had been agreed she would meet her family at the White House for the afternoon BBQ, concert, and hopefully make it for the fireworks depending on Lola.

Having finished loading the Jeep, she placed a now sleeping Lola in her car seat and carried her to the car before getting in and driving to the White House. She parked the car in the White House car park - one of the perks of your mum being Secretary of State - and texted both her mum and dad to let them know she had arrived, before getting the carrycot and all of her daughter's other stuff out of the car. She had just lifted Lola out of her car seat when she heard her mother's voice.

"Hey Noodle!" Elizabeth exclaimed excitedly as she hugged her daughter and took Lola into her arms. "Did you have a good morning with mummy?" she cooed to her granddaughter who had just woken up.

Whilst Elizabeth understood Alison's decision not to join the rest of the family for the parade, she had missed her youngest daughter and granddaughter and was happy her whole family was together again on such an important day. She was so proud of how well Alison was adjusting to motherhood and seeing Lola grow and change each day brought a whole new perspective into her life.

"We did. After you guys left she ate, then we played a little on the couch, followed by a sleep, then more food, some time in her swing, and a sleep on the way here. How was the parade?" Alison asked as she watched her mum fuss over Lola.

"Good. Ali, did you make this?" she asked her daughter inquisitively as she took in the summer dress Lola was wearing. The fabric had tiny American flags all over a white background and the dress had been edged in red. Lola was also sporting a blue hat with red trim and looked the epitome of patriotism.

"Yes. Do you like it?" Alison asked shyly, a hint of insecurity in her voice.

"Alison, it's so pretty!" Elizabeth exclaimed proudly, it still amazed her how creative her daughter was. "Do you like it, Lola?" she cooed, to which her granddaughter flailed her arm and smiled at her grandma. "Of course you do! How could you not? Your mummy's very talented, but of course you know that because she made you!" she continued as she placed her granddaughter in the carrycot.

"Where's dad?" Alison asked curiously as she blushed at her mother's compliment. Together her mum and she headed into the event.

"Oh, he has the very important job of getting us food while I came to help you" Elizabeth replied offhand as she adjusted the shade on the carrycot to make sure Lola was protected from the sun.

They were almost to their table when the photographer stopped them.

"Madam Secretary? May I get a photograph of you and your daughter?"

"That ok, Noodle?" Elizabeth asked her daughter hesitantly. She understood Alison's reasons for not wanting Lola's photo in the public domain, but with Lola in her carrycot she thought a picture would be ok.

Knowing that the photograph would only show the pram, and not Lola, Alison felt comfortable with a picture being taken of just she and her mum.

"Sure" she answered awkwardly, still self-conscious of the extra baby weight she was carrying. As she posed with her mother she was mindful to hold in her stomach as much as she could. A few clicks of the camera later and they were on their way again.

"I meant to ask, Ali, is that a new dress?" Elizabeth asked her daughter carefully.

Alison's expression fell as she replied "Yes, I had to buy a new one as none of my other clothes fit yet. I even had to buy Spanx" she replied dejectedly.

Elizabeth smiled knowingly at her daughter. "Don't worry Noodle, it's only been 2 months. You'll be back in your old clothes soon".

Alison didn't have time to respond as she heard her sister squeal.

"She's here!"

"Hi Stevie" Alison replied with a roll of her eyes as she position the baby carriage between her sister and the empty chair that she presumed was for her. Instantly Stevie started fussing over her niece however, the small infant was starting to fuss and emitted a tiny cry at the stimulation.

"Oh Lola, what's the matter?" Stevie cooed as she lifted her niece out of the pram.

"She's hungry" Jason replied knowingly causing surprised eyes to fall on him.

"What! We live in the same house and I've been around her almost 24/7 for the past month" he exclaimed.

Alison chuckled as she retrieved the travel bottle warmer from her baby bag and placed one of the bottles she had expressed milk into earlier in the warmer, noticing as she did so that there were used plates on the table.

"You guys have eaten already?" she asked a little crestfallen.

"Yes, but your mum was caught up with the President when we ate so she hasn't eaten yet" her dad replied from behind as he deposited two plates full of BBQ food and salad in front of her mother and she.

"Thanks" she replied with a grateful smile as she smelt the delicious food.

"Do you want me to feed her whilst you eat?" Stevie offered, which Alison gratefully accepted as she was starving having not had time to eat since breakfast. Lola preferred being breastfed and struggled with the bottle, even more so when she tried to feed her with the bottle as Lola was used to getting milk directly from her. However, she didn't think she would be able to breastfeed Lola today at such a public event so had expressed several bottles of milk over the past 24 hours in the hope it would see her through the day. She checked the temperature of the milk before handing it over to Stevie and making a start on her late lunch.

Alison watched as Stevie struggled to feed Lola whilst she ate, each minute feeling more and more guilty that she didn't feel comfortable with breastfeeding in public. If she did then she could be feeding Lola and her daughter would be happy. Eventually her dad took over from Stevie, and even with his baby whispering charms, he struggled to get Lola to finish her bottle. Her mum took over for burping duty whilst she tidied away the used bottle.

"Elizabeth! Is that your granddaughter?" Lydia Dalton exclaimed as she approached her old friend's table.

"Hi Lydia. Yes, this is Lola. Lola, say 'Hi' to the First Lady" Elizabeth replied as she continued to burp her granddaughter.

"Oh, she's just precious! May I?" Lydia asked as she indicated that she wanted to hold the youngster.

Alison nodded in agreement and watched as her mum handed Lola to the First Lady. It struck her then how bizarre her daughter's life was going to be. She was always going to the granddaughter of a Secretary of State and her family would always be family friends with a President of the United States, her daughter's life was probably never going to be quite like hers had been and she worried how a life in the public eye would affect Lola.

"Gosh Alison, she looks so much like you did when you were a baby" the First Lady remarked as she continued to rub Lola's back and regard her fondly.

"I hope Little Miss Lola isn't making you broody, Lydia" the President teased as he came to stand behind his wife.

"Conrad!" Lydia exclaimed as she rolled her eyes at her husband.

"She's certainly changed since I last saw her" the President remarked kindly as he watched his wife burp the small infant.

"Mr President? Could I get a picture of you and your wife with the McCords?"

"Of course" the President confirmed and Alison shot a worried look at her mum.

"Lydia, maybe I should take Lola..." Elizabeth began.

"Actually, why don't you hold the baby, Mr President?" the photographer suggested.

"That might be a good idea, Conrad. It might make you seem more relatable and boost your poll numbers" Lydia agree.

"Ok" the President agreed happily as his wife carefully passed the small baby to her husband. He gently placed Lola against his shoulder and felt her snuggle her face into his neck, a wave of nostalgia washing over him as he remembered holding Harrison in the same manner when he was a baby.

Worry washed over Elizabeth. There weren't many people that she couldn't demand things of, but the President of the United States and his wife were two people she did not have power over and she shot a helpless look at her daughter, noting her panicked expression. She saw how Conrad was holding Lola and a wave of relief washed over her as she realised that Conrad was holding Lola away from the camera so that only her profile and back were visible.

The photographer arranged the two families so that the McCord children and Jareth sat in front of the standing President and Secretary of State and their spouses.

"Ok, smile!" the photographer called as he started clicking the camera.

After the 4th or 5th shot Alison became aware of a commotion behind her and she turned to see what was going on, horror washing over her at the sight before her.

Her daughter was vomiting all over the President of the United States!

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry Mr Dalton...I mean Mr President" Alison exclaimed mortified as she leapt up from her chair and reached for her daughter, stopping as the President held out his hand to stop her whilst Lola continued being sick. Simultaneously her mum reached for the muslin cloth and started to try and wipe the sick from the President clothes, only to be stopped by the President.

"It's ok, Bess, Alison" Conrad assured once Lola had stopped being sick "These things happen"

"But your shirt..." Alison began mortified, before she was cut off by the President.

"Can be changed. Luckily I don't have too far to go to get a new one" he replied with a conspiratorial wink as he handed a now screaming Lola back to Alison.

"I'll see you later" he called as he headed in the direction of the White House, his wife in tow.

Alison tried to comfort her daughter who was squirming angrily against her as she cried. Concern washed over Alison as her daughter was normally a happy, relaxed baby, especially after a feed. She'd never been sick like this before.

"Did you bring any of the baby Tylenol, Noodle? She may still be feeling unwell from the jabs" her mum suggested.

"Do you think that's why she was sick?" Alison asked worriedly.

Elizabeth shrugged. "Maybe, it's hard to know when they're that small why they've been sick. It just happens sometimes"

"I seem to recall Jason having a similar experience with Conrad the first time they met" Henry added with amusement.

"Really?" Alison queried as she glanced up at her dad briefly before returning her eyes to her daughter who was now looking longingly up at her as she cried, causing her heart to ache. "There's some baby Tylenol in the bag along with a change of clothes. I'll go and change her and try and give her some" Alison replied, the stress evident in her voice. She was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by her daughter's hysterical crying.

"It's ok, I'll take her to be changed and give her the medicine" Elizabeth offered as she held out her arms for Lola. She didn't get to spend as much time with her granddaughter as she'd like and she'd barely seen her over the past week. She was determined to spend as much time with Lola on Independence Day as she could, even if that meant changing diapers and cleaning up vomit.

"I'll come with you" Henry stated. "Afterwards we can go for a walk to see if that soothes her"

"No, it's ok, I'll do it" Alison replied in a resigned tone. She'd learnt that motherhood was a 24/7 'job' from which she never really got a break, even on public holidays.

"Noodle, it's ok to give yourself a break. Your dad and I are happy to take her for a little bit" Elizabeth stated seriously as she looked into her daughter's eyes.

"Are you sure?" Alison asked uncertainly. Her parents already did so much for her that she hated to burden them with her daughter on a holiday.

"Yes, Noodle. I won't get to see this little munchkin next week as I'll be off to Asia for a week and I barely saw her last week. We need some nana and granddaughter time, don't we Lola" Elizabeth cooed to her crying granddaughter as she lifted her from Alison's arms. The thought of being separated from her daughter and granddaughter for a week made her heart ache but she knew with Henry at home Alison and Lola were in safe hands.

"Go! Have some fun, guys" Henry encouraged as he grabbed the pram and together he and Elizabeth headed towards the White House.

For the next few hours Alison meandered around the event with her siblings and Jareth but she couldn't help but feel guilty, anxious, and lost. She knew her daughter was with her grandparents and was in excellent hands in one of the most guarded places on earth, but she still felt uneasy. What if Lola was seriously ill? What if she was having a bad reaction to her jabs? It didn't help that her breasts were starting to get tight and heavy from where she had missed a feed with Lola and milk was already starting to leak from them. It was like a constant reminder that her daughter wasn't with her. Eventually the PA system announced that the concert would be starting and she'd never been more glad to get back to their table and find her parents deep in conversation whilst her dad gently rocked the pram that held her sleeping daughter. A wave of relief and happiness washed over her as she was reunited with her daughter, and if it wasn't for the fear of waking Lola, she would have picked her up and kissed her all over.

"Hey, was she ok?" she asked in concern as she glanced up her parents.

"She been a bit fussy. Your mum fed her some more milk, but I think the medicine has kicked in now and she fell asleep about an hour ago" Henry assured.

Gently Alison smoothed her finger over her daughter's cheek, a wave of love washing over her as she did so. She retrieved a light blanket from the baby bag and laid it gently over her daughter now that the evening had fallen and the weather had cooled. She wheeled the pram around next to her seat and kept one eye on her daughter as she chatted with her family. She couldn't believe how much she missed Lola and she'd only been away from her for a few hours. How was she going to manage at college in a few weeks? They still had to find a nanny and she still had to decide which college she wanted to go to - go away to Rafferty or transfer to a college in DC.

The concert started and she cast a nervous eye down at her daughter as the music crescendoed and the first crash of cymbals hit. The startled look on her daughter's face would have been amusing had it not been followed immediately by a sharp cry as Lola was forced awake.

"Shhh, Lola" she soothed immediately as she reached in and picked up her daughter. "It's ok, it's just the cymbals"

However, her voice did nothing to calm her daughter and Lola continued to cry as the music played. She rocked her as best she could at the table, but Lola's cries just intensified and could now be heard by the surrounding tables as the music continued to play, but now at a much lower level. She swore that she could feel people's eyes on her judging her for being an irresponsible, reckless, teen mum and not being able to look after daughter properly. Her mum took Lola off her and together her mum and dad tried to soothe her, to no avail, and with each moment that passed she could practically feel the animosity from the surrounding tables. She felt embarrassed and ashamed that she couldn't look after her daughter, and each cry that Lola emitted felt like a stab in the heart and reminded her of what a failure she was. After 10 minutes, but what felt like 10 hours, she took Lola back from her parents.

"I'm going home" she stated resolutely as she placed a screaming Lola in her carrycot.

"Noodle, you don't have to..." Elizabeth began before being interrupted by one of the President's assistants.

"I'm sorry, Madam Secretary, but the President has requested an official photograph with you and Dr McCord"

"I'm going" Alison repeated with finality.

"Alison..." Henry tried before being cut off by the assistant.

"I'm sorry, but the President's time is limited..."

"I'll see you guys at home" she choked out, hiding her face from her parents as she felt tears pool in her eyes. She turned and walked brusquely from their table, ignoring her mother's call from behind her, and the judging looks from the tables she passed.

As soon as she got to the car she let the tears slide down her cheeks as she packed away her daughter's belongings. She glanced down and noticed she had leaked through her breast pads onto her dress and she sobbed harder. She wanted her body back! She wanted Lola to stop crying! What was she thinking when she thought she thought she could be a mother? She was such a failure! She...she wanted her old life back!

Checking that Lola was settled safely in her car seat, she began the journey home as tears continued to slide down her face. She was relieved when the quietness and gentle rocking of the car seemed to soothe Lola and 40 minutes later Alison found herself at home dressed in pyjamas on the couch breastfeeding a now calm Lola whilst she pumped on her other breast, the release of the pressure of the milk feeling wonderful. The TV in the family room played the White House concert in the background and she felt bittersweet when she glanced up at the TV and saw her family as the camera panned around the garden. Last year she had celebrated Independence Day in New York surrounded by her newly acquired friends. She'd been completely carefree and very much looking forward to the future. Now her life had completely changed and she wasn't sure of anything anymore. Feeling Lola release her nipple she glanced down to find her daughter staring up at her with a slightly drunk look on her face.

"Oh Lola Bean, are you milk high again?" she teased as she disconnected the breast pump and brought her daughter up to her shoulder to burp her. She supposed she should be more worried about sitting in the family room half naked, but she doubted her family would be home before the fireworks. She burped and swaddled her daughter before placing her beside her on the couch, re-dressing herself, and placing the bottle of breast milk in the fridge should she need it later. She wondered if this was how her life was going to be now. Lonesome and routine and constantly feeling like she was failing.

She settled herself back on the couch with Lola and picked up her phone to check her social media accounts as she watched the concert. She saw pictures of Kelsey and Brianna partying in Europe, Hannah helping homeless orphans in Africa, and Kaitlyn celebrating Independence Day in LA. She wished she could be there with her friends in Europe or Africa or LA. She wished she could be with her family at the White House. She guessed this was just another sacrifice she was making - when your daughter got ill or overwhelmed, you come home.

She felt her eyes become heavy and slip close as she rested against the back of the couch. Another thing she had learnt since become a mum was to sleep whenever she could. Lola was asleep and she had nothing planned for this evening so she let herself drift away.

She was awoken by a loud bang from what sounded like their backyard and immediately looked down at her daughter who was looking up at her curiously. Seeing coloured flashes coming in from the windows and hearing loud bangs outside she realised their neighbours must be releasing fireworks.

"Hey Lola Bean, do you want to see some fireworks?"

Gently she picked up her daughter and carried her out into the backyard, surprise and love washing over her as she saw her family out in the backyard.

"Surprise, Noodle!" her parents and siblings called out as they waved sparklers and her dad lit more fireworks at the end of the yard.

"What are you doing here?" she exclaimed in happiness and surprise. "I thought the President wanted you at the White House function?"

"We can't celebrate Independence Day without you two" her mum replied in an obvious tone as she came to wrap an arm around her daughter and granddaughter.

"And it's Lola's first Independence Day and we don't want to miss that, do we?" Stevie cooed to her niece.

"And I couldn't celebrate Independence Day without my new hero. Barely 2 months old and already giving one to the establishment, my little President Puker!" Jason cheered to his niece as he held out his finger for her to grab.

"JASON!" the three women admonished.

"What? She threw up on the President! Don't you know how cool that is!"

"Go light some more fireworks" Elizabeth retorted as she pushed her son towards his father.

As the fireworks exploded around them Alison watched Lola's eyes widen at the bright colours in the sky. She knew her daughter wouldn't be able to make out the actual fireworks, but she'd probably be able to make out the different coloured flashes and Lola looked mesmerised by the different colours flashing in the sky. A wave of love washed over her at the expression on her daughter's face.

"Happy first Independence Day as a mum, Noodle. You're doing great" her mother stated happily as the fireworks ended and they headed back into the house, Stevie and Jareth heading off to Jareth's apartment and Jason going up to his room.

"Really good" her dad reassured with a proud smile.

"It doesn't feel like it" Alison whispered dejectedly.

"Today was just a bad day, they'll be more just like they'll be good ones, but you'll get through them" Elizabeth reassured.

"I'm sorry I let you down" Alison whispered as tears once again lined her lashes.

"Alison, you've never let us down. You're doing a wonderful job" Elizabeth affirmed.

Henry nodded in agreement. "Besides, you've never left Lola in a supermarket shopping cart..."

"Once, Henry! That happened once!"

Alison looked at her mother in surprise. "You what?!" she exclaimed.

"It had been a very long day..."

* * *

 _Thanks to PearlyDuck, Chelsea, and Lostinthewords for your Chapter 27 reviews with suggestions for Independence Day, I hope this was vaguely accurate and you enjoyed it._

 _Oh, and the Lola Bean nickname just came to me as I thought it sounded cute!_

 _I'll try to get back to my weekly updating, but if I miss a week it's because I'm just too drained to post because of work I'm afraid._

 _Reviews welcome._


	39. Chapter 39

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, they are much appreciated._

* * *

Elizabeth McCord sat in-between her husband legs as she rested against his strong chest on the couch in their Family Room, their granddaughter resting against her bent knees. She'd returned from her diplomatic tour around Asia at midday and all she'd wanted to do once she'd got home was spend time with 'Team McCord'. Unusually things were quiet on the international diplomacy front and she'd decided to take the afternoon off to be with her family, the only problem was, it was only Henry and Lola who were around. Stevie and Jareth had left that morning for a weekend away, Jason was spending the day with friends, and it was Alison's first day back volunteering at the Rape Crisis Centre.

Not that she was complaining about only getting to spend time with her husband and granddaughter, in fact it was quite nice getting to spent time with Henry without the other kids around. Having seen the images she had this past week at a summit focusing on child poverty and child trafficking, getting to spend time with her 2.5 month old granddaughter and her husband was just what she needed. After Henry and she had fed and put Lola in her swing for an afternoon nap they had talked for hours, ultimately culminating in a rather heated make-out session on their couch, which probably would have led to something more had Lola not woken up. Not that she could, or would, hold anything against her beautiful granddaughter despite how _frustrated_ Henry and she now felt. In fact, she was very much enjoying the 'conversation' she and Henry were having with Lola as she babbled away in her own language as they talked to her. Henry sat behind her against the arm of the couch and was teasing Lola with a rattle and trying to get her to grab it, whilst she alternated between having Lola 'stand' on her hips and sit/lay against her legs. Lola was rewarding them with the cutest, heart-warming, smiles and she knew it was moments like these she would treasure forever and would keep her going at the next summit involving starved and abused children. She couldn't believe how fast these past few months had gone and how quickly Lola was growing up. Her neck and legs were getting so strong and she didn't think it would be long before her granddaughter would be rolling over.

The bonding time between grandparents and granddaughter was broken by the slamming of the front door and the panicked sound of her youngest daughter's voice.

"MUM!"

A shot of panic ran through Elizabeth and she felt Henry stiffen behind her. She had just sat up on the couch with Lola in her arms as Alison pretty much ran into the Family Room.

"It's too late!" Alison exclaimed in dismay as she came to sit down heavily on the ottoman in front of her parents and took Lola from her mother's arms. "I've left it too late!"

Elizabeth shot a confused look at Henry and saw the confusion mirrored on his face.

"What is it, Noodle? What have you left too late?" Elizabeth asked gently.

Alison looked down at Lola as she spoke "Mummy's so sorry, she's let you down already. I didn't know I was supposed to put your name down for pre-school whilst you were still in my tummy" she told her daughter apologetically, tears pooling in her eyes as the feeling of failure washed over her again. Lola could sense the change in atmosphere and started to fuss. "Shh, please don't cry! I'm sorry!" Alison exclaimed as she started walking around the room, rocking her daughter as she did so in an effort to comfort her.

"What do you mean?" Henry asked his daughter, still confused by her statement.

"Marissa at the Rape Crisis Centre announced she was pregnant at work today and asked my advice as to what schools I had put Lola's name down for. When I asked what she was talking about she explained how all the best pre-schools in DC have waiting lists and how you have to put you name down for them when you're pregnant otherwise you never get in. I thought she was crazy, so I phoned a few on the way home and she's right! I didn't know! Now Lola's not going to go to a good school and she'd going to fail at everything and it's all my fault!" Alison replied, the guilt and distress evident in her voice.

"Noodle, it's going to be ok..." Elizabeth began, before being cut off by her daughter.

"NO! No, it's not!"

Something in Elizabeth's tone caught Henry's attention and he turned to look at his wife suspiciously. There was almost a slightly guilty look on her face and his eyes narrowed accusingly.

"Elizabeth, what have you done...?" he asked hesitantly.

Alison stopped walking then and turned her attention to her mother. She recognised the awkward expression on her mother's face, the one she always wore when she knew she had crossed boundaries with her children and they weren't going to be happy.

"Mum..." she asked warningly.

Elizabeth took in the accusing stares of her husband and daughter, a wave of guilt washing over her.

"Ok, ok..." she began as she threw her hands up in surrender. It had been killing her keeping the secret from everyone for months and now it looked like she had to admit what she had done. "I might have put Lola's name down for a few pre-schools already just in case you decided not to go away for college..."

"Elizabeth..." Henry began disapprovingly. Whilst they were more than happy to pay for Lola's childcare, they had both agreed that it would be Alison's decision as to what schools her daughter went to. They would provide advice and support, but ultimately the decision would be Alison's.

"What? Blake had already done most of the research for Daisy anyway when she was pregnant and I _might_ have asked him if he could extend the research to Georgetown and maybe increase the price range a little bit..." Elizabeth replied in a mock innocent tone.

Henry looked at his wife incredulously and was just about to admonish her for overstepping boundaries when Alison's voice sounded in the room.

"What schools?" Alison demanded in a serious tone.

"Georgetown Freedom Montessori, First Steps Pre-School, and DC Montessori" Elizabeth replied.

"But they're the best and most expensive pre-schools in DC!" Alison exclaimed in surprise having established that much from a brief internet search at work this afternoon. The schools she had called on her way home were nowhere as good as that and she was surprised her mum had put Lola's name down at such exclusive schools. Before moving to DC none of the McCord kids had gone to private school, and although her parents had been adamant about paying for Lola's childcare whilst she went to college, she didn't think they would want to spend so much on pre-school.

"Education is important, and I'm sure your dad will agree, that we want the best for Lola" Elizabeth replied seriously, hoping that Henry would support her as she hadn't discussed any of this with him yet.

"But it's so much!" Alison exclaimed in shock.

"Your mum is right, Alison. We want to give Lola the best start in life, just like we gave you, Stevie, and Jason the best we could afford when you were little. We're more affluent now so we can afford a better education for Lola" Henry agreed, feeling Elizabeth squeeze his knee in thanks. Although he was annoyed that Elizabeth had not discussed with him what she had done, he did agree that Lola should get a good education.

Alison was at a loss for words and overcome with relief. Thanks to her mum Lola's life wouldn't be ruined, in fact, she would probably have one of the best starts in education she could get.

Elizabeth watched the disbelief and gratitude wash over Alison's face, but to her there was a bigger question that needed to be asked.

"Does that mean you're staying in DC for college?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but instead sounding hopeful and almost desperate.

Now it was Alison's turn to look guilty and she turned away from her parents as she walked and rocked Lola who continued to fuss against her. Her mum was not the only one with secrets...

"Um, I've given up my place at Rafferty..." she began in an awkward tone before being cut off by her parents.

"WHAT!" they both exclaimed.

"Alison, I know looking after Lola is hard but you have to get your education" Henry stated angrily. He could not believe his daughter was giving up so easily or so quickly with as much support as she had.

"Your dad's right, Noodle. How do you plan to support yourself and Lola without a college education? Your dad and I are happy to support you and Lola whilst you get an education, and we know how tough it is as we did our PhD's when you guys were young, but if you're not going to college then you need to come up with another plan" Elizabeth agreed.

"I know!" Alison snapped, annoyed that her parents would think she would drop out of college before she had even began. "That's why I'm planning on doing another year at community college before applying to Bayard to transfer there for Sophomore year. Looking after Lola is hard and I don't know how I would do it without you guys, so that's why I've decided to reapply to Bayard for their Omnipreneur programme. Having read the message board for Rafferty over the past year I don't think their course is as good as I thought it was, so I've decided to go to Bayard. I've already spoken to them and explained my situation and they're willing to look at me as a transfer student for next year. By then Lola should be weaned and I won't be breastfeeding so logistically things should be a bit easier, plus she should be sleeping through the night. I think being a part time student will be best for her and for me whilst she's still so little and I'm breastfeeding"

"So, that means you'll be staying here for the next 4 years?" Elizabeth asked hopefully, pride also washing over her that her daughter had thought about what was best for Lola and she and that Alison wasn't giving up on her education. There was nothing she loved more than having all her family together and the thought that Alison and Lola would be living with them for at least the next 4 years filled her with happiness and joy.

Alison rolled her eyes at the expectant, hopeful, look on her mother's face. "Yes mum, we'll be living here for at least the next 4 years whilst I go to college".

Elizabeth leapt off the couch and hugged her daughter, kissing all over her head as she did so.

"Mum!" Alison exclaimed in annoyance.

"Did you hear that, Lola?" she asked her granddaughter happily. "You get to be with nana and grandpa for the next 4 years!"

Sensing the change in mood Lola face lit up with a gigantic smile that filled the room with warmth.

"I quite like the look of Georgetown Freedom Montessori" Alison stated hesitantly as she let her mum take Lola from her arms and coo over her, loving the adoring expression Lola was giving her grandmother and which her mum was returning with equal fervour. When she'd started her brief research into pre-schools in her break she remembered being impressed by Georgetown Freedom Montessori's learning ethos - until she'd seen their fees.

"That's the one I liked the most too and I might have also put your name down for Saturday morning sessions when Lola turns 6 months..." Elizabeth replied distractedly as she fussed over her granddaughter and returned to the couch to sit next to Henry before handing Lola to him.

Henry immediately started playing with his granddaughter, happy that he would get to see her grow up for at least the next 4 years. He was firmly wrapped around her little finger and he wouldn't have it any other way.

"But I think they only take toddlers from 2 years old" Alison began, distress once again evident in her voice "What am I going to do until she's two? Dad goes back to the war college at the same time as I go back to community college".

A sheepish look appeared on her mother face and a wave of suspicion washed over Alison once again.

"Mum...?" she asked suspiciously.

Henry saw the look on Elizabeth's face and immediately knew that the pre-school registration was not the only thing she had done.

"Elizabeth...?" he asked sternly.

"Blake might have tracked down Miss Janie..." Elizabeth admitted reluctantly.

"Miss Janie?" Henry stated in disbelief. "Wouldn't she be retired by now?"

"She is, sort of. Her son moved down to DC 5 years ago and she moved down 3 months ago to be with him. When I talked to her I said that Alison was pregnant and that we might be looking for a part-time nanny and she said she'd be more than happy to nanny for us again on a part-time basis..."

"Really?!" Alison squealed in excitement. She had such fond memories of Miss Janie when she was their nanny, and outside of her family, there was no one else she would rather have look after Lola.

"Yes. She said to let her know once I knew if you were staying in DC for college. Maybe you'd like to call her, Noodle?" Elizabeth asked hesitantly.

"Definitely!" Alison replied happily. Earlier on today she thought she'd ruined her daughter's life by not sorting out day care for her but now, thanks to her mum, Lola had the best nanny in the whole wide world and would be going to one of the best pre-schools in town.

"So, do you forgive me for meddling?" Elizabeth asked nervously. She wanted the best for her kids, even if that meant overstepping the boundaries sometimes. She just hoped that Alison and Henry weren't too annoyed with her.

"You're forgiven" Alison agreed with a smile as she came to snuggle up to her mum's side on the couch. After a few moments she noticed that Lola was becoming agitated.

"Has Lola had dinner yet?" she asked her parents.

"No, we were trying to put it off until you got home" Henry admitted. Lola was still not great with the bottle and Elizabeth and he had been trying to keep Lola distracted until Alison had got home from work.

"Ok, I'll take her upstairs for a feed and do bath time tonight. Thanks for looking after her today whilst I was at work" Alison replied gratefully.

"No problem, how did it go?" Elizabeth asked curiously.

"Good. It's nice being back at work and using my brain, I feel like I'm getting back to being me again and it's nice having adult conversations. Is it bad I feel like that?" Alison asked worriedly. It wasn't that she didn't love Lola, but the never ending routine and talking in baby speak for most of the day got to her sometimes.

"No, it's important to look after yourself, Noodle. Happy mummy, happy baby" Elizabeth assured, earning a small smile from her daughter.

"Ok. Well, let's get the baby happy" Alison replied as Lola's movements started to become more frantic. "Save me some dinner" she requested as she picked up Lola from her dad's arms and carried her upstairs to the nursery.

"So, covert day-care operations, Madam Sexytary" Henry whispered into his wife's ear once he was sure Alison was out of ear-shot.

Elizabeth looked at her husband in surprise. She was sure he would be annoyed at her for going behind his back and arranging day care for Lola, but it seemed he was far from annoyed.

"Well, it was a mission of utmost importance for a very special person" Elizabeth flirted back.

"I'll say. I'll have to think of a way to thank you later, perhaps when we are alone in our bedroom..." Henry replied in a low voice full of intent as he cast a hot gaze over his wife.

Elizabeth gulped at the intensity of Henry's stare. "I'm looking forward to it Professor..."

* * *

 _I have to admit, I'm not too keen on this chapter as it's a bit of a filler. However, I wanted to set up what would be happening with Alison and college and who would be looking after Lola etc and this chapter achieves that. I hope it wasn't too boring, I tried to put some cute moments in too. I promise the next chapter is better...at least I think it is!_

 _Let me me know what you think._


	40. Chapter 40

_Thank you for the reviews, favourites, and follows for the last chapter._

 _Timing in this chapter jumps around a bit so I've given months and timescales which I hope helps keep everything in order. The line breaks represent a change in time, the XXX breaks represent a change in person's perspective in that time category, if that makes sense!_

* * *

 _April 2018 (3 months ago)..._

It was back in January on the day he had deposed Alison McCord that William Schulman had first suggested this strategy to his client, Giovanni Rossi. Since then his partners and he had worked tirelessly to establish their best case to have the CCTV footage dismissed from evidence, no easy task considering there was very little case law on illegally obtained CCTV footage which also contained audio, and how relevant the footage was to the case.

As he placed the Motion to Suppress Evidence document in an envelope for one of the assistants to take to the New York Supreme Court to be filed he couldn't help but feel a little disgusted with himself. If his arguments worked he would be helping a rapist to possibly walk free and that thought did not sit well with him at all.

For the first time in his life a part of him hoped his motion failed.

XXX

ADA Scott White could not believe his eyes.

It simply could not be true.

Giovanni Rossi's lawyer was trying to have the CCTV footage removed from evidence as it _violated his client's right to privacy_. The rapist was complaining that his privacy had been violated!? What about the right of his victim to not be raped?

As he continued to read the motion his eyes widened further in disbelief and he automatically reached for his phone, dialling Detective Morales number off by heart.

"Sam? You'll never guess what William Schulman is trying to pull..."

* * *

 _Early June 2018 (1.5 months ago)..._

Judge Matthews sighed wearily as he picked up the next document from his pile and started to read the Motion to Suppress Evidence, noting that it had been filed by William Schulman. Immediately he knew what case this related to and his interest piqued. As the judge who had overseen the arraignment of Giovanni Rossi on the rape charges brought by Alison McCord he had seen the CCTV footage and knew that it was damning evidence, he was surprised that Mr Schulman had not persuaded his client to take a plea bargain as that would have been the most sensible option. He settled down to read the document, intrigued by what argument Mr Schulman could possibly be using to request the evidence be suppressed.

XXX

Most days Judge Matthews enjoyed being a judge. He liked supervising justice and believed in the law wholeheartedly.

But today was not one of those days.

Mr Schulman had made some damn fine points in his motion to suppress the evidence, the crux of his case being that the evidence should never had existed in the first place and the CCTV footage only existed because of a faulty camera.

Giovanni Rossi's CCTV system was not designed to operate in bedroom or bathroom areas when he was in residence as these were rooms where a high degree of privacy is expected. Mr Schulman was arguing the CCTV footage was inadmissible as it breached Giovanni Rossi's, and Alison McCord's, right to privacy. The attorney was arguing that both parties should have expected a right to privacy in Giovanni Rossi's bedroom, which did not exist because of the faulty CCTV camera. As such, the CCTV footage should never have existed and was therefore illegally obtained as neither Giovanni Rossi nor Alison McCord had consented to it.

Furthermore, as the CCTV footage contained audio Mr Schulman was arguing that the audio fell under wiretapping laws. The State of New York operated a One Party Consent law and Mr Schulman was arguing that Giovanni Rossi did not give his consent for the audio to be recorded at the time as the system was not designed to record in the bedroom areas when he was in residence. Alison McCord had already confirmed in her statement that she had not consented to being recorded on CCTV either visually or audible, therefore no party had consented to the footage or audio.

Judge Matthews sighed deeply. Morally every fibre of his being was telling him not to let the evidence be dismissed. The CCTV footage gave the victim an airtight case and would ensure a sadistic rapist was taken off the streets.

However, his job was not to judge the morals of the evidence or the case, but its legality. This was a case he would need to do research on to see if a precedent had already been set. He really hoped there had, because despite the decade's worth of experience he had as a judge, he did not feel comfortable being the judge who would set the precedent for the admissibility of CCTV footage in rape cases - especially when the victim was the Secretary of State's daughter.

* * *

 _July 2018 (Present day)_

Judge Matthews finished his response to William Schulman's Motion to Suppress Evidence and placed the document in an envelope to be couriered to the ADA's office and the law firm of Schulman, Friedman, and Walsh.

Much to his chagrin, there had been very little precedent in the case of illegally obtained CCTV footage with audio, it was a case of technology advancing faster than the legal system. He had spent nearly every available hour he had, and many of his intern's hours, researching current case law and legal precedent and the decision he had arrived at had not been an easy one. He'd had many a sleepless night over the past month whilst he considered both the moral and legal implications of his decision. Ultimately he was bound to follow the laws of New York State and his decision had been determined on this basis.

XXX

Disappointment washed over William Schulman as he read the judge's decision on his Motion to Suppress Evidence. He picked up the phone to call his client and deliver the news...

XXX

Detectives Samuel Morales and Erica Johnson sat at ADA Scott White's desk as they once again read Judge Matthews response. His decision was well laid out and drew from the relevant legal precedent where one existed. Where precedence was not established his argument for his decision was explained logically and fairly.

"I better call Alison..." Erica stated as she retrieved her mobile phone from her pocket. She had the best relationship with Alison out of the three of them and she thought Alison should hear this news from her and not from the media, despite Alison's initial request not to be kept updated with the developments on the case.

XXX

Alison McCord had just finished getting dressed and was about to dry her hair when she heard her phone ring. Seeing the caller ID her brow immediately creased in consternation and she picked up the phone.

"Hi Erica..." she greeted curiously. She hadn't spoken to the detective since January when she had been deposed by William Schulman. What could she want now?

"Hi Alison. Um, I have some news about your case..."

Alison listened as Erica explained that _his_ lawyer had submitted a motion to have the CCTV footage suppressed from evidence and how the judge had taken over a month to come back with a decision, apparently this meant the judge had carefully considered the motion before giving his decision. As Erica continued to talk a sense of foreboding grew in her stomach.

"...so, uh, the judge has decided that the CCTV footage is not legally admissible as neither party consented to the footage being recorded and it breached both parties right to privacy..."

Alison's knees buckled beneath her and she was glad she had been standing by her bed so that she'd had something soft to land on.

"What does this mean for my case?" Alison whispered as she fought to stop the tears slipping from her eyes.

"With the pictures and evidence we collected, and with your statement, ADA White still thinks you have a strong case..."

"But it's basically a 'he said she said' case now" Alison whispered.

There was a long pause before Erica spoke again.

"Alison..."

"I have to go, Lola's crying..." Alison interrupted before she hung up the phone.

Sheer terror coursed through her veins. Without the CCTV footage, what case did she have? If she lost _he_ could take Lola from her! _He_ could get custody! She couldn't let Lola be around _him_! _She_ couldn't be around _him_ , couldn't see _him_ again every week for the rest of her life!

She felt panic creep up her back and crash over her like a tsunami. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. Her body shook uncontrollably and her face and arms went numb. All she could feel was panic. She gasped for breath as she thought about having to give Lola to _him_.

XXX

Henry looked at the clock in concern. He'd heard Alison leave the bathroom about 30 minutes ago, and for days when she was just lazing around the house with Lola and he, that was more than enough time for her to dry her hair and get dressed. Lola had been unsettled most of last night and at 6am Elizabeth and he had taken Lola into their room so that their daughter could at least get a few hours sleep. He'd heard Alison moving around her room at 10.30am and the shower start not long after, so he'd decided to made her pancakes - pancakes that were now going cold - in an effort to cheer her up. Not hearing movement from upstairs, he decided to check on his daughter to see if she had fallen back to sleep. Lola was busy snoozing in her swing, so he loaded a tray up with the pancakes and decided to treat his daughter to brunch in bed. What he was not expecting to see when he opened his daughter's bedroom door was Alison curled forward on her bed, struggling to breathe, and ashen faced.

"Alison! What's the matter?" he asked desperately, discarding the tray on his daughter's desk and going to crouch in front of her. He grabbed her shoulders gently and stared into wide, tear-filled, panic ridden, eyes that were full of fear. Immediately he recognised Alison was having a panic attack.

"Alison, just look at me. You're having a panic attack. Everything is going to be ok, you just need to breathe with me. Come on Noodle, in 1...2...3...4, out 1...2...3...4, in 1...2...3...4, and out 1...2...3...4.

Alison shook her head. She couldn't control her breathing. She couldn't speak. She couldn't do anything! She was useless, pointless.

For a good 10 minutes Henry tried to help his daughter regulate her breathing. He tried every trick he'd learnt from Elizabeth's panic attacks, but nothing seemed to be working and he could see his daughter's lips and fingernails starting to turn blue from lack of oxygen.

"Alison, where's your medication?" he demanded.

Alison didn't want to take the anti-anxiety medication she had been prescribed after her first panic attack. Through sheer hard work and determination she had managed to get this far without it, but this panic attack was unlike the other ones. She was paralysed, she couldn't tell her dad where the medication was even if she wanted to.

Realising that Alison was not really cognisant he frantically started searching her bedroom. He checked drawers and cupboards, bedside cabinets and pockets of clothing to no avail. He could feel his own frustration increasing when he caught a glimpse of Alison's handbag in the corner of his eye. Feeling guilty for intruding in her private space he dug through the bag, relief washing over him when he found the small rectangular box. Reading the instructions he noted that Alison was allowed to take up to 2 of the small pills and he quickly popped two from the foil packet.

"Alison, open your mouth for me" he coerced, but received no response from his daughter who continued to gasp for air. Gently he cupped her jaw and carefully coaxed her mouth open enough that he could get the two small pills into her mouth.

"Swallow Alison" he commanded softly "These will help". He could see Alison trying to swallow and when he checked her mouth again a minute later he could not see the pills.

He continued to crouch in front of Alison, saying words of reassurance, feeling her body shake beneath his fingers, and maintaining eye contact with her terrified eyes. He wondered how long it would take the medication to work and whether Alison would stay conscious long enough for it to take effect. 10 minutes later his daughter suddenly stopped shaking and took in a deep, shaky breath.

"Alison?" he queried.

Surprise and relief washed over Alison as suddenly she felt the effects of the medication her dad had forced into her. It was like a switch had been flipped and a blanket had been placed over the panic to contain it deep within her. She could feel it, but she also couldn't feel it, and it was the weirdest sensation she had ever experienced, but she was just grateful that she could now breathe.

"I'm ok" she replied in a scratchy voice.

Her dad handed her a glass of orange juice and she drank from it gratefully.

"Thanks" she whispered as she gave her dad a small smile.

"No problem, Noodle" Henry assured with a small smile, initial relief washing over him that Alison's panic attack seemed to have ended. "But what happened to cause you to have a panic attack? You haven't had one in months" he asked gently.

If it were not for the medication Alison was sure that tears would be filling her eyes again, but it was like her emotions had been tied down and their effect on her was minimal.

"Detective Johnson called. Apparently _his_ attorney filed a motion to have the CCTV footage removed from evidence and the judge ruled in _his_ favour. Now it's just my word against his and if I lose he'll get to see Lola. He can't see her dad, he can't!" she implored desperately.

"Hey, shhhh!" Henry comforted and he gently hugged his daughter. "It's going to be ok"

Alison pulled back from her dad's warm embrace. "No! No it's not! He could get to see her, dad! _I_ might have to see him and I can't go through that. I can't leave my daughter with him"

Henry stared into his daughter's eyes. "I promise you, Noodle. No matter what happens you will never have to see him again and neither will Lola".

It was one promise he was determined to keep.

XXX

"Henry? Henry?" Elizabeth called frantically as she rushed through her DC home in search of her husband. It was early afternoon and she had come straight from a meeting at the Australian Embassy as soon as she had received Henry's voicemail.

"I'm here, babe" he called from the Family Room where he was busy feeding Lola, who for once was actually taking the bottle without fuss as if she knew something serious had happened today. Whether it was the effects of the panic attack, the fact that Alison had barely slept last night, or the medication he wasn't sure, but Alison had fallen asleep not 20 minutes after taking the anti-anxiety medication and he was more than happy to be taking care of his granddaughter today as his daughter rested. Thankfully Stevie was at work and Jason was out with his friends so he and Elizabeth could talk freely.

"Is it true?" Elizabeth demanded as she came to sit by her husband on the couch. She couldn't help the gentle smile that appeared on her face as she glanced down at her granddaughter.

"Yes, it's true" Henry replied with a sigh. "I called ADA White not long after Alison fell asleep. The judge ruled the CCTV is a breach of privacy and was obtained without consent and is therefore inadmissible. However, the judge ruled the CCTV that was taken in the communal areas can still be used and ADA White still thinks that Alison has a good case. The communal CCTV supports Alison's version of events and the...injuries...she sustained add credence to the fact the act was not consensual".

"So she'll still win?" Elizabeth asked distractedly as she took a now fed Lola from her husband's arms and started burping her.

Henry paused before replying. "The odds are not as good as before, but ADA White thinks there is a reasonable..."

" _Reasonable?"_ Elizabeth exclaimed in dismay "Henry, that means she might lose! _He_ threatened our granddaughter, Henry! _He_ can't..."

"Hey, shhh!" Henry comforted as he turned to face his wife, grabbed her shoulder's gently, and looked her straight in the eye. "It's going to be ok. I promise no one is going to hurt Lola or Alison"

"He's right" came a weary voice from behind the couple.

"Noodle..." Elizabeth exclaimed breathlessly.

"He's not going to hurt her because I'm going to drop the case and get him to sign away his paternity rights. All that matters is that Lola is safe, and if that's the only way I can ensure it, then that's what I'll do".

XXX

"Excellent work as always, William" Giovanni Rossi congratulated his attorney as he stared at a picture of his _daughter_ being sick on the President in an old tabloid magazine. Now that the pesky CCTV footage was taken care of it was only a matter of time until that bitch dropped the charges against him. If not, then he'd make sure his _daughter_ suffered for her mother's indiscretions...

* * *

 _Ok, so when I first thought of this plotline I thought it would be a really interesting idea to explore the legality of the CCTV footage from the judge's perspective as judges have to make decisions based on facts of law, despite whether they feel the decision is the right one morally. However, when I came to write this chapter it turns out I probably needed a degree in law to do it properly! The legal information in this chapter is from various websites and I hope it is is vaguely accurate. I tired to make the best argument I could for the CCTV footage being removed from evidence. I think I now know more about American privacy laws than I ever wished to!_

 _I also couldn't find out on the internet how a Motion to Suppress Evidence case is heard and how long it takes a judge to respond, so I've had to guess. Similarly, I couldn't find out how an attorney submits the Motion to Suppress Evidence motion to the court, who would get a copy of it, and who would get copies of the judge's decision so I've had to guess. Again, I hope it is vaguely accurate._

 _On a separate note, I'm thinking of doing a Christmas chapter. Are there any specific Christmas tradition you American guys have? What meat do you have for Christmas Day lunch? Would the Secretary of State have to attend an official function?_

 _As always, reviews welcome as I love receiving them._


	41. Chapter 41

_Thank you for the reviews, alerts, follows, and favourites following the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one!_

* * *

 _"...and people continue to ask: if Giovanni Rossi is innocent, why did his attorney - William Schulman - file to have the CCTV footage withheld?"_

"Noodle, you shouldn't be watching that" Henry McCord remarked as he switched off the TV and moved to sit on the lounge chair in the corner of the family room.

It had been 3 days since Detective Johnson had called with the news that the CCTV footage was being withheld from evidence and it had taken the press only a matter of hours to pick up on the fact that not only was there CCTV footage of the 'alleged' attack, but that Giovani Rossi's attorney had had the footage withheld from evidence. Since then news anchors and chat shows around the country wanted to know the answer to one question: why did Giovanni Rossi want the CCTV footage withheld from evidence if he was innocent?

Alison sighed from her position laying on the couch. Ever since she had received the news regarding the CCTV footage she felt completely defeated and hopeless and she didn't have the energy to do anything. She supposed it didn't help that today marked the anniversary of her rape and the moment her life had changed irrevocably. She couldn't help but think of what she was doing this time last year and how her life had been so _normal_ at precisely this time. She'd been having the best summer of her life, interning for a fashion designer, making new friends, and truly living independently of her parents for the first time ever. She'd had her first taste of freedom and she'd loved it. She felt like she had found her place in the world and couldn't wait to go to college and assert her independence further. She'd had no one to worry about but herself.

Now she felt so unsure of herself all the time. On one hand she was extremely 'adult'. She volunteered at a rape crisis centre and she had a child who she took care of almost 24/7. She constantly worried about Lola, that she wasn't doing a good enough job as her mother and that she was doing something wrong. Making sure Lola was happy and taken care of was now her number one priority.

Yet on the other hand she needed her parents more than ever. She needed their help with Lola when she failed and couldn't get her daughter to sleep or calm down when she was irate, or when she was so exhausted that she just couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. She'd thought she knew how expensive having a baby was until Lola arrived, then she'd realised there was no way she would be able to raise Lola without her parents and she felt so guilty that she had to rely on them for everything. She felt like she was more dependent on them now than ever before and it depressed her.

Instinctively her eyes moved to watch Lola - the evidence of what had happened a year ago tonight - who was happily playing on her activity gym, her little arms swinging as she tried to grab the toys that dangled from the frame and her legs wriggling at the effort her upper body was extending. Alison felt her eyes water yet again as she looked at her daughter and the weight of the decision she had to make fell heavily on her shoulders.

After Detective Johnson had told her about the CCTV footage being withheld from evidence she'd had every intention of dropping the case and getting _him_ to sign away his paternity rights. Her dad hadn't been particularly happy about her decision as he had spoken to ADA White who thought she still had a reasonable chance of winning, he struggled to understand why she would give up the chance to put away a serial sex attacker when she'd come this far. She understood her dad wanted justice for her, but she wanted to protect Lola from her _father_ and dropping the case was the only way she could guarantee that. Her mother, ever the diplomat, had practically refereed the argument between her dad and she, but ultimately her parents had agreed to support her whatever decision she made.

However, the story had broken on the news the same day that Detective Johnson had called, before she'd had chance to contact William Schulman, and public opinion against _him_ had started to change almost immediately. The NYPD had also taken the opportunity to announce that 100 victims had now come forward with allegations against _him._ The fact that the share value of his business had fallen sharply and his business empire was now worth roughly 50% of what it had been 3 days previously was evidence of the public's current opinion.

It put her in a difficult position.

If she dropped the case it could lead to the press finding out who she was and that Lola was a result of rape. She wanted to protect her daughter from the press scrutiny as much as she wanted to protect her from _him_ , after all, Lola would be able to Google her name when she was older and find out everything about her life. She didn't "result of rape" to be one of the first things she read about herself.

But if she didn't drop the case she might lose and _he_ might gain access to Lola and she might have to see _him_ again.

She felt like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Whatever decision she made could have dire consequences and she just wanted everything to go away. Part of her just wanted to run away and not have to deal with possible child custody issues or whether to continue with the rape charges she had filed. She just wanted to be like her friends who were out having fun and exploring the world, whereas she was stuck at home dealing with breastfeeding, dirty diapers, laundry, and a baby who was still not sleeping through the night.

For the first time in months she'd had a one-on-one session with Alexis yesterday, but it hadn't helped. They'd talked about the anniversary of her rape coming up and about the panic attack she'd had. They'd discussed how she was feeling about the press coverage and about dropping the case and getting _him_ to sign away his paternity rights. Of the three other rape charges that had already been brought against _him_ , one had been dropped but the other two were still proceeding. If she dropped her case there was still a chance that _he_ would be sent to prison, but if she dropped her case and the other two were unsuccessful then _he_ would still be out there to hurt other women and she knew that she would feel guilty for the rest of her life if she didn't at least try to stop _him_. But on the other hand she also had to protect her daughter. It was a no win situation and it filled her with despair.

Henry was overcome with worry as he surreptitiously watched his daughter lying listlessly on the couch, noting the tears rimming her eyes. After Alison announced she was going to drop her case and get _him_ to sign away his paternity rights a row had erupted between Alison and he and he still regretted some of the things he had said to her. He just struggled to comprehend why his daughter would want to drop the case when there was still a reasonable chance she would win and she would never have to see Giovanni Rossi again.

Ever since the argument Alison had withdrawn into herself and was hardly speaking to anyone, he felt incredible guilty that he may be part of the reason for her behaviour. For the past three days Alison had seemed to be in a trance and had done nothing but lie around the house, it was like she had lost interest in living and she was barely taking care of Lola, let alone herself. She had barely eaten anything and had been tearful whenever she held Lola, which was mainly just when she fed her. It was almost like they were back at square one and in the early days after Alison had returned from New York. It was as if the thought of having to see Giovanni Rossi again had taken all fight out of his daughter and he hated Giovanni Rossi for that.

He'd hoped after her session with Dr Castillo yesterday that she'd be more communicative, but if anything the opposite had happened and Alison had become even more withdrawn.

Cries from the activity mat drew his attention away from the newspaper he was reading and he watched Alison out of the corner of his eye hoping that she would get up to see to Lola, but Alison simply looked lost as she stared at her daughter. After a minute he went and picked up Lola but he could tell Lola wanted Alison - it was lunchtime after all.

"Alison, Lola needs feeding" he stated gently and the look of overwhelming defeat Alison gave him made his heart drop into his stomach.

"No" she whispered as she shook her head "No. I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore!" she cried before she flew off the couch and ran out of the house.

Henry didn't know what to do. He wanted to go after Alison, but he couldn't leave Lola on her own.

"JASON!" he yelled upstairs as he started to climb towards his son's room. Stevie was out with Jareth, but he knew his son was upstairs.

"What?" came the disgruntled reply as he reached Jason's bedroom door.

"You need to look after Lola" he replied slightly out of breath as he handed Lola over to her uncle.

"But I'm..." Jason began in confusion as he held the frustrated baby in his arms.

"Alison... I need to go find her. I'll explain when I get back. There's a bottle of milk in the fridge, you're going to have to try and feed it to her"

Without further ado Henry sprinted back downstairs, ignoring the sound of his son's confused voice.

He dashed out into the backyard and the sight that confronted him broke his heart.

Elizabeth and Alison sat huddled together on the ground, their backs against the garden gate, as Elizabeth held a sobbing Alison to her chest. Elizabeth shot him a worried look and he came to sit cross legged in front of two of the most important women in his life.

"I'm sor...sorry" Alison sobbed. "I...It...It's too much!"

"Shhhh, Alison..." Elizabeth soothed softly as she held her daughter tighter, not sure why Alison was in such a state having just returned from an unexpected meeting at the White House.

Alison simply sobbed harder at her mother's words. She'd realised as soon as she'd reached the back gate of their walled garden that she had nowhere to go. The paparazzi were no doubt hiding somewhere beyond the back wall and she'd left her car keys and purse in the house. She'd punched the gate in frustration as she felt tears wet her cheeks, seconds later her mum had come through the gate with a startled look on her face. With nothing left inside her she'd collapsed against her mother and somehow they'd ended up sat on the garden path as she sobbed her heart out.

"What's happened?" Elizabeth asked softly as she stroked Alison's hair tenderly.

"Everything!" Alison exclaimed in distress. "A year ago everything was so good! Now I have to make decisions about Lola and court cases and possible custody issues and...and..."

"Shhh" Elizabeth soothed as she continued to stroke her daughter's hair and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. It was not lost on her that today was the anniversary of Alison's rape, but she'd been called into work early this morning before she'd had a chance to talk to Alison about it.

Alison cried harder as she thought about the decision she had to make. Then a wave of horror washed over her as she realised she run out of the house and abandoned Lola.

"Oh God! Lola! Where is she?" she asked in panic.

"It's ok, Alison" Henry comforted "Jason's watching her and he's going to feed her the spare bottle of milk in the fridge"

"Jason? But she hates... I'm such a failure!" Alison cried feeling more useless than ever.

Elizabeth shot her husband another quizzical look, to which he returned a helpless, clueless look.

"You haven't failed anyone, Noodle" Elizabeth tried to reassure.

"Yes I have! I abandoned her with dad without a second thought! I'm not good enough to be her mother, I'm not doing anything right!"

"Alison, you're doing a wonderful job" Henry reassured.

"How can you say that!?" Alison exclaimed angrily. "I have to rely on you for everything! I know that Lola wakes you up in the night and I've brought so much scandal to the family. We're a burden"

Elizabeth looked at her daughter and in that moment she looked so young and scared and overwhelmed that it broke her heart. She held her daughter together as she continued to fall apart in her arms.

"Alison, your dad and I _love_ having you and Lola in the house. We _know_ how hard it is to be a parent and we're happy to help you - we _want_ to help you. You're really not a burden. We knew what a baby would entail when you told us you were pregnant and there was no doubt in our minds right from the first day that if you decided to keep the baby then we would support you and your child until you could support yourself. We're proud of you and how well you're doing" Elizabeth replied emphatically.

"And as for the interrupted night's sleep" Henry continued "Lola is totally worth it and we wouldn't have it any other way".

"Really?" Alison queried hesitantly.

"Really" Elizabeth confirmed.

"But it's so hard" Alison finally admitted, guilt washing over her.

"We know, Noodle. The first few months when the baby is not sleeping are the worst, but you really are a brilliant mother and your dad and I are so impressed and proud of how you're coping" Elizabeth reassured.

"I don't think I can do this on my own" Alison whispered shamefully.

"You'll never have to do this on your own as long as your mum and I are around. We love you and we're here for you" Henry replied sincerely.

"Do you know how I can make sure she's safe?" Alison asked tearfully, because ultimately that was all she wanted for Lola.

A wave of hatred for Giovanni Rossi ran through Henry at what he was putting his daughter through. Alison should be enjoying this time with her daughter, not be terrified that she might have to let Lola see her _father_ or that she might have to see her rapist again for the rest of her life. He couldn't make the decision for Alison, but maybe there was a way he could help her come to a decision.

"Alison, why did you decide to press charges?" he asked in an inquisitive tone.

"Wh..what?" Alison asked in confusion.

Elizabeth shot her husband a warning look as she realised what he was doing. He was going for the Socratic method to try and help Alison reach a decision about what she wanted to do. She knew it was an effective technique, she just wasn't sure now was the right time to question Alison.

"Why did you decide to press charges?" Henry reiterated gently as he ignored his wife's look.

"Because _he_ hurt me. _He_ broke the law and I wanted him to be punished for that" Alison replied.

"What's changed now?"

"Lola!" she exclaimed incredulously, her eyes wide in surprise that her dad didn't realise how important Lola was.

"So, if it weren't for Lola, would you still be pursuing the charges?"

Alison considered her dad's question carefully before responding. Would she still pursue the charges if it wasn't for Lola? She did want justice for herself and she did want _him_ punished for what he had done to her, she wanted to make sure that no one else had to go through what she went through.

"Yes, if it was just me, I would still be pursuing the charges" she replied thoughtfully. As devastating as it would be to lose, she knew if it was just herself she would survive with the support of her friends and family. She could take comfort in the fact that she had tried. "But it isn't just me" she added.

"So, Lola is the issue?" Henry questioned gently.

Alison nodded. "Yes, she's more important that what I want. She's everything" she whispered.

Henry could not argue with his daughter on that point. His wife, children, and grandchild were everything to him too.

"If we could protect Lola, would you still pursue the charges?"

"But I can't..." Alison began in distress before being cut off by her mum.

"I can request a DS agent for Lola" Elizabeth stated in a serious tone. She'd already checked with DS who had advised that Lola qualified as her immediate family. DS had already undertaken a risk assessment and deemed that Lola would require an agent if left in Giovanni Rossi's company as being accused of rape and sexual assault by over 100 women did not endear Giovanni Rossi to DS - neither did making a threat against the Secretary of State's family when her lead DS agent was in earshot. Giovanni Rossi was considered a threat to the whole McCord family, not just Alison and Lola.

"Really?" Alison queried in a small voice as she peeked up her mother.

"She's my immediate family, so yes, I can request a DS agent for her" Elizabeth confirmed, not wanting to let Alison know that Giovanni Rossi was already considered a threat.

Alison pondered that piece of information. If in the worst case scenario she lost her case and _he_ gained some sort of access to Lola, knowing that her daughter would have her own DS agent when she was with _him_ would mean that Lola would be safe. DS would not let anything happen to Lola.

"But you're only going to be Secretary of State for 3 more years, what do I do afterwards?" Alison asked in a distressed tone.

Elizabeth tightened her hold on Alison and gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. "3 years is a long time, Noodle, a lot can happen in that amount of time". Like her running for President which would mean Secret Service protection for her entire immediate family. "We'll figure something out, I promise" Elizabeth reassured.

"So, if Lola had her own DS agent and was safe, would you still want to press charges?" Henry pressed gently.

Alison sighed and sagged against her mother. If Lola permanently had her own DS agent then she felt it was safe to take the risk with the court case, as if she lost the case Lola would still be protected. But she didn't have a permanent DS agent.

"I don't know" Alison replied truthfully.

"Ok, so let's look at things from the other perspective" Henry stated in a serious tone, nervous about how Alison would react to this line of questioning, and again ignoring a warning look from his wife.

"If you lost and he gets some sort of custody, how do you think he'd react?"

"He'd hate it" Alison answered immediately, a surprising amount of venom in her voice.

"And why is that?" Henry pushed.

"He hates kids and he hates when things don't go his way" Alison replied immediately. She recalled how one of his assistants had to bring her child in to the office for 30 minutes because her childcare was running late and he had almost fired his assistant over it. She's also learnt from her internship that he was used to being power and control - _he_ didn't go to people, they came to _him_.

"So, do you think he would actually pursue custody if he lost?" Henry queried inquisitively, finally feeling like he was making headway with Alison.

Alison considered her dad's question seriously. "He hates not getting his own way and he would hate having to come here to get her. He would loathe the DS agent being with her all the time too..."

"So, if he had to go through all of that for at least 3 years, do you think he would?" Henry asked gently.

Alison couldn't help the snort that escaped her. No!" she exclaimed.

"So, knowing that Lola would have her own DS agent for at least 3 years and the likelihood of him actually sticking with any sort of custody agreement is potentially negligible, do you still want to press charges?"

"I would still have to see him though" she replied in a small voice as she looked down in shame. The thought of seeing _him_ again still filled her with so much fear.

"What if your dad or I handled the hand over, in the worst case scenario that he proceeds with some form of custody?" Elizabeth asked. If she could protect her daughter from the distress and upset of seeing her rapist, she would.

Hope rose within Alison as she finally started to light at the end of the tunnel. She now realised that if it wasn't for Lola she would be pursuing the charges. But, with her mum's ability to protect Lola with a DS agent, and with her parents offering to handle the handover with _him_ in the worst case scenario that he was awarded some form of custody, the risk to Lola seemed manageable if she did lose her case.

"If you guys would do that for me, and get a DS agent for Lola, then I think I still want to go ahead with the charges" Alison replied hesitantly. It still worried her that she could only guarantee Lola's safety for 3 years in the instance that she lost, but as her mum had said, a lot could happen in 3 years.

"Then that's what we'll do if the worst happens" Elizabeth assured as she pulled her daughter closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Team McCord, right?" Henry added with a smile as he squeezed Alison's knee comfortingly.

"Um...guys?" Jason called in distress from the doors to the garden breaking the moment between Alison and her parents. "The President Puker has thrown up again"

Alison sighed in resignation as she realised she would have to bathe her daughter and dress her again. She made to get up, but was stopped by her dad's hand on her knee.

"I've got this, Noodle. Take a break, you deserve it" Henry replied with a loving smile.

"But..."

"No 'buts', Noodle. Let us help you" Elizabeth implored.

As she looked into the loving eyes of her parents, she realised just how lucky she was. Maybe with her parents help things would turn out ok after all.

* * *

 _I did do some research on the internet regarding security for the Secretary of State and DS can protect their immediate family however, it wasn't clear if a grandchild is considered immediate family. Given that Lola lives with Elizabeth I thought it was a reasonable assumption that DS would provide security for her if it were requested by Elizabeth._

 _The idea for Henry employing the Socratic method came from the pilot -which is also my extent of knowledge of the Socratic questioning method! I hope I did an ok job with it?_

 _I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and as always, feedback welcome._


	42. Chapter 42

"I spoke with Captain Baker today and there are still thousands of attacks on the NYPD's and DA's firewall everyday" Elizabeth spoke worriedly to her husband as she removed jewellery at her dressing table.

Ever since the news had broke that CCTV footage existed of _something_ happening in Giovanni Rossi's apartment on the night he was alleged to have raped someone hackers had been targeting the NYPD's and the District Attorney's Office firewall constantly. Elizabeth was so worried about the footage of her daughter's rape becoming public that she had enlisted the help of Captain Baker to protect it. Part of her hated herself for using her power and authority to have Captain Baker become responsible for the firewall, but the mamma bear side of her knew it was the right thing to do. There was no one else she would trust to keep the footage of her daughter's rape safe than Captain Baker.

Henry put down the book he was reading and turned his attention to his wife. "But no-one has managed to get through the firewall yet, right?" Henry queried with concern.

"No... but they could! What would we do then, Henry? Alison has been through enough, she doesn't need the public seeing what she endured that night" Elizabeth replied with distress.

"Hey..." Henry began softly as he lifted up the quilt in a silent invitation to his wife to join him in bed.

"And what if a foreign enemy managed to obtain it?" Elizabeth continued in distress as she joined her husband in bed and quickly snuggled up against him "The power they would have over me - there's nothing I wouldn't do to stop that footage from being made public".

Henry pulled his wife closer to him and rested his head atop of hers comfortingly, a shudder running through him at the thought of what could happen if the footage fell into the wrong hands.

"We'll deal with it if it happens" he soothed in a tone that belied just how worried and distressed over the situation. "Until then we trust Captain Baker to do her job".

Elizabeth knew her husband was right but the constant worry of what might happen if the footage was hacked played constantly on her mind. She meant what she said about there being nothing she wouldn't do if the footage fell into the wrong hands. She was angry at the judge for the decision he had made to exclude the footage, but she could understand the legal reasons for his decision - even if morally it was the completely wrong decision. It was frustrating that there just wasn't enough of a precedence for the DA's office to launch an appeal, but an appeal would also mean more publicity around the footage and that was the last thing she wanted. It had been 10 days since the news of the CCTV footage had broken and it was only just starting to die down in the press. Alison had had a tough time with the constant reminders in the news about Giovanni Rossi and she could see it was taking a toll on her daughter.

Suddenly an idea popped into her head. She may be powerless when it came to the CCTV footage or the media, but maybe there was something she could do to lift her daughter's spirit.

"You know Alison's friends are going to Bethany Beach for the week in 2 weeks time" Elizabeth stated casually as she moved from her husband's arms and turned so she was sat next to him.

"Uh-huh" Henry replied as he raised an eyebrow at his wife. He recognised her tone, she was up to something.

"I think we should let her go" Elizabeth stated bluntly.

Henry looked at his wife in surprise. "You want to allow Alison to go to Bethany Beach with her friends for a week? The week we're supposed to be going to the horse farm for the last family holiday?" he queried incredulously.

"Yes - maybe not for the whole week, but I think she needs to go away and have some fun with her friends. She's had a tough few months, well, year actually, and you must have seen how she's been looking at her social media accounts this summer, the wave of sadness and longing on her face whenever her friends post a new picture" Elizabeth insisted.

After Alison's breakdown in their garden last weekend she'd taken Alison to the spa for the afternoon and they'd talked extensively about how Alison had been feeling since she'd had Lola and how the decision to dismiss the CCTV footage had caused her so much turmoil. She felt so guilty for not realising how much Alison had been struggling with motherhood - she was such a natural at it and seemed so confident - so to find out that Alison felt so insecure about her mothering abilities had been gut-wrenching. It also pained her to see the distress Giovanni Rossi was still causing Alison and she would do anything to take it all away from her daughter if she could.

"But that's part of being a parent" Henry argued "We had to make sacrifices when we had the kids and Alison knew she would have to make sacrifices"

"Henry, we had been together 7 years by the time Stevie came along! We'd been on holiday with our friends, we'd had romantic breaks, we'd partied, we'd _lived_. Hell, you'd even fought in a war! And I seem to recall that when I had a pregnancy scare in college you broke up with me as soon as the test came back negative"

"We were barely in our 20's! And I asked you to marry me 3 days later as soon as I came to my senses and realised I couldn't live without you in my life" Henry argued.

"But that's exactly my point! We barely handled a pregnancy scare together when we were older than Alison, but she actually has a baby and she doesn't have a partner to lean on. It wasn't like she asked for this to happen to her. She's stepped into motherhood wonderfully and she's barely asked anything of us, she deserves - and needs - to have a little fun"

Henry thought back to the early days of parenthood with Stevie. It had been tough and Elizabeth and he had argued more in those first 3 months than they had in the 7 years beforehand. Then he thought about all his daughter had been through in the past year and how hard she had worked to overcome what had happened to her, a wave of pride washing over him as he was reminded just how far Alison had come in a year. He recalled how his parents had come to visit when Stevie was 3 months old and insisted that Elizabeth and he go out for a night whilst they babysat. His mum had insisted that a night together was all they needed to reconnect as a couple - and it had worked too.

"You're right" Henry relented with a sigh. "To be a good parent you have to take care of yourself and Alison has been through a LOT this year. Some time with her friends will be good for her...but you're doing Lola's middle of the night feed" he continued with a sly smile.

"You're on!" Elizabeth agreed without hesitation. She'd happily sacrifice a little sleep for her granddaughter if it made her daughter happy. She just hoped her plan worked.

* * *

Alison stared at her reflection in the mirror, a pleased smile lighting up her face as she turned around to check out her figure. One good thing about all the stress she'd been under over the past 3 weeks was that the last 10lbs of baby weight had pretty much fallen off her and she was finally in her pre-pregnancy clothes. It felt good to have her figure back, and coupled with the fact that she was going away for the weekend with her friends, she was feeling happy for the first time in weeks.

She still could not believe her parents were letting her go to Bethany Beach with her friends for the weekend. Granted it wasn't for the whole week, but she was so excited to get to be a _normal_ teenager again for a few days and hang out with her friends. It had been her parents idea for her to go too! After her meltdown in the garden her parents had been even more attentive than usual and reassured her constantly that she was doing a good job with Lola. Whilst she still worried that she wasn't a good enough mother for Lola, having her parents support and reassurance did help as she knew what great parents they were and she knew that if she was only as half as good as they were then Lola would turn out just fine. So, when they had come to her with their suggestion that she spend the weekend with her friends she had tried to argue that she couldn't go because of Lola, that she had to be sensible and put her daughter first. Her parents explained that part of being a good parent was taking care of yourself and had insisted that she go away with her friends for a few days. Reluctantly she had agreed, but now the time was here for her to go, she was so looking forward to a few days where she wouldn't have to breast feed her daughter or change her dirty nappy. She was looking forward to having 3 nights worth of uninterrupted sleep if nothing else.

Picking up the last of her bags she exited her room and took the rear stairs to the kitchen.

"Hi" she greeted her mum cheerfully.

"Hi Noodle" Elizabeth greeted her daughter brightly as she gently bounced her granddaughter against her shoulder as she sipped coffee from her travel mug. "You all packed?"

"Yep, this is the last bag" Alison confirmed with a smile.

Elizabeth returned her daughter's smile. It warmed her heart to see Alison looking so happy and excited after the stress of the past few weeks.

"Your dad will be pleased" she replied teasingly. Alison had packed enough bags for the entire week she would be away from DC and her poor husband had insisted on loading them into the Jeep on Alison's behalf, seeing as she would be taking the Jeep with her to Bethany Beach.

Alison came and took Lola from her mother, a wave of guilt washing over her as her daughter smiled up at her. Today was Friday and she would be driving up to Bethany Beach and staying at Kelsey's family's beach house until Monday when she would join the rest of the family at the horse farm for the remainder of the annual McCord summer holiday. It meant that she wouldn't be seeing her daughter for the best part of 4 days and she did feel very guilty, and slightly anxious, about leaving her. She knew her parents were more than capable of taking care of Lola, she just wasn't quite sure she was ready to be away from Lola for that amount of time despite how excited she was to be seeing her friends. It must have shown on her face as she heard her mother speak.

"It's ok to take some time for you, Noodle. We've got the extra breast milk you've been pumping over the past few weeks stored in the freezer and we'll Facetime every day, in fact, Facetime us whenever you want. Lola will be fine, your dad and I have got this. Just go and have fun, Noodle, you deserve it" Elizabeth assured her daughter seriously.

"And you promise me you'll Facetime me if she does anything new?"

"I promise" Elizabeth reassured.

"Ready to go, Ali?" Henry asked as he walked back into the house having made sure all of Alison's stuff was _in_ the Jeep, all of Lola's items were _out_ of the Jeep, and the Jeep was fully prepared for Alison to drive it to Bethany Beach.

"I think so" Alison replied in an unsteady tone. Only minutes ago she'd been so looking forward to going away for a few days with her friends, but now that it was time to leave she wasn't sure she could leave Lola as her daughter snuggled herself against her neck and grabbed a hold of her hair. She felt tears spring to her eyes.

"Bye Lola. Mummy will be back in a few days, I promise. Nana and grandpa will take good care of you and nana and grandpa will Facetime me whenever you want, ok?" she spoke softly to her daughter as she placed a gentle kiss on her head. She took in a deep breath of Lola's unique smell and her heart broke at the thought that she wouldn't be able to hold or smell her daughter for the next 4 days.

"It's going to be ok, Ali" Elizabeth comforted as she came and took Lola out of her daughter's arms. "Go and have fun with your friends, it will do you the world of good".

Alison quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, not wanting to upset her daughter. "I know" she whispered. "Bye Lola. Mummy loves you so much" she continued as she gently smoothed Lola's thick dark hair for the last time.

She turned and grabbed her last bag, said goodbye to her dad, and headed out to the Jeep. She never turned back, because she knew if she did she would never leave.

* * *

"Alison!" Brianna exclaimed as her friend arrived at the beach house.

"Hey, guys!" Alison greeted brightly as she got out of the vehicle. It had been a long 3.5 hour drive to Bethany Beach and for the first hour she had cried almost constantly. After another hour she'd stopped at the services and Facetimed her dad, to be told that everyone was fine. Her mum had finally gone to work, he was packing for their week away whilst Lola napped in the swing he'd set up in his bedroom, and Jason was still in bed. Reassured that her daughter was ok, she'd put on her favourite album and enjoyed the final hour and a half of the journey to Bethany Beach.

"Alison! You're just in time! We were just about to head to the shops to get some food, and seeing as you're the last in, you're driving!" Kelsey stated as she came to hug her friend.

"Nice to see you too!" Alison quipped, causing Kelsey to roll her eyes.

"Well, of course, it's nice to see you!" Kelsey returned cheekily.

"You look really good, Ali" Hannah stated as she welcomed her friend.

"Yeah, so skinny" Kaitlyn remarked.

"Yep! The baby weight is finally gone!" Alison replied happily.

"Enough about baby weight! Come on! I'm hungry and we need food! Into the car!" Kelsey exclaimed as she opened the passenger door and got in.

Alison regarded her friend with amusement. "Um, we're going to need to get the stuff out of the car first to make room for supplies".

With a groan Kelsey got out of the vehicle and together all 5 women lugged Alison's luggage into the house.

"Hope this room is ok for you, Ali?" Kelsey queried as she placed the luggage on the floor. "Don't ask why, but it has a built in mini-fridge and I thought you could use that to put your breast milk in"

Alison smiled gratefully at her friend. "Thanks, that's great. I'm sure you guys don't want to see bottles of my milk in the refrigerator this weekend"

With the bags unloaded the fivesome headed for the shops to grab supplies for the weekend. Alison was in the fresh produce aisle selecting some fruit when she heard her name being called.

"Alison?"

Alison turned in the direction of the person's voice, her heart skipping a beat at the person who stood before her.

"Josh?" she queried.

Memories of the last time she had seen her ex-boyfriend flashed through her head and she felt her cheeks flush at the memories.

"Yeah...It's good to see you. What are you doing here?" Josh asked pleasantly.

Alison regarded her ex-boyfriend. He had grown a lot since she had last seen him and was now over 6 foot tall. Being a football player he'd always been broad, but he'd grown broader and more muscular in the past 4 years. The acne he'd had when they were 15 had disappeared, and with the tan he was currently sporting, he looked like a model. He was hotter now and still had that heart stopping smile that was somehow rendering her speechless.

"Um" she stammered, mentally kicking herself at her ineptitude. It was just Josh! Her ex-boyfriend that had dumped her by text 3 months after moving to Washington DC. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she speak?

"Ali?"

Alison whirled round to face her friend, panic washing over her at the thought of her old and new friend meeting.

"Kelsey!" she choked out.

Kelsey shot her friend a questioning look. Never had she seen Alison McCord so flustered around a guy. "Who's this?" she prompted her friend.

"Josh" Alison choked out before she cleared her throat. She had to get herself together. "This is Josh, we went to school together in Charlottesville"

"Nice to meet you Josh" Kelsey greeted. "What brings you to Bethany Beach?"

"Just holidaying with family" Josh replied politely.

"Your mum and brother are here?" Alison asked inquisitively.

"Yeah, we've come for a big family holiday. My mum, brother, my two uncles and their families. We've hired a beach house for a couple of weeks. How about you?"

"That's nice. I'm spending the weekend at Kelsey's beach house with some friends..."

"Kel...Who's this?" Brianna asked as she rounded the corner with the shopping cart, Hannah and Kaitlyn by her side.

"This..." Kelsey began as she paused for dramatic effect "...is Alison's school _friend_ from Charlottesville, Josh"

"Hi" Josh greeted Hannah, Kaitlyn, and Brianna to which they smiled politely.

An awkward silence descended on the group until moments later Josh broke the silence.

"Well, I better go. Heaven forbid my cousin doesn't get her graham crackers with lunch! It was really good to see you again, Alison. You look really well."

"Yeah, it was good to see you too" Alison replied wistfully.

"I guess I might see you around?" Josh asked hopefully.

"You should come over tonight. 10106 Seaview Drive" Kelsey stated before Alison could reply "We're having a BBQ, bring your friends"

Alison shot her friend a death glare which Kelsey simply ignored.

"Yeah, I might just do that" Josh replied, before smiling that smile of his that always caused her heart to speed up and walked off towards the checkout.

"Since when are we having a BBQ?!" Alison exclaimed as soon as Josh was out of sight, her head whipping round to face Kelsey.

"As soon as you started making googly eyes at Josh" Kelsey replied shamelessly "This is _the_ Josh isn't it? The one you almost slept with before moving to DC?"

Alison felt her cheeks redden at Kelsey's words. The night before they'd moved to DC she'd had her last date with Josh and things had gotten...heated. She'd almost slept with him, would have slept with him if the condom hadn't broke as he'd tried to put it on. After it had broke she had freaked out thinking about what could have happened if it had broke whilst they were having sex. Needless to say the mood had been broken and she'd quickly re-dressed and her dad had come to pick her up from Josh's house. She still remembered sitting in the car with her dad thinking how bizarre it was that her dad was driving her home like nothing had changed when she'd almost slept with her boyfriend. Josh had broken up with her 3 months later and she hadn't seen him since.

"Yes" she squeaked. It was pointless to lie to her closest friends, she had revealed she'd almost slept with her ex-boyfriend during a late night game of truth and dare at a sleepover a few months after arriving in DC.

"Then we need to start prepping for a BBQ" Kelsey stated firmly.

"But..." Alison began.

"No 'buts' Alison. How long has it been since you've been on a date?"

"Kelsey..." Hannah warned remembering all too well what had happened to Alison a little over a year ago.

"I'm not talking about New York" Kelsey replied sincerely "I mean before that, when was the last time you went on a real life date?"

Alison thought carefully about Kelsey's question. "Prom?"

"Uh-uh. Prom doesn't count" Brianna countered "Everyone has a date for Prom. We mean a date where you actually spent time with a guy one on one, no school function involved"

Alison racked her brain trying to remember the last time she went on a non school-function related date.

"See! You can't even remember!" Kelsey exclaimed triumphantly.

"Maybe she doesn't want to date right now, you know, because of what happened..." Hannah stated pointedly.

Annoyance shot through Alison. "And why wouldn't I want to date?" she asked before she could even think about what she was saying. Truth was, she _hadn't_ thought about dating anyone since New York. Having a boyfriend and being intimate with a guy was at the bottom of her list. She had Lola now, who was her number one priority, and she would also shortly be starting school again - and that was without the court case, potential custody issues, and the constant fear of the media somehow getting hold of the CCTV footage of the attack. But it annoyed her that Hannah had assumed that she wouldn't want to date anyone just because of what had happened in New York.

Her four friends turned to look at her in shock, and she looked away in shame. She hadn't meant to snap at her friends, she was just feeling off kelter having seen Josh and remembering what had almost happened between them all those years ago. It was unsettling to have her heart race, her cheeks flush, her palm moisten...and her centre throb. It had been so long since she had felt anything like that and she wasn't sure how to react.

"Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped" she replied remorsefully as she released a breath in an effort to relieve some of the tension she was feeling "Can we just not talk about it? I just want to have fun with you guys this weekend, and I hate to be gross, but we need to get back to the house as I need to pump".

"Sure, Ali" Brianna acquiesced as she shot Kelsey a warning look.

"I still think we should get some stuff for a BBQ just..." Kelsey began before stopping as she heard Alison's phone emit a sound.

Alison heard her phone ping signalling she had a text message and desperately she reached into her bag as panic washed over her. Had something happened to Lola? As she retrieved her phone surprise washed over her as she saw who the message was from. She didn't even know she still had his number on her phone.

"Is everything ok?" Hannah asked in concern.

"Yes" Alison replied distractedly "It's from Josh to say he'd looking forward to the BBQ tonight and asking what time he should come over with his brother and cousins"

"Yes!" Kelsey exclaimed happily "Looks like we're throwing a BBQ tonight..."

And with that Kelsey grabbed the shopping cart and headed in the direction of the BBQ supplies. Alison followed her friends numbly around the store, nervousness and excitement mixing in a strange concoction in her stomach at the thought of seeing Josh again tonight. He still had her number and he'd text her only a few minutes after leaving her in the store. What did that mean?

* * *

 _I picked Bethany Beach after a quick Google search. The pictures looked nice and it was a reasonable drive from DC so I chose that as their holiday location! I've also always wondered why Henry broke up with Elizabeth before he proposed to her so I made a pregnancy scare the reason. Hee hee!_

 _One reviewer was unhappy with the CCTV footage being dismissed from evidence in chapter 40. The point I was trying to make in that chapter was that a judge has to make a decision based on the law, not the morals, of a case. I'm not a lawyer and my research on privacy laws was limited to what I could find on the internet, but everything I mentioned about 2-party consent, wire tapping laws etc, in the chapter are all arguments as to why the CCTV footage should be excluded. It's along the lines of if a policeman caught a murderer with the smoking gun in their hands, but didn't read the murderer their Miranda rights when he arrested the person - the murderer would walk away free as the arrest was unlawful (or at least that's my understanding of US law)._

 _This is is the start of a new arc in the story which I'm nervous about posting, so your comments and suggestions would be gratefully appreciated._


	43. Chapter 43

_Thanks for the reviews, favourites, and follows from the last chapter. This one is a little early as I'm away this weekend, I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Alison closed her eyes and sighed happily as she felt the warm sun heat her back. She listened to the sounds of the ocean in the background and the pleasurable cries of people around her having fun, contentment washing over her at the simplicity of the moment.

It was a hot, sunny, summer's day at Bethany Beach and the beach was packed with people. She was glad that Kelsey's house came with a small area of private beach where they had all set up sun loungers for the day. She was enjoying sunbathing and hanging out with her friends and it felt just like old times. After 10 hours of interrupted sleep she felt so much better and she was starting to think her parents were right to insist that she go away, she could feel herself start to relax for the first time in a year. She'd Facetimed her parents earlier, and despite the pang of guilt and longing to hold her daughter, Lola's smiley face had reassured her that she was having a great time with her grandparents - even if her parents did look a little more tired than usual.

She was enjoying just _being_ without having to worry about anyone but herself.

Plus she was enjoying thinking about Josh.

Josh had come over last night with his brother and two of his cousins and somehow Kelsey had pulled off the impromptu BBQ with great success. There had been a heated game of foosball and pool in the games room after the BBQ and somehow she had ended up partnering with Josh. It had been so much fun catching up with him; laughing and joking like they used to, sharing heated looks and teasing each other. It had been even more fun when they had beat Kelsey and Josh's brother at foosball. She felt like she was 15 again - complete with almost constant thoughts about Josh. She couldn't stop thinking about Josh's smile... or his broad shoulders ...or his cute butt. The past 4 years had definitely been kind to Josh.

And the best part was, she was going to see him tonight as Kelsey had announced after last night's BBQ that she was throwing a party tonight. Exactly how Kelsey was going to get enough people for a party she had no idea, but if anyone could put a party together in less than 24 hours it was Kelsey. Alison lost herself in the sounds of the beach and she felt her breathing evening out as she relaxed further into the sun lounger. Maybe a few more hours sleep wouldn't be such a bad idea...

* * *

"Alison..."

"Alison..."

"ALI!"

"What?" Alison mumbled sleepily as she was roused from unconsciousness.

"It's 3pm. We've got to go to the store for more supplies and your car is the last one in the driveway" Kelsey informed her friend.

Alison groaned. She was so comfortable and she really didn't want to move, but knew she had to.

"Ok, I'm up" she replied sleepily as she dragged herself from the lounger.

20 minutes later she found herself back at the general store with Kelsey collecting extra food for the impromptu party tonight. Brianna, Hannah, and Kaitlyn were back at the house preparing it for the party.

"So how many people have you invited?" she asked Kelsey curiously.

"Oh, only about 50" Kelsey replied nonchalantly.

"50!" Alison exclaimed as her head whipped around to look at her friend.

Kelsey simply shrugged. "Some of the friends Brianna and I made whilst travelling around Europe over the summer live nearby so they're coming. Both Hannah and Kaitlyn have friends from college who are vacationing in Ocean City so they're coming up too for the night. There's some local friends I've made over the years we've been coming here on holiday so they're coming over, and then there's Josh..."

Alison felt her cheeks heat at the sound of Josh's name.

"What about Josh?" she squeaked.

"You mean apart from the fact he's practically drooling over you? You two were flirting like crazy last night - and don't deny it as I got to witness the whole sickening display as you two whipped my butt at foosball. Admit it, you still like him"

"It's...fun being around him. He makes me think about when times were good" Alison admitted softly.

Kelsey smiled knowingly at her friend as she nudged her shoulder. "You should go for it, Ali. You deserve a little fun".

Alison looked away from her friend, her eyes innocently falling on a row of boxes she had found herself in front of a little over a year ago. "It's not that simple" she replied distractedly as she looked at the rows of pregnancy tests. It hit her then that it had been a year ago today that she had taken her pregnancy test and found out about Lola.

"You mean, because of what happened with _him_ " Kelsey pushed in an uncharacteristically gentle tone.

Alison returned her gaze back to the cart in front of her. "Yes...no...maybe. I don't know!" she exclaimed truthfully. "I can't just think about myself anymore, I have to think about Lola _all the time._ I haven't even told Josh about her, he might not even want me now that I have Lola. And then there's everything that is going on with _him_ ".

"Ali, I'm not saying marry the guy, I'm saying have a little fun! Don't let what happened in New York, or Lola for that matter, dictate your sex life for the rest of your life"

"Kelsey!" Alison hissed.

"Ok, ok!" Kelsey relented as she held her hands up in defeat. "Just don't rule it out, ok?"

Alison nodded reluctantly as she followed Kelsey into the next aisle, her mind and body now a confused mess of thoughts and emotions.

* * *

Alison McCord smiled flirtatiously up at Josh as they danced together at the party, a thrill of excitement running up her spine as he pulled her closer.

She was having so much fun! Josh and she had spent the whole night laughing, joking, talking, dancing, and flirting. It was like they were in their own little bubble and nothing outside the two of them mattered. For the first time in she couldn't remember how long she felt like _Alison_ again. Not a rape victim. Not a mum. Just herself - and it felt amazing.

"Come on, let's go and get a drink" Josh yelled over the sound of the music as he grasped her hand and lead her from the dance floor into the large kitchen/dining area where the food and drinks had been laid out.

"Thanks" Alison replied gratefully as she accepted the soda Josh had poured for her.

"Gotta take a bathroom break, be right back" Josh announced after he downed his drink in one go.

Alison stood in the corner of the large kitchen/dining area sipping her drink as she waited for Josh to return, and for the first time that evening she really took in the people who surrounded her. There must have been nearly 80 people at the party and the only people she knew were her friends, Josh, and his brother. She had briefly been introduced to her friend's friends, but not having been travelling with Kelsey and Brianna, or going to college with Hannah and Kaitlyn, she didn't have a lot in common to discuss with their friends and she had been so glad when Josh and his brother had arrived. Almost immediate Josh and she had formed their own little bubble and without him by her side she was starting to feel a little vulnerable. Josh's brother was busy playing beer pong on the porch and her friends were all busy with their respective friends, without Josh she didn't know what to do with herself.

Kelsey had opened up her parents liquor cabinet and one of her friends had used their fake ID to purchase a lot of alcohol, so everyone, including Kelsey, Hannah, Kaitlyn, and Brianna, was steadily getting more and more drunk as the night rolled on and the party was becoming more rowdy. Drinking wasn't her thing and she was starting to feel uncomfortable in the atmosphere, it reminded her of _his_ party and she didn't want to repeat what had happened at that party. She was also worried that the police would be called and she sent a silent prayer of thanks that Kelsey's nearest neighbours were not staying at their beach houses. The last thing she needed was for the police to be called as her parents would furious that she was at an underage party with alcohol. Another scandal was the last thing her mum needed and it was the last thing she wanted to cause her parents too with everything they did for Lola and she.

"That's her, isn't it?"

Alison tensed as she heard the nearby voices and she shifted uncomfortably once again. Lola being sick on President Dalton had provided the talk show circuit with endless gags after Independence Day and she had become accustomed to hearing people whispering about Lola and she when they were out in public. She wasn't happy about the situation, and in fairness to the talk show hosts the quips weren't directed at her daughter directly and more on what she had done to the President, but it still made her uncomfortable that people recognised Lola and she.

"You're Alison McCord, aren't you? The Secretary of State's daughter who had a baby" came a drunk voice of a woman she did not know as she came to stand in front of Alison, a few of her friends following her.

"Yes" Alison replied with a polite smile.

The girl snorted. "I thought so. I can't believe you're accusing Giovanni Rossi of rape just because you slept with him and got pregnant. I interned for him 2 years ago and he was nothing but professional. He even had a strict rule about _not_ sleeping with any of the interns, and trust me, some of them tried. I bet the kid's not even his"

Alison felt tears well up in her eyes as suddenly it felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been thrown all over her and all the amazing time she had shared with her friend's and Josh over the weekend evaporated in a split second. She cursed the stupid newspaper report that had been printed on New Year's Day which had basically revealed who she was. It seemed like no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get away from what happened to her a little over a year ago.

"You ok?" came a familiar voice from beside her.

Alison's head shot up to look at Josh and she felt like a deer caught in headlights, words failing her as she looked up into her concerned eyes. Had he heard what the woman had just said?

"Come on, let's get out of here" he stated as he gently grabbed her hand and started pulling her through the crowd and out onto the almost deserted beach.

"Slut!" the drunk girl yelled after her and Alison had to swallow down a sob as fear, anger, sorrow, and embarrassment washed over her.

Together the couple walked in silence along the moonlit beach for several minutes, the sounds of the party fading behind them and being filled with the sounds of the waves crashing on the shoreline.

"Is it true? What that girl said..." Josh asked in a soft voice as he stopped and turned to stare at her, his thumb tenderly wiping away the tears that slid down her cheeks.

Alison gulped as she looked into Josh's concerned eyes. What did she tell him? Did she tell him the truth and hope he wasn't disgusted by her, or did she tell him the story she had originally told her friends? The story where she had a one night stand and got pregnant. She realised that neither story sounded particularly good and she decided that honesty would be the best policy.

"Yes" she whispered in a choked voice "Except I'm not making it up. My daughter, Lola, she was created when I was...when he...when I was raped"

She looked at the ground in shame and a stab of pain shot through her heart as her worst fears were confirmed. She felt Josh drop her hand and his warm palm was suddenly gone from her face and she couldn't help the sob that escaped her throat. She wrapped her arms tight around herself to try and bring her some warmth to her body as she suddenly felt so cold and empty and disgusting. She was so stupid to think Josh would want her before he knew what had happened, there was no way he would want her after what she had just told him.

This was how her life was going to be from now on. No guy wanting her ever again because of what had happened to her. She was tainted. Broken. Damaged goods.

"I'm sorry" she whispered as she turned to walk back to the party, intent on packing up her stuff and leaving for the horse farm immediately. At least her family still wanted her.

"Alison, wait!" Josh cried desperately as he grabbed her arm, before immediately releasing it.

Alison looked up at Josh in confusion, the feeling deepening as he saw the uneasy, pained, look on his face.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. That shouldn't happen to anyone. When my dad...with my mum...sometimes I could hear her plea...I didn't understand at the time..." Josh replied in a haunted tone.

Understanding and shock washed over Alison. Josh's dad had died from alcoholism when he was 9 and Josh hadn't had the easiest home life when his dad had been alive, often coming into school with black eyes and bruises. She'd been too young to know what that meant at the time, but Josh had opened up to her one day when they'd been dating and told her how his dad had been abusive to his mum, brother and he when he was drunk. Evidently Josh's dad had done more to Josh's mum than he had to his sons and suddenly she understood why he was refusing to touch her. Josh had sworn he would never be like his father, and to her knowledge, had never touched a drop of alcohol or laid a hand on a woman that was unwelcome.

"I don't want...I don't want you to think I'm forcing you to do anything" Josh admitted quietly as he looked away and into the distance, an unreadable expression on his face. For all his jock bravado, underneath it all Josh was just a scared guy who didn't want to be like his dad.

Alison reached up and caressed Josh's face as she turned his face to look at her. "You're not like him. I know you would never hurt me or make me do anything I didn't want to do. Do you want to know why?" she asked earnestly, the lost look in Josh's eyes was all she needed to make continue.

"Do you remember our last date in Charlottesville? The one where we almost..."

"I remember" Josh replied in a nostalgic tone.

"After the condom broke you never tried to coerce me to still sleep with you, even when you managed to get the second one on. Do you know how many guys would have still tried to get me to have sex with them because I'd already agreed to it? A lot. But not you. You were 16 and I could tell you were frustrated and annoyed, but you told me it was ok. You're not your dad, Josh"

Josh nodded once, understanding shining from his eyes. This time it was she who reached to hold his hand gently in hers.

"I should really be asking if you're ok, what with all the alcohol at the party?" Alison asked softly as she squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"I am now" Josh replied with a half smile, looking deep in thought.

Alison smiled up at Josh before gently rested her head against his chest. Relief and contentment washing over her as she felt Josh envelop her in a hug and hold her tight to his chest. She felt his hand move gently up her back and around her neck until he cradled her head in his hand. Hesitantly he moved her head until she was staring into his eyes and they held an intensity she had never seen before. Suddenly she knew what was going to happen.

She stared into Josh's eyes, and as if in slow motion, he lowered his head to hers until their faces were just a few inches apart. She felt her heart beat rapidly in her chest and heat washed over her as butterflies fluttered in her stomach and her breath quicken.

"Promise me you'll tell me if it's not ok" Josh whispered.

"I promise" Alison whispered in reply as she closed her eyes expectantly.

It felt like an eternity until his lips met hers and the first brush was tender, reverent, and she could have sworn her heart stopped. The second brush was still tender, but there was a desperation in it, a need. It awoke something in her and the next time their lips met their tongues did too and it was as if no time had passed at all and she was 15 again, passion and lust flooding through her veins and it felt oh so good.

For the first time in over a year Alison McCord felt alive.

* * *

 _As I mentioned at the end of the last chapter I'm really nervous about this storyline so let me know what you think._


	44. Chapter 44

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, it's nice to hear you guys are enjoying the story arc. I hope this chapter continues to live up to expectation..._

 _Oh! And there is a part that is M-ish rating, nothing too graphic though._

* * *

"Wow, Ali! You look hot!" Brianna exclaimed as she watched her friend walk down the stairs.

"Thanks" Alison replied bashfully as she smoothed the fabric of her new summer dress, the dress that she knew accentuated her curves and made her waist look tiny.

"Josh isn't going to know what hit him" Kaitlyn agreed.

"What time is he getting here?" Hannah asked inquisitively.

"About 10 minutes" Alison replied as her stomach flipped with nerves. She still couldn't believe she was doing this.

"Well, we had better be going then" Kelsey announced as she flounced down the stairs, the last of the girls to finish getting ready.

"And are you sure you don't mind that I'm not coming with you?" Alison asked in a guilty tone.

Tonight was her last night at Bethany Beach and they had all planned to go out for a final meal in town however, Kelsey had offered her the house for some 'privacy with Josh' and she had accepted, much to her own surprise.

"Yeah, it's fine" Kelsey assured with a wave of her hand.

"You and Josh have fun whilst you 'Netflix and chill'..." Kaitlyn teased as she grabbed her coat and bag and headed out of the house.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Brianna yelled on her way out of the door.

"See you later, Ali!" Hannah waved as she followed Brianna out the door.

Kelsey headed towards the front door before turning around and pulling Alison into a quick hug "Condoms are in your bedside cabinet should you need them" she whispered into her friend's ear before releasing her.

"Kelsey!" Alison hissed in shock.

"Just in case" Kelsey replied with a wink as she pulled the door closed behind her.

Without her friends in the house quietness quickly settled, and to Alison, the quietness felt oppressive, almost judgemental. The truth was she thought she might need those condoms tonight.

Last night Josh and she had made out on the beach until the sun started to rise, Josh being nothing but a gentleman the whole time. They had not really ventured past 'first base', with both of their hands staying firmly on top of their clothes and mouths meeting in heated kisses, but it had been one of the most emotive, most romantic, and sweetest experiences of her life.

Today Josh and she had gone out whilst her friends recovered from their hangovers. They had eaten lunch out in town, shopped in the quaint boutique shops where she had brought several cute outfits for Lola and souvenirs for her family, and then Josh had hired them a speed boat and they had spent the afternoon speeding through the waves.

At one point Josh had moored the boat and they had retreated into the rear seats to relax and enjoy the sun. Somehow they had ended up in a rather heated make out session with her perched on top of Josh and it was in that moment that her interest in sex had been piqued:

 _Her heart beat frantically in her chest as Josh's lips traces their way down her neck, stopping to suck at her pulse point making her gasp. She felt his grip on her thighs tighten and she slid further into his lap as her skirt bunched up further towards her waist. She gasped as she felt him hard against her and she froze immediately._

 _"Ali?" Josh queried as he felt Alison tense. He wanted nothing more than for Alison to be enjoying their make out session as much as he was, but he didn't want to push her. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. He looked up into her eyes questioningly, his hands immediately stopping where they were on her body and loosening their grip._

 _Alison swallowed thickly as a stab of fear washed over her. She looked into Josh's eyes and saw the concern and worry there. She moved her hand from his chest and smoothed her fingertips over his brow in an effort to ground herself in the moment. This wasn't New York. This wasn't_ him _. This was_ Josh _. Josh who had stopped what he was doing immediately as soon as she had frozen._

 _"I'm ok" she whispered against Josh's lips as she kissed him desperately, fighting down memories of_ him _as she did so._

 _After several minutes she found her hips instinctively grinding against Josh's and she was surprised at how good it felt. She felt his grip on her thighs tighten again and she pressed herself as close to him as she could; she had forgotten how powerful desire was. She heard him groan and she couldn't stop the moan that escaped her own throat as Josh's hands slid higher up her thighs to stroke her hip bones. Panting, she pulled her mouth away from Josh and looked down into his eyes. They were filled with want and desire and it made her heart race and her breath catch in her throat. She continued to grind slowly against him, Josh's hand helping her motions. It was a heady feeling knowing that she was causing that look of pleasure on Josh's face and she ground down harder on him causing him to emit another groan of pleasure. She felt powerful and in control and she started to wonder what it would feel like to have Josh inside her, to be having sex because she wanted to, not because she was being forced to. Slowly her hesitant hand slid down Josh's chest and to the button on his shorts._

 _"Ali, you don't have to..." he whispered as he grabbed her wrist._

 _"I know, but I want to..." she replied with a small smile and with that she slipped her hand inside his underwear._

They had definitely crossed a few more bases in that boat - although they had refrained from having sex - and it hadn't made her feel bad, not in the slightest. In fact it had made her feel good and part of her wanted to take things further with Josh tonight, but she was nervous. Part of her felt like she was rushing into things, after all she had only bumped into Josh on Friday, but another part of her felt like no time had passed since they had last seen each other, and after this afternoon, she was curious to find out what consensual sex was like. She trusted Josh and she had come close to sleeping with him before, would it be so wrong of her to sleep with him tonight? It wasn't uncommon for people to have holiday flings after all, and it wasn't like she didn't know Josh, they had been at school together since she was 7 until she left for DC when she was 15. They had a history together and she genuinely cared for him, as he did her.

A knock at the door broke her from her reverie and she answered the door to find Josh standing before her with a bunch of pink carnations.

"Sorry, these were the best I could get in town" Josh greeted regretfully as he awkwardly ran his hand through his hair and offered the flowers to Alison as he walked over the threshold.

"Thanks, they're lovely" Alison replied with a small smile as she accepted the small bouquet from Josh, her cheeks flushing at the sweet gesture. "I'll just put them in some water" she stated as she headed into the kitchen and searched the cupboard for a vase. A nervous silence descended over the room as she arranged the flowers and she frantically racked her brain of anything to talk about.

"I've made..." she began before being cut off by Josh's lips on hers. She melted into him and she squeaked as he lifted her onto the cool marble countertop. She lost track of time as they made out, their session suddenly disturbed by the sound of the oven ringing.

"Pasta!" she exclaimed breathlessly against Josh's lips as she gently pushed him away. "I made macaroni cheese for dinner!" she continued as she slid off the counter, looking away from the emerging bulge in Josh's trousers.

"Could you get the salad from the fridge?" she asked Josh, all too aware of his heavy breathing.

"Sure" he replied as he moved to the fridge and deposited the salad bowl on the table where she had already set the table. She served dinner and blushed as Josh complimented her on her cooking skills. Conversation flowed then as they talked about how Miss Janie and her dad had taught her how to cook when she was younger and how every time her mum went near the kitchen it usually ended in disaster. Josh told her how his mum had insisted on teaching him and his brother how to cook before they went away to college, although he described his skills as just basic. His most accomplished dish was spaghetti bolognaise.

"So, um, do you want to watch a film on Netflix?" she asked Josh nervously as she rinsed the plates in the sink and deposited them in the dishwasher.

"Sure" Josh replied, and she could have sworn there was a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"Do you want to go and select a film whilst I finish clearing up in here?" she offered hesitantly, to which Josh agreed.

Alison took a deep, steadying, breath as she finished cleaning up the kitchen. Was she ready for what might be about to happen? Did Josh want her as much as she wanted him? Was Josh disappointed with her? Nervousness built within her and she suddenly wished she hadn't eaten so much for dinner as butterflies fluttered in her stomach. At least she had made sure to pump before this evening so hopefully there wouldn't be any accidents if she and Josh got intimate.

"You guys have done a good job with the clean up" Josh remarked as Alison joined him on the couch.

"Yeah. Apparently Kelsey wouldn't let anyone leave the party last night unless they took a bag of trash with them and it worked! I still don't know how Kelsey managed it, but she did. They only had a little cleaning to do this morning, mainly in the kitchen and dining room area" Alison replied casually. "So, what are we watching?"

"Blended" Josh replied with a smile.

"Blended?" Alison queried in surprise. She had expected Josh to pick an action or horror movie, not a romcom. Did this mean he...

"Yeah. It's what we saw on our first date" he replied softly as he held open his arm, welcoming her into his embrace.

Nervously Alison moved to sit closer to Josh and he draped his arm around her shoulders and reached for her legs. It was another sign of how well they knew each other as they always used to watch movies on Josh's bed with her legs draped over his legs and she curled into his side, a position that she now resumed. It felt familiar and comfortable and she felt herself relax.

She was enjoying the movie and innocently glanced up at Josh to see if he was also enjoying the movie, their eyes meeting as she did so. The look in Josh's eyes caused her to swallow thickly. The lust and desire they held was consuming and she couldn't look away. She ached for Josh to kiss her again and it seemed like forever had passed before their lips met hungrily. Josh pulled her towards him and she shifted her legs so that she was perched on top of him, and once again she felt the throb of desire wash over her as she felt Josh harden beneath her. It was a heady feeling and she lost track of time as she let the waves of lust consume her.

It was as Josh was kissing her neck and caressing her breasts through her dress that she saw the flash of headlights in the driveway and her eyes widened as she realised her friends were back already.

"Josh..." she gasped as she tried to pull away.

"What?" he mumbled against her clavicle.

"My friends...they're here!"

Josh's eyes opened wide in shock and she suddenly realised the state they were in. Josh's shirt was unbuttoned, as were his trousers, and he had a very obvious erection. Quickly she shifted off his lap and grabbed his hand, pulling him off the couch as she rushed towards the stairs.

"Come on!" she hissed as she heard the car door slam.

Josh stumbled behind her as he frantically tried to keep all his clothes on his body. Alison had just shut her bedroom door behind her as she heard the front door open.

She turned to face Josh, her back against the door, as both of them panted heavily from a mixture of their make out session and their sprint up the stairs. She couldn't stop the giggle that escaped her throat and Josh laughed quietly along with her.

"We could have been caught!" he admonished softly as he came towards her and tenderly rested his hands on her hips, the atmosphere suddenly turning heavy and she sobered immediately.

"Yeah" she whispered as she ran her hands up Josh's chest and over his shoulders causing his shirt to fall to the floor as he briefly removed his hands from her hips.

"What are you doing, Ali?" Josh asked with a small smirk.

Alison bit her lip suddenly afraid she was doing something wrong and she gathered all her courage before replying.

"Seducing you?" she replied in an unsure tone.

Josh groaned in response, his head falling to rest on her shoulder. "Are you sure?" he whispered into her ear.

Was she sure? Did she want this to happen? Suddenly Hannah's words from Friday in the grocery store came flooding back to her:

 _"Maybe she doesn't want to date right now, you know, because of what happened"_

A wave of rage washed over her. She didn't want to be defined by what had happened to her in New York anymore! She just wanted to be _Alison_ again! Determination and certainty washed over her. She did want this. She wanted to sleep with Josh just like _Alison_ almost had all those years ago.

She was suddenly aware of every detail of the room. How the moonlight shone through her window and lit up the bed, how she could hear the sound of the ocean in the background. The heat radiating from Josh which she could feel even though they weren't touching. It was like everything she had imagined things would be like when she lost her virginity, for tonight she knew she was going to lose her virginity to Josh. _He_ may have taken her hymen, but Josh would be her first by choice and it was a choice she made willingly.

"Yes" she whispered as she reached up to join her lips with Josh.

* * *

 _Still nervous about this story arc so please let me know what you think._


	45. Chapter 45

_Thank you for the reviews, favourites, and follows from the last chapter, they reassured me that you are liking this arc!_

 _This chapter also has a hint of a "M"rating about it, nothing too graphic though and it's mainly just at the start of the chapter. I would say it's more like "adult conversation themes". I hope you continue to enjoy the arc with this chapter._

* * *

Alison McCord awoke to the sun on her face, the sound of waves crashing in the background...and the sound of rustling clothes. Immediately her eyes flew open and her heart started beating frantically in her chest as she was overcome with panic. There was an intruder in her room!

"Hey..."

At the sound of the tender voice, the events of last night came rushing back to her and she felt her cheeks blush.

"Josh?" she queried in an uncertain tone as she blinked blearily in the direction of the voice. She propped herself up on her elbows, clutching the sheet to her chest in an effort to protect her modesty.

"I'm sorry I woke you" he replied softly as he finished getting dressed "You looked so peaceful sleeping and I didn't want to wake you. I was going to leave you a note".

"Oh" Alison replied as she looked away from Josh, disappointment evident in her tone. Had she done something wrong last night? Josh had definitely cum last night when they'd had sex and she'd assumed that meant she was doing it right. Was she wrong? She pulled the sheets closer to her body, but the fabric felt rough against her naked skin and it did little to comfort her.

Josh cast a concerned look at Alison and came to sit beside her on the bed. Tenderly he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear "I had a great time last night, Ali, and I want to see you again, it's just that I have to get back before my family realise I've been out all night. I don't want my mum to worry and it's 6.45am already".

"Oh, right..." Alison replied in an unsure tone as she cast Josh an uneasy smile, not quite sure how to respond to his statement. Did he really plan on seeing her again? Was he really just worried about his mum? Josh was extremely close to his mum and brother having survived Josh's abusive father, but she couldn't surpress the nagging thought in her head: would Josh dump her now they had slept together?

"I promise, Ali, I'll call you, I just don't want my mum to worry" Josh reassured as he leaned down and pressed a reverent kiss to her lips.

"Ok" she agreed softly, uncertainty still evident in her tone.

"I promise" he reiterated with a gentle smile as he kissed her again, it was she that deepened the kiss as she pulled him down to lie on top of her. She felt the same stab of panic as she had last night as Josh eagerly shifted his weight on top of her. She froze and pulled away from Josh to take a deep breath in an effort to relax. Josh immediately noticed, and lifted his weight onto his forearms.

"Still don't like it when I'm on top?" he queried inquisitively.

Alison shook her head as she continued to breathe deeply. Last night she had started to panic when Josh had rolled on top of her, immediately he had noticed and rolled so that she was on top of him. When she was on top she felt in control and free, there was no one restricting her, and it had been in that position that she'd had sex with Josh - both times.

"I've got to go, Ali" Josh announced as he caught sight of the time on the alarm clock. "Are you going to be ok?" he asked with concern as he got up from the bed.

Alison looed up at Josh. "Yeah" she replied softly, already feeling calmer now that Josh's weight was gone.

"I'll call you soon" he replied with a smile as he pressed a final, lingering kiss, on her lips.

Alison watched as he quietly opened the door, paused to cast her that heart stopping smile of his, and then crept out of the room. With Josh now gone she breathed a sigh of relief as she quickly retrieved her breast pump and attached the device to pump the milk from her uncomfortably full breasts. Her mind wondered back to last night as she expressed.

Sex had been different than she had expected. It hadn't hurt like last time, in fact it hadn't hurt at all last night. However, this morning her thighs ached from being stretched into an unfamiliar position and her centre felt slightly sore. Sex hadn't been like it was portrayed in the movies where she had orgasmed at the same time as Josh, in fact she wasn't entirely sure she had orgasmed at all. Although that wasn't to say she hadn't had fun. The whole experience had been...nice. Josh had been attentive and really tried to find out what she liked and didn't like, which was hard because _she_ didn't know what she liked and didn't like. The first time had been awkward as they'd struggled to get everything lined up and she had felt so embarrassed, and very much like the inexperience virgin she pretty much was, as she'd tried to take Josh inside her for the first time as she'd perched on top of him. Once they'd managed that, it took them a while to get their rhythm correct and she had almost quit, but her desire to not let _him_ stop her doing anything in her life that she wanted to spurred her on. The feeling of Josh cumming inside her for the first time had triggered an unexpected wave of emotion and she'd burst into tears straightaway. Josh had been nothing but understanding and had held her close, all the while whispering words of reassurance whilst she cried. Afterward she had apologised, but he wouldn't accept her apologies and they had started kissing softly, which had gradually got more heated until she had felt Josh against her again. She'd had the sense to change the condom - not that it was strictly necessary as she'd had the Mirena fitted not long after Lola had been born, but she wasn't taking any chances - before she'd taken him inside her again. The second time they'd had sex had been much better and they'd fallen into a naturally slower rhythm, she had felt closer to Josh and it had been one of the most intense, liberating, experiences of her life.

The other thing that had surprised her about sex was that it didn't last that long. In New York it had felt like it had lasted an eternity, but looking back now she didn't know if that was just the situation that had made it seem longer than it was. With Josh it had only lasted about 5 minutes, and just as it was starting to get good, Josh had cum. The second time had been better, but again it seemed like something was just out of reach to her when Josh came. Afterwards he had fallen asleep, and she had soon after.

Last night she had been so curious to find out what sex was like, and she _had_ wanted to sleep with Josh at the time. She didn't want New York to define her and she didn't just want to be a rape victim anymore. Sleeping with Josh had seemed like the perfect way to show the world that she was _Alison_ again. However, she hadn't thought about what she would feel like today. Now that Josh had left she felt so insecure. They hadn't talked about what would happen next. Would they continue to date, or was this just a one time thing? What if _he_ got to Josh and _hi_ s attorney somehow twisted what had happened this weekend?

Had she just made the worst mistake of her life?

* * *

Alison McCord pulled up onto the driveway of her Charlottesville home in the late afternoon after a 6 hour drive from Bethany Beach. She was exhausted from the drive, but excited to see Lola, her excitement only being dampened by the fact she had still not heard from Josh. However, the desire to see her daughter won out and she couldn't help but abandon her bags in the car as she jumped out of the vehicle and dashed into the house, suddenly desperate to see her daughter. The sight that greeted her brought a smile to her face. Lola was happily playing on her activity mat however, her parents were passed out on the couch wrapped in each other's arms, evidently exhausted from 4 days of looking after a 3.5 month old.

"Hey Lola" she whispered as a wave of love washed over her. Goodness! How much had her daughter changed in 4 short days?! She knelt down beside her daughter and tickled her stomach as she pressed kisses all over Lola earning her the cutest sounds.

"Mummy has missed you soooo much, but she's brought you lots of lovely presents and you're going to look so cute in the dresses I brought you".

Lola rewarded her with the biggest smile she had ever seen and excitedly flailed her little arms and legs. Alison couldn't help but return the smile, her daughter's happiness was infectious and she started playing with her daughter on the mat. She waved her favourite toy to Lola's right, and to her surprise she rolled over and grabbed it.

"Lola! You rolled over all by yourself!" she exclaimed in awe, another wave of love washing over her at the pleased expression on Lola's face. She started to wave the toy to the other side, and to her surprise, Lola rolled back over.

"Lola, you're rolling over!" she gasped in surprise, a wave of sadness washing over her. Her baby was growing up already!

"She started rolling over last night"

Startled, Alison looked up at her mum who was now awake on the couch, although still snuggled against her dad who was also awake. Guilt washed over Alison then as she realised she had missed such an important milestone in her daughter's life, all whilst she had been seducing Josh.

"I missed it?" she asked crestfallen.

"Hey, it's ok. Jason caught it on camera so you can watch it later" Elizabeth comforted her daughter. She had been enjoying watching Alison and Lola pay on the floor and hadn't wanted to disturb the moment between mother and daughter, but felt it was important that Alison knew Lola's milestone achievement.

"Oh" Alison replied disappointedly. "Thank you. Sorry we woke you just now".

"It's ok, we were just snoozing. Did you have a good time at Bethany Beach?" Henry asked his daughter. Watching Alison and Lola play on the mat together had filled his heart with joy, but he was also curious to know if Alison had enjoyed her time away. She certainly looked more refreshed than she had in months.

Alison felt her cheeks heat at the thought of what happened in Bethany Beach. Could her parents tell she'd had sex? Surely they couldn't? What did it matter if they did, she was a grown woman after all.

"Yes" she squeaked before clearing her throat. "Yes" she replied this time in a more normal voice "We sunbathed, had a BBQ and a party, did some shopping, and relaxed. It was just what I needed. How was your weekend?"

A wave of suspicion flooded through Elizabeth at her daughter's squeaked response, a typical indication that Alison was trying to hide something. What had really happened in Bethany Beach? Now was not the time to ask pry though as she just wanted to enjoy the rest of the week with her whole family at the horse farm.

"We've had a lovely weekend. We introduced Lola to the horses and she loved them and they loved her. We might have an equestrian in the family yet! We took her for a walk around the property, then we took her into town when we picked up supplies. She's done pretty good with the bottle this weekend, and of course, she rolled over".

"And the paparazzi haven't bothered you?" Alison asked with concern. She hated when the paparazzi took pictures of her daughter, as if it was ok to intrude on her 3.5 month old life. Selfishlessly, she also didn't want to be labelled as a poor mother by the press just because she had gone away for one weekend with her friends. She didn't want to give _him_ any ammunition against her parenting skills.

"No paparazzi that we are aware of" Henry assured.

"And Daisy hasn't called" Elizabeth added.

"How about you?" Henry queried.

"No, nothing that I'm aware of" Alison confirmed. Generally she only got photographed if she was with her mum, otherwise people didn't really seem to know who she was until she said her name.

A small cry from the activity mat interrupted the conversation and immediately Alison's attention turned to her daughter.

"What's the matter, Lola bean? Is it feeding time?" she cooed as she picked her daughter up and held her close. Holding her daughter in her arms again and smelling Lola's unique baby smell was the most comforting feeling she had ever known and she knew she could hold her daughter forever if she had to.

"Yeah, she's due a feed" Henry replied casually.

"Well, let's get you fed then, baby" Alison cooed to her daughter as she got up from the floor "I take it her stuff is in my old room?" she asked her parents.

"Yep, your dad set up the travel cot in there this morning" Elizabeth replied in a relaxed tone "Let us know if you need anything" she called after her daughter as she ascended the stairs.

Alison pushed open the door to her old room and immediately settled herself on her old bed so that she could start breastfeeding Lola. Her daughter latched on immediately and she sighed in relief as the pressure in her breast started to ease. She preferred actually feeding to pumping and was glad that she wouldn't have to pump again for the foreseeable future, especially considering how much she had pumped whilst she'd been away.

Her eyes wondered around the room absentmindedly as she fed her daughter and her eyes fell on the collage of pictures she had made with her junior high school friends. Suddenly her mind flashed back to last year when she had sat on the end of this very bed and sobbed into her mother's shoulder as she considered having an abortion. A cold shudder ran through her at the thought of Lola not being here now. Although motherhood was hard work, now that Lola was here she couldn't imagine her life without her. She recalled how she'd wondered if she'd ever be that girl in the picture again, and it struck her that she was - mostly. Yes, she had been raped, but most importantly she was _Alison_. The rape did not define her. She was still a woman who was passionate about fashion and determined to get her degree so she could follow her dreams. She was a woman with friends, a woman that wanted to love and be loved. She still wanted everything that young girl in the picture wanted and she was determined to get it. The rape would always be part of her life, but it wasn't her life or who she was.

The sound of her phone dinging interrupted her thoughts and she reached down to see who had text her, a smile lighting up her face as she read the text.

 _Josh._

* * *

 _I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think._


	46. Chapter 46

_Thanks for the reviews, favourites, and follows for the last chapter. This chapter is also a "M-ish"rated, I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Alison McCord picked up her daughter and headed downstairs to the kitchen. She had a big favour to ask her parents and she was incredibly nervous to be asking it.

Josh was coming to town this weekend and she needed them to babysit.

The only problem was, they didn't know about Josh and she wanted to keep it that way.

It had been 3 weeks since she had last seen Josh, and although they called, FaceTimed, and text each other whenever they could, she still didn't know where their relationship was going. Last time they had tried a long distance relationship he had dumped her after 2 months, and she had to admit that made her nervous about whatever she and Josh were currently doing. Granted he had only been 16 at the time, but with him attending the University of Notre Dame and she attending community college in Washington DC, she wasn't sure when they were going to see each other and how long they could keep the long distance thing going. The easy rapport they had established at Bethany Beach had continued in their messages and calls, but if it wasn't for the fact that Josh's football team were coming into town to play a friendly against one of the colleges in DC, she wasn't sure when she would next see Josh. That's why seeing Josh this weekend was so important.

She just had to get her parents to agree to babysit, which was no easy task when one - possibly both - of her parents used to be a spy and could easily tell when she was lying.

"Hi" she greeted her parents brightly as she entered the kitchen, a wave of relief washing over her that her siblings weren't down for breakfast yet. The last thing she needed was the scrutiny of her parents _and_ her siblings.

"Hi Noodle" Elizabeth replied just as brightly, a loving smile appearing on her face as she came and took Lola out of her daughter's arms for her daily morning cuddle with her granddaughter. There was no better way to start the day than with a Lola snuggle.

"Morning, Ali" Henry greeted his daughter with a smile as he toasted toast in the toaster.

"Um, are you guys busy on Saturday?" she asked her parents, aiming for nonchalant but sounding awkward to her own ears, her pulse rate spiked as she saw her mother's analytical mind start to whirl.

"No, why?" Elizabeth asked her daughter carefully as she made sure to keep her focus on Lola to give the impression she was distracted.

"Well, um, Chelsea is having a birthday party and she's invited me and I'd really like to go?" Alison asked in a rush, mentally chastising herself at how false and hurried her voice sounded. Her parents would never believe her at this rate! "Could you watch Lola?"

Elizabeth cast a surprised, questioning, look at her husband. "Sure, Noodle" Elizabeth replied amiably "What time are you going out and what time do you expect to be back?"

Relief washed over Alison that her parents seemed to be buying her cover story however, the next part was tricky. "I'll probably leave about 8pm. I was wondering if I could borrow the car as she lives in Hyattsville, plus, the party is expected to go until the early hours of the morning?" she asked hopefully. Getting the car was crucial as Josh's team were staying in Hyattsville and that's where they had planned to meet after the game.

This time it was Henry that cast a suspicious look at his wife. "That should be fine. Your mum and I haven't got anything in particular planned this weekend. You go and have fun with Chelsea and your friends, a night off will do you good"

"Thank you!" Alison exclaimed excitedly as she quickly hugged her mum, then her dad. She did feel slightly guilty for lying to her parents and for leaving Lola to go and see her quasi-boyfriend, but she couldn't help but feel excited about seeing Josh again.

"Do you mind watching Lola whilst I finish sorting out my bag for school?" she asked her mum.

"Sure, Noodle" Elizabeth agreed as she made funny faces at Lola, earning her a huge smile from her granddaughter.

Once Alison was safely out of the kitchen she quickly spun around to face her husband. "See! I told you something is going in with Alison! I'm telling you, something happened with Alison at Bethany Beach!" she exclaimed in a low voice, full of conviction. "All those secret phone calls, the dreamy smiles she gets when she receives a text message. Why has she never mentioned Chelsea before, huh? Do you think she's has a secret boyfriend?"

"Ok, ok" Henry acquiesced as he held up his hands in surrender in an effort to placate his wife. He lifted his granddaughter from Elizabeth's arms wanting to start his own day with a Lola cuddle. "It does seem a little suspicious, but she's happy and she _is_ an adult. This is the first time she's asked us to babysit since Bethany Beach so let's just see how things go on Saturday. Maybe Chelsea is in one of her new classes, and if it is a party it will be good for her to make friends with her classmates. We both agreed that we don't want to see her isolate herself like she did last year, she needs to make friends" Henry argued.

"True. But what if it is a boy..." Elizabeth started in a worried tone before being interrupted by her husband.

"Then we let Alison come to us and we'll deal with it then. She's 19, she has to start living again" Henry stated in a comforting, yet firm, tone.

"Ok" Elizabeth reluctantly agreed. She didn't want her daughter to be hurt again and she was determined to find out what was going on with Alison come what may.

* * *

It was Saturday night and Alison busied herself getting ready for her date with Josh whilst Lola happily bounced herself in her bouncy chair, a curious look on her little face as she watched the bright colours flash on the television screen beside her mummy.

Hearing a cheer on the television Alison quickly glanced at the screen, a pleased smile lighting up her face and a wave of excitement washing over her as she realised that Josh had just scored a touchdown and that his team were now clearly in the lead. Lola let out a little squeal at the cheer and Alison immediately turned around to face her daughter expecting the worst, only to find Lola excitedly bouncing in her chair with a grin, evidently copying the excitement of the crowd.

"Are you cheering for Josh, Lola Bean?" she asked her daughter in a teasing tone as she tickled her tummy, earning another squeal from her daughter. Lola was normally asleep by now, only waking about 11pm for her final feed before settling down for the night, but she had been caught up doing homework this afternoon and had accidentally let her daughter's afternoon nap run over, now Lola was wide awake and she could only hope that she would settle down at 11pm once her parents gave her her last feed. A wave of guilt washed over her that she was leaving her daughter to go and see her semi-boyfriend, but she pushed it aside. Hadn't her own parents told her she needed to have fun and look after herself so she could be a good mother? Isn't that what she was doing?

She didn't know what to expect tonight and she was as much nervous about seeing Josh as she was excited. Josh had text her his room number as soon as he had arrived last night and told her to meet him there, about which she had mixed feelings. Was he expecting her to sleep with him again? Surprisingly, she wasn't against the idea. After Josh had left the beach house at Bethany Beach her friends had wanted to know all the details about what had happened and she had filled them in on the night's events. She felt reassured when they'd all admitted to not having had an orgasm the first time they'd had sex as she'd started to wonder if it was just her, or if it was because of what had happened to her. They'd all told her that it gets better with practice and she wasn't opposed to 'practicing' some more with Josh - provided he had his own room of course.

Finishing her last coat of lipstick she spun around in front of the mirror for one final check, reasonably happy with what she saw. "What do you think, Lola? Does mummy look pretty?"

Lola replied in her own babble language as she waved her arms and kicked her legs and Alison took that to mean her daughter liked what she was wearing. She picked up the bouncy chair and carefully carried her daughter downstairs and into the living room where her parents were sprawled out on the couch reading.

"Hey, Noodle! Are you all ready to go?" Elizabeth asked her daughter in a light tone as she reached forward to lift Lola out of her bouncy chair.

"Yes, but Lola is still full of energy I'm afraid. I hope she doesn't keep you up tonight" Alison replied in a worried tone.

"Oh well, I'm sure grandpa and I can find some way to tire you out, can't we Little Miss Lola?" Elizabeth cooed to her granddaughter as Lola stood on her thighs and bounced with her own legs.

Alison watched the scene with a bittersweet smile, guilt once again washing over her that she essentially choosing a guy over her daughter.

"Don't worry about it, Ali, we'll be fine. We have some tricks up our sleeves from when you guys were kids" Henry assured.

"Henry! You can get your guitar out!" Elizabeth exclaimed excitedly as she continued to hold Lola whilst she bounced.

Alison shuddered at the mention of the word 'guitar'. It was no secret to the McCord kids that whenever their dad played the guitar one of their mum's silky lingeries would end up in the wash and her stomach turned at the thought of what that meant.

"Well, I'll be going then. Milk's in the fridge for when she's hungry" Alison replied in a somewhat sad tone. Leaving Lola, whether it be for college, socialising, or work, always made her a little sad and she quickly placed a kiss on her daughter's head before waving goodbye. "Bye Lola, love you!"

Almost an hour later Alison pulled into the car park of Josh's hotel, relief washing over her that the team's coach was already there meaning that Josh was back from the game. She text him to let him know she had arrived before nervously walking to his room. She was just about to knock on the door when it opened unexpectedly.

"Oh! Um, hi!" she greeted the man who opened the door before she had chance to knock. "I'm sorry I must have the wrong room" she stated regretfully.

"Alison, right?" the man queried.

"Uh, yes" she replied hesitantly.

"Hi, I'm Trey, I'm rooming with Josh tonight. He's just finishing up in the bathroom but he said to let you in if you arrived" Trey replied in a conversational tone.

"Oh, right. Thanks" Alison replied nervously as she stepped past Trey into the room.

"Hey, the team is going across the road to grab some food in the diner, you should join us" Trey stated kindly.

"We might do" Alison replied with a smile as she stood nervously in the middle of the room.

"Bye!" Trey called as he shut the door behind him and left.

Alison wandered around the room anxiously as she heard Josh move around in the bathroom, nerves building within her with each passing second. Now she was here she realised how stupid she had been. She was in a hotel room with someone she hoped with Josh. For all she knew it could be anyone in that bathroom. What was she doing?! Hadn't this been how things started in New York? She'd trusted _him_ when he took her into his bedroom and look what had happened.

She heard the handle of the bathroom door click and she turned around panic ridden and ready to flee the room irrationally expecting it to be _him_ however, the sight that greeted her was definitely not _him_ and she felt her cheeks heat and lust rush through her at the sight of Josh standing in little more than a towel, his toned, tan, six pack and broad shoulders clearly on display.

"Ali!" Josh exclaimed in surprise. "I didn't here Trey let you in"

"Oh...uh..." Alison stammered as she felt her heart rate increase once again, this time from lust at the sight of Josh semi-naked. Lust was quickly replaced with embarrassment and she quickly looked away. Why was she suddenly embarrassed, they had both seen each other naked!

Josh smirked at Alison. "See something you like?" he asked huskily as he approached her and took her cheek in his palm to turn her to face him.

"Hi" she breathed with a smile, intoxicated by Josh's close proximity.

"Hi" he replied softly with a bright smile before his lips met her in a gentle kiss.

"I've missed you" he whispered.

"Missed you too" she agreed as she reached up to brush her lips against his.

Josh deepened the kiss, and before she knew it clothes and towels were being removed, condoms were going on, and she found herself on Josh's bed with him inside her.

"Wow!" Josh exclaimed after he came.

"Uh-huh" Alison replied, still dazed from their encounter. Whilst she had considered the possibility of sleeping with Josh again, she hadn't expected what had just happen to happen. It had been fast and passionate, but she was still feeling _frustrated_.

Josh peered down at her, a confused, concerned look on his face. "Ali, you came, right?"

"Um..." she stammered, unsure how to answer the question. She didn't want to hurt Josh's feelings, but again she was pretty sure she hadn't reached an orgasm. She was just about to answer truthfully when Josh's phone vibrated from his bedside cabinet.

"The guys are chasing me about going to dinner" he replied as he got off the bed and headed to the bathroom.

Alison heard the shower run briefly as she laid on Josh's bed in dazed confusion.

"You want to join us?" Josh asked as he exited the bathroom.

Alison sat up to look at Josh incredulously. "You're kidding, right? We've just had sex and now you want to go to dinner with your team mates? We haven't seen each other for almost 4 weeks!"

Honestly, she wasn't sure what to expect from her date with Josh tonight, but dinner with his team mates was not what she was expecting at all! She'd thought they'd at least have dinner by themselves.

"We won the game, Ali! I want to go celebrate with them and the diner across the street is the only place open around here at this time of night" Josh replied in annoyed tone as she started to dress himself.

"So, was I just a booty call to you?!" Alison replied, tears of hurt and shame rimming her eyes, but she was determined not to cry in front of Josh despite how used she felt.

Josh stopped what he was doing at that point and came to stand in front of Alison. Gently he brushed the stray tear that had slipped from her eye off her cheek. "Of course not" he affirmed in a serious tone "I wasn't expecting anything from you tonight and I didn't expect what just happen to happen, not that I'm not incredibly glad that it did happen" he finished with a gentle smile. "I just thought we'd go grab dinner with the guys and then afterwards we could hang out or something".

"And what am I supposed to do?" Alison asked angrily "Go to dinner smelling like sex? I haven't got any of my shower stuff with me, I didn't expect this to happen either".

"There's complimentary shower gel and a spare towel in the bathroom, why don't you tidy up with that?" Josh suggested.

"Fine!" Alison snapped as she entered the bathroom, not having much else of a choice. She checked her appearance in the mirror and was relieved to find that apart from her lipstick, the rest of her makeup had fared well from their encounter and looked presentable. Not wanting to have to wash and dry her hair, she decided to forego a shower and instead lathered up the complimentary flannel with the hotel soap as she effectively gave herself a sponge bath. Her mind digested what had just happened over the past 20 minutes. How had she let herself sleep with Josh again after little more than a greeting? Yes, he had looked hot in just his towel, but how could she let lust get the better of her like that? As a mother, shouldn't she be more responsible? Plus, it seemed that Josh had given little thought to their date tonight. He hadn't planned anywhere for them to eat or for them to do anything and he seemed to be winging it with dinner with his team mates and then seeing what happened. Did she really mean that much to him?

She didn't feel completely clean after her wash, but she felt better than she had. She saw there was some aerosol deodorant in the bathroom and she quickly sprayed herself with a little, before exiting the bathroom and dressing herself. Quickly she applied some more lipstick, spritzed herself with the perfume she always kept in her handbag, fluffed her hair, and was then ready to go.

"Ali, you look really good tonight" Josh complimented her once she was ready again, as he placed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

"Thanks" she replied with a shy smile.

Together the couple made their way across the road and into the diner. As soon as they entered Alison's stomach sank as she realised that Josh's team mates and coaches were the only people in the diner.

"Heeeyyyyy!" the team chorused as they arrived. "Look who finally decided to show!"

"Yeah, yeah, guys" Josh answered easily as Alison blushed in embarrassment. It wasn't hard for Josh's team mates to imagine what had just happened between them.

"This is Alison, we went to school together in Charlottesville" Josh introduced.

Alison cringed internally at the jeers of Josh's team mates, but replied politely despite the stab of pain to her heart that Josh had introduced her as his old friend, and not girlfriend. Josh ushered them into the end of the booth and immediately they started talking about the game.

90 minutes and a burger and fries later, Alison was bored out of her brains and beyond annoyed. Josh had spent the whole evening talking with his friends about the game whilst completely ignoring her. She was starting to remember what it had been like dating Josh in Charlottesville. How he had always ignored her when they were out with his friends and how they had always argued afterwards. She'd thought he'd changed after Bethany Beach when he'd been paying attention to her despite his brother and cousins being at the BBQ and party, but after tonight it appeared not. If it hadn't been for their regular calls and texts over the past 4 weeks she was starting to believe that she really had just been a booty call and she was feeling foolish. Had she learnt nothing from New York? Hearing Josh refer to the same play for the fourth time that night she could not take football talk anymore and abruptly stood from the table, finally garnering Josh's attention.

"I'm leaving" she stated firmly as she turned and exited the diner. She was halfway to her car before she heard Josh call after her.

"Ali, wait!" Josh panted as he caught up with her.

"What?" she snapped as she shrugged off his arm.

"Where are you going?" Josh asked in bewilderment.

"You're kidding me, right? You've ignored me all evening!" Alison exclaimed angrily.

"I was just celebrating with the guys!" he exclaimed in an annoyed tone.

"I get that, but you can see you team mates anytime! We haven't seen each other for almost a month! A whole month! Do you know how hard it was for me to get here tonight? I had to lie to my parents to get them to watch Lola and to borrow their car! And for what? To be ignored by someone who I thought cared about me" Alison yelled before turning and heading to her car, once again.

"Ali, wait!" Josh replied as he chased after her again and grabbed her arm.

Alison shrugged off Josh's arm before turning to look at him defiantly, her arms crossed defensively.

"I do care about you and it's been great seeing you tonight, and not just the sex part. Maybe this wasn't the greatest date, but I want to see you again" Josh replied in a pleading tone.

"When, Josh?" Alison exclaimed in frustration. "It took us 4 weeks to meet tonight and look how that turned out!"

"Columbus Day" Josh replied without missing a beat. "I was going to surprise you nearer the time, but since you told me you were going back to Charlottesville for Columbus Day weekend I arranged to go back home for the weekend too. So, what do you say? A new date, just us, on Columbus Day weekend?"

Alison was taken aback by Josh's thoughtfulness. When it was just the two of them they were good together, always had been. It was only when his friends got involved that there were problems.

"Ok" she replied hesitantly. "Columbus Day weekend, just us".

"Just us, I promise" Josh replied as he placed a reverent kiss against her lips.

* * *

 _I'm a little nervous about posting this chapter given how it played out so let me know what you think. I'm trying to make it realistic with them both being 19, going to colleges in different states, Alison having to find babysitters etc._


	47. Chapter 47

Alison paced around her old room at the horse farm, her disgruntled daughter held close to her chest.

"Shhh, baby. Mummy's here. I know it hurts, but the medicine will kick in soon and then you'll feel much better" she soothed.

Lola was teething and she was having a hard time with it. Her gums were red and sore, her cheeks were red, she was constantly dribbling, and she was chewing on anything she could get her hands on - which currently was a set of plastic toy keys. Lola only wanted to be held by her and she would scream if she put her down for even a second, consequently she had had little sleep over the past week and she was suffering. Even poor Miss Janie had looked frazzled by the end of the week when she'd returned home from college on Friday. Whilst Miss Janie looked after Lola when she was at school or volunteering at the rape crisis centre, the rest of the time Lola was her responsibility and she had struggled to get all of her day to day chores done, let alone her homework, and she was behind with school. She'd hoped the peacefulness of the farm would soothe Lola over Columbus Day weekend so she could catch up with her school work, but the tranquillity had been lost on Lola and if anything her cries were even more noticeable. She felt incredibly anxious when her daughter cried at night, conscious that Lola could easily wake up her parents and siblings - which she had done numerous time over the past week, although thankfully her family were being good sports about the situation. Not even her 'baby whisperer' dad could soothe Lola at the moment.

Hearing her phone beep she picked it up and saw that Josh had text her _again_. Things hadn't quite been the same between them since their 'date' in DC and she'd barely had time to speak to him this week, what with trying to keep up at school and also looking after Lola whilst she was teething. She'd already had to cancel their date last night because of Lola, which Josh had not been happy about, and she really didn't want to have to cancel her date with Josh this evening after Josh had gone to the effort of arranging to come home for the weekend, but with Lola in such discomfort it wasn't looking promising. She just couldn't bear to leave her daughter when she was obviously in so much pain and was so unhappy. Suddenly an idea popped into her head and she quickly text him the details.

"Come on, Lola. Let's see if a drive will help you go to sleep" she cooed to her daughter who still moaned in discomfort against her shoulder.

"Tell mum and dad I've gone for a drive with Lola to see if she'll sleep" she told her brother as she picked up Lola's baby bag and the keys for the Jeep.

"'kay" Jason replied distractedly, deep in concentration on the video game he was playing on TV. Jareth and Stevie had gone for an afternoon ride and her parents had gone into town for a lunch date so Jason, Lola, and she were the only ones left at home.

As soon as she placed Lola in her car seat she started screaming and it broke her heart to see her daughter in so much pain. The baby Tylenol and ibuprofen should have kicked in by now and a wave of concern washed over her that Lola still seemed to be in so much discomfort.

"I know, I know..." she tried to soothe her daughter "But you have to sit in the car seat otherwise mummy will get in trouble".

She got into the car and headed in the direction of Josh's house, 30 minutes later she pulled up in front of his house and text him to let him know she had arrived. She checked on Lola and a wave of relief washed over her that the swaying motion of the car had rocked her daughter into a long overdue nap. A wave of love washed over her as she took in her daughter's jowly, rosy, cheeks and long dark eyelashes. Despite the fact her daughter had kept her awake for almost a whole week, it was moments like this that made motherhood worthwhile. She was disturbed from her reverie by the car door opening.

"What is that!" Josh exclaimed in horror.

A wave of annoyance washed over Alison. "That, is my daughter Lola" she hissed " And keep your voice down, I've only just managed to get her to sleep!".

"Well, where am I supposed to sit?" he hissed in reply.

Alison rolled her eyes. "In the back of course!"

Grumpily Josh closed the front door and reluctantly got into the back. Alison winced at the sounds of the opening and closing doors and waited with baited breath for Lola to wake. After several moments passed without Lola stirring, Alison let out a long breath, glad that the sounds hadn't disturbed her daughter.

A tense silence fell over the occupants of the car as she pulled away from the curb and headed for a local park, annoyance washing over her as Josh sat stewing in the rear seat. Over the past couple of weeks it had started to annoy her that Josh showed little interest in Lola, even though she always made sure to tell him whenever Lola did something new - which at the moment was almost daily. Until recently Lola had finally been sleeping through the night, she was close to being able to sit by herself, and the speed that she could roll from one side of the room to the other was panic-inducing. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd been filled with dread as her daughter had seemed to disappear into thin air, only to be found under the living room chairs or kitchen table. But Josh didn't seem interested and that concerned her. She needed someone who wanted both Lola and she.

Alison drove the entire way to the park in silence, her annoyance with Josh growing with each passing second. Did he really expect her to move her daughter to the rear seat just so he could sit in the front? Didn't he understand that she needed to be in Lola's eyeline in case she woke up?

"I thought we'd go for a walk" she announced as she parked the vehicle.

"Fine" Josh replied sullenly.

Alison prepared Lola's pushchair and positioned her in it, being cautious not to disturb her daughter now that she was finally sleeping. Silently the couple began walking along one of the pathways and after several minutes her patience with Josh snapped.

"Are you really so mad that you had to sit in the back?" she spoke heatedly, conscious to keep her voice down because of Lola.

"I just don't see why she had to come along. Couldn't you have got you parents to babysit again?" he replied just as heatedly.

"They're out, and I can't just arrange a babysitter every time we meet. She's my _daughter_ , Josh!"

"I get that, but do you know how much it cost me to get back here this weekend? Over $400! And this is the first time we get to see each other? I would have had..." Josh trailed off.

"Would have had, what?" Alison asked in a low tone.

"I would have had more fun if I'd stayed at Notre Dame" Josh admitted quietly.

An awkward silence descended on the couple as they continued their walk along the trail, before the sound of Lola fidgeting in her pushchair caught Alison's attention. Lola was waking up and as soon as her eyes opened and she realised she wasn't in her mother's arms she started crying again.

"Shhh, Lola. It's ok, I'm here, see" Alison tried to console as she reached into the pushchair and tickled her daughter tummy, before picking up the plastic toy keys and dangling them to try and distract Lola, all to little effect. Lola's screams simply intensified and she felt like the worst mother in the world.

"Can't you get her to stop?" Josh snapped, wincing as the decibel of Lola's cries increased.

Alison stopped abruptly and quickly unstrapped Lola from the pushchair before she brought her into her arms. Immediately Lola snuggled herself into her shoulder as she started to chew on the collar of Alison's coat. Alison thought she should be more worried about her daughter chewing on her coat, but at the moment she was more happy about the fact that Lola was quiet and seemed as content as she could be with her painful teeth.

"Here, push this" she instructed Josh and together the threesome continued their walk, Alison and Josh making small talk as they went.

30 minutes later they found themselves back at the car with a distraught Lola. The smell coming from Lola's nappy meant that Alison could easily identify the source of her daughter's discomfort and she quickly set up the changing mat on the backseat of the Jeep.

"What are you doing?" Josh asked inquisitively.

"She needs her nappy changed" Alison replied matter-of-factly as she took off her daughter's jeans and groaned when she saw her daughter's poo had made its way out of the nappy and onto her clothes. Quickly she stripped her daughter of her baby grow, which only caused Lola to scream louder. She opened up the nappy and heard Josh gasp behind her.

"What the hell is that!?" Josh exclaimed in horror.

"It's just poo, Josh" Alison replied in an exasperated tone as she quickly cleaned up her daughter and fitted a new nappy. "Here, go and put this in the bin" she commanded Josh as she held out the nappy bag with the soiled nappy in his direction.

Josh blanched at her requested, but she simply shook the bag until Josh reluctantly took it and headed towards the bin. She dressed her daughter quickly in one of the spare outfits that lived in her nappy bag, a wave of sadness washing over her as she realised the little leggings were now almost too small for Lola. By the time Josh came back she was sat in the back seat of the car with Lola sucking on her breast hungrily. Whilst she wasn't completely comfortable with breastfeeding in public, the car park and the area of the park they were in were quiet, and with the tinted windows of the Jeep and a blanket over her, she felt moderately secure. Honestly, at this point she was just desperate to console her daughter and with Lola sucking greedily on her breast she was hoping a good feed would help settle her daughter.

"What are you doing?" Josh exclaimed in dismay as he joined her in the back seat.

"Breastfeeding" Alison replied in an obvious tone.

Josh looked deep in contemplation before he spoke next. "Is this what your life is like?" he asked inquisitively.

Alison looked at Josh and saw the look on his face. "Yes" she replied honestly, realisation dawning on her in that moment.

"Josh..."

"Ali..."

They both begun together, smiling at each other at the blunder.

Alison looked down at her daughter who was happily feeding. She loved her so much and would do anything for her, she wanted someone in her life who felt the same way about Lola.

"This isn't going to work, is it?" Alison stated quietly as she turned to face Josh.

"No" he replied softly as he turned to face her. "I like you, Ali, a lot, I really do, and if it was just you and me I'd find a way to make this work..."

"But..." Alison prompted, knowing there was more to come.

"But I just don't want to be a father to anyone" he replied honestly. "I'm sorry".

Alison smiled sadly at Josh. "I understand" she replied as she reached over and squeezed his hand tenderly. She really did understand, if she was in Josh's shoes she wouldn't want the life she had. Life with a 5 month old was almost overwhelmingly hard work and it was hard to explain to anyone who wasn't a parent why she did it. Josh didn't get the joy of seeing Lola grow and change every day, or have the bond she had with her daughter that had formed the day she had decided to keep her. He hadn't fallen in love with her at first sight like she had. It was all those things that made the struggle of her daily life worthwhile and she wouldn't change Lola for anything.

* * *

Elizabeth McCord leant against the doorframe of her youngest daughter's bedroom and watched with bittersweet nostalgia as Alison typed on her laptop. Where had the time had gone? It seemed like only yesterday she was bringing her dark haired daughter home from the hospital, now she was a fully grown woman.

It was rare nowadays that she just got to stop and appreciate her children, what with the crazy hours she worked, Stevie's internship, Alison juggling college and Lola, and Jason being in his senior year. Lola was sleeping in her travel cot, and it looked like Alison was catching up on school work, so engrossed in what she was doing that she hadn't noticed her standing there. She took the time to just watch her daughter lovingly as wave after wave of happy memories flooded over her. Memories of Alison's first steps, her first words, her first haircut, the first time she fought back against her eldest sister (an adorable moment even if she had punished Alison for it) washed over her. She remembered braiding Alison's hair everyday before school and watching her daughter come running home to show her the latest picture she had drawn at school, which she had proudly displayed on their fridge at home or in her cubicle at the CIA. She recalled with pride the first time Alison had won an art competition. She remembered Alison losing her first tooth and playing the tooth fairy, Alison scaring her half to death as she'd mumbled something in her sleep as she'd slipped out of her room. Halloween's, Thanksgivings, Christmas' all brought with them warm, loving, memories of Alison and it made her want to do it all over again.

"Mum?" Alison queried with concern as she looked up from her laptop and saw her mum standing in the doorway to her room with tears in her eyes. "Are you ok?"

"Hey, Noodle" Elizabeth replied in a choked voice as she wiped tears from her eyes and cleared her throat. "Yes, I'm fine. I guess I'm just feeling a little sentimental today. How's Lola doing?"

Alison looked over at her daughter, worry etched on her face. "The baby Tylenol and ibruprofen didn't seem to be working so I took her for a drive and she fell asleep" Alison replied honestly, leaving out the part about meeting up with Josh. Now that they had officially broken up there was nothing really to tell.

After dropping Josh off at his house she'd taken a long drive with Lola to settle her and it had given her time to think. She wasn't as upset about breaking up with Josh as she had been the first time they'd broken up, and it made her realise how much she'd changed in 4 short years. Part of of her was of course sad that they hadn't worked out, but a bigger part of her felt pragmatic about the situation. There was more to her life now than dating the hottest guy in school. She'd never forget what happened with Josh at Bethany Beach, how much fun they had had, and how he had helped her find herself again. She knew she would always cherish the memories of her first time with Josh and how kind, gentle, and patient he had been. She had a lot to thank him for and the whole experience had ultimately made her realise what she needed from a guy in the future - he had to accept and love Lola as much as she did.

Elizabeth smiled sympathetically at her daughter. "Hang in there, Noodle. It will get better as soon as those pesky teeth have cut through. You know you can always ask your dad or I for help and we'll gladly babysit for you whenever you want to go...out"

Something in her mother's tone made Alison's heart rate pick up a little and she swallowed nervously.

"Uh, thanks. How was your lunch date?" Alison asked genially in an effort to change the subject.

"It was nice. You remember your old boyfriend, Josh?" Elizabeth asked in what sounded like a nonchalant tone if you were anyone but a member of the McCord family. She came to sit on the edge of Alison's bed, a strange look on her face as she smoothed her hand over her daughter's head.

"Y..Yes" Alison stammered, her heart racing in her chest.

"We bumped into his mum..."

Alison froze as realisation dawned on her in that instant that her parents _knew._

"Oh?" she croaked, failing miserably at acting cool.

"Yeah. She said you and Josh bumped into each other at Bethany Beach" Elizabeth continued in the same tone. "She said that Josh didn't come home until _late_ a couple of nights".

Alison nervously stared into her mother's eyes as she fiddled with her bedspread, surprise washing over her at what she saw. There was no anger or judgement in her mother's eyes, instead they were filled with deep concern and worry. Suddenly she understood that all her mother wanted was to know that she was ok after what had happened in Bethany Beach.

"It was..nice..." she paused to let the word sink in, to let her mum know that she was ok with what had transpired between her and Josh "..to see him again. But we're just friends" she added.

Elizabeth stared deeply into her daughter's eyes seeking reassurance. She'd known as soon as Alison had come back from Bethany Beach that _something_ had happened there. Alison had come back with so much more energy and confidence and she was the happiest she'd seen her since before she'd gone to New York. She'd witnessed how her daughter would light up whenever she received a text message, and she'd heard quiet voices coming from Alison's room when she'd returned home from work late at night. She'd been desperate to have her suspicions confirmed that Alison had a secret boyfriend, but now that she had she was filled with so much worry, much more worry than she'd had with any of Stevie's boyfriends. She didn't know why she was finding it so hard to accept that Alison had had sex or why it bothered her so much. She knew it was illogical, but she just wanted to know that her daughter was ok, that what had happened in Bethany Beach with Josh hadn't been repeat of what had happened in New York somehow.

"I'm really ok, Mum" Alison assured with a small smile at the worried look on her mother's face.

"So, the text messages, and secret calls... they were from Josh?" Elizabeth asked softly.

"You knew about them?" Alison replied dejectedly. So much for having a secret boyfriend!

"Yes, I just didn't know who they were from and your father said we should wait until you came to us...why didn't you tell us, Noodle?" Elizabeth asked desperately, hurt evident in her voice.

Alison shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just liked the fact it was only Josh and I that knew what was going on. Plus, I didn't really know where our relationship was going until this afternoon and I didn't want to worry you for no reason..."

Realisation dawned on Elizabeth. Alison had said that she and Josh were 'just friends'.

"Alison, did Josh break up with you?" she asked in a dangerous tone.

Aliscon chuckled at her mum's protectiveness. "Relax, Mum! Yes, we did break up this afternoon, but it was by mutual decision. He's goes to Notre Dam and we live in D.C. so it was difficult for us to meet. Plus, he doesn't want to a father to Lola so..."

"Oh Noodle, I'm so sorry..." Elizabeth replied in a comforting tone as she pulled her daughter into a hug.

Alison breathed in her mother's reassuring scent and let herself relax into the embrace. Finally the hurt and disappointment she felt over the failure of her relationship with Josh washed over her and she felt a few tears slip out of her eyes. So much for being pragmatic!

"Are you ok?" Elizabeth asked softly as she felt her daughter's shuddering breaths.

"Yeah. I've been through worse" Alison replied with a watery smile as she peaked up at her mum. "It's just made me realise how difficult dating is going to be with Lola"

Panic washed over Elizabeth at the thought of her daughter dating. "Are you sure you're ready for that, Noodle? Dating...and everything that comes with it?"

Alison contemplated her mother's question carefully, her conclusion surprising herself.

"I know it sounds cliché, but I found myself again at Bethany Beach. I found _Alison_ and it made me realised that the rape will always be a part of my life, but it isn't my whole life. _He_ doesn't get to dictate my life anymore, so if the right guy comes along I'm not opposed to a date with him" she finished with a shy smile.

Pride, love, and a little fear, washed over Elizabeth at her daughter's words. "You have a beautiful soul, Alison, and you deserve happiness. Love can be transformational and I hope you find that one day".

"I hope so too" she whispered as she smiled up at her mother.

Elizabeth held her daughter close, relishing this small moment in which she could comfort and protect her daughter.

"You know, your dad and I are here for you as soon as you're ready to make the list" Elizabeth stated softly as she kissed the top of her daughter's head.

Alison laughed as she broke the embrace and remembered all the other times she had made lists with her parents whenever she had broken up with a boyfriend. "Good to know, but I really am ok".

"As long as you're sure...?" Elizabeth replied with a wistful smile, the smile she always got when one of her children did something that made her realise her children were growing up.

"I'm sure" Alison replied with a bright smile, before a horrifying thought popped into her head. "Does Dad know? About what happened with Josh?"

"Yes..." Elizabeth replied with a small wince.

"Oh no!" Alison exclaimed in embarrassment. It was one thing her mum knowing she'd had sex, but her dad?

"Hey, give your dad some credit! He's pretty liberal and he's ok about it. You forget, your dad and I were young once and we met when we were your age and we didn't exactly wait until our wedding night..."

"Ew! Mum! Stop! I do NOT need to hear about that!" Alison exclaimed in horror.

"Ok!" Elizabeth replied as she held up her hands in surrender. "I'm just saying that your dad and I get that sex is a natural part of life and we just want you to be safe and happy, ok?"

"Ok" Alison replied, wishing the conversation was over.

"Elizabeth looked deep into her daughter's eyes. There was no fear, no look of guilt or shame, just a relaxed, if somewhat embarrassed, expression on her daughter's face.

"Ok" she replied in a satisfied tone as she placed one final kiss on her daughter's head, before getting up from the bed and heading for the door.

"Dinner will be in 10 minutes" she called as she exited the room.

"I'll be down" Alison replied, glad that the conversation with her mother was over before a horrifying thought entered her mind.

One day she would have to have a conversation like this with Lola!

* * *

 _So, I'm nervous about posting this as I know a lot of you liked the Josh story line, but I'm trying to keep the story as realistic as possible and with Josh and Alison living in different state, Alison not having the freedom to come and go as she pleases because of Lola, and just the fact that they're so young, I thought it would be more likely they would break up then stay together._

 _Let me know what you think._


	48. Chapter 48

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. A few people commented about Lola being in the front of the vehicle, this was an error on my part. In the UK it is legal to drive with a baby in the front seat as long as they're in a rear facing car seat and the passenger airbag is turned off (although apparently it's not recommended even though all my friends did it with their kids!), and I assumed it was the same in the USA. Turns out it's not! As it's kind of an important part of the chapter I'm going to leave it as it is._

 _I hope you enjoy this first post Josh chapter! The end is a little M-ish as Alison kind of talks a little about her attack._

* * *

Alison McCord sang along with the teacher as she played with Lola on the floor of Georgetown Freedom Montessori. Today was Lola's first Saturday morning session and she felt completely out of place. All of the other parents were professionals in their 30's and 40's and she had little in common with them outside of having a daughter, but she knew these classes were important for Lola so she did her best to mix with the other parents. It probably didn't help that her mum had come with her and the other attendees seemed a little awestruck by the Secretary of State. Matt and Frank standing guard over a classroom full of babies probably didn't help the atmosphere either, even though it was amusing.

It was at times like this that she wished she had a partner to support her, someone with whom she could talk and joke about the situation and know that she wasn't on her own. Josh and she hadn't communicated since their break up and she missed their conversations. She missed how they could make each other laugh and how everything had just seemed _better_ somehow when she had someone special to talk to at the end of the day. She missed having someone to talk to who would make her feel good, because as supportive and encouraging as her parents were, they weren't her age and didn't always understand the pressures she faced from society as a teenage single mother.

"...and that's it for today folks!" the teacher finished as she stood up and clapped.

Alison followed suit, holding Lola close to her as she showed her daughter how to clap her hands, a proud smile lighting up her face as Lola mimicked her movements.

"Aren't you a clever girl!" she exclaimed, earning a bright smile and some baby babble from her daughter.

"Ready to go, Noodle" her mum asked, to which Alison nodded enthusiastically.

"Madam Secretary..."

Alison had to suppress a groan as the Principal of Georgetown Freedom Montessori headed in their direction. She loved her mother and was grateful for the opportunities her job afforded the family, but sometimes she longed for anonymity again.

"Principal Davidson, it's nice to see you again..." Elizabeth replied genially.

Alison shifted from foot to foot as she answered courteously and smiled politely at the appropriate time as her mum and the Principal spoke, all the while holding her squirming daughter who was quickly becoming bored, and no doubt hungry as she'd only had time to breastfeed her this morning. It often struck her what a unique position she was in as the daughter of the Secretary of State. To anyone else in the room her mum looked engaged and interested in what Principal Davidson had to say, but as her daughter she could tell her mum was frustrated by the interruption to their family time and a little embarrassed by the attention. Her mum just wanted to leave as much as she did.

"Well, I really must be going Principal Davidson. I look forward to seeing you in the future" her mum finished the conversation politely, but with finality, as she nodded towards her security. As instructed, Matt and Frank approached both her mum and she and ushered them out of the room and into the car safely.

"I'm sorry about that, Noodle. Blake assured me there would be no undue attention, but I guess Principal Davidson had other ideas" Elizabeth apologised to her daughter as DS started the journey home. She knew how nervous Alison had been about attending the session today and she had really wanted to support her daughter, all she'd wanted was for the morning to run smoothly for Alison, which is why she had been hesitant about attending the class in the first place. She hadn't wanted her status to cause Alison any issues and they'd almost managed it too, until Principal Davidson had arrived.

"It's ok" Alison replied with a shrug "I'm used to it and I guess Lola will have to get used to it too"

A wave of sadness washed over Elizabeth that because of her job Lola would never know what total anonymity was. There would no doubt be times in Lola's life that she would have to accompany them on State visits and she wondered how it would affect her young granddaughter. She hoped it would be a positive experience for Lola, that she would get to travel the world and have a front row seat to historic world events. She hoped the attention didn't affect Lola negatively and that she didn't end up with similar issues to the ones that Harrison Dalton faced.

Distracted by the sound of her granddaughter's babbling, Elizabeth turned her attention to Lola and Alison and together the duo tried to keep the youngest McCord distracted and happy on the drive home. Lola's teeth had finally cut through and she now had the most adorable smile with her two bottom teeth poking through.

"We're home!" Elizabeth called out as she arrived home 20 minutes later, the smell of food immediately drawing her to the kitchen. A wave of amusement and love for her husband washed over her at what she saw.

"Dad!" Alison exclaimed as she took in the countertop that was now full of pureed food.

"What?" Henry replied in a confused tone, throwing the new arrivals a quick look before turning his attention back to the stove.

"What is all this?" Alison asked in disbelief.

Henry shrugged. "I was bored so I decided to go grocery shopping and make some food for Lola to try".

"Dad, she's only just turned 6 months old! She can't possibly eat all of this!" Alison exclaimed.

"It's ok, it can all be frozen" Henry replied distractedly "But this sweet potato is just about ready. Are you hungry, Lola?"

"Ga!" Lola replied enthusiastically, causing Alison to giggle.

"Ok, Lola Bean. Let's get you settled in the chair" Alison replied with a smile as she moved to place her daughter in the high chair that was situated by their kitchen table. As soon as she was strapped in Lola immediately started to jump up and down excitedly in her chair, banging her hands on the table as she did so with an expectant look on her face. She had only been feeding Lola solids for 2 days, but her daughter had already figured out that her high chair meant food and she had a strong suspicion that Lola had inherited her grandparent's intelligence.

She wrapped an apron around herself before handing Lola a spoon to play with before managing to wrangle a bib over Lola's head. Lola started banging the spoon on the table expectantly.

"Ok, my sweet little Lady Lola. Here's your food" Henry stated as he came over and handed Alison a small bowl of mashed up sweet potato.

Alison looked up at her parents, an unsure expression on her face. So far Lola had only had baby porridge, she wasn't sure if she was ready for sweet potato.

"It's ok, Noodle. If she doesn't like it we can make some baby porridge" Elizabeth reassured.

Hesitantly Alison scooped up some of the orange mess on to the spoon and moved it towards her daughter's mouth. Immediately Lola opened her mouth and Alison quickly scooped the mouthful of food in.

Lola's expression as she tasted the food for the first time was priceless. Her bright brown eyes widen exponentially and the shocked look on her face as she tasted a food that wasn't milk based for the first time in her life was precious. Alison couldn't stop the laughter that erupted from her throat.

"You like that, Lola Bean?" she queried amusedly.

"Maw!" Lola exclaimed as she clumsily flailed her spoon around in an effort to get some food on it.

Alison scooped up some more of the food and deposited it in her daughter's mouth, a similar reaction happening as the food hit Lola's taste buds again. Lola jumped excited in her seat as she waited for the next mouthful of the delicious food.

Elizabeth hugged her husband from behind as he finished cooking...something... on the stove, and together the couple watched the sweet scene of their daughter feeding their granddaughter. She pressed a loving kiss between his shoulder blades before resting her head on his back once again, relishing the scene before her eyes. Love and contentment for her family washed over her as she watched Lola and Alison and she was overcome with gratitude.

"Thank you" she whispered to her husband.

"For what?" Henry queried as he peered over his shoulder at his wife.

"Just for being you and making our daughter and granddaughter happy" she replied simply as she pressed a reverent kiss to his lips. She didn't know what it was about the situation that was making her feel so appreciative, but she could stay holding her husband and watching Alison and Lola all day.

As if the cosmic universe knew how she was feeling, her phone started vibrating against her hip. Elizabeth reluctantly broke the hold she had on her husband, apprehension washing over her as she saw the caller ID.

"White House?" Henry queried seeing the expression on his wife's face.

"No, Daisy" she replied distractedly as she walked towards her office and away from her family.

"Hi Daisy, what's up?" she answered the phone, her heart sinking with each second that passed as Daisy filled her in on the latest news story.

"Thanks for letting me know, Daisy" she ended the call with resignation.

As she headed back into the kitchen she stopped and paused in the doorway as she once again took in the scene before her, a bittersweet feeling washing over her. Whilst she'd been in her office Jason had come downstairs and was sat opposite Lola waving his own spoon and teasing Lola by attempting to take some of her sweet potato. Between mouthfuls she was waving her hands at Jason trying to ward off his attack on her food. Elizabeth watched as somehow Lola managed to get some of the sweet potato onto her spoon and fling it at Jason, hitting him square in the face.

"Gross!" he exclaimed as he leapt up from the chair and grabbed a teacloth.

All eyes turned to Elizabeth as she let out a loud laugh. "Better watch out, Jace, Lola will be beating you up before you know it" she teased her son.

Alison watched distractedly as her parents eyes met and they had one of their 'conversations'. Foreboding suddenly washing over her.

"Mum, who was on the phone?" she asked softly, a stab of fear piercing her stomach as instinctively she knew the call had been about her.

A tense silence filled the room as Elizabeth turned to look at her daughter, a conflicted look on her face. Today had been such a pleasant day and she didn't want to be the one who marred the day, but her daughter deserved to know the truth.

"That was Daisy. She's just heard the court date has been set for Giovanni Rossi's trial. Noodle, your case is going to court on the 4th February 2019".

* * *

Nearly three weeks later Alison McCord found herself sat in a one on one therapy session with Dr Alexis Castillo.

"So, you've been having nightmares?" Alexis asked her patient gently "When did they start?"

"A little over 2 weeks ago, they started the night we found out about the court date" Alison replied softly as she fidgeted anxiously in her seat. She'd not had a full night's sleep in nearly 3 weeks and she was exhausted and felt emotionally drained. The lack of sleep meant she was struggling to keep up at school and taking care of Lola was harder than normal on the little sleep she was getting.

"Can you tell me about the nightmares?" Alexis asked.

Subconsciously Alison shook her head as she tried to rid her mind of the images she knew she had to describe.

"Sometimes I flashback to the rape whilst I'm dreaming and I can physically feel him holding me down and thrusting inside me. I wake up and for a few moments it hurts just as much as it did when it happened and I have to fight to stop the panic from consuming me. Then there are times when I'm looking down on myself and I can see it all happening again from start to finish. I see the drink being spilt on me and him offering me a shirt and I scream and shout at myself not to follow him into his room but no-one can hear me. I see him attack me and rape me and I try to run towards myself to fight him off, but it's like there's this force holding me back and I can do nothing but scream and shout for help but nobody comes. I think...I think I do cry out in my sleep with those dreams as I've woken my parents and siblings a few times" Alison replied emotionally as she peaked up at her therapist.

"Are there any other nightmares?" Alexis asked gently sensing there was something Alison wasn't telling her.

Alison's stomach flipped and tears appeared in her eyes as she thought of the other recurring nightmare she had.

"Yes" she replied in a whisper as she looked down at her hands. "Sometimes it's Lola instead of me and I can't...I can't get to her and I just stand there paralysed as he... That's the worst one and I'm normally sick when I wake up from that one" Alison finished as she wiped tears from her eyes.

Sympathy washed over Alexis as she regarded her distraught patient, she could only imagine how that made Alison feel and she felt enraged on Alison's behalf at the trauma she was still suffering after her attack. She offered her patient a box of tissues, hating there was little other comfort she could offer Alison at the moment. She waited for Alison to calm and look up at her before she continued.

"Nightmares are one of the symptoms of PTSD and I think knowing the court date has triggered another PTSD episode. Tell me, how do you feel about feel about the court case, about having to see your rapist again?"

"Scared, nervous...I'm so worried that I'm going to say or do the wrong thing and cause the jury not to believe me. I'm terrified of having to see him again and what might happen if I lose, that he might get visitation rights to Lola" Alison admitted shamefully. She hated that he still had power over her, and although logically she knew he wouldn't be able to hurt her in court, the thought of seeing him again still made her knees go weak and her chest to tighten in fear. Even though she had a plan to protect Lola if she lost and he did proceed with some form of custody case, the thought that Lola could be near him still played on her mind heavily.

"There's no shame in being terrified of seeing your attacker, Alison, or what might happen if you lose. You went through a horrendous ordeal and the feelings you are experiencing are all natural reactions, your nightmares are your sub-conscious' way of dealing with those emotions. Has the DA mentioned prepping you for court yet? " Alexis asked kindly.

Alison nodded her head. "ADA White and Detective Johnson have called me a few times to discuss what will happen but I start to feel so panicky that I have to end the call quickly before we get into any details" she admitted reluctantly.

"That's understandable" Alexis assured. "It sounds like you feel out of control of the situation at the moment and that could also be the reason you are experiencing nightmares. How would you feel about doing the court preparation with me?"

Relief washed over Alison at her therapist's offer. She knew Alexis much better than she knew ADA White or Detective Johnson and she felt much more comfortable around Alexis, she had helped her so much over the past 15 months and she trusted her completely. Hell, part of her daughter's name was dedicated to her therapist!

"I'd like that" Alison replied shyly.

Alexis smiled encouragingly at her patient. "Then that's what we'll do. I'll speak to ADA White and we'll start having weekly sessions again to help you start preparing for your testimony in court"

Alison's heart skipped a beat as realisation dawned on her that it was finally happening. She was going to have to face her rapist in court in a little over 2 months.

She just hoped she was ready in time as her appearance in court was going to be the most important of her life.

* * *

 _So I know this chapter is sort of a filler, but it does set up the next (and final!) arc of the story. Let me know what you think._


	49. Chapter 49

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one...and if you don't know the truth about Santa yet you should probably not read this chapter!_

* * *

"Is it time to open the stockings?"

"Can't we just open presents now?"

"Keep your voice down, you'll wake Lola!"

Henry McCord smiled a knowing smile at his wife as they listened to their children argue following their return from Christmas Eve Midnight Mass. Lola was held securely in his arms as she snoozed against his shoulder having finally succumbed to sleep on the journey home. Despite it being way past her normal bedtime, Lola had been such a trooper at Midnight Mass tonight and had been completely enthralled with the service, even trying to grab the priest as she'd received Holy Communion. He'd been overcome with emotion at getting to share his granddaughter's first Midnight Mass with her and he had felt so proud as he'd carried her to get her Holy Communion, the simply blessing making him feel so at peace in those few moments.

"Come on, guys, you know the drill. Pyjamas first and then you get to open your stockings before bed" Elizabeth replied, earning groans from all 3 of her children. Elizabeth couldn't help but chuckle at her children's antics, every year it was the same and a wave of fondness washed over her.

"I'll go and change Lola, dad" Alison stated in a resigned tone. It wasn't that she didn't love her daughter, but trying to get Lola changed and into bed _and_ get herself into pyjamas without her brother and sister bursting from excitement was going to be virtually impossible.

"It's ok, I've got it" Henry replied affectionately. Alison deserved some time to just be a teenager after all she had been through this year and he was more than happy to spend a few more minutes with his precious granddaughter. "Go and change into your pyjamas so you can open your stocking with Stevie and Jason".

"Thanks dad!" Alison replied excitedly as she ran up the stairs behind her siblings.

"Some things never change, huh?" Elizabeth stated with amusement as she turned to look at her husband with a smile.

"I guess not" Henry replied with the same nostalgic smile. "Are you ok to handle the hot chocolate whilst I settle Lola?"

"I think I can handle the hot chocolate" Elizabeth replied in a mock exasperated tone as she rolled her eyes "I mean, it's just heating milk, right? And I'm totally qualified in the microwave department"

"Yes, but this is you..." Henry replied teasingly as he walked past his wife and dropped a loving kiss on her forehead on his way to the stairs.

"I'll get you back for that later, McCord!" Elizabeth called after her husband as she headed into the kitchen.

As Henry lay his granddaughter on the changing table and readied a onesie to change her into, he couldn't help but feel blessed at having Lola in his life. She was such a happy baby and her happiness was infectious. Elizabeth often joked that she should take Lola into the State Department with her to help her with negotiations as Lola could put a smile on anyone's face. He may be biased, but he thought Lola was extremely smart too. The rate at which she was learning new things was phenomenal, she truly was one of the most inquisitive babies he had ever known. Lola had brought such joy into his life over the past few months and he wouldn't change her for the world now that she was here - despite what had happened to Alison.

He was so proud of Alison too, of how well she was coping with the demands of motherhood and college life. She was maintaining a GPA and also getting involved in school activities, the determination she had not to let what happened to her hold her back was inspirational and it brought tears to his eyes.

The arrival of Lola had even helped Jason. He'd never seen his son so serious about school or his future, and although he would deny it, he knew that Lola had him wrapped around her little finger. He'd seen Jason check on Lola every night before he went to bed, and the loving expression that came over his face whenever Lola was around was heartwarming. He was happy to look after Lola if he saw Alison struggling and he fought less with Alison too. Living with his baby niece was the push Jason had needed to start focusing on his life and he couldn't be more proud of his son.

Stevie too had stepped into her role of aunty well. She would help Alison and Lola out whenever she could and she was always buying things for her niece. Lola had brought Alison and Stevie closer as sisters and it was endearing to see his two daughters growing closer again after the strain of their teenage years. Lola had been such a comfort to Stevie recently after her break up with Jareth and he was sure Lola was the reason that Stevie hadn't fallen into a deep depression after her engagement ended.

He often wondered how Elizabeth and he had managed to raise such great kids. They truly were blessed as a family. Nothing could break the Team McCord bond, of that he was sure.

As he finished changing his granddaughter a wave of love and gratitude for Lola washed over him. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and settled her in her cot, making sure that she was tucked in securely with a blanket. He watched her sleeping peacefully and took a moment to revel in her innocence. Finally he switched on the baby monitor before walking downstairs to find 4 expectant faces looking up at him.

"Come on dad!" Stevie exclaimed.

"Is Lola ok? You were gone ages" Alison asked worriedly.

"She's fine, Noodle, don't worry" he assured as he squeezed his daughter's shoulder comfortingly on his way to one of the vacant chairs, picking up the rather impressive looking hot chocolate Elizabeth had made as he sat down.

"Great! We can start with the stockings!" Elizabeth stated excitedly as she rose from the chair and gathered everyone's stocking from above the fireplace.

For the next 30 minutes the family unearthed the presents from their stockings, laughter and joy filling the air at the gifts that were found. Chocolate coins, oranges, candy, and other small gifts filled the coffee table and a warm atmosphere filled the room.

"Can we open the big presents now?" Alison asked hopefully.

"No! Santa Claus hasn't come yet!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "Come to think of it, you guys need to leave a mince pie and glass of sherry out for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph"

"Mum. Seriously?" Stevie exclaimed with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, we're not 6 anymore" Jason remarked.

Henry saw a little of the light leave Elizabeth's eyes. She hated being reminded that their kids were not kids anymore and he thought there was one gift he could give his wife tonight.

"Come on, kids. Santa won't come at all with those attitudes. Mince pie, sherry, carrot, and then bed" he commanded.

All three of his kids rolled their eyes before reluctantly moving to the kitchen and arranging the assorted items before bringing them back into the drawing room and placing them in front of the fire.

"Happy now?!" Jason asked sarcastically.

"Santa is very happy" Elizabeth replied happily as she pulled her son into a reluctant hug and ruffled his hair as she dropped a kiss onto his forehead. "Now bed!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Jason replied in a mock annoyed tone as he headed to the stairs, giving his dad a quick hug on the way.

"Bed for you two too" Henry remarked as he gestured towards his daughters.

"But I've got to do Santa for Lola" Alison argued.

"Uh-uh. Your mum and I will take care of Santa's present for Lola. Bed." Henry replied in a serious tone.

"Ok, night" Alison replied with a roll of her eyes as she grabbed the baby monitor and followed her brother upstairs. As much as she wanted to play Santa for Lola, a part of her was happy to leave Santa to her parents. Not having to play Santa made her feel a little less grown up and she felt like she could enjoy Christmas as a normal teenager in some way. Plus, she should probably get as much sleep as she could as no doubt Lola would be awake early in the morning like she normally was.

Henry and Elizabeth turned to look at their eldest child, their arms crossed and eyebrows raised as Stevie resumed her place on the couch and started playing with her mobile phone.

"Seriously?" Stevie exclaimed as she raised her head after several moment. "I'm 24!"

"Well, I guess that depends on whether you want to open presents in the morning" Elizabeth replied in a no-nonsense tone.

With a roll of her eyes Stevie got off the couch, hugged her parents goodnight, and retired to her room.

Elizabeth watched wistfully as her eldest child ascended the stairs. Where had the time gone? It seemed like only yesterday that they were taking Stevie to see Santa and now she didn't even want to play along for the sake of family tradition.

"You ok , babe?" Henry asked as he enveloped his wife from behind.

"Yeah, it's just...when did they get so big?" she asked nostalgically.

"I know" Henry soothed "But at least we have Lola now, we'll still get to play Santa for a while yet"

At the mention of her granddaughter Elizabeth turned around to face her husband, a loving, excited, smile on her face.

"Yes we do! Time for Santa to deliver the presents!" she replied happily as she slipped from Henry's embrace and headed for the basement door.

Henry watched his wife go fondly. Elizabeth loved Christmas, especially seeing the excited and happy looks on their children's faces as they opened their presents on Christmas Day morning. As their kids had gotten older and they'd found out the truth about Santa, Christmas hadn't been quite the same. They no longer came running into their bedroom in the early hours of the morning wanting to open presents. There were no more toy building projects for him to construct in the early hours of the morning, no more new toys for his kids to play with delightedly on Christmas Day. But now with Lola around the magic had come back. He'd loved going shopping with his family this year to buy gifts for everyone, Lola had brought new energy into the house and it was infectious. Watching Alison choose and buy Lola's first Christmas ornament had melted his heart, and his heart had ached as he'd watched her buy Lola's presents from Santa - a part of him feeling like it was still his responsibility. Apart from the many words he'd had with Elizabeth over the amount of money 'Santa' had spent on Lola, he couldn't complain about the joy Lola was bringing into the house this Christmas. Having a child in the house at Christmas was magical and he couldn't wait to do it all again with Lola.

* * *

Alison McCord blinked blearily as she heard her daughter's chatter through the baby monitor, confusion reigned over as she saw daylight through her curtains and that her alarm clock read 9.23am. How had she managed to sleep until 9.23am on Christmas Day? How had Lola?

She threw the covers off her bed and went into Lola's room to find her daughter sat up in her cot playing with some toys. As soon as Lola saw her, her face lit up in a bright smile and she reached her arms in her direction.

"Mama!"

Alison stopped in her tracks and her heart raced as she heard what sounded like her daughter's first proper word.

"Lola! What did you say?" Alison asked breathlessly. Her daughter had been making sounds for weeks now, but today was the first time she had pointed to something - someone- and used the correct word.

"Mama!" Lola exclaimed happily.

"That't right, I'm your mama!" Alison exclaimed with tears in her eyes as she lifted Lola from her cot and spun her around excitedly earning a loud giggle from Lola.

"Mama!" Lola exclaimed again excitedly.

"Yes, Lola. I'm your mama!" Alison repeated as she kissed her daughter all over her face, earning more giggles from her daughter.

She settled herself in the rocking chair with Lola and quickly breastfed her daughter, wanting her to be ready for her first Christmas morning. Hearing Lola say her first word was by far the best Christmas present she had ever received and it was just what she needed after the past month. Her sessions with Alexis prepping for court were hard work and emotionally draining, but the sessions were helping and she was having fewer and fewer nightmares. She just hoped she would be ready in time for court.

But she didn't want to think about the trial or _him_ today. She just wanted to spend time with her family and she couldn't wait to see Lola's reactions to the presents she had brought her.

"Mama!" Lola exclaimed as she finished feeding and reached up towards her mum, other intelligible sounds falling from her mouth.

"Is that so?" Alison 'chatted' to Lola as she re-dressed herself and changed her daughter's nappy, loving the animated expressions on her daughter's face who obviously thought she understood what she was saying. "Do you think you can show nana and grandpa and aunty Stevie and uncle Jason what you can do?" she prompted as she walked down the stairs and into the view of her family. Surprisingly everyone was up and sat eagerly around the tree.

"Oh thank goodness you're finally up! Can we open the presents now!" Jason asked impatiently.

"Jason!" Elizabeth and Henry scolded their son from their chairs.

"Sorry we're up last. I didn't think to set the alarm as Lola is normally up early, I hope you haven't been up too long" Alison stated remorsefully as she came over to take her place on the couch next to her sister, depositing Lola on the floor who immediately started to crawl towards the presents, no doubt curious about the shiny paper.

"It's fine" Elizabeth assured with a wave of her hand "We've only been up an hour or so".

"Mama!"

The occupants of the room turned to look at Lola in shock. Jason had been defending the presents from Lola and had been tickling her to stop her from advancing.

"Did she just say..."? Henry began before being cut off by Lola.

"Mama!" Lola exclaimed as she reached towards her mum, wanting to escape the tickling hands of her uncle.

Alison beamed proudly at her daughter.

"Yep! She said it for the first time this morning as I walked into her room. Best Christmas present ever!"

Elizabeth reached down and picked up her granddaughter, a proud smile on her face. "Aren't you a clever girl! she praised, earning her a huge smile from Lola. She couldn't believe her granddaughter was starting to talk already. It seemed like only yesterday she was holding her in her arms do the first time.

"Not that I'm not happy about Lola saying her first word and everything, but can we _please_ open the presents now!" Jason exclaimed in frustration.

"Yes, we can open the presents now" Elizabeth confirmed with a roll of her eyes, amused by her teenage son's impatience as she gently handed a squirming Lola back to Alison.

An hour and a half later Alison watched her daughter in amusement as she sat in the middle of a pile of ripped wrapping paper and empty boxes. Lola had more new toys and books than she could count, but try as she might to get her daughter interested in her new toys, all Lola wanted to do was play with the discarded gift wrap.

"I should have just brought her a cardboard box" Alison stated in amusement.

"It's always the way. To babies nothing is better than the gift wrap and boxes the presents come in" Elizabeth remarked as she sat with Alison on the floor of the drawing room playing with Lola whilst Stevie and Henry made a start on Christmas Day lunch. Jason was in the family room playing his new video game. It seemed like only yesterday that she was desperately trying to get her own babies interested in their presents rather than the packaging they came in, now she was doing the same with her baby's baby.

"And thank you to 'Santa' for the extra presents Lola received" Alison stated gratefully. Although she had managed to save a fair amount of money from her allowance over the year to buy presents for Lola, there were still many things that she hadn't been able to afford and it had made her feel guilty that she couldn't give her daughter everything she deserved. She was, after all, a single mother trying to live within the monthly allowance her parents gave her, albeit a generous allowance by most standards.

"It's ok" Elizabeth replied with a soft, reassuring, smile.

As much as she had enjoyed Christmas shopping with her family, and how proud she was of Alison for saving her own money to buy presents for Lola, it had broken her heart to see the disappointed expression on Alison's face when she hadn't been able to afford everything that she had wanted to buy for Lola. Despite Henry's protests, she hadn't been able to stop herself from buying all the things Alison hadn't been able to afford and have 'Santa' deliver them. Alison worked so hard and had overcome so much this past year that she deserved to be able to give her daughter everything she wanted, Lola deserved it too. The little girl had reminded her of what was important in life and she now spent more time with her family than she did before Alison was attacked. Sure, it may mean she had to read reports later into the night, but being home in time to bathe Lola, or feed her dinner, or rock her to sleep after a tough day in the office, meant the world to her. The arrival of her granddaughter had given her a new perspective on life and she would forever be grateful for that.

Alison smiled at her mum shyly before she rested her head against her shoulder. A wave of security surrounded her as her mum wrapped her arm around her and pulled her closer into her side. As Alison took in the scene before her complete and utter contentment washed over. This Christmas was so different to last year. Last year Giovanni Rossi had just been charged with a second rape and it had effected the entire family. She had been so angry that she had spent most of the festive period picking fights with her family and taking out her anger at the situation on the people she loved and cared the most about in the world, something she still felt guilty about. The past year had been a rollercoaster, and she was sure next year would be turbulent too with the upcoming trial, but right now she was happy and relaxed and feeling blessed. She couldn't have asked for a better first Christmas with her daughter.

* * *

 _I've never been to Midnight Mass before but I did do some research on the internet and it said that you receive a holy communion so I hope that bit is correct. Internet research also said that Midnight Mass might not be held at midnight, but I know my local Catholic Church holds Midnight mass at midnight on Christmas Eve so I went with the traditional route. The only family I know that goes to Midnight Mass then open stockings when the get home so I wrote that in too as I'm not sure if that's a catholic thing or just our family friend's thing._

 _Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you think._


	50. Chapter 50

_Thanks for the reviews and favourites for the last chapter, and apologies for getting the holy communion thing wrong. If anyone can tell me what babies get instead of holy communion I'll be happy to amend it. Catholicism is not my strong point!_

 _Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's the start of the final arc and probably what some of you have been waiting for..._

* * *

"Before you go into the court room to testify I want you to try and picture what happened the night you were raped. I want you to picture yourself dancing in the living room, what it felt like when the drink was spilt on you, how you felt when you were heading towards the bedroom, what the bedroom looked like, and then everything that happened in the bedroom" Detective Erica Johnson coached.

"Ok" Alison McCord agreed, already feeling sick at the thought at having to picture what had happened that night. She couldn't believe the trial was due to start in 3 weeks and she was in New York, in the courtroom where her case would be tried, prepping to appear in court to give testimony. She was currently sat in the witness chair as ADA Scott White and Detective Erica Johnson explained how she should give her testimony.

It was daunting.

"Once you're in the courtroom, the first thing you will be asked to do after being sworn in is to identify your attacker, but once that's done you won't have to look at him again" ADA Scott White continued. "I'll be questioning you first and it's important that you always tell the truth. Just explain accurately what you can recall and what you know. If you can't remember, just say 'I don't know', it's better to say that then to try and guess."

Alison simply nodded before the ADA continued speaking.

"Make sure you listen to the questions carefully and take as much time as you need to answer. If you do not understand the question, you can ask for it to be rephrased or repeated. It is important that you speak clearly and address your answers to the judge or jury when you reply. Remember to always be polite, firm, and clear in your answers, even if the questions are hostile. Answer each question one at a time and only answer the question you have been asked, if the question only requires a 'yes' or 'no' answer, then just answer with the one word and don't expand on it. However, you can't answer with a one word answer if you are asked a long series of questions"

"What do you mean?" Alison asked timidly, already starting to feel overwhelmed at all the things she had to remember to do when she was testifying.

"Well, if I were to ask something along the lines of: 'On the night of the party did you have any plans to seduce Giovanni Rossi to sleep with you? Did you purposefully arrange for your colleague to spill a drink on you so you could coerce Giovanni Rossi into his bedroom with the sole idea of having sex with him? Did you tell Giovanni Rossi that night that you wanted to lose your virginity to him or to be handcuffed to the bedpost?'"

"No!" Alison exclaimed in horror.

"To which question are you answering?" ADA White pressed.

"All of them!" Alison replied quickly.

"But the judge and jury doesn't know that" ADA White replied gently.

"You would need to expand on your 'No' to explain the situation" Detective Erica Johnson stated. "Explain why you said 'No'".

Alison nodded thoughtfully before replying. "So I could say something along the lines of 'No, I went to Giovanni Rossi's apartment to attend a party that he was throwing to celebrate finishing the designs for his fashion show. I was dancing in his living room and a colleague spilt their drink on me by accident. Giovanni must have..."

"You can't use 'must have' as that's speculation" ADA White interrupted.

Alison paused to think how to re-phrase her answer. "After the drink was spilled Giovanni Rossi approached me and asked if I would like to borrow a shirt, to which I accepted. I followed him into his bedroom where he attacked me. I did not ask to be handcuffed to the bed and I did not discuss losing my virginity to him. He raped me."

"That's perfect" Erica encouraged with a smile.

Alison let out a deep breath. The thought of having to watch everything she said and answer all questions like she just had was draining. She didn't know if she could do it.

"It's ok, Alison. We'll practice a lot over the next few weeks" Erica encouraged with a soft smile.

"And we can do the rest of the prep over video link?" Alison asked nervously, not entirely reassured by Erica's confidence in her.

She was only in New York for the day as she couldn't afford to lose any more time away from school. Her college had been extremely supportive of her situation and was allowing her to take as much time off as she needed when the trial began, but she was determined to get as far ahead as she could with her schoolwork before the trial started. Plus, she had Lola to think about. Her mum had originally been scheduled to be with her today in New York so she could watch Lola whilst she was doing court preparation, but she had been unexpectedly called to Syria to deal with a looming civil war. Her dad was at a "conference" and couldn't be with her either. Thankfully Miss Janie had agreed to work overtime and watch Lola all day until Stevie came home from work, but she couldn't keep expecting Miss Janie to do that and she couldn't bring Lola to New York with her. Even though Lola was only a baby she didn't want her daughter in the room when she was talking about how she was conceived.

"Yes, we've made some good progress today" Erica assured.

"I agree. Just remember that if an objection is made by one of the attorneys, or the judge interrupts, then you need to stop talking immediately. The judge will tell you when you can finish your answer and you can always ask for the question to be repeated if you forget it" ADA White advised.

"Also, don't talk about your case around the courtroom. If one of the jurors or witnesses overhears it could result in a mistrial" Erica stated seriously.

"In the courtroom you may be asked if you have discussed the case with anyone" ADA White continued.

Panic washed over Alison. Was she not supposed to have spoken to anyone? Had she already jeopardised her case?

"It's ok if you have" he continued gently at the stricken look on his client's face "you just need to be honest with the judge about who you have discussed it with. It is not a bad thing that you have supportive friends and family that have been helping you through this difficult time, you won't be judged for speaking to people".

"Ok" Alison agreed uneasily, all the while thinking what on earth had she got herself into?

* * *

Alison McCord sat nervously outside the courtroom, her parents by her side. She could not believe the day had arrived and she was about to testify against Giovanni Rossi. She had never been so nervous in her entire life, her palms were sweaty, her heart beat frantically in her chest, and butterflies fluttered dangerously in her stomach. She felt her stomach flip hazardously and she knew she could not keep the miniscule amount of breakfast she had eaten down any longer.

"I'm going to be sick!" she announced before she ran off towards the Ladies Room and emptied the contents of her stomach.

"Ali?" Elizabeth McCord called as she followed her daughter into the Ladies Room and started pushing on the doors on the toilet stalls in an effort to find her daughter.

Elizabeth was extremely worried about her youngest daughter. She had been under so much strain over the past few weeks as she prepped for court and she feared whether her daughter would actually be able to go through with her testimony. She still felt so incredibly guilty that she hadn't been here the last time Alison was in New York. She had a vague understanding of what her daughter was about to go through, but she hadn't been there with ADA White or Detective Johnson as they talked Alison through what would happen in the courtroom and she felt terrible about it. She'd been forced to put duty before her family the last time Alison was in New York, as had Henry, and she hated it. She had let her daughter down. She'd spoken to Alison as soon as she had finished with ADA White and Detective Johnson and she could tell how overwhelmed her daughter had been, but she had been in Syria trying to stop a war. She'd done everything she could since to try and make it up to her daughter but it hadn't lessened the raging guilt she still felt for not being there for her daughter.

As she pushed open the final door she saw her daughter crouched precariously next to the toilet.

"Oh Noodle!" she exclaimed with concern as she crouched in front of Alison and smoothed back her hair from her clammy forehead.

"I don't think I can do this!" Alison exclaimed in dismay.

Elizabeth's heart broke at the fear she saw in her daughter's eyes. It was obvious how petrified Alison was.

"Alison, you've come so far and your dad and I are so proud of you. This is the final bit. All you have to do is go in there and answer the questions ADA White and William Schulman ask you and you're free" Elizabeth comforted.

"But what if Mr Schulman is mean to me? What if the jury don't believe me?" Alison whispered.

"If Mr Schulman is mean to you then ADA White and the judge will stop him. And if the jury don't believe you, then so be it. All you have to do is tell the truth. We believe you and we know what you've been through and how hard you've worked to overcome everything you've endured. Me, your dad, Stevie, Jason, and Lola...we'll all still be here for you and love you whatever the jury decides"

"Really?" Alison asked in an unsure tone. She was so nervous and overwhelmed by what she was about to go through that she couldn't think straight.

"Yes. You are loved and cherished, never forget that, Noodle" Elizabeth replied in a serious tone as she pressed a gentle kiss to her daughter's forehead.

"There's just so much to remember!" Alison exclaimed in distress "Only answer the question... always look at the jury or the judge... be polite, yet clear in my answers... don't expand on what I've said unless asked... What if I mess up?"

Elizabeth looked into the scared, imploring eyes of her daughter an idea popped into her head. She reached behind her neck and unclasped the necklace she had worn every day since her husband had gone to fight in Desert Storm.

"You see this?" she asked as she held the enamel heart pendant in her hand.

Alison nodded. "It's the necklace dad gave you just before he went off the Desert Storm. He wears the 'Protect Me' one you gave him"

"That's right. I was so scared that I wouldn't see your dad again and I wanted to do anything I could to make sure he came back to me, so when I saw the 'Protect Me' pendant I just had to buy it for him" Elizabeth started with sad nostalgia.

"And unbeknownst to you, dad had brought you the matching heart charm" Alison finished softly.

Elizabeth smiled lovingly at her daughter "Yes, so that I would always have a piece of his heart with me. I guess that you've heard the story before, huh?"

"Just a few" Alison replied with a warm smile, she'd loved that story so much when she was a kid. She had such fond memories of playing with those pendants when she was a child, whenever she was ill or upset her parents would always tell her the story of how on their last night together before her dad was deployed he had made dinner for her mum and presented her with the present, and how her mum had cried when she had presented him with the matching gift. Those pendant symbolised security and love to her, as if her parents were somehow always tied together with those pendants.

"I want you to have it" Elizabeth replied seriously.

Alison's eyes opened wide. "I...I can't take your necklace!"

"I want you to have it, and when you're in that court room and you're scared you think of this pendant. You think of just how much your dad and I love you and how we are always going to love you and be here for you. You think of all the good time we've had as a family and how many good times there are still to come. You think of Lola rolling over for the first time, of Lola saying her first word, and all of Lola's other firsts that are still to come. You can do this, Noodle" Elizabeth replied determinedly as she placed the necklace around her daughter's neck.

Alison looked down at the pendant around her neck. She knew it was probably psychological, but with the pendant there her confidence felt boosted, as if some of her mother's belief had transferred with the pendant. She fingered it delicately and felt the same comfort she had experienced as a child wash over her. Instantly she felt calmer.

"Looks good on you, Noodle" Elizabeth whispered emotionally to her daughter. She felt slightly bereft without the weight against her chest having worn the necklace for over 25 years, but she did not regret her decision to give it to Alison. It was time and it was necessary for her to part with the necklace.

"Thank you" Alison whispered gratefully to her mother, suddenly feeling a lot more focused and sure of herself.

"Now come on" Elizabeth stated as she rose to her feet and held out her hand for her daughter to take "Let's go kick some butt in that courtroom and show _him_ just how strong and tough you are. With your Adams and McCord genes you've got nothing to worry about" Elizabeth encouraged with a smile as she threw her arm around her daughter and pulled her close.

"Thanks" Alison replied gratefully as she cuddled herself into her mother.

"There you are!" Henry exclaimed in a worried tone. "Are you ok?"

"Yes" Alison replied with a small smile. "Nerves just go the better of me, but I'm feeling better now"

"I'm glad" Henry replied with a small smile, relief evident in his tone. He placed his arm around his daughter's other shoulder and together the threesome walked back towards the courtroom. Just as they were about to sit down, the Court Officer appeared.

"Alison McCord?"

"Yes" Alison squeaked, the butterflies once again appearing her stomach.

"You've been called" the Court Officer replied.

Alison turned to her parents "Here goes nothing" she stated nervously.

"You're going to do great, Noodle" Henry assured his daughter as he hugged her tightly. "I'm so proud of you and I love you so much"

"Just tell the truth, we love you no matter what happens" Elizabeth reassured as she hugged her daughter one last time.

Henry and Elizabeth watched as their daughter headed towards the courtroom doors.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Elizabeth asked her husband nervously. Henry had insisted on being in the courtroom today to support his daughter which meant she'd had to fill Henry in on the specifics of what had happened to Alison over the past few weeks. Henry had been filled with rage and had been working out _a lot_ , but he was determined to be here today to support his daughter.

"Yes" Henry replied simply. He had let his daughter down by not being here the last time she was in the courtroom, he was not going to let her do this alone today. Come what may he would be there to support his daughter. Elizabeth had told him exactly what had happened to Alison when _he_ had attacked her and he wanted to see his daughter's rapist in the flesh. He wanted to show him that _he_ had not got the better of their family and that Alison was loved and cherished despite what he had told her.

"What happened to your necklace?" he asked as they waited a few moments for Alison to make her way into the courtroom. He had noticed as soon as his wife and daughter exited the bathroom that Alison was wearing it.

Elizabeth turned and smiled sadly at her husband "Alison needs it more than I do" she replied as a tear appeared in the corner of her eye, the enormity of the moment finally getting to her.

Understanding washed over Henry and he grabbed his wife's hand and squeezed it comfortingly as he tenderly wiped the tear from her eye.

"Come on" he replied as he pressed a reverent kiss to his wife cheek and gently tugged her hand to lead her into the courtroom.

Alison walked towards the court officer and through the door to the courtroom, her heart hammering in her chest. The courtroom was much more intimidating that she remembered and she was glad that the judge had ordered a closed courtroom so there was only a handful of people in it. She was halfway down the aisle before _he_ turned to face her, a sneer on his face. She thought she was prepared for this moment but it was much worse than she had imagined. Seeing him again in the flesh was terrifying and she flashed back to that night as fear coursed through her veins. She froze on the spot as images from that night flooded through her mind; once again she felt his skin on hers, _him_ inside her...

"Miss McCord?"

The sound of the judge's voice broke her from her flashback and she had to remind herself she was in a courtroom filled with court marshals. _He_ couldn't hurt her in here. She heard the courtroom door shut behind her and she turned to see her parents, together with her mum's DS agents, as they came into the room.

She remembered the pendant around her neck and she clutched it like a lifeline as she remembered what her mother had just said to her. All she had to do was tell the truth. No matter what happened her family would always love her and be there to protect her. Gathering all her courage she made her way to the witness booth on shaky legs, she could practically feel the jury gawking at her with each step she took as they realised who she was and who her mother was.

The court officer held out the Bible on which she placed her hand:

"Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"I do" Alison confirmed.

"You may sit" the judge affirmed and she took her place in the witness stand as she tried to ignore the other people in the room who were staring at her with shock, awe, and interest.

ADA White got up from his desk and moved to stand in front of Alison McCord.

"Good morning, Miss McCord"

"Good morning" Alison replied politely.

"Now, I want to start by asking you one simple question: do you see the person who committed the crimes of Venereal Disease; person knowing himself to be infected, Criminal Battery, and First Degree Rape in this room?" ADA White asked in a business tone.

"Yes" Alison replied in a shaky voice, immediately berating herself internally. She was supposed to be projecting a strong, confident, image!

"Could you point to that person?" ADA White asked kindly.

Alison saw her parents and saw the loving, supportive, encouraging look they were giving her. She took a deep breath and turned to stare at _him_ defiantly. _He_ had got the better of her once, he would not do it again. She cleared her throat before replying.

"Yes, that's him" she replied in a clear, calm, voice as she pointed in the direction of _him_ "Giovanni Rossi committed those crimes against me..."

* * *

 _Ok, so there's not a lot about rape trial testimony on the internet as I believe rapes are generally tried in a closed courtroom. I've found some guides for rape victims on how to prepare for court and I used them for a guide for Alison's preparation, I hope it is at least semi-accurate as I had to use a lot of artistic licence._

 _Let me know now what you think._


	51. Chapter 51

_Thanks to the reviewer from the last chapter. You put a smile on my face with your kind words. :-)_

 _Format of this chapter is a little different. Just in case it's not clear, the words in italics are flashbacks. Words not in italics are present time._

* * *

Marjorie Jones took a deep breath as she listened to her fellow jurors argue. She could not believe she was the foreperson in the Alison McCord v. Giovanni Rossi case and that she, together with the 11 other jurors - Jordan Miller, McKenzie McIntyre, Ben Watkins, Tom Franklin, Abigail Hodges, Rachel Ivanov, Marshall Reynolds, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Rose Rodriguez, Kirsten Brown, and Jose Martinez - had to decide whether Giovanni Rossi was guilty of the charges against him. It had been a gruelling two weeks and everyone was tired and frustrated and wanting to go home. The judge had given his jury instruction a little over 5 hours ago and tensions were running high in the small room as they had still not come to a unanimous decision on several of the charges.

"Come on! She's the 18 year old daughter of the Secretary of State who got pregnant when she slept with her boss. Of course she's going to tell her parents she was raped!" Tom Franklin argued.

"What! You think all teenage girls tell their parents they were raped if they fall pregnant after they sleep with someone they're ashamed of or regret? Did you not hear what the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner said?" McKenzie McIntyre argued vehemently.

-:-

 _"Please state your name and occupation for the court?" Judge Matthews asked the witness._

 _"My name is Mrs Carole Smith and I'm a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner"_

 _"Thank you. ADA White, your witness"_

 _"Thank you, your Honour. Mrs Smith, I understand you were the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner who conducted the rape examination of Alison McCord on 18th August 2017, is that correct?"_

 _"Yes"_

 _"Please can you describe for the jury what was involved in the rape examination?" ADA White asked the nurse._

 _"I took the victim's medical history and queried whether she had had any recent consensual sexual activity - she hadn't. Then we discussed the attack and what she had experienced when she was raped. Afterwards I conducted a full body examination which included internal examinations of the mouth and vagina, and I photographed the evidence accordingly. I also took some swabs and urine and blood samples from the victim for testing as she advised she had recently discovered she was pregnant via a home pregnancy test"._

 _"And can you tell me what you discovered during the examination?" ADA White asked._

 _"There were fading bruises on the victim's wrists, breasts and thighs that corresponded with the shape and size of a hand. Similarly, there were fading bite marks on the victims torso. The bruises and bite marks were approximately 3 weeks old at the time of examination and indicated that considerable force had been used in those areas. Internally the victim had several healing tears and abrasions" Carole answered in a professional tone._

 _"Was there any DNA evidence left on the victim?"_

 _"No. The victim advised she had been raped 3 weeks prior to the examination"_

 _"And what was the mental state of the victim at the time of the examination"_

 _"She was extremely upset and flinched whenever she was touched. She asked for her mother to accompany her in the room when the internal examination was conducted and the victim was extremely distressed the entire time"_

 _"So, in your opinion, was Alison McCord a victim of rape?"_

 _"Based on what I witnessed during the examination it is my belief that the victim was raped"_

-:-

"Yes, but did you not hear what she said when William Schulman questioned her?" Tom Franklin argued.

-:-

 _"Carole, may I call you Carole?" William Schulman asked genially._

 _"Yes, you may"_

 _"You say that you discovered evidence of bruising, bite marks, abrasions, and tears during the examination. Could these not have been caused, by say, rough consensual sex?"_

 _Carole glared at the attorney with loathing. She knew exactly what he was insinuating._

 _"Medically speaking, those injuries could occur during rough sex" she admitted reluctantly._

 _-:-_

"See! That's exactly my point. They could have just had rough sex together" Tom continued to argue.

"Ha! I can tell you that no woman wants rough sex the first time she has sex" Kirsten Brown interrupted. "The thought of having something inside you is scary enough. You heard what the victim said..."

 _-:-_

 _ADA White took a deep, steadying, breath as he risked a look at the jury, relief washed over him at the look of horror on their faces. Alison had just spent the best part of 6 hours describing, in detail, what had happened to her on the night she was raped and she looked drained. She had done remarkably well, and although she had shed a few tears as she described the most horrific acts, she had remained calm, poised, and confident throughout. He thanked the Gods that Alison had obviously been working hard with her therapist and Erica over the past few weeks to prepare for the trial._

 _"Prior to the night of 28th July 2017, had you had sex with any other people" he questioned the victim carefully, mindful that his line of questioning was close to encroaching on Alison's rights as a victim._

 _"No, I was a virgin. I wanted to wait until I was in love" Alison admitted, a blush lighting up her cheeks._

 _"So, were you in love with Giovanni Rossi when you had sex with him?"_

 _"No!" Alison replied emphatically._

 _"Did you want to lose your virginity to him like the defendant claims?"_

 _"No!"_

 _"Did you want to be handcuffed to a bed?"_

 _"No!"_

 _"Did not want to be 'taken roughly' as the defendant claims?"_

 _"No!"_

 _"And did you want to be forced to perform oral sex on Mr Rossi?"_

 _"No!"_

 _"Did you imagine any of those thing happening to you when you thought about what losing your virginity would be like?"_

 _"No. I thought I would be in love and it would be tender and romantic"_

 _"But it wasn't, was it?"_

 _"No" Alison whispered in a choked voice, her body visibly shuddering as she remembered the moment he had entered her for the first time and she had felt her hyman rip, a moment she would never get back._

 _"What did you want on the night of 28th July 2017 when you went into Mr Rossi's bedroom?" ADA White asked kindly._

 _"I wanted to borrow a shirt, like he suggested, as mine was stained" Alison answered softly as she fought not to look at her hands in shame. She reminded herself she had nothing to be ashamed of, and gathering all her courage, she turned to look directly at Giovanni Rossi. "But he fooled me into going to his bedroom where he raped me"_

-:-

"Ok, but..." Tom began before he was cut off by Jordan Miller.

"You saw the CCTV footage. Her shirt did get stained by a drink on the dance floor and everyone at the party who's testified confirmed that it was an accident. His lawyer couldn't get her to waiver on her story at all, I say she's telling the truth"

"I don't think she's lying about her shirt being stained. But if, like she says, she cried out for help, why didn't anyone hear her? The corridor outside his bedroom was full of people, they would have heard her" Tom challenged.

"That's a good point" Rose Rodriguez agreed.

"Were you not paying attention when the forensics guys gave their testimony?" Ben Watkins demanded in a frustrated tone.

-:-

 _Chris Sheridan swallowed thickly as he prepared to be questioned by ADA White._

 _"On the day you collected evidence at Giovanni Rossi's apartment, Detective Erica Johnson asked you to conduct an experiment, is that correct?"_

 _"Yes" Chris replied in a professional tone._

 _"Can you tell me what that involved?" ADA White questioned inquisitively._

 _"Detective Johnson asked me to go and stand outside Mr Rossi's bedroom door and wait for one minute before coming back in"_

 _"And what was the purpose of the experiment?"_

 _"To test whether Mr Rossi's bedroom was soundproofed or not. After a minute of standing outside the bedroom I opened the door, only to hear Miss Jasmine Foureaux screaming at the top of her lungs. Detective Johnson told Jasmine to stop screaming and asked me if I had heard anything outside the room - I informed her I had heard nothing. Detective Johnson informed me that Jasmine had been screaming for a minute before I entered and I heard nothing"._

 _"And what did you discover from this experiment?" ADA White continued._

 _"We deduced that the room was soundproof. Detective Morales joined us briefly in the bedroom before leaving to talk with Mr Rossi again and Detective Johnson instructed us to take a sample of the wall material for testing. When we tested the wall material at the laboratory we were able to confirm that the composition of the wall meant that the room was completely soundproof - no sound would be able to get in and no sound would be able to get out" Chris informed the court._

 _"So if there was someone standing outside that bedroom door with a party going on in the next room, would there have been any way for someone to hear what was going on inside that room?"_

 _"No. The room was built to a very high specification, there was no way anyone would have been able to hear what was going on inside that room even if they were standing outside the door and there was no party. It would have been impossible" Chris confirmed with conviction._

-:-

"Jasmine Foureaux, Detective Erica Johnson, and Detective Samuel Morales or corroborate that story so I think we can safely assume that the room was soundproof and that the people at the party wouldn't have been able to hear Alison cry out for help. In fact, no one at the party recalls hearing anything from the bedroom, despite several witnesses remembering seeing them go into the room" Marjorie snapped, finally having enough of the bickering in the room. "What we can all agree on is that they had sex. If the DNA on her clothes and underwear weren't enough, the baby's DNA's proves that Giovanni Rossi is the father, plus they both had the same strain of chlamydia. What we have to figure out is whether he forced her to have sex or not. Do we believe the bruises, bite marks, tears, and abrasions are caused by rough sex that she now regrets, or because she was raped"

"Don't forget she has PTSD" Abigail Hodges added timidly. "Her therapist testified to that..."

-:-

 _"Dr Alexis Castillo, you have been treating the victim since August 2017, is that correct?" ADA White asked the therapist._

 _"Yes, that is correct" Alexis confirmed._

 _"And how was the victim's mental health when you first met with her?"_

 _"When I first met with the victim she was displaying typical signs of a woman who had been raped. She wasn't sleeping or eating, she was very jittery and anxious, she was isolating herself, and she couldn't stand to be around men, including her father and brother. She was struggled to accept the pregnancy that resulted from being raped and this caused her much distress"._

 _"You diagnosed her with PTSD, is that correct?"_

 _"Yes. She continues to suffer from PTSD which includes panic attacks, flashbacks, and nightmares..."_

 _-:-_

"But you heard what the expert witness said" Marshall Reynolds countered.

-:-

 _"Dr Blackman, you have read through the victim's medical files, is that correct?" William Schulman asked his expert witness._

 _"Yes"_

 _"The prosecution argues the victim has developed PTSD as a result of the alleged rape, do you concur with that assessment?"_

 _"No. The nightmares and panic attacks could all be attributed to the stresses of an unplanned pregnancy. She could have been suffering from pre-natal and post-natal depression. The flashbacks as she calls them could simply have been hallucinations - delusions caused by her unbalanced metal state caused by the depression and pregnancy hormones"_

-:-

"Oh come on!" Kirsten Brown scoffed, "We've all seen the victim, does she look depressed or delusional to you?"

"People hide depression very well" Marshall countered.

"If she was depressed then why hasn't her doctor prescribed her anti-depressants?" Abigail piped up as she held one of the evidence bags in front of her, the one containing a copy of Alison McCord medical records.

Silence descended over the room.

"I guess what I find strange is that she kept the baby. If she was raped, why did she decide to keep it? I don't think I could raise my rapist's child" Rachel Ivanov stated thoughtfully.

"Exactly!" Tom announced victoriously, as if Rachel's statement proved that Giovanni Rossi was innocent.

"They never really covered that during the trial" Abigail pondered thoughtfully.

Marjorie sighed heavily. "There's only one thing for it; we're going to have to recall the witness"

* * *

Alison McCord paced fretfully across her hotel room.

"Why haven't they made a decision yet?" she asked in a distressed tone. ADA White had called 5 hours ago to say the jury had gone into deliberations, but they had heard nothing since.

Elizabeth McCord peeked up from her laptop where she had been running the State Department for the past 36 hours. After giving her testimony Alison had decided that she wanted to be in the courtroom when the verdict was given and there was no way that she wasn't going to be by her daughter's side when the verdict was announced. Yesterday, ADA White had called to say that they were coming close to the end of proceedings, so Alison, Henry, and she had come up to New York last night. Henry was currently working remotely from the CIA's New York office, whilst Stevie and Jason were back in Washington DC looking after Lola with the help of Miss Janie, which left Alison and she alone in the hotel suite.

"The jury can take a long time to decide sometimes, remember they all have to agree on the verdict on the charges" Elizabeth tried to assure.

Alison looked at her mother in alarm. "But if it's taken them 5 hours that must mean that some of the jurors don't believe me! ADA White said he thought the trial had gone well, what if he's wrong?"

"Noodle..." Elizabeth began helplessly before the sound of her daughter's phone ringing disturbed the quietness of the room.

"Hello?" Alison answered her phone frantically.

"Yes...yes...I understand" she replied to the caller.

"Alison?" Elizabeth queried as she got off the bed to comfort her daughter who looked completely baffled.

"That was the courthouse. The jury has recalled me to give evidence" Alison stated in confusion, before panic hit her. "Mum...!"

"Hey, it's ok" Elizabeth soothed as she gathered her daughter in her arms. "They just want to check a part of your story. No big deal, right?"

"I suppose..." Alison answered hesitantly.

"Come on, I'll call your dad on the way" Elizabeth encouraged as she ushered her daughter out the door, all the while trying to stop the sinking feeling in her stomach. Alison being recalled as a witness was not be a good thing in her mind.

* * *

Alison McCord stood nervously by the witness stand as she was once again sworn in. She took her seat as directed and turned to face the judge expectantly.

"Miss McCord" Judge Matthews began "The jury has a question they would like to ask you. They would like to know why you decided to keep your baby once you found out you were pregnant"

"Why I decided to keep my baby?" Alison repeated, perplexed.

"Yes"

Alison paused and thought about her answer, knowing instinctively that it was highly likely her answer would determine the result of her case.

"When I first discovered I was pregnant I was in complete denial. If it hadn't been for my dad finding my pregnancy test I don't think I would have told anyone what had happened to me until I couldn't hide my stomach anymore. I just wanted it all to go away, to pretend that what happened in that room never happened, but being pregnant meant that I couldn't. I was embarrassed and ashamed about what had happened to me and I felt like my body wasn't my own, like there was an alien growing in it and I just wanted it all to stop and go away. I didn't want a constant reminder of that night for the rest of my life, I didn't want to be a mother, I just wanted to be an 18 year old going to college.

But then I found out I had chlamydia and discovered that the STI could affect my fertility which complicated things. I didn't want to be a mother at 18, but I had always planned on having kids. If the pregnancy was my only chance at motherhood, I had to ask myself if I really wanted to give up the chance at parenthood despite how my baby had been made.

In spite of the baby possibly being my only chance, I still considered all options. I seriously considered having an abortion, but after I heard the heartbeat I realised there was a living thing growing inside me and suddenly it wasn't an alien anymore. I had a living creature inside me and that made things even more complicated.

Then I had an epiphany one day involving a spider in my bedroom. I'm terrified of spiders and my brother and dad came running into my room as I stood there screaming. My brother tried to kill the spider but I couldn't let him do it; then it hit me. If I couldn't let my brother kill a spider, how could I kill my baby? It occurred to me then what an amazing thing my body had done, it had made another human being and I felt my first real connection with my child. After that there was no way I could go through with an abortion. My baby was a part of me and if I killed it then it would have been like killing a part of myself. My baby couldn't help how she was conceived but I could change my perspective about the circumstances. Rather than focusing on that act, I started to focus on how the egg had implanted in my uterus, how the cells had then divided to create a fetus, how the fetus had already started to form eyes, and limbs, and organs. It became a human being and I just couldn't not have my baby. I knew it would be hard, but I knew my family would support me and with their help I could raise my child. So, I decided to keep my baby - my daughter - because she became a person to me and I couldn't not have the baby once I accepted she was real" Alison finished emotionally as she looked at the jury imploringly, begging them to understand that in her mind her daughter was not connected to _him_ or to what had happened to her. "My daughter is a miracle my body created. She came to be because I was raped, but she is mine, and as far as I am concerned, she is nothing to do with Giovanni Rossi" she stated with finality.

"Thank you, Miss McCord. You are dismissed" Judge Matthews stated softly, tenderness evident in his tone.

"Court Officer, please accompany the jury to the jury room so they can continue their deliberations" Judge Matthews commanded.

Once they were safely seated around the table in the jury room Marjorie took stock of the other jurors. Alison McCord's answer had been emotive and it had obviously effected them all greatly.

"Let's take another vote" Marjorie announced. "If you think Giovanni Rossi is guilty, please raise your hand..."

* * *

 _So, the initial plan for this chapter was to have Alison testify fully. However, as I couldn't find out courtroom transcripts for rape cases on the internet and I learnt that rape victim testimonies go in for hours, I realised I couldn't write an effective interrogation. I know there must be a lot of errors in the testimonies I have given, but please go easy on me as I am not an attorney and I have never been inside a courtroom before. My knowledge of witness interrogation is from the tv/movies which I appreciate probably aren't true to real life._

 _Anyway, please let me know what you think. There aren't many chapters left, and I'll admit, I really like getting reviews!_


	52. Chapter 52

_Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter, I'm really touched by your words._

 _Seeing as I'm off work this week I thought I'd post an extra chapter, I hope you enjoy._

* * *

The call came when they were just two blocks from their hotel.

"Hello?" Alison McCord answered her phone breathily, her stomach flipping with nerves as she saw the name on the caller ID. She listened intently to the words that were spoken to her, denial and disbelief washing over her.

"Noodle?" Elizabeth queried gently as Alison hung up the phone. She took in her daughter's pale, terrified, expression and she carefully took one of Alison's shaking, clammy, hands in her own. The action seemed to break the trance Alison was in and she turned to face her.

"The jury is back" Alison whispered, her throat feeling constricted and her mouth feeling like sandpaper. 17 months after she was raped and she was finally going to find out whether a jury of her peers believed her. She was going to find out if _he_ was going to be convicted... or if _he_ would be set free.

Elizabeth's stomach dropped and her mind started buzzing at an even more frantic pace than usual as her daughter's words sank in.

The time had arrived. Justice would be served.

Or would it?

What if he was found innocent? What would they do? How would Alison feel? Would Alison be able to cope? Would Henry be able to restrain himself if Giovanni Rossi came within their vicinity? Would she? Did she have it in her to restrain her husband if _he_ was set free?

The squeeze of her husband's hand beside her brought her back to reality and she looked over at Henry. His calm, serious, face soothed her. His head moved just a fraction and it was all she needed to know that it was going to be ok. Whatever happened they would get through it as a family.

"Matt, there's been a change of plan. The jury is back, we're going to the courthouse" she commanded her head DS agent.

"No problem, ma'am" Matt replied as he immediately informed the rest of the detail and the vehicles turned direction accordingly.

"It's going to be ok, Noodle" Elizabeth comforted her daughter as she wrapped her arm around her shoulder and pulled her daughter as close as possible and dropped a kiss on the crown of her head.

Henry looked at his youngest daughter as she wrapped herself around her mother and his heart broke. She looked so young and terrified and he would do anything to take the scared look out of her eyes. Maybe he couldn't remove the fear, but having made it to court in time to see his daughter give evidence once again, he realised there was maybe something he could do.

"Alison, hearing you give evidence in court about everything you went through on the night you were attacked, and knowing how hard you have fought and worked since to ensure that Lola is loved and taken care of is awe-inspiring. Your fight and determination, your strength and perseverance, Alison, it's...I...I'm humbled by you. Your mum and I could not be more proud of you, of everything you have overcome and achieved. There is nothing we want more than to see you get justice today, but know if that doesn't happen then it doesn't change anything in our eyes. You are our daughter, you were raped, and you survived. We love and cherish you so much, and whatever happens, we will get through it as a family".

Elizabeth stared at her husband through tear filled eyes as a wave of love so fierce that it took her breath away washed over her. How had she been lucky enough to find such a good man, such a wonderful father for her kids?

"Everything your dad said is true, Noodle" she whispered into her daughter's dark hair - the hair she had inherited from her father. "We love you so much and nothing could ever change that. Whatever happens in the next hour, we are here for you".

Concern washed over Elizabeth as Alison remained motionless in her arms. She wanted to do something, anything, to give her daughter strength and make her realise how amazing she was. She had just opened her mouth to speak when Matt broke the silence in the rear of the SUV.

"Ma'am, we're here"

"You ready, Noodle?" Elizabeth asked her daughter as she gave Alison one last squeeze.

Alison inhaled her mother's comforting scent one last time. She felt like she was in a bubble, like nothing was real and she was in some alternate universe. How could this be happening? It had seemed at one point like this time would never come, yet here it was. She pulled herself away from the sanctuary of her mother's arms, drawing strength from her parents words. She needed to be strong, at least for a little bit longer. Until she heard the verdict. Until they were back in the SUV. Until she was home and with her family.

The door to the SUV opened and her stomach flipped as she saw the entrance to the courthouse that was filled with reporters. Whatever happened she knew she was going to have to make a statement after the verdict. Despite DS's best efforts, her parents and she had been caught by the paparazzi at the courthouse on the day she had given evidence. Although the press had done nothing more than speculate as to why her parents and she were at the courthouse in that day, she knew in her heart of hearts that her anonymity was pretty much blown. Her mum had arranged for Matt and Daisy to prepare a statement for her once they knew the verdict however, right now she had to focus on getting into the court house. She turned to exit the door DS had opened.

"Thank you" she spoke softly, her voice filled with gratitude as she cast a half look back at her parents and exited the vehicle.

Immediately she heard reporters calling her and her mother's name and she felt DS close in around them, her parents flanking either side of her. It was claustrophobic and did nothing to help her sense of fear. She didn't know how long it took their entourage to get into the court house, but before she knew it she was sat between her parents in the spectators gallery in the court room and court was being called into session.

"Are you ok?" Elizabeth whispered with concern, nothing her daughter's pale face and rapid breathing.

"Uh-huh" Alison replied distractedly. She felt sick to her stomach and she was absolutely terrified. Her heart was beating at what felt like a hundred miles a minutes and blood was pounding in her ears making it difficult for her to hear what was going on around her. She tried to swallow but there was nothing in her mouth for her to swallow.

As the jury forewoman stood up she wanted to be anywhere but where she actually was. Suddenly she didn't want to know what the jury had decided. She wished she had never pressed charged. She wished...

"In the case of New York state verses Giovanni Rossi we find the defendant Not Guilty..."

"No!" Alison gasped as she heard the verdict.

How could those two small words make her entire world collapse like it just had? Time froze and the pounding noise in her ears became deafening. It was unbearable. All the strength from her body left her and she flopped forward, her hands coming up to cover her head. She wanted nothing more than to simply disappear from this earth. How could she have been so stupid to think that she could take _him_ on and win? He was right when he'd told her no one would belief her. She should have believed what _he_ told her that night. She was just a stupid, dirty, whore. She was worthless.

All of a sudden the world started spinning again at break neck speed and random sounds started making their way into her consciousness.

"YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!"

"Alison..."

"THAT BITCH IS LYING!"

"Ali...

"SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT!"

"Noodle..."

She felt someone stroking her back and suddenly the blanket of her hair that was helping her hide from the world was smoothed back from one side of her face to reveal her mother's concerned face peering up at her.

"It's ok. He's not going to hurt you anymore, Alison" her mum informed her softly with a smile as she tenderly wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"Huh?" Alison queried, her brain still not able to comprehend what was going on. She hadn't even realised she'd been crying until her mum had wiped her tears away.

"He's going to prison" Elizabeth informed her daughter seriously. She was worried about Alison, she had not expected her to react like this at all.

Slowly Alison sat up and looked around the courtroom in confusion. Why were there so many court officers in the court room?

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"

"But...but...the lady said 'Not Guilty'" Alison stammered in confusion, her mind still not grasping what was going on.

"The 'Not Guilty' verdict was for the charge of 'Venereal Disease; person knowing himself to be infected'. It's a New York Public Health Law" Henry informed his daughter gently as he continued to rub her back comfortingly. "The jury didn't think he knowingly infected you with chlamydia"

"Oh" Alison stated dumbly, still completely lost as to what had just occurred in the courtroom.

"But the jury did find him guilty of Criminal Battery and First Degree Rape. Alison, Giovanni Rossi is going to prison for a very long time. You don't have to worry about him anymore. You won" Henry continued in a serious tone.

"He was found guilty?" Alison queried hesitantly, her mind still struggling to comprehend what had happened over the past few minutes.

"Yes" Elizabeth confirmed with a smile as she struggled to contain her own happiness and relief that justice had been served and her daughter's rapist was going to jail.

"I'M NOT GOING, I'M INNOCENT!"

Alison glanced up to see several court officers struggling with Giovanni Rossi who was resisting their attempts to handcuff him.

She'd...won?

Elation coursed through her blood.

"I won!" she exclaimed, her brain finally catching up with what she had been told and what was happening in the courtroom.

"You won" Elizabeth confirmed with what she suspected was the brightest smile that had ever appeared on her face, if the aching of her facial muscles was anything to go by.

"I won!" Alison exclaimed happily. Relief and elation coursed through her veins as she felt the weight she had been carrying around on her shoulders for the past 17 months suddenly disappear. She felt light and liberated and... _alive_.

"You did" Elizabeth reassured her daughter as she squeezed her shoulders tenderly, relief washing over her that Alison finally seemed to be grasping the fact she had won. "He's going to jail for a very long time, Noodle"

"So Lola..."

"Is yours. You don't have to worry about seeing him ever again, Alison" Henry informed his daughter with a smile, happy to see his daughter come back to life. Seeing her collapse in the courtroom after the first verdict had been enough of a reaction for him to know he didn't want to experience what would have happened to his daughter if Giovanni Rossi had been found innocent. For the first time in over a year if felt like he could finally breathe.

The commotion in the corner of the court room caught Alison's attention again and she looked over just in time to see Giovanni Rossi placed in handcuffs and several court officers forcing him out of the courtroom into custody. It was then that it suddenly hit her.

It was over.

She was finally free.


	53. Chapter 53

_Thank you for the reviews for the previous chapter, they are very gratefully received._

 _So, this is the last chapter and the epilogue for When Childhood Ends. I hope you enjoy where the characters end up and I hope it's not too confusing as some things are mentioned 'in passing' to help give an idea of where other characters end up. Hopefully it will make sense when you read it!_

 _5/1/18 - I totally meant what I said above when I originally posted this on 31/12/17, but during the week I woke up in the middle of the night and realised I didn't write about what happened to Giovanni Rossi and it's been bugging me ever since! So, I've added in a little bit toward the end about what happened to him and also added in some additional reflection from Alison etc._

 _Now this is most definitely the last update I promise! (And thank you for the lovely comments people left after I posted the epilogue originally)._

* * *

 _A_ _ugust 2036_

Alison Greene watched her daughter from the doorway as she unpacked the numerous boxes in her college dorm room. How was it possible that Lola was in college? It seemed like only yesterday that she was holding her baby in her arms and looking into her soul for the first time. Now she was an adult?

"You ok, babe?" Michael Greene asked his wife - the love of his life- as he approached her from behind and enveloped her in a hug.

"Yeah" she replied in a choked voice as she peered up at her husband "It's just...where has the time gone?"

Michael followed his wife's gaze to watch his adopted daughter as she unpacked. It seemed like only yesterday that he had met Alison and her then 5-year old daughter for the first time. He had never believed in love at first sight until he had met Alison McCord, but as soon as he had met her he had known she was 'the one'. 13 years later and with 3 kids between them they were still going strong.

"I know, but do you want to hear some good news?" he asked his wife in a conspiratorial tone.

Alison turned to look at her husband expectantly, excitement fluttering in her stomach.

"We got it?" she asked hopefully.

"We got it" he confirmed with a smile.

Alison flung her arms around her husband and kissed him passionately, before remembering where they were and reluctantly pulling away.

"When can we start work?" she asked.

"James is going to the ranch on Monday to firm up the quote for the conversion into a rehabilitation and respite centre" Michael confirmed happily.

Alison sighed in contentment as she wrapped her arms around her husband's waist and rested her head against his chest, the sound of his beating heart soothing her like it always did. She felt the familiar comfort as he returned the embrace and she resumed the survey of her daughter as she once again started reflecting on her life.

The media furore after _he_ had been found guilty had been insane. After the verdict she had waived her right to anonymity and given a statement requesting privacy for her family - which the media had duly ignored. In the first few weeks after the verdict her parent's house had been swamped with reporters and no one could leave the house without having a microphone shoved in their face. It had felt like she had been a prisoner in her own home at times, until world renowned media personality, Carly Washington, had contacted Daisy and offered to come out of retirement for a one off TV interview. It was well documented that Carly had been a victim of incest and rape as a teenager, but despite her background she had overcome everything to become a respected journalist and media personality and owned one of the largest media corporations in America. Knowing that Carly could empathise with what she had been through she had agreed to the interview for a one hour long TV special that had been filmed at her parent's house in DC. She had even reluctantly agreed to have Lola in the final segment as both Daisy and Carly had thought seeing Lola would satisfy the public's curiosity. The TV interview had worked and the media furore had quietened down shortly afterwards, but the TV interview had had more of an impact on her life than she could ever have imagined.

Following the interview she had been amazed when the supermodel, Jade Martinez, had contacted her and revealed that in her early career as a model she had been a victim of Giovanni Rossi. Due to the length of the time since the attack Jade didn't want to report the crime, but she did want to do something to help support the victims of Giovanni Rossi and the idea of holding a charity fashion show had been borne. Jade had the contacts in the fashion and entertainment industry, and her mum had had contacts in the political world, and before she knew it Jade and she were organising the fashion show. The fashion show had been attended by the biggest stars, fashions designers, models, and political figures of the day and had raised millions of dollars which had been split between numerous rape survivors charities. However, to Jade and she it hadn't quite seemed like enough.

After the fashion show there had been a huge demand for the clothes that had been modelled and somehow Jade and she had come up with the idea of designing a clothing line where all of the net profits and royalties were donated to a charity for rape victims. That way they would have control over how the money they raised was used however, it meant that not only did they have to set up a company for the clothing line, but also a separate charity foundation too. This had all happened whilst she was a Sophomore and Junior in college. In fact, her Senior year project had been the clothing line that had eventually gone on to be sold in Macy's, where their clothing line was still exclusively sold to this day.

Once she had obtained her bachelor's degree she had made the decision to move to LA to be closer to the company's HQ, as running a company across a continent had proved extremely challenging at times.

The week after moving to LA she had met Michael Greene.

Michael was a Business Consultant at the time and Jade had employed his services to help them expand the company. By the end of their first meeting with him she had known there was something special about Michael, in retrospect, she would say that she had even fallen in love with him during that meeting. He was serious and passionate, kind and funny, patient and compassionate, yet his own life had been impacted by rape. On their first date he had explained how his best friend from college had been drugged and raped on a night out and how he had not been able to live with the shame of being a straight man raped by another man. The rape had plunged his friend into a deep depression and he had ended up committing suicide. It was why Michael had agreed to donate his time as a Business Consultant for free at the beginning - now he was the company's Head of Strategy and the business and charity had gone from strength to strength under his management. The charity had set up numerous counselling centres nationwide for rape victims and they had also opened a residential rehabilitation and respite centre for the victims of rape. The ranch they had just finalised the sale on today would be their second residential rehabilitation and respite centre.

"What are you thinking about?"

Alison was broken from her reverie by the sound of her husband's voice. "Nothing...everything" she replied distractedly. She looked up at her husband and smiled at his confused expression.

"I was just thinking about everything that's happened since I moved to LA"

"It certainly has been a crazy 13 years" Michael returned with a smile as he bent down to give his wife a reverent kiss.

"Ewww! Guys, I'm right here!" Lola Greene exclaimed as she stared at her parents in dismay, although secretly she was happy to see them being so in love. Her mum deserved to be happy after everything she had been through.

From a young age she had known that she was different. She was the only one at pre-school who didn't have a dad, and when she'd asked her mum why, her mum had frozen on the spot. It had been her nana who had explained that her biological father had done something bad to her mum and that he was in prison because of it. She remembered how she had burst into tears thinking that meant she was bad, but her mum, nana, and pop-pops has assured her that she wasn't bad, she was good just like her mum, nana, pop-pops, Aunt Stevie, and Uncle Jason. She had believed them - mostly - but knowing her biological father had done something bad and was in prison had left a mark on her. She'd always wondered if she would end up bad like him.

Her mum and she had moved to LA once her mum had finished college, and to her 5 year old self it had felt like her world was ending. Her mum had taken her away from her pre-school friends, her grandparents, Miss Janie, and the only house she had ever known. Things had gradually gotten better though when she had started kindergarten and started making friends, but she still felt left out not having a dad in her life. Some of her friend's parents were divorced or had split up, but all her friends knew who their dad was, yet she still didn't know anything about her dad except the fact that he was in jail – something she didn't want her new friends to know about. Although she wanted to know more about her dad, she hadn't wanted to ask her mum anymore questions seeing how upset she had been the last time she had asked who her dad was. Every Christmas though she remembered writing that she wanted a daddy at the top of Christmas list.

One year her wish came true when her mum had brought Michael home.

She'd liked him right away as he was funny and kind. He would play games with her, have tea parties with her and her mum, and he did the funniest voices when he read her a bedtime story. One day not long after her mum and Michael had gotten engaged she'd asked him to be her daddy and he had said "yes" before wrapping her in a hug and crying. The day after her mum and Michael had gotten married he had adopted her and she had officially become Lola Elizabeth Greene.

When she was 9 years old her sisters – twins, Emily and Madison - had been born and she'd loved being the big sister. It was like having real life dollies to play with and for a few more years things had been good, until she'd found out the truth about her biological father.

She'd been 13 when it suddenly occurred to her one day that she could simply do a Google search to find out who her biological father was, after all, she was the granddaughter of the recently retired President of the United States so there was bound to be something on the internet about who her father was. It had been a boring summer holiday afternoon when she'd typed in "Alison McCord baby daddy" and been stunned by the results.

Her biological father was Giovanni Rossi – a convicted rapist.

Suddenly everything about her life clicked into place. From a young age she'd been curious about what her mum did at work, and over the years her mum had explained what she did and how she helped people. As she had gotten older her mum had explained what rape and sexual assault was, and had one day admitted to having been raped when she was a teenager.

The penny suddenly dropped. She was a result of that rape.

She felt so stupid for not having figured it out earlier and she felt her innocent, happy, world come tumbling down around her. It was why her mum wouldn't speak about her biological father. It was why there was no name in the father section of her birth certificate. It was why there were no pictures of her biological father. It was why when her nana had been President she had passed harsher penalties for those who committed sexual assault and rape.

She was a rape baby.

Once she had discovered the hundreds of articles and news clips on the internet about Giovanni Rossi and her mum she couldn't stop reading and watching them. She'd found a picture of her _father_ and realised she had curly dark hair and olive skin, just like him. Although everyone told her she was a spitting image of her mum she'd always felt there was something a little "off" with her face, something that made her look a little different from the other members of her family. After much scrutiny in the mirror she'd realised, with horror, that she also had her _father's_ eyes.

She was devastated. How could she not be bad when her biological father had done that to her mum? How could her parents love her when she had been conceived from an act of rape?

Michael – her real dad as far as she was concerned- had found her crying on her bed with her i-Pad thrown haphazardly across the room and had soon found the web search. He'd insisted that she wasn't bad, that she was loved by everyone, and that Giovanni Rossi was the only one who was bad. But it hadn't helped. The feeling of never being quite sure if she was _good_ overwhelmed her and she was overcome with darkness and anger.

She had been lied to her entire life.

It had been the start of a year of intense rebellion. She'd started skipping school, started dappling in drugs and alcohol, shaved her head, and would frequently run away from home. It was only when she'd had her own close call with being sexually assaulted at 14 that things started to change. She'd been at a party and had passed out drunk. She'd come to with someone's lips pressed on hers and her hands pinned above her head - she'd never been more scared in her entire life. She'd tried to remember all the self-defence techniques the Secret Service had taught her when her nana had been President but she had been too drunk to think clearly. She'd struggled beneath the guy, but he'd been too heavy and she'd been pinned beneath him. She'd pleaded with him not to hurt her, all the while promising herself that if she was saved then she would do anything to be good again. It was as the guy's hand had grabbed her breast that the weight had suddenly been lifted from her body. She looked up to see her dad looking absolutely livid, and heartbroken, at the same time. Her dad had somehow found her and she'd never felt more relieved or happier to see him. He'd wrapped her up in his coat and carried her out to the car; she'd spent the rest of the night crying into her mum's arms, apologising for everything she had put her parents through and promising she would be good again.

She'd told her mum how she felt about finding out she was a rape baby and her mum had finally talked to her about her rape. Through tears, she had assured her that she never regretted her decision to have her. She explained how she'd focused on the biological miracle that her body had created, rather than the act of how the sperm had got there to make that miracle happen. Her mum assured her she loved and cherished her just as much as she loved and cherished Emily and Maddie. She believed her mum because her parents had never given up on her when she was rebelling. The fact that her dad had found her that night was proof that they loved her. Her parents would always look for her when she ran away or went to parties, they had never given up on her.

That night had been a turning point in her life. She'd started counselling, and was surprised when it actually helped. She'd started talking to her family and hanging out with her old (good) friends again. She'd worked hard at school, and with the help of summer school, had finally managed to catch up on her missing year in just six months. She'd started to feel _good_ again.

As part of her counselling she had undertaken a course of art therapy and had loved the acting part of the course. It had inspired her to try out for the school play, where to her surprise, she had been cast in the lead role. It was during the school play that she discovered her passion for acting, and because of her love of acting - and after a lot of hard work - that she had won a place at Carnegie Mellon's drama school.

"Ok, ok..." Alison relented as she broke away from her husband and moved over to one of the boxes in her daughter's dorm room. "I guess we better help you finish unpack. Michael, grab that box..."

For several hours the threesome continued to cram the contents of the boxes into the small room, a happy, teasing atmosphere building as Alison and Lola teased Michael as he complained about the number of shoes, belts, bags, and clothing Lola had brought with her to college.

"Damn it!" Michael exclaimed in annoyance as the full trash bag he had been lifting promptly split discarding its contents across the floor of the dorm room.

Alison and Lola laughed at Michael's irritated expression.

"Come on. I'll hold this open whilst you gather the trash" Alison stated helpfully as she opened up a new trash bag and calmly held it open for her Michael to fill – again.

After several handfuls of trash she realised her husband had stopped filling the bag. "Michael, come on!" she exclaimed as she shook the bag. "It's almost dinner time and I'm sta…"

The words died on Alison's lips as she saw the object Michael was holding in his hand.

"Why didn't you tell us?" he yelled angrily at his daughter. "Did you think we wouldn't notice when you came home at Thanksgiving sporting a huge bump?"

Lola turned and stared at her dad in confusion. "Um, dad, what are you talking about?"

"This!" Michael exclaimed angrily as he thrust the hand holding the positive pregnancy test in his daughter's direction.

"That's not mine!" Lola exclaimed in defence as she looked at her dad in shock.

"Don't give me that! Whose else would it be? I can't believe you've been this reckless when you've…."

"It's not!" Lola interrupted.

"Michael…." Alison called softly as she rested a hand gently on his back.

"No, Alison. This needs to be said" he exclaimed hotly as he turned briefly to look at his wife. He was just about to resume yelling at his daughter when something in his brain stopped him. There was something about his wife's expression….

"Alison…?" he whispered in disbelief as he turned to look at his wife.

Alison turned to look out the window, aware that both her husband and daughter were staring at her in confusion and shock. She couldn't believe this was happening again. 19 years after her dad had discovered her pregnancy test in the bin, now Michael was finding her pregnancy test thanks to a weak trash bag. She must be jinxed.

"It's mine" she whispered as she turned to look at her husband through tear filled eyes.

"But…but the doctor said you couldn't have any more children?" Michael stated in a confused tone.

Alison lifted her shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. "I guess they were wrong" she replied with a sheepish smile.

She'd had a difficult pregnancy with the twins, and if the physical stresses and constant sickness hadn't been enough to deal with, the pregnancy had triggered her PTSD. She'd had intense night terrors involving Giovanni Rossi attacking her and her family from the moment she had found out she was pregnant. By the end of her pregnancy she'd been having panic attacks if she was left alone for too long, fearful that _he_ would find her, which was completely illogically seeing as Giovanni Rossi had been jailed for 32 years - 25 years for the rape and 7 years for assault.

In the end it had been almost losing her babies that had ended her PTSD episode. She had suffered a placental abruption when she was 8 months pregnant and it appeared that the fear of losing her children had overcome her sub-conscious' fear of being attacked again. She'd had an emergency c-section and then haemorrhaged severely. She'd come close to having to have a hysterectomy – and dying apparently – but the doctors had managed to save her womb, although it was so damaged and full of scar tissue they had told her she would not be able to have any more children. Michael and she had not used birth control after the twins and she'd never had a pregnancy scare in the past 9 years, until today.

Michael stared incredulously at his wife, then the positive pregnancy test that said his wife was ' _10-12_ _weeks pregnant'_ , and then back at his wife. "You're…you're pregnant?" he whispered in disbelief.

"Apparently so. I didn't realise until today that my period was 2 months late. I just assumed that it was because of the stress of buying the ranch, but when we were in the store earlier I saw the pregnancy test and something told me to buy it. I took it whilst you guys were getting lunch, and well…" Alison replied hesitantly, unsure as to how Michael would react. After the twins they'd never even discussed having more children knowing that it wasn't a possibility for them, but now here she was, pregnant at 37.

"I can't believe this!" Lola exclaimed in disbelief. "I'm just about to start college and my mum is pregnant! Do you know how this is going to make me look?"

"Lola, enough!" Michael exclaimed in a tone that no room for argument, before he approached his wife and gathered her in his arms gently. "Are you ok?" he whispered, overcome with concern.

Alison had been so ill both physically and emotionally when she'd been pregnant with Emily and Maddie. He'd felt so helpless as he'd watched her fight her demons in her sleep, and even more useless when he'd seen his wife come to the point of almost losing consciousness when having a panic attack. He'd tried his best to help Alison - holding her when she felt ready to be held, counting with her as she tried to control her breathing, working from home as often as he could in the later stages of her pregnancy - but he'd felt impotent and powerless to truly help his wife. The anger he felt towards Giovanni Rossi and the mark he had left on his beautiful, loving, kind-hearted wife was beyond words. He knew that if he were to ever meet Giovanni Rossi that he would cause him serious harm.

Yet he hadn't noticed anything different about his wife over the past couple of months. She been sleeping soundly, there was no morning sickness, no desperate craving for pancakes, no panic if they didn't see each other all day. She'd been her usual amazing self.

Relief washed over Alison as Michael embraced her and she couldn't help the sob that escaped her as she felt the love and care in Michael's tender hold. Michael always protected her and made her feel safe and loved, she felt invincible when he was by her side.

"Hey, it's going to be ok" Michael assured his wife as he felt her sob against his chest. "We're going to have this baby and it's going to be amazing"

Alison peeked up at her husband. "Are you sure? You're not mad?" she asked nervously.

She was still struggling to comprehend the fact she was pregnant, but she already knew she was keeping the baby. It was no different than when she found out she was pregnant with Lola: this baby was a part of her and she was keeping it no matter what. She just hoped that the pregnancy wouldn't trigger another PTSD episode. Giovanni Rossi had died in prison two years ago from a heart attack. He'd died a poor man having lost his fortune trying, unsuccessfully, to defend himself against the numerous other rape and sexual assault cases that were brought against him both in criminal and civil court. She hoped now that she knew there was absolutely no way _he_ could come back to hurt her that her sub-conscious could finally release the terror she had felt that night. She wanted to enjoy at least one of her pregnancies and she thought that Michael deserved that too.

Michael smiled lovingly at his wife. "Shocked, in awe, worried about you and the baby…but not angry at all. What could be better than having another Lola, or Emily, or Maddie in the house. It's our little miracle" he assured his wife as he gently wiped the tears from her cheeks before resting his hand low on her abdomen. Now that he knew she was pregnant he could feel the firmness of her bump beneath his fingers, even if it was not visible yet. A wave of fierce love washed over him. "We made a baby, Alison" he stated in disbelief.

"We did" Alison replied in the same tone as her hand came to rest beside her husband's.

Lola looked at her parents, who were clearly in their own little world at the moment, and she couldn't help the loving smile that formed on her face. Their happiness was infectious. Whilst it was gross to know that her parents were still having sex, she knew how much Michael and her mum loved each other and just what great parents they were.

"I suppose it won't be so bad having a new sibling, just as long as I don't have to give up my room" Lola stated good-naturedly. "Maybe it will be a boy this time, you obviously haven't had any morning sickness like you did with the twins and I".

Alison turned to face her daughter with a loving smile on her face. "Maybe. But are you sure you're ok?" she asked her daughter with concern, remembering her daughter's initial reaction.

"Yeah" Lola replied with a shrug. "It's not like I'm going to be home much anyway".

A stab of pain shot through Alison's heart as she was reminded that she would shortly be leaving her first born at college on her own.

"Don't say that" she stated emotionally as she broke away from her husband and gathered Lola into a fierce hug.

"Mum! Mum!" Lola cried frantically as her mum held her tightly.

A knock at the door disturbed mother and daughter as Lola pulled away from her mum to answer the door.

"Hey Lola, are you ready?" the guy at the door asked.

"Lola?" Alison asked inquisitively as she took note of the stranger at the door.

"Uh...mum, dad, this is Jordan. I met him whilst I was getting us drinks earlier. A bunch of us are going to the local diner to get pizza. You don't mind, do you?" Lola asked at the crestfallen expression on her mum's face.

"But I thought..." Alison began before being cut off by her husband.

"That's fine, go have fun with your new friends. Your mum and I will swing by in the morning to take you out for breakfast before we leave to pick up the twins, ok?"

"Sounds great!" Lola exclaimed as she came to hug her parents.

"I'm so proud of you" Alison whispered to her daughter as she held her close.

"I'm proud of me too" Lola admitted with a smile as she started to release herself from her mum's iron like grip.

"And I'm hoping for a brother" she whispered into her dad's ear as she hugged him.

Michael couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his mouth at her daughter's wish. "I guess we should know by Halloween" he replied as he released his daughter from the hug. He couldn't believe the little girl he had met 13 years ago was all grown up and officially at college.

"I love you and I'll see you in the morning, ok" Alison stated as she smoothed her daughter's curly hair behind her ear.

"Love you too" Lola replied as she hugged her parents one last time before following Jordan down the hallway, Alison and Michael trailing behind.

"She's really gone" Alison whispered as she watched her daughter walk away towards the diner, sure that her heart was breaking as she watched.

"Hey, she's going to be fine, babe. You did good." Michael assured as he took his wife in arms and felt her grip him tightly.

"You did good too, Michael. Thank you for being her father" Alison replied earnestly as she stroked her husband's cheek tenderly.

"It's my honour to be Lola's dad. And don't forget, we have the twins at home, and this new little one, to keep us busy"

"True" Alison replied fondly as she thought of her young daughters. "I wonder whose worn out who the most?"

Her parents were babysitting the twins at the horse farm whilst Michael and she took Lola to college. Tomorrow they would meet her parents in DC to collect the twins.

Michael laughed heartily. "Oh, I say Emily has worn your mum out on the horses and Maddie has worn your dad out playing chess"

"Probably" Alison replied in a melancholy tone.

"Come on, babe. We're still in Pittsburg for one night, let's make the most of it" Michael soothed as he kissed his wife tenderly and smoothed his hands down Alison's back in a way that he knew always turned her on.

"What did you have in mind?" Alison replied flirtatiously as she felt goosebumps erupt on her skin despite the warm night air. Michael was a very skilled loved and always took care of her when they made love, always had right from their very first time. The thought of Michael surrounding her tonight as they made love and falling asleep in his arms sounded wonderful. Maybe those 'romantic' pregnancy hormones she had heard so much about were kicking in already.

"Oh, I don't know. Room service, candle light, maybe a massage... " Michael whispered into his wife's ear as he pulled her hips closer to his. "We have something to celebrate after all"

Alison beamed up at her husband. "That we do…."

* * *

 _I posted the first chapter of this story on 1st January 2017, so it seemed only fitting to post the last chapter on the 31st December 2017! I can't believe the story has taken up a whole year of my life!_

 _Thank you to all those who have reviewed, favourited, given suggestions, provided advice, and followed this story. Also, congratulations for making it to the end!_

 _The idea for this story was very different to how it turned out (it was going to be 5 chapters long!), but the more I read about rape survivors and their children the initial idea changed drastically and this is what resulted. I have learnt so much from writing this story and I have enjoyed writing it. I wanted to try to explore how not only the rape victim is impacted by the act, but their friends and family too._ _Even though it is the last chapter, please let me know what you think as I would be interested to know if you like where the characters end up._

 _I also have to admit this is probably going to be the last story from me for a while as I'm about to embark on a part-time degree in the new year. Fingers crossed in 5 years I will have my degree and will hopefully be able to change my career to one that I enjoy!_

 _Wishing you all a happy and prosperous 2018!_

 _DB._


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